too much thoughts are running through my head i can't list all into words.
and i guess they will only happen in my dreams.
i envy the band life that they have.
i admire their perseverance skills and never-good-enough attitude.
i would love to experience this kind of band life.
i want to watch all japan band competition live at least once in my life.
(this is not part of dreaming, i will make it come true)
the way they make decisions as a band.
the way they encourage each other in order to achieve the same goal.
the way they are taught, musically and in life.
the amount of hard work and determination they are willing to put in for the gold.
i really really really take my hats off to them, and bow till my head hits the floor.
i'm glad i had a chance to meet meiden.
one of the greatest thing that happened in my life.
given that i'm a japanese band scene fan...
"There is no perfection in music.
Therefore, it pursues it more.
I want to do music that they are made to be impressed more."
- these lines from hayato inspired me.
though i have almost given up on the singapore band culture, maybe i should live in self-denial and be happy in my own little bubble world.
the more you picture the perfect outcome, the more frustrated you get.
and then you give up, and join the dark side.
i miss the feeling of working towards a common goal as a band.
and the days when we shed tears of disappointment and joy.
it reminded me of the past few syfs we attended.
and probably the next coming one.
原来我始终还是放不下。
on a side note: tonight is over.
still deep in thoughts but...
i shall focus on jap oral after i wake up.
頑張ります！o(^▽^)o
日本語が上手になりたいです！
Labels: band, emo, japan bands, thoughts
till then; 3:14 AM
Sunday, October 03, 2010
things are changing.i'm changing/changed.
i miss the old me.
i don't wanna grow up.
the grown up world is too complicated.
the things i experienced/saw at work made me think a lot.
about the future.
cos i'm not one who has a bright future ahead.
so i'm supposed to start worrying?
i'm bothered by the dream i had last night too.
hopefully, it won't happen in real life.
it simply means i care if i'm bothered.
i'm thinking too much tonight.
till then; 3:01 AM
Thursday, December 10, 2009
shit, i'm highing/emoing with siying over eveyrthing japan-related now.all the choir songs are so nice and emo.. ):
one thing why i prefer jap songs over english and chinese songs is because the lyrics have so much more meaning!
shall share them soon.
japan japan japan!
let's migrate there hahaha! :D
okay shall go tab my biz stats textbook..
heng i studied on saturday already so i just gotta look through it again.
byeee.
till then; 1:08 AM
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
wah i wanna emo. ):but i guess they're one of my source of motivation.
spread the love..
and life is getting complicated.
elaborate next time when i feel like.
i'm off to continue thinking.. or try to stop thinking..
Labels: emo
till then; 2:17 AM
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
after calculating the % for accouting, it seems like i failed class participation more than i failed the class test. wtf. -.-cos adding up the 2 test marks i seem to have passed. unless i remember the wrong marks?
i'd better save myself next tuesday. 60%.
ahleelu! may the power of mrs chiaw be with me.
OMGOMG it's been almost 3 years since we last heard the authentic ahleelu!
and she left cedar already.. sigh where have most of the teachers gone?! ):
ANYWAY, i have no mood to study this week.
productivity and efficiency of studying is low low low.
but after this week is over, there's only 2 more days to study. -.-
screwed up. i'd better don't screw up anymore of my education life.
back to studying econs.
left with monopoly and externalities.
THEN POM. WTF I HAVEN'T STARTED.
somehow the studying period always get me slightly more emo.
it's either i am so free that my mind wander to the wrong things to think about.
or that i usually have no confidence in studying. or both.
yesterday, i wondered. what have i learnt in my secondary school education?
i can't do factorisation.
again, it's either i chose to forget everything after o levels or i'd been smoking through my exams. i choose to believe it's the latter one.
WAH DIE STOP EMO-ING AND GO STUDY.
sorry for the rants.
bye.
till then; 7:01 PM
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
i'm stoning and thinking now.my fucked up oversleeping habit is coming back, i shall sleep earlier tonight.
i feel the need to do some work, but no my mind is not in the right state.
nooooo i don't wanna thinkkkkkk.
it's making me emo. ):
Labels: emo
till then; 12:39 AM
Thursday, March 19, 2009
your feelings get pretty mixed up when you start bloghopping to many's blogs.maybe it's just that i haven't been thinking for a long time, been leading a rather simple life doing what i want.
happy you may call it.
but i may rather not think too deeply.
the truth can be hurtful, but one may choose to move forward.
sigh all these was disturbing for awhile.
but i guess my thoughts got tangled up and disappeared.
there was another disturbing thought too but i guess it's my own problem..
sometimes you really don't know whether to live in reality or delusion.
so, to anyone reading this now, it's not just about one single thing but a few altogether.
it's just too complicated to link them all in one before i manage to sort them out. (which i don't think i'll after i wake up from my sleep -.-)
well, i don't know if thinking if healthy.
or do you call this emo?
the emo and reflective mood hasn't been with me for quite some time.
i guess it's dropping by tonight.
maybe i should pay more attention to the surroundings.
instead of drama-ing, sleeping, eating etc. living in my own bubble.
i should at least observe others from my own bubble?
till then; 1:47 AM
Monday, January 12, 2009
i'm starting to emo after hearing shirushi [mr children + orchestra version] from 14 sai no haha drama.ignore that, i think by the end of this post my emoness will be gone. HAHA.
swsy today.
fuck i overslept and woke up at 8.40am.
buona vista may seem far... but no we weren't that late, we reached at about 10.15? X:
HAHA singapore very small one lah!
alfri wanted to pop by today! but he overslept. -.-
oh yes his oversleeping is worst, woke up at 12pm when band ends at 1pm. haha!
yay and he says he's coming next week. [:
there's this new percussion guy too..
MORE PERCUSSIONISTS PLEASE!!
cos i found out something disturbing, to me.
i anyhow play my parts when i'm the only percussionist.
plus you know, you don't get the feel... sigh.
i want the feel back.. it's something like having no fixed part for you to practise.
okay and my drumset sightreading/skills totally suck that i can just go and die.
i got lost counting/playing fourth symphony movement 1 cos it was too slow.. -.-
movement 3 was pretty alright. (:
ate towhuay at the food centre.. *i miss pp's [potong pasir, not parkway parade or people's park] towhuay! one fine day i'm going back there! soooooon.*
i spent $1.60 on my filling lunch = curry puff + towhuay!
yay i'm on the way to a successful money-saving plan. HAHA.
chionged to esplanade for saf's beautiful sunday.
it's either they deproved or i've been hearing too much meiden/jap bands.
i think it's the latter.
tada, so i was hx-ing meiden in esplanade. they'd sound GODLY GOOD!
and yes their concert was about the same time as beautiful sunday.. haha.
see i'm still suffering from withdrawal symptons.
well i thought the repertoire wasn't that interesting.. hmm.
dancin' megahits encore was damn funny! you see all the aunties, uncles, ah mas, ah peks standing up and dancing at the stall seats.
entertaining :D
we went straight home after that. *omggg*
this is what you do when you haven't found a job.. kns.
the com room door was locked to prevent me from using the com.
so i went to sleep..
that was when i had my tiko-ly beautiful and wonderful dream.
it was somehow like koudai was my bf cos we hugged each other. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
nice dream! can i have more of it? :D
okay my emoness hasn't really gone yet.
i'm kinda thinking of what to practice with my drumsticks later..
but i guess i won't be later.. i should sleep early for tmr's interview right.. although i know i will be doing weird stuff again.
and JAPANESE LESSONS!!! :D
ah i'm actually looking forward to cedar fiesta.
maybe it's a replacement for band concert. a concert deprived band for 5 years, since 2004.
and suddenly, i miss secondary school days in cedar.
oh yes and it's like more than half of the teachers' population are made up of new faces.
okay everything's no link.
i shall go off then.
uploading videos on youtube now..
will upload them here when i'm done. (:
mata ne!
Labels: band, beautiful sunday, cedar, emo, swsyouth
till then; 1:27 AM
Thursday, May 29, 2008
after reading some of my blog archive, 感触很多. aha.the only thing will be..
i miss secondary school life. ):
how i used to blog about my
how i used to get emo in my blog posts..
how tears became so unforgettable..
but one thing, mummy woo was always there for us.
i remember this note from her saying to keep her updated about our lives even though she's not our form teacher anymore.
she's the greatest, the best.. and really nice.
bah no time for emoing tonight.
have to wake up early for band tmr..
i'm going to continue on my archives soon.
goodnight.
Labels: emo
till then; 1:19 AM
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
this is screwed.i gave up geog test like since afternoon.
trying my luck tmr. data-response, let's see if i can even respond to it.
and then i've been kanchiong-ing about the workload from the time i reached home until now that i don't know what to start with.
there's a wide variety of work to choose from..
econs tutorial, maths tutorial, geog tutorial, my overdued gsc newspaper review. - that's everything except for gp already.
apparently, i'm still stuck with all these shit.
wtf am i doing!
i should get started on at least one of it
time to mug, be a 麻哥.
麻哥 is the chinese word for mugger, i heard this from someone in gsc lesson.
HAHA THIS IS SO HILARIOUS! joke of the ____.
i wonder how time passes.
during the weekday, each time i would be awaiting the arrival of the weekend.
during the weekend, each time i would be dreading the arrival of weekdays.
who invented the weekend weekday thingy?!?!?!
can you like make the days more evenly distributed?
like maybe we have 3 or 4 weekdays and the same number of weekend.
5 and 2 doesn't make sense.
it's hard choosing between friends and partial/personal responsibility.
i really want to do both of it.
but in reality, there's only one to choose from.
save meee. ):
till then; 11:11 PM
Monday, April 07, 2008
i'm tired. mentally.despite 2 rounds of 3 hours sleep.
[i think the flu makes me drowsy - i haven't ate panadol]
i sat down for hours doing my homework but it didnt seem very productive cos i still haven't finished them.
never did i walk around the house finding nonsense things to do.
i wonder how i could do them so slowly..
adding on, having to suffer from naggings is mentally draining.
they dont make sense either.
i think parents just dont understand.
even if they do...
today i realised it's only on the surface understanding.
they take it that i have no feelings and shoot whatever they like.
they still take it that i'm still a child who still doesn't know how to think for myself.
sorry but you're not the only one
what an emo morning.
maybe staying home isnt that good an idea.
there was something else which was running through my head..
somehow i've been doubting myself.
ohwell.
argh.
i want thursday night to come so that i can have a peaceful sleep and do part-time studying and chiong finish the
now i'm also not sure if i'm going for movie marathon since band prac is shifted to thursday instead..
i came to realise that in actual fact, there's isnt time for you to rest in jc.
i guess i realised it 1 year late huh.
the next resting time will be end of year?
okay damn it, that's long.
aiyahhhhhh.
i'm going to continue with homeworks now.
when can i finish? they seem endless, like ***.
i decided to censor cos i think there were too much vulgarities..
let's make this blog PG instead of nc16.
one happier thing: i want to watch outdoor syf on sat! at national stadium i think? :D
*i think band camp post can wait until weekend already.
BYE.
till then; 11:25 PM
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
i came online, someone told me some news which i thought i would never hear.i wondered to myself, why so?
for what reasons has things changed?
please tell me it's not true.
and i choose not to believe it until i get hold of evidences myself.
i refuse to believe so.
of all people, you are the last person whom i thought would change.
you gained my respect.
you did so much for us.
you made an impact in my life.
you were there when we needed you, and you said you would be.
i wonder what would my life be like if you hadn't appeared.
memories of you actually flashed through my head last night.
my dearest friend wrote an essay about you last night.
and here we heard about this today.
i would like to visit you soon.
please be there so i can find you.
i really hope everything's not true.
or just like a dream..
Labels: emo
till then; 11:48 PM
Friday, November 23, 2007
i had a nightmare last night.very very rare for me to have nightmares since i think i only had at most 2 in my life from what i can remember..
guess it all came from the green and white person as it appeared in my dream. wow.
anyway, better get it out of my mind in case i have another nightmare tonight.
*choy, touch wood!* [HAHA choy is in china. xD]
some emo shit which is very buggish. ):
no, i dont feel like blogging it this moment..
shall get my mind off all these thoughts.
whacking on my drumpad usually helps. so is crying.
boo.
shall go practise all the scores i have right now. grease is actually rather addictive.
i feel so selfish.
till then; 10:49 PM
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
almost hopeless results - with a gleam of hope which might even be close to non-existent since mr patrick said dont be too pessimistic.only a miracle can save me now.
i dont know.
i dont feel like going to school anymore, especially next week when everything will be finalised and decided.
as i said, my heart cannot take it.
not anymore, that was the final blow it could take.
i have a weak heart.
i just feel like doing many many things to take my mind off thinking, but i dont know which one to start with.
reflecting through, i still dont know where went wrong.
i did put in effort, maybe it's just not enough to get me any further.
sometimes you know you have tried hard, but still there were no results.
why?
sometimes i really thought i could, but everything's pulling me down even before i could do anything to progress.
i'd realised.
i dont know what's wrong with myself.
anyway, thanks to all who cared.
the class girls plus terence. and those whom i was messaging, baoyue, siying and yaju.
i think i'm better now.
shall take a nap and o2jam/neopets before meeting some longbaos for drinks later.
thanks for having faith in me,
you never failed to encourage me on up to now.
sometimes you might not even realise the things you said mean alot to me.
but i'm sorry.
bye.
till then; 1:53 PM
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
ENJOY, while i may go mia.i feel like.
yeah, so maybe you can try listening to 2 songs per day before i decide to come back here.
it's been a short day at school.
there were many free gifts. X:
nah, i mean those university brochures came along with free gifts. HA, typical singaporean man. charmaine and i chionged to get them.
we got the brochures too. nus, ntu bla bla bla....
yeah then had compulsory career seminar talk at 2.30.
i went for the teacher's one. LOL. partly because i was the last to write my name and the business one was full and i also that there were only 3 choices of business management, financial planning and teaching. aha you think financial planning's for me?
but somehow, the talk just linked my thoughts to mummywoo. she's still the best, so far. haha. (:
headed straight home after the talk.
i think i'm getting more loner and anti-social. well, judge for me then.
and wtf, an intended 15 minute nap turned out to be a 3 hour sleep. X:
so here i am, wondering how am i going to finish my work and study and ever be prepared for promos.
seriously, i think i'm the most lost student ever.
everybody seem to have a clear idea of what's going on, at least SOMETHING.
and what, there're only 5 weeks left which is bloody short for me with many many many things to catch up.
argh fuck, it's time to do something, efficiently and productive.
exams are just not for me.
i've never been academically inclined.
well, after 4 years going on to 5, i realise that the expectations i have for myself is always different and lower than others.
in other words, it means people aim for As and i'll aim for a pass.
ohwell, what can i say?
maybe i should end this 5 years of miserable results.
ADDING ON, damn pw should just get lost. @!#$%^&*(!#$%^&
i need some time to sort my thoughts out.
bye.
Labels: emo, imeem, music, rants, school
till then; 11:48 PM
Monday, July 23, 2007
it's good to let it all out.it really feels good to have someone to turn to.
and i didnt expect a reply in 3am in the morning.
reading the message, i teared.
i really missed the old days back then. all the weird and out-of-point things we used to talk about.. ):
chong baoyue, you know what i'm talking about.
and you can have my shoulder.
i promise you have me, always. (:
Labels: emo
till then; 11:03 PM
Monday, July 16, 2007
i thought through those words, which brought me to many conclusions.i thought so hard that i was on the verge of crying everything out.
but well. it's good to have a good thinking session.
honestly, that sentence someone told me touched me.
however, i can also choose to erase some things from my memory.
i still prefer the days when the people around you give you their fullest support and encouragement till the end..
and of course, understand me better.
and well, i gotta prove it to myself.
to anybody else too.
anyway, met limtsuwie to study today.
still had to meet her outside cedar. tskk, but can burn fats from walking.
aha hannui walked with us too.
we took some long way to j8 la.
took bus to toapayoh then take bus to bishan. -.-
shuyan left when we reached.
tsuwie wanted to go and say hi to her, or rather according to shuyan say bye cos she's going back to aussie tonight. (on the plane now i guess?)
AHHH i dont care. i want steamboat when she comes back again :D
yeah kinda miss the machine you know.
ate at mos.
spent most of the time talking. X:
aiyah need some catching up ma. ha.
i was damn tired so i really fell asleep, i didnt even know tsuwie went to blast my mp3 at full volume in my ear and kept changing songs for me. -.-
yeah, wasnt very fruitful. ARRR.
then she took damn fast to walk home!
i reached home and she told me she reached home 20 minutes ago which was almost my bus journey? not like she live in bishan lor, she lives in TOAPAYOH! haha wth.
OHHH there's meet-the-parent session this saturday with ct.
although it's quite common for teachers to call my parents, this time is meeting them.
teachers have been calling my parents for the past 4 years? X:
we need more people for alumni band!
remember, it's by this saturday.
spread the message yeah. thanksss.
(only if someone sees this la..)
i need to be kept busy to be efficient.
hello busy-ness can you come and find me?
i need to do WORK - and get off the com.
thankyou.
Labels: alumni band, emo, j8, random, study
till then; 10:23 PM
Friday, June 22, 2007
i went to the airport everyday this week, except today.i was being a pig and woke up at 1pm today.
but i think i was too tired since i only slept for like 4 hours the day before.
studied at coffee bean again, with yaju, lingmei, weijie and russell.
lingmei, yaju and i went there duper early at 9am (obviously we weren't so puctual) to get good seats. lol.
saw a few familiar faces at the airport. (i mean FRIENDS la)
nazreen, carolyn and engkiat.
so many people visits the airport, for studying. (:
left at 6 and went for main band practice.
supposed to have audition but mr tan didnt come..
yeah and only mai and fir came. lol.
practised beautiful sunday pieces.
then sightread pictures at an exhibition, the song i heard at some concert with many many many movements. LOL!
and yupp i reached home and decided to sleep earlier.
which ended up not-so-early cos i was testing out on the drum pad my brother brought home from his school. heh :P
i'm going to get one after midyears next week! (my mummy even wants to bring me to buy it this sat, which is tmr, but i delayed it. cos if i were to buy it, my midyears will be gonecase already cos i wont be studying.)
i think i'm getting another pair of drumsticks. haha! :D
anyway, o2jammed with grace this afternoon before studying.
i'm not addicted k. i dont play when there's nobody to play with me, unlike last year. X:
after seeing that phrase on grace's blog i realise i miss mummy woo, alot. ):
"no one gets left behind."
THEN, saw the song 'High - Lighthouse Family' on eldora's blog.
that's the song mummy woo dedicated to 4h (we were 3h then) after oac'05.
she did so much for the class. and when she wasnt our form teacher in sec 4, she's still our dearest mummy woo.
omg yes, those were the days.. those f&n days too, when everybody will be chionging coursework till 3am..
everyone's gone their separate ways now.
but mummy woo will forever remain in our hearts, right? (:
ok i should stop emoing and get back to studying.
this is weird cos usually when i'm busy studying i wont have time to emo.
maybe this just shows that i'm not really busy studying.
arr fuck. i hate myself.
nvm i shall go and study like now.
BYE.
Labels: airport, band, emo, study
till then; 11:40 PM
Thursday, May 31, 2007
i dont like staying home. ):my mummy hasnt shut up since even before i woke up.
maybe i should have went out..
like meeting up with dear eldora and gang.
as quoted from eldora's blog:
"I miss Cedar, where the friends around me are true, where we love and care for one another, where we had so much fun together, where we went through thick and thin together, and where I can really be myself. Nothing beats my Celesta and Grace and Ching Hong and Sheena and Baoyue. :D:D Celes said she suddenly realised she misses 4H alot. I told her I've realised that two months ago since I stepped into YJ. I miss my life, it seemed to have ended two months ago, too."
since i was in a bad and lousy mood, i was almost crying when reading it.
but well, it's the past. life is about moving on ain't it?
keeping it as part of my memory is all i can do now.
what i fear most is that it'd be gone from my memory cos i have poor memory. ):
but i wont mind if we could just go back to the past and i'm going to video it down, every second of it so that i wont forget..
i miss them banning me from going band.
i miss our recess days.
i miss going to the the f&n lab.
i miss our forever-so-entertaining jokes and chats.
chong baoyue! graduation day. (:
sheena&me&eldora having fun in the com lab. (:
tsktsk. bio lesson and grace and i are behind having our own fun. (:
eldoragoh! studying in the library. (:
chinese lesson partners. (:
sports day 2006. some 4h people. (:
till then; 4:57 PM
Sunday, April 15, 2007
band today was okay.8.30 - 4.30.. hmm, not too bad, just that percussion didnt had alot of parts to practise.
but well, it's syf and even the smallest parts count.
morning was sectionals throughout. safari was all we did?
we're playing sunrise anyway, so no more safari.
lunch we ordered canadian pizza with oboe as merged section. each person to half a pizza.
reminded of o's studying period with my cool classmates in the library - the library gang.. i miss it. i miss going to cedar library. ):
had combined practice after that when ms sia came at 1.30.
went to airport to study with yaju after that. ate dinner.
yeah we took out our papers and stuff, BUT we were talking and talking and if we weren't, we'd be stoning (like cedar tree like what carmen describes as).
uhh so we decided to leave at 8 in case we stone anymore there.
did a lil' bit more of my PI just now.
aiyah, any progress is still progress. lol.
i just cant think of anything for the campaigning part. GRR.
i dont know why i'll think of cedarband when i hear mj play sunrise. (maybe by any other band too?)
maybe it's because i first heard the tune of sunrise being played there.
maybe it's because i felt that their sunrise was nicely played for
maybe it's because i've listened to their sunrise recordings too many times.
maybe it's because i've heard them improve as days passed..
feelings have developed.
if you ask me how many times have i listened to the sunrise recording, it'd be uncountable..
and well, i know many are still quite disappointed..
it's hard to get over it, time is the key thing to getting over it.
after climbing up, it'll be time to get ready for any battle ahead.
and through these battles, it'll be the one again in 2 years time.
through each battle, you'll get stronger.
by the time the one arrives again, you'll be strong enough to win.
i feel myself in the juniors shoes 2 years back.
history has repeated itself again, and the whole cycle goes on..
till then; 1:06 AM
