My mother has always been a major part of my life. Even when I lived away from California, I was in regular contact with her. We've been back here in California for over 37 years now, and our lives have entwined pretty regularly.
The above photo was taken on her 90th birthday. We have gathered over the years for visits, Clayton Family Reunions, baptisms, baby blessings, weddings, funerals, and birthdays. Starting a few months ago, I have come on Mondays and Tuesdays to spend time with her and to allow Donna to go and do things she wanted and needed to do.
I am certainly glad I started doing this, because I have gained a lot from the experience - gained knowledge and insight that is already serving me well. For starters, I began asking mother questions about her life and wrote down the answers. I have a little treasure trove of memories at my fingertips now!
Right now Joan is in Chile and Alice is in Korea. But Donna, Mary, Leslie, and I have been working together to provide the care and assistance that Mother needs now. The recent realization that what we thought was arthritis is actually a possible cancer that is eating away at the bones in her neck has necessitated some significant changes.
Little by little we are taking care of details - palliative care, dependable care-givers, support needs - and thankfully all 12 of us are on board and supporting one another.
But sometimes when I think about it, and think about the inevitable, I am sad. Not because I lack faith. And not because I don't know that there is a plan of happiness. And not because I don't believe in forever families. But I am sad because a chapter is ending. I am sad because I can't take away the pain and discomfort. I am sad because time is marching on - truly marching on - and we cannot call it back!
Fortunately life marches on too - and we can move forward with it!
