matchbox

i'm sorry Lord, for just exploding like that. and imagining i am shreds, when actually i have just been stretched. but am still whole. because you are the glue that keeps me together.


when i saw her at hockey tryouts today, i was quite stunned. not because i think she's incapable or anything like that, i was just trying to figure out mister god's will. being in the same school is hard enough, now we gotta be teammates? but i don't resent her. really i don't. i dont blame her for his indecision. im sure she's a really nice person. so i tried to know her on clean, unstained grounds. in fact i was friendly to her throughout today's training. friendly is one step higher than being civil. and i think she has promise, as a hockey player. and a teammate. i tried suggesting her name for team entrants, but my other teammates didn't second me. i think i raised her name three times.

i hope she doesn't think that i bad mouthed her out of spite. and caused her not to make it into the team. it must feel horrible, enduring 2plus hours of training and finding out your friend got in but not you. ouch.

but trying to be openminded and god-centred doesn't stop me from feeling a hollow throbbing pain whenever i see her. the ache of remembrance. sometimes its a concrete pang- like pushing the matchbox into its cover. until the cardboard reaches the end of the box, and can go no further. a solid finality. the only way we could go through was to pierce holes at the opposite end. either way we are hurt.

so stay content being an unlit match. because mister god has his plans for me- beyond what i can ever imagine.

n.b. straws are funny solid hollows. sturdy, with a hole.





+i did what i could.