Abnormal
It makes a lot of difference whether you're in ministry or not and it's not just a matter of having less people to text to.
I never knew I spent so much time on ministry till now I find I have ample time to do anything I want. In some ways, I'm glad because I now have time to rest when previously I was always on the go. The downside really is that I have too much time and energy that I don't know where to put into. I'm so used to being in ministry for the past 6 years of my life that I've forgotten how to take things easy and relax. I miss the fellowship more than the authority.
To be honest, I wouldn't be able to totally excommunicate myself from Bethel although I would love to and just forget about the part of my life there.
Through all these, I actually found joy, joy that I can't hide and am not able to bring myself to hate anyone. I miss my members most and I really meant it when I said I felt like a part of me was missing.
If only I could erase a portion of my life and not remember it anymore. If only things were that simple and wouldn't turn into shadows to haunt me in the future. If only I was able to look beyond the past and see the future.
I'm excited. I really am. But there's something lingering that keeps me from going forward, something that keeps dragging me back to being judgmental and critical. I never saw myself being as happy as I am now despite the situations at work. If only I could bring the joy to the people there and for good things to happen.
shouzhen lived 21:53
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