Never a closure
What frustrates me is that I will probably never be able to get a proper closure. It's not like quitting a job where you don't really care whatever you hand over because when you leave, it's closure. It's not like a teacher in a school that when students graduate or change classes, you are not responsible for part of their lives anymore.
Somehow, I still feel I'm still responsible for something.
I realised a lot of things especially after I left. I understood why a lot of resentments surfaced. I understood why I was so heavily burdened, tired and totally negative. I saw myself dying. For the first time after so many years, I felt real joy back into my life. It saddens me to say this yet at the same time I'm happy for the state I am in now. I still complain now because I don't understand why things are like that; what on earth actually happened? I don't blame anyone; I'm just very saddened things are like that. But when God allows it to happen, He must do it for a reason...
Maybe my mind is just too free to think about anything else. I need to be more focused at work and probably entertain my idle mind with some reading, hopefully soon. Exiling myself has worked so far. It has been a good 4 months and I don't regret the decision I made. It's hard; it's really hard and some days I do find myself struggling to not want to know about the happenings.
Need to be more focused in what I want to do. These days I just feel like a floating kite.
shouzhen lived 22:07
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