you sure you were loyal?

Just now Ameerul and I had a dinner together. We just talked and talked to each other like usual, by usual I mean I talk the most. He doesn't really talk much whilst eating. While me, of course talking during eating will increase the appetite and make you eat more without you realize. That explained why I choked the other day hahaha then he lectured me.

Anyway. We just talked about random things then he stared at me, "Is this really Qistina that I approached 7 years back? And now you're my wife", emphasizing that how long that we've known each other and he just couldn't believe that we actually did it!

Awwwhh, he always does that. And everytime, I just melt away.

"Yeah, it's me that you chased and followed all the way to my lecture hall". He did. Such a psycho, no? Hahaha how could you secretly followed me and my friends without any of us realized him, just to give me a flower. I still kept the picture of that white rose by the way.

So we just continue talking then I asked, "Are you sure that you WERE really loyal?". I meant before we got married that we had a very (utterly) long-distanced relationship. Like how can you be loyal to me for 6 years, are you sure you didn't and never had anyone else? Right, past is past but of course the curious me wanted to dig all the secrets. Past is never past with me, get it?

Well, I didn't really know. He might be loyal. But of course I had doubt (I always have doubt, well, every woman was born with that character - having doubt hahaha even though sometimes I felt like he's talking the truth, but the FBI me will ask a lot of twisted questions as if he commits such big crime. Bad me.)

"Trust me, you can ask any of my friends. Ask them. I was so loyal that even people would question me the same, how can I be that loyal?"

Then he continued, "Now it sound funny, but you know with this good look of mine, cute face of mine, I had a lot of juniors fancied me. I just pull my macho face and pretended to act cool". He showed me how he did the macho face. *shakes head 180 degree*

Omg, now where would this conversation going? Now he's boasting about having fans? Haha. Whatt theee?

I just sat there, speechless. A part of me wanted to just smash that mouth and be jealous that why wasn't I be that junior?! Haha. But a big part of me just enjoyed the conversation and played along - that made me realize, how fun our teenage years were. So much fun. Of course we all once (or always) pulled the control ayu face and pretended to be polite so the cute guy there would notice you.

But because I didn't wanna lose, I replied "Well, I also had people like me and kirim salam and all, I have a cute face too!" Haha!

Because we both know that we WERE and ARE so loyal to each other that no matter where we went/go, there will be always us that can only occupied our each other's heart. Ok now, that's disgusting hahaha.

That macho face guy gave me this 7 years back during a go green campaign at our campus.

clinical pharmacist

I'm officially a licensed clinical pharmacist. Unlicensed (need to go through 2-year housemanship period in order to be qualified as a pharmacist and get the license to practice pharmacy in Malaysia. Also, passing the pharmacy law exam as well. Sigh.)

Anyhow, that means I'm jobless now hahaha yeahh you know the queue for placement is long, so my turn would probably gonna take longer to arrive. It's okay but I'm so bored now, totally bored that I start to miss hospitals zzz nerd alert haha. 

Leave that for a while.

Because this entry is posted to celebrate my graduation! I'm finally graduated! For those who are close to me, or if you've been following my blog for so long (especially my long-term friends), you know how precious this means for me. 

So surreal. So overwhelmed.

I was so excited to end this. The moment I walked out of the exam hall right after Peadiatrics paper, which was the very final paper, my heart was filled with joy, unbelievable feeling. Relief. Excited. Happy. Nervous. Mixed feeling I could never be able to describe.

Yes waiting for the results was crazy. Never in my life I was this nervous. Because this is like the ultimate indicator ever, either you pass the whole program, or extend some more semester to complete the failed ones. I'd never failed any paper before, so this time half of me was quite sure I would passed as well, but you know anything could happen. What if this? What if that?

I couldn't keep calm. One minute, I'd be "omg I'm graduating lets celebrate", then another minutes, "Wait, did I answered right during drug information paper last time?".

Until they announced the result online, I checked immediately with the almost-exploded heart and sweaty palms. Running my eyes on all grades, pass, pass, therapeutics pass thank god, my heart kept beating so fast, kept checking, pass, oh cardio 80 marks so stingy, pass, yayy all 7 subjects I passed all. Can't believe it, that I am already a clinical pharmacist now. Just. Like. That.

Has it been 5 years already? Really?

Time surely flies. Faster than the bullets.

Yes, I've achieved one of my life goals. Surely I have many more plans in my head. It's okay, go slowly girl. After all, it teaches me that I shouldn't be afraid to do what I love. I'm not competing with others, because at the end what matters the most is me, myself.

Welcome home, clinical pharmacist Qistina.

back for good

Wasn't easy.

You've got to be stable to do this. Physically, mentally, and most importantly emotionally.

I guess getting old makes me more into an emotional freak, I get weak easily. Small things make me think hard. Having to face the big event/issues always make me feels emotional ahead of time.

So funny of me giving the landlord lady a blank stare because I was so gonna leave her and not gonna see her ever again. And another suspects in the neighborhood as well hahaha - sorry for the eye contacts.

Feels like leaving your own nest. I'd already attached to that place. It's so familiar to me that I felt so so comfortable living at my home. Well, although, this was the moment that I'd been waiting for years, now it's the time, but still.... it felt like some magnet had been embedded inside your heart that attracted another pole of magnet in that place.

Nway, I'm home now haha.

Well, as a reparation to go back to Malaysia, let me start with the cleaning. To be honest, I packed quite early - so not me but because I didn't want to be rush at the last minutes and missed my stuffs here and there, so I started by packing my books and notes. I cried here. Because I just couldn't see them as books/notes anymore, but this time as memories. Felt so surreal, like do I really memorize all these?

Oh you the microbiology black sheep subject, can't believe I passed you.

Gosh you organic chemistry, you gave me sweetest memories being Dr Nader's student. He likes me. 

And you oncology, can't believe I got 10 marks for oral exam. Why so stingy.

This drug interactions, *pukes* , not anymore.

You know, things like these.

And the memories with my lecturers kept coming one by one in my head. I'm so gonna miss them all. Especially Dr Hassan who always came out with any verses of Quran in the middle of lecture to relate with the topic of study. Yes, because he's handsome too. And of course Dr Mona my girl crush that I adoreeee.

And after all, that's what I treasure the most; knowledge. I can't take all my books back to Malaysia (oh btw I ordered 3 big boxes to put all my stuffs and delivered them by ship - supposed to arrive next month. I thought 3 boxes were just nice to put all items, but naaah, I had headaches packing), anyway, I selected books/notes to bring back and the rest (the unwanted ones), I left them in a box in my room - didn't throw them away. So sayang but I can't keep all.

Packing clothes wasn't as hard as that because I simple bring back all my clothes hahaha YOU THINK I WOULD LEAVE MY LIVES NEVER GUYS haha. I left/donated some that weren't really my 'lives'. They are arriving in months time - I'm already ready to hear some lectures from Ameerul about this. But I don't care *stubborn*.

Anyhow, it's not that he disapproves, but you know, every time I said "I don't have anything to wear", he would glance at me hinting about those clothes whatsoever but really, none of those clothes fit me for that specific occasion. You get it right? He never understands. But, whatever.

I know I'm gonna miss Egypt soon. Everything used to be so different there, so foreign that it totally didn't feel like a home. I felt like I was in a Maze Runner movie trying my best to survive, everything by myself. But I made it. I made it to the extend that it feels so familiar to me. Feels like I'm already an Egyptian hahaha (the dwarf version).

5 years may seems short, yes it's short to teach me everything about being a foreigner. But I can't list down everything that happened within that precious years, because it can't be expressed by words. IT IS TOO PRECIOUS. The memories I would keep them all in my heart. Those lovely faces there. Those travel trips. Those ups and downs.

Thanks Egypt for making me feels like home, see you again.

Bahariya Oasis, winter break 2016.

Awwhhh. Emotional freak detected here. Need help.

Ramadan & Eid El-Fitr 2017

When we are about to celebrate Eid El-Adha. Haha sorry for the late post. I knowww, I should've tried to find a time, now that I procrastinate like this, I literally have so many things to update.

Right. So I spent the whole Ramadan in Egypt. It wasn't my first time, but it was my last time there. It was still good as it usual did. Ramadan in Egypt was never ever disappointing. Like I used to post before about how merry they would celebrate this holy month. So alive. With decoration and so. I didn't manage to buy the fanoos to bring it back home - cause I was on a tight budget but I bought a carpet and few more Egypt-y stuffs instead. Hahaha can't wait for them to arrive to Malaysia! Since I sent them via sea shipping from Egypt - gonna take months to arrive.

Anyhow, Ramadan goals checked. Even though in the middle of my final exam (yes, gonna make a special post about that weee I can't wait). But still, I managed to juggle both and even more! In term of ibadah and all. I am so gonna miss Ramadan in Egypt guysss, like so much! Not to mention the free ifhar that we, Malaysian students got haha. Definitely one of the sweetest moments abroad.

Then Eid was quite nice. Lonely a little bit. Not my first time away from my family, but my first time as a wife but my husband was working on 1st Syawal. We're both just raya through whatsapp haha but it was okay. 

My friends and I decided to make a match kurung for this raya. We took pictures around Zagazig, and that made me realized how much I was going to miss that foreign land. Sigh. 

Raya as a foreigner is sure different. A lot. 

The foreign feeling and all. But still, that's going to be my sweetest memories. *sheds tears*

winter break 2017

So, when I haven't done any winter break post since years ago (seriously, I've had the plans to blog about all of my winter break trips - which were awesome), I've just decided to blog about my current winter break. I am just so unorganized, sometimes haha.

Funny when I just posted about my so-called last departure to Egypt, now I go back to Malaysia again! I knowwwww, it's a very short break, but I insist making it longer by my own. Cause I'm the super senior there now that I only have one semester to go. *blows nails* hahahah.

I missed winter break in Egypt where I usually traveled around Egypt, playing tourist there with my not-so-fluent Arabic and the very cold weather there. My friends are having so much fun now discovering South Egypt part with the annoying hashtags ever haha. Guys, I wanted to join them! So bad!

But half of me wanted to come back to my husband's warm arms. Literally warm, since it's a year-long summer here hahaha. Plus, I have so much foods in my wishlist to eat. McDonald's prosperity burger is one of them cause I haven't eat it for 4 years now.

And there's so many things more to do this time too. My brother just got his first baby - my first niece. Which is of course, one of my exciting things ever happened in my life. Promise to blog about her.

Really, this time I'm so serious. Hahaha.

Ttyl.

last autumn semester

Seems like I'm gonna post more on my 'last' things I do in Egypt now since I already have a few months left before I graduate.

Time really marches. Was it just yesterday I passed my 4th year final exam? Haha and now I only have one final paper left to end this semester. And my winter break starts (which I'm gonna spend it in Malaysia, Ameerul misses me so much guys hahaha). And there goes my very final spring semester afterward.

I was quite busy this semester. Really busy cause I started this sem quite late due to my long holiday in Malaysia haha I didn't start my classes on time, I cut a few classes at the first few weeks haha but don't worry I managed to catch up the syllabus. Plus it was a short semester, they crammed the midterm exams all at once. I barely able to breath! And of course, it gets tougher in final year!

Finished 7 papers now, only have 1 left.

Going back to Malaysia in 3 days! Someone's already excited hehehe.

Last departure to Egypt

.... as a student, I wish. Will probably come again as a tourist, perhaps haha.

So this time was totally different. Different vibes, different feeling. As much as I got excited to go back to my temporary home, I'd feel rather sad to be apart from my husband. Of course, I was ready for this. He was too. But, to go through it was just.. hard!

To be honest, we weren't really that sad, until.. when I needed to pass the international departure gate, we hugged for goodbye then he looked me in the eyes. "No, please no. I can't start this or else this won't stop haha" - my brain said so. But my heart said the opposite, "Oh, no. He cried. Can he please not. I'm weak". I cried too.

Must. Be. Strong.

I am so weak when it comes to people crying for me. I can't do this.

When Ameerul hold my entire head (small head haha), he looked at me right into my eyes, I could see his teary eyes and no, he cried. And his brother took our pictures hahaha and the entire family actually was there witnessed us saying goodbye and encouraging us to hug and kiss longer since we were going to be apart like very funny okay cause I feel like I was going for a war battle leaving my loved one here as if I wasn't coming back haha.

But true, one year is really long (especially for newlyweds lol).

I salam-ed everyone. I cried a lot when I hugged my mother in law cause why was she so nice, why was I so blessed, god this reminded me of my mom who was in Kelantan, god I was so weak.

My footsteps felt heavier as I walked alone after that. I looked back many times until I couldn't see them anymore. The funny sad part was whenever I looked back to see them, Ameerul was always there waving at me. Then I looked back again after a few steps, Ameerul was still there just staring and waving. I looked back again while pulling my luggage, Ameerul was still there while the other family members were starting to disperse. God, was he that loyal? Hahaha.

I cried, guys. Forget coolness. I missed my husband already just after I sat on the plane.

I sat next to a friendly medical student who also studies in Egypt, we made friends and still keeping in touch till now. It was a smooth journey and it's so nice that we got along so well, it's funny cause it really felt like we already knew each other for so long. We shared our stories and many more issues especially our crazy experiences in Egypt and of course our first selfie ever. Lol.

Reached Egypt around 2 am local time, I felt empty cause Egypt was quite and chilly. I missed him. Was it just yesterday he helped me packing my luggage? Was it just yesterday we ate together?

I was such a drama queen. Haha.

Everything got back to normal again after all. It is my final year, though.

So, next time, we will come here together right? Hehehe.