Monday Morning Macking

In the grand tradition of Friday Night Fights and Thursday Night Thinking, the Roar of Comics is proud to present:

MONDAY MORNING MACKING
We know you know how to lay out a beating. We know you know how to lay out a scheme. But how are you at laying out... the charm?

Do you come across too weak?



Do you come on too strong?



Superheroes can help! For over seventy years, men and women in tights have been teaching young Americans the ancient art of seduction,* and I'm looking to YOU, my readers, to post the best panels of your heroes getting the girl, getting the guy, getting jiggy, and most importantly, getting. It. ON.

And just to prove that there is hope for everyone, let's say you are, I don't know, a hideous rock monster who was once a man.

Are you doomed to be forever shunned by gentle companionship due to your deformed nature?

NO!

Even you, Ben Grimm, you ugly Thing you, can get.

It.

ON.

If this couch is a rockin', don't come a'knockin'!

So come one, come all! Don't Playa' Hate!

PARTICIPATE!

---

Filby shows how a real pimp takes control and makes LOVE, not war!

Johnny Zito remembers that if you can't be with the one you want, there are other fish in the sea!

The Fortress Keeper doubles your pleasure, doubles your fun and reminds you they call him MISTER Fantastic!

---

*What do you mean, "That's not what Seduction of the Innocent is about"?

Blue Superman

I could not, would not, in JLA.




I will not, will not, with the Ray.




I will not read him in a plane.




I will not read him with Bruce Wayne.




Not with giants!




Not very small!




Not as a chick!




No not at all!



I do not like him fighting Lex.




I do not like him, nor his specs.




I will not read him in the sky.




I do not like him with... this guy.




I do not like him red and blue.




I do not like him. WHY WOULD YOU?!



I do not like Blue Superman!




I do not like him, Sam-I-am.

(with a hat tip to Shane Bailey and apologies to Dr. Seuss)

50 Things

I've been complaining, lately, so I guess it's time for me to do the whole 50 things I love about superhero comics:

1. The Fantastic (four and otherwise)

2. Specifically, fantastic solutions to ordinary problems, ordinary solutions to fantastic problems

3. Such as Clark Kent beating a super man by doing research and giving a speech

4. Or Ralph dusting Dr. Fate's helmet for prints

5. Team-Ups

6. Random-ass, these nine characters exist in the same universe, let alone the same story?, team-ups

7. Truly evil bad guys

8. Truly evil bad guys, having their asses handed to them

9. Good guys forced to team up with truly evil bad guys to accomplish a larger good

10. Bad guys displaying hidden decency when given half a chance

11. Bad guys displaying their utter depravity, despite being given a chance

12. Spectacle

13. Being given a vision of a world beyond my own

14. Being told that other world is actually a lot closer than one would think

15. Time travel stories

16. Headache inducing time travel stories where cause and effect have completely lost their direction

17. That superheroes can be a metaphor for anything

18. But that they are mostly used to examine the role of authority in a lawful society

19. That Darkseid is the embodiment of Ultimate Order and Mr. Miracle is Ultimate Chaos

20. AND that Batman is Ultimate Order and the Joker is Ultimate Chaos

21. That DC can publish Frank Miller's Batman, Grant Morrison's Batman, Paul Dini's Batman, Paul Pope's Batman, Geoff Johns's Batman, Brad Meltzer's Batman, Matt Wagner's Batman... so on and so forth... and they are all still BATMAN

22. That a caterpillar is a credible Big Bad for two major series

23. That a psychic talking gorilla is a credible threat

24. That there is an entire city of talking gorillas, and some of them are also psychic

25. That superheroes occasionally meet their writers

26. That superheroes occasionally kick their asses

27. Mr. Mxyzptlk (and how to beat him)

28. That most superpowers, even the "scientific" ones, work on a mythic level

29. Like Superman being powered by yellow sun light, and other light or even red sun light doesn't work. Why? Because that's how the spell works

30. That Clark Kent would rather be a reporter than rule the world

31. That somehow he's only the second best reporter for the Daily Planet

32. That he married his greatest rival and best friend

33. Witty Banter

34. Witty banter used to distract and annoy opponents into making a mistake

35. Witty banter used to hide insecurities and cover fears

36. Witty banter used to express the simple idea that "Holy Crap, this is just BIZARRE!"

38. Bizarro, the bigger and dumber the better (which just makes it scarier and more tragic, people)

39. Bizarro Comics

40. That eight year olds can still be superheroes

41. That eighty year olds can still be superheroes

42. That, occasionally, Superman just enjoys flying

43. That Superman's greatest strength is that he believes there is good in everyone

44. That he's not necessarily wrong

45. That no matter WHAT a particular superhero's power or skill is, a superhero uses it to make the world a better place

46. That superheroes don't agree on what makes the world a better place

47. That they team up to save the world anyway

48. That every fan has a different idea of what Superman is like

49. That every fan is right

50. That, every now and then, Superman winks at the reader, letting us know he knows we're reading, that this is just a story, and that we're all in it...

...Together.

New Moon

In honor of the anniversary of the birth of Lisa Fortuner, I present the first appearance of Kyle Rayner's butt:



And again, in close up:



Happy birthday, foul one! Keep on keeping on!

7 Down

(Oh, wow, this is NOT FUNNY unless you go here. And even then...)

Close, but no Cigar

(via Brandon)

They Didn't Say WHAT Year.

(via Sleestak and Kevin)

I Swear I'll Stop Meming Soon

(and this one's for Brandon)

Queer Eye Has Gone Too Far!

(For Ragnell)

Validus Reviews Civil War

(image courtesy of Kevin)

Mission: Bullpossible

"He's got...lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye."

or

Seen here carefully constructing his war machine

or

"And don't wear red!"

or

I bet Giraffo's behind this, somehow.

(thanks, Brandon, for meme and image)

Roar, Roar

Three day weekend, no posts. That's kind of how it works.

Back now, will explain how last Thursday's post was an unusual departure for me, but first...

a MEME!

Courtesy of your favorite little stuffed blogger and mine, Bully, comes something actually useful. I declared Action Comics my HANDS DOWN pick for last week, and 52 my pick for the week before. NOW, I have something to honor them with!



From now on, the best comic of the week (that I bought and read) will be given this SEAL OF APPROVAL, my promise to you that this is a book that will entertain and amaze you, touch you and teach you, but mostly be three bucks well spend, money back guaranteed!* Look for this seal wherever fine comics are reviewed!

Oh, and make with the clicky on the picture to make a seal of your own.


*Offer not valid outside the continental United States, in Nevada and New Jersey, inside city limits, states that prohibit gambling, or on days of the week ending in the letter "y". Terms and conditions apply. See stores for details.

Tag

I have arrived. I've been tagged by my first meme by Ragnell (and placed in some pretty good company to boot). This is going to be a pretty boring and obvious list, but then I thought honesty was better than an attempt at impressing all y'all.

1. One book that changed your life
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald (my favorite book, and I could probably answer a lot of the following questions with the same answer, but I'll hold off for now).

2. One book you have read more than once
The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster

3. One book you would want on a desert island
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

4. One book that made you laugh
Moving Pictures by Terry Pratchett (it's a long way to go for it, but it ends with a 40 foot tall woman climbing up a tower clutching a helpless ape.)

5. One book that made you cry
I don't cry when reading, because I tend not to react viscerally to art.

Oh man, you're going to make me say it, aren't you?

Charlotte's Web by E. B. White

I cried, okay? You read about all those little spiders flying away and see if you still have a dry eye.

Bastards

6. One book you wish had been written
1,001 Brilliant Story Ideas Which No One Else Has Ever Thought Of by GOD (and I would have the only copy)

7. One book you wish had never been written
The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown (literary crack cocaine)

8. One book you are currently reading
In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

9. One book you have been meaning to read
1776 by David McCullough, though I'll probably end up reading Fragile Things by Neil Gaiman first.

10. Now tag five people!
Crap. Okay, Brandon, Bully, Kaitlin, Steve, Steve, and Aaron, if you had a blog, I'd be tagging you as well.