Part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time

"And there's no worse feeling than when you wake up and feel okay for a minute and then that sick feeling washes over you and you remember it's not okay."

This is what I've been feeling lately. And it sucks. You don't ever wish to be me.

And I want you to know you're as important as they are but it seems like to you, it is not enough. So I'm gonna prove it to you that you are important to me. Because you really are. You play the biggest part in my life and you don't know that. It's tough being me you know. How much I wish you can click with them and we can hang out like friends do but you can't do that for me. But I don't wanna force you. If you're happy, be that way. When you're happy, I will be too.


Work is great. Angie & Hanice is what that keep me going. I don't wanna give up this job but I know my parents want me to. I've never found so much satisfaction in my job before, this is the first time & I never thought of leaving until Angela talked about a waste of talent blah blah. Jon also told me if I were to stay there for good, it's a waste. Like, why the fuck did I take diploma in mass comm for? I know, I know.. I'm too attached to this job and the people there.

Yknow I've wanted a group of friends that I could hang out with. Mutual friends with my girlfriend & close friends. And this job gave me a group of friends that I've never thought I'd be able to be so crazy with, have so much fun with. When I'm at work, they drop by to say hi laugh laugh laugh and bye off they go. When I'm not working, we arrange to have dinner together. Sit at Mos Burger like we own the whole place, refuse to leave until they close. With them, I saw my true self. I can be effing crazy, laugh loudly like no tomorrow, cry because my heart can take no more, say the most disgusting shit ever, wear the ugliest clothes that show my flaws & feel comfy with them looking at me, do the ugliest techno shit dance in a crowded club, eat like I've never had bak kut teh all my life and they still love me the same, just as I love them. Isn't that amazing?

Thank God for putting them in my life :) x

A subatomic blip in the temporal fabric of creation

A quick update!
I know I haven't been updating but check out my Twitter! Or follow me on Twitter (which is a much better choice, of course)!

Been spending very very little time with bee & it's making me feel so bad. I really wanna make time for her but :( sigh.. I hope work is not what that caused the distance between us. Can't wait to spend more time with you after school resumes. I love you baby :)


Work has been really good though very very tiring. Weekly I get $xxx, & monthly I'd probably get $xxxx!!! When it's pay day, we all look forward to it. But definitely, some of the money would go right back to Cy 'cos we work/shop at the same place hahahaha. Last week I got myself a wallet (finally paid for it) & bee came over, she bought a shirt! Hooray~ Supper nights with Cy, Hanice, Angela, Laura, Wen, Bff & myself. Nights where we work 'til dawn for the grand opening. Cleaning up the new office. Pick up new stocks, stock take, pack stocks 'til late. Shanelle & her club fights. Laura & her purchases hahahaha. Angela & her dirty thoughts. The one particular someone we all know we dislike the most. The new photo wall that would be up in the office/shops soon (!!!!) damn excited we can put up our beautiful faces heh heh!

Work has never brought this much amount of laughter, smiles & fatigue in my entire life. Oh, & not forgetting stress!! I treat this shop like my own, just so that I do my best & aim for the highest.


Here comes the rant.

Potluck picnic for my advance birthday celebration - which will be happening tomorrow - is a complete disappointment. The whole point of asking people to RSVP by Friday is just so that we have time to prepare enough drinks for everyone. Seems like everyone missed the point. They only start replying on late Friday or Saturday. Never mind that. Guess what? My closest friends are the ones not coming & the ones who didn't replied. (Y) Ftw "friends". I'm 75% sure it is because of your boyfriend, no? Prove me wrong. And no, I'm not pointing fingers at anyone at all. If you think it is you, so be it.

I'm so mad at myself. I should be the one organizing it instead of leaving it to you both. I should've known this plan wouldn't work out. I should've known no one will be attending at all. Why the fuck did I even thought of planning anything? I should've just spend a nice day out with bee to "celebrate". Fuck this, seriously. Like what bee said, if those who made an effort to come, good for the two of us; those who made an effort to apologise & explain why & would make it up (if it happens that is), good for me; those who did not, an eye for an eye.

I shouldn't get so affected, should I? Yeh totally.


This is one of my current earworms :)


Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me

I'd like to see our roles reversed to watch you hang on every word

First day of work. Saw Claudine, Rachael Gan, Lye Yee & Roaringqueen. Rosental came by, to have dinner with me (thanks sweetie!). Sales was fucking good. I'm so happy just thinking of it right now. Shanelle's very cute. First day of work together & I love her already! Super friendly & extremely random :) Met one half of TE & also DS. I met so many new people today!

Cy was busy, couldn't send me home. So he drove me to Bukit Timah & I took a cab back. Cabbie was very talkative. I was too tired to say anything!! Got home at around 12am with very tired legs... My maid asked whyyyyyyyyy work starts on 31st & on a Friday??????


Interesting fact: I managed to survive standing for 10 hours. Way to go, way to go!

sleep for missy now, nights x