ATV

I am so proud of my hubby. He drove an ATV. You see, Ejad doesn’t drive or ride a motorcycle. He gets anxious. So when he agreed to go for ATV ride with family, I was shocked . To me, it is a big step for him. 

It was only rm80 (weekend) for a day at Uncle Wong Happy Farm. There are kayaks & pedal boats too. Including a rabbit farm and tortoises. 

My sister and my BIL

Ejad & I 

Fatihah & Luqmann

Tortoises!

My sister & her family 

Will definitely come again when we are at PD! 

For more information: Uncle Wong 

O.D

I went back to the clinic. Was supposedly to be last week but I was too unstable to put my shoes on. So I called up the clinic and postponed the appointment. 

Surprisingly there weren’t much traffic on the road and also in the clinic. I had this book. Read a page. Then I started to feel anxious. Ejad was next to me. My tummy was aching like hell. Not only that, I think it is going to be a ‘heavy flow’ week again. Since after the booster shot, my flow is like a river.

I was second in que. Usually I would be the first but I guess someone was earlier than me. 

Anyway, I told Dr A almost all that had happened since we last met. The dreams, the arguments, the voices, the insecurities… the overdose. I was out last week. Ejad was worried. He tried to bring me to ED but I refused. He knows me too well to force me to go. But he didn’t know that after he rushed back home from work after reading my WhatsApp message… a few days later , I overdosed- TWICE. 

That is my life . It has always been since 2007. The only thing that changed is that I don’t OD as often as I used too. Unfortunately, I had to do it before the voices convince me to jump over the balcony. If I jump, I would definitely be difficult to be identified. 

But the most important thing is that I told her the incident where I was accused by someone ( whom I respected ) of doing something that would never do! The president of an NGO ( someone I know since my college years ) had the audacity to message me and blatantly said horrible things. 

Dear Madam President,

You should have called. Be professional. Ejad & I have been volunteering when the NGO had less than 10 volunteers for goodness sakes! (2017) And now that you have over 1k of volunteers, you just ‘lost’ your common sense? So I have cancelled you off 100% . I am worth more than Whatsapp messages. Fix your ‘new team’ & don’t forget those who have helped you. Now that the OGs are no longer with you , I hope you will realise how much damages you have caused to a lot of people. This incident caused me a lot of emotional feud between me and myself. You should know better. One word to describe you : UNGRATEFUL. Now I know why my many people left and never returned . Whose fault? Only you know the answer because most of them were too scared to tell me what had happened because I was close with you (recently I was informed) When you accidentally sent me a screenshot of the WhatsApp conversation we were at that time, I knew you were too proud. 

I can only pray that no one will have to go through what I did with you. But knowing you…. 

-Siz-

So yeah. The above is among many reasons I went numb and stupid. I was causing a lot of unnecessary stress to Ejad. Alhamdulillah, he understands me enough to know that I am in a ‘phase’ He just nodded when I said that I ODed ( I think he knew ) 

So I picked up myself, spent time with my family and attended my dance class ( yeah! Will blog about it soon) I was in a horrible state. But not as bad as it used to be. I would often, literally zoned out. But this time I was 50/50 . Dr. A said she is glad that I no longer check in on yearly basis. The last time I was warded was after my late father passed away in 2018. 4 years! A big achievement for both of us. 2007-2017. Countless check-ins to the Psy Ward.

Alhamdulillah, I have a good support system

V day !

I am not surprise that Ejad did not realise that yesterday was V day because we have never crlebrated it. 🤣 But since it is his day off, we had a very late lunch. Had to send Blackie for service before we are headed to Port Dickons with the my family soon. I have been anxiously getting prepared for the trip. The kaftans that I bought just for this trip. 🙈 It has been so long since all of us went for a trip together. Years actually. I think the last trip was with my late father and it was to PD too 😉 

Anyway I went to a Muslimah Hair Salon yesterday at TTDI. Surprisingly it was affordable. Definitely going to go there again. 

We stayed up late yesterday. I decided to clear up the  second bedroom. Oh dear! I have so many clothes . Not forgetting the books in my third room. My mini library & Ejad’s gaming room. 

Will be meeting my Dr. A today. Not sure what to say to her because there are too many! Urgh ! I always end up not saying much. I feel insecure now that I am remarried. Haih….

After such a long hiatus.

I am now married to this man , Surizat Amaludin. 

(Ejad Feb 2022)

(Ejad 2017)

Ok am am blogging via a smartphone. So I am not so sure how this would turn out. Anyway , my hubby Ejad is the breadwinner of our small family.

Boy, Girl & Adik.

I am now retired because of obvious reasons. Too sick to be responsible enough to hold a job? Too tired to face people who just don’t care ? My brain malfunctioned after the Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) ? 

Something happened to me this week. That is the reason I am starting to blog again. Wonder who is reading this blog. If you are, please leave a comment.

(L-R : Tata, Ejad , Me & Kak Ngah)

 I got married during the Covid-19 period. A day before lockdown 2.0 . Fuh! It was a relief actually to be married during a lockdown. 🤣 Seriously! Even though there were a few hurdles that I had to jump alone due to SOPs and all, I am glad that I had Ejad to hang out with during Lockdown 2.0

(Sitting: L-R: Mummy , Aiman , Fatihah, ‘Aisya, Luqman & Anissa - her hubby is not in the picture

Standing : L-R Kak Long , Yaya , Syafiq , Ejad & Me )

Any how, my elder sister , my niece & nephew are back from Melbourne. They couldn’t come back because of Covid-19 . So the picture above is the birthday dinner we had for ‘Aisya at Kak Long’s house. Oja, my nephew-in-law is not in the pic because he was working. 
I am off for now. Lots to write about. 

[Video] A letter from Mom and Dad.

no doubt i cried.

Last night my dad knocked on my door.

I was getting reading to snuggle in bed with a book.

As I opened the door , he looked at me sadly.

" Please spend time with mummy for awhile. Last night she had nightmares and she felt like she was dying."

I was shocked.

I quickly took my Reader's Digest December 2011 issue.

Mummy had read it.

Each time I buy the monthly magazine, I would give it to my mom.

She will be the first to read the magazine that we both share.

As I peeled open the door,
I saw her in bed with Reader's Digest January 2012 issue
which i had given her when i got back home from work earlier.

She smiled but I knew she was curious.

So there we were , on the bed reading our Reader's Digest.

The reason I brought along the December issue is because ,
 I knew I could discuss some articles with her.

And yes, we did.

An hour went by....

My younger sister knocked the door.

She just got back from work.

So the three of us were laughing and chitchatting

I could see how alive my  mummy was last night.

She misses her daughters.

I wish my elder sister was there too with us.

By 10pm , she slowly said that she had to go to sleep.

I hugged her goodnight.

My dad was watching the tv.

Well he was just changing channels.

I could see that he was lonely too.

and so I ...

OMGness!

It has been ages since my last entry

and

that is so not me.

I am so sorry for being away without telling you peeps.

I was under the weather for such a long time.

The docs at PPUM changed my meds 3 times and I went bezerk and so unstable.

Anyway, my baby sister is MARRIED!

So there is a man in her room now!!!

Hahahahahaha.

First I would like to show you what my niece Anissa baked,

She is really superb in creating beautiful cakes.

She did my cupcakes wedding tower.

But this time , it was a 3-tier- cake!

We had the reception at TTDI

and these are the Pengapit+Wedding Cake Baker

, Ketua dayang, Dayangs and Panglimas plus the Designated driver.

But then minus Farhan [ MIA ] and Alfina [ 1 month old ] and Arissa [ went back ]

Wacky bunch of teenagers and kids.

My nieces and nephews.

till then...

xoxo

 

PPUM & my parents.

This afternoon , my parents picked me up to accompay me to PPUM.


After the last visit, I don't want to be in the waiting room alone.

So, my parents accompanied me for support.





We had lunch at the cafe in PPUM.

My parents would be here at least once a month for their checkups.

And my dad's favourite dish would be the MEE REBUS!

Super sedap and cheap!

 

Oh ya! This is me. I was patient number 4. Took a short nap on my dad's lap.

Hihihihi..Daddy's girl.

But I would sleep on my mom's when I was in school.

We wou;d be  on our journey back home after my mom's office hours.

So yes, It is true when someone I know said that - the richest people on earth are those who have supportive parents.

I love you Mummy & Daddy!

~29786~

Wow! It has been a week?

My, my it has been a week since my last post.

Yup, I have been kinda busy.

1. Attended a course : Effective Event Management and Master of Ceremony.
Datin Sharifah Shawati was the presenter!

2. Met my ex colleagues from MRSM Balik Pulau.
They were attending a different course but in the same hotel!
There were 6 courses all together.
And yes , I met quite a number of ex colleagues.

3. Attended my elder sister convocation.
She recieved a Fellowship from an Australian College.
My elder sister and younger sister are super smart.
I am the happy go lucky and carefree daughter.
[ well i used to be until that tragedy ]

4. After the convocation , my family and I celebrated my dad's and my nieces birthday!
Both of them have the same birthdate [ but different year la!]

This weekend is gonna be a blast. All the April babies in my family will be at my parent's to celebrate their birthday.
7 of them ok!

One Big Happy Family.

I have 2 sisters.
Kak Long & Yaya


My elder sister has 3 children.
'Aisya, Anissa & Aiman


Such a small family?


But then I have 2 cousins from my mother's side.


Kak Endah has 4 children!
Farhan, Hadeed, Sajdah & Insyirah


and Alfi has 3 [ one more in the tummy!]
Daniel, Sophea & Taufiq


My Bff Tata has Arissa.


With that , there were 


8 children running around the house last Saturday!


We were celebrating the January Babies' Birthday.


and also it was a meeting for Yaya's Wedding.


Hubby Ali had to work. Sob Sob Sob!


but I brought along my MIL- Mak.


Farhan was at a camp.


Anyway, with 2 Bibiks and family friends ,
there were about 35 people and 1 cat [ Iesha] in the house

Taufiq and Sajdah [ the small TATA]

The three January Babies!

Aisya 20 , Inyirah 6 and Arissa 2.

My 2 sisters and I.


An Educator , A Doctor and An Accountant.


All girls.


p/s My dad is already excited with the April Babies' Birthday.


Aiman, 
Shajdah, 
My Dad, 
Anissa, 
Sophea, 
Farhan! 


Another HUGE event before Yaya's Wedding in May & June!

Tea at KD

Petang tadi singgah kejap kat KD.


Semalam Daddy merajuk sebab Siz tak ke sana.


Well , he thought that I was working yesterday.

So after work, I rushed back to KD for tea.

 There were 5 of us.


Aiman, Yaya, Daddy , Mummy and I

Sungguh tak adil.

Nephew drives a Pesona.


And me a Cute Sexy MyVi SE.

Tetiba teringat nak kena ambik Time's member's card kat Sunway Giza.


Terus dengan pantas , 'ajak' Aiman gi Sunway Giza jap.


Bawak sekalik la Yaya tuh.


Bukan selalu Aiman nak drive us anyway.


 Memanjang busy jer  budak 'kecik' nih!

Nih lah Si Ketot and Si Lonjong!

Bukan senang nak ambil gambar ngan nephew macam nih di khayalak ramai!

hahahaha..muka BLUR jer Aiman , layan kerenah aunty-aunty dia nih.

Siap kena PAU lagik!

BTW - thanks Aiman for the treat.... Bila lagi kan?

oh ya - Aiman nih result SPM pon tak dpt lagik.

Tapi dah tinggi LONJONG macam TIANG LAMPU!

Tapi kan - memang trend ker RAMBUT BANGUN TIDO tuh?

Sebab @azazarif punya rambut pon macam tuh!

A week of accusations..?

Blah Blah Blah.

A tiring week for my brain.

Seriously.

From last Sunday Night [ AJL Night ]

till last night.

I was accused of so many weird things.

By various people from various 'check-ins'

One took my status update to the opposite direction

while another

used to stamp a scarlet letter on my forhead.

Gosh!

The drama is so intense that I had chest pains and major breakdown.

Do google LEXAPRO!

I have been 'sober' for the past 6 months or so.

With the help from family, close friends and officemates.

but thanks to some..I nearly smacked my face down in mud!

That was before my MIL held me.

How weak I am!

But seriously, I am kinda fragile.

Hahahahahahaha.

[ops! i am not suppose to laugh like that - some take it as rude and memusnahkan siratulrahim]

Currently I am my elder sister's condo with her and my younger sister.

What am I doing here?

Making chocolates!!!!...

Truffles, Ganaches , Milk Chocolates, Dark Chocolates, Coconuts, Almonds...yadayadayada.

OMGness.

This afternoon I was CAJOLED and DRAGGED by my younger sister.

She and my elder sister planed to go out chocolate hunting.

MY,MY,MY

As always , I was the designated driver.

To be frank, I was so lazy and too upset to go anywhere.

But as i said.

I was CAJOLED & DRAGGED.

Went to Bake With Yen at Puchong.

Got lost! Thanks to google map!

Google map gave us the opposite direction!!!...The postcode was totally different.

Alhamdulillah I had WANROZITA map.

Hihihihihihi.

After that we went to The Box Shop.

theboxshop.blogspot.com

My sister read the address wrongly.

Another BIGBANG!

Not Puchong Perdana

but

Putra Perdana.

GREAT!

It was fuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrthhhhhhhhhhherrrrrrrrrrrr up ,

towards CyberJaya.

There are TONS & TONS of boxes.

Anyway, before we headed back to the Condo

when ordered DARABIF to go!

Lamb!!

GTG...sorting things out.

Jinggo & Copy makan KFC?

Wah! KFC!

Hep! Hep! Tak sabar-sabar anak jantan seekor nih!

Rombongan ke KFC nih lah yang menyumbang 15 ketul tulang untuk Jinggo dan Copy.

Seperti biasa, SIZ lah yang jadi designated driver!

Nih semua anak-anak my cousin.

Tok Daddy & Tok Mak nak bawak diarang jalan-jalan.

Hadeed nih tgh check burger dia.

Takut Abg dia ambik.

Hihihihi

Hah ! Nih Shajdah...dia nih potpetpotpet tau.

Nama timangan dia TATA , sama ngan bff SIZ .

So maybe sebab tuh la both of them sama jer perangai potpet!