A cast member is walking out..

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh..

Something unexpected happened today. Somebody decided to pull out from and agreement that we have. Its a social agreement nonetheless. I should not be so offended, but somehow I am. Guess you can't control your heart eh? 

I seriously didn't see it coming. So this is how getting rejected feels. It sucks. I have no choice but to move on. I should be thankful that this person agrees to enter the agreement in the first place. So now I need to find a new person to replace that void. Its OK, have faith that there is other people that is willing to help me with it. Allah is with me. Have faith!  

Till next time, wassalam. 

p/s: 29th Syawal, my last day of puasa 6! yeay! alhamdulillah... :)

Single and Married : Not a Competition

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

I am now onsite. In Bonny Terminal to be exact. I came in yesterday and primary scope is to conduct a training. My colleague is here as well. She is here to attend familiarization session (induction sort of) for a week. She has not conducted the training that I am doing, and we were taking this opportunity for me to do some coaching for her and for her to pick up and do the rest of the training for all other facilities next year.

I shared with her that I traveled 1 week ++ to the Swamp locations in December last year, just to carry out this training. She was so gung-ho to do the same. The reason I did not include her in my plan, is she has a toddler, a 1-year old boy, and I know that it's going to limit her movement. She was adamant that she can do it for this year.

Today, she has to go back home, she was supposed to be here till Friday. Her son is sick, and I don't blame her. I know what a mother can and cannot do. And never once I expected her to do what I did, and I am no better than her for being able to travel 1-week straight. That's not the point. She was so adamant initially because I think she does not want to loose to me. I have that reputation now, when it comes to flexibility to travel on site, you ask me to jump, I'll ask back how high. Simply because I don't have commitment here. My families are all back home. If I have a small child, I would not be doing as much travel as I am doing now. Trust me, I won't do that. Even if I have a husband with no kids, I would still go easy on the travelling bit as my priority has shifted.

This is not a competition, if it is a married me, I would not want to compete with a single me as well. Its not a competition. There is so many other ways to perform at work, and for the time being, I do what I do best, which is willingness to travel to all these locations. When I am married (which I don't know when) things may change. Oh how much I hope I can get married soon. Doakanlah..

Till next time, wassalam...

Dah Terlanjur...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh....

These past few days, I've been seeing desperate individuals reaching out to collect some cash. These are the people running few orphanage in KL area. I have no qualms in giving, but the questions is until when? We have a cyclic problem in our society. Come Ramadhan, people showered all these orphanage with all kinds of stuffs, and they are left forgotten for the rest of the year.

And the people in these orphanage, they meant well, but they don't have the survival sense sometimes. Many NGOs in Malaysia are banking on people's donation, which is definitely not sustainable by any means. And when it comes to times like this, they will be having overdue payments for many things, house rent, petrol, etc... One lady was on the verge of being evicted because of these over due.

I came from a poor family, but no matter how little money that we had, Mak made sure that we will have no overdue on rent, and other utilities. We would go on for some days without proper food. I still remember one day, I wandered around the back road towards Flat Sri Sabah, hoping to find any tapioca, or any plant that I can take home and cook. We were that poor, but I always remembered Mak paying the bills on time, no late payment whatsoever.

I've had this dream of building a self sustainable orphanage. And my ex-boss always say, if you want to do a charity, pick a high CEP charity. CEP stands for Current Estimated Potential, to cut the story short, get into a charity that is sustainable. As the saying goes, "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.". Right now I have so many ideas for these houses. The kids are all physically well, surely there must be something that they can do.

How I wish I am in Malaysia right now. No doubt, here I earned big bucks, and I do give some to them, tapi sampai bila? I will not earn like this forever. Once I am no longer an expat, I will have limited resources to share with them. Therefore I am thinking of kicking off a self sustained project with these people. But the problem is, I need to be physically there to at least pull something together.

Sometimes, I just want to pack and leave, there is not much that I can do here, apart from transferring money, which to me is only temporary help. I am in too deep with my commitments to just walk away now, from my work. Countless times that I have thought of leaving and set up my own business, be independent, countless times!. I love my job, don't get me wrong, it pays good money, I have no complaint. But in the end, is it all money that I want? Surely there is more to that.

I am now slowly settling my debt. By the time I am done with my 4 years assignment here, hopefully all the home loans are settled, and maybe if I am careful enough, I might save some capital to start my own business. I hope I have the strength to venture into the independent world outside. InsyaAllah.

Till next time, wassalam...

Take Care Will Ya?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

Last night was a bad night. I had dinner at ~6pm and everything was fine. While trying to finish the latest book that I bought, I kind of dozed off. Suddenly around 10pm, there was a surge of chills, the hair on my arms risen. I don't feel good. Within minutes, my stomach was growling, it feels like there's turbulent happening there.

Last time I had the same symptom was quite a few years back, I knew then there were too much gas and seriously it was not comfortable at all. I lied down for quite sometime, I did nothing, in hope that it will just eased up. But boy was I wrong. It got worse, now its going up to the head. I dragged myself to the kitchen. I had the maid cut off all the ginger a week back (a delayed attempt to make ginger candy). Took out some and boiled it.

I drank half glass of it, and instantly I knew what was coming. The whole dinner just eased themselves out to the toilet sink. It was disgusting, I was like in some kind of horror movie. I had probably a good 5 minutes of gagging at the toilet sink. I suspected not all came out. When things are better, I finished the ginger water, and tried to get some sleep. I tried to fill up my stomach, but to no avail. I was tossing and turning, halfheartedly hoping the remaining would come out so that I can get a good night sleep. It was excruciating. Well, I maybe exaggerating, but seriously even menstrual pain could not give me that kind of discomfort.

Tracing back, I think its the canned sardine that I ate that has caused me the whole episode. I can't remember when I cooked it. Living alone here, I have picked up a habit of storing the leftover in freezer, same case for the canned sardine. Its just that this time, I think I moved it to the fridge when I was going to London. We always have occasional power trip and my house are the few that always get impacted. It may be the case the power was lost and whatever inside the fridge started to go bad. The freezer, I am not so worried, that is because the remaining ice could still provide temporary chilling and only if we totally lost the power for 2, maybe 3 straight days, then only I have to start throwing everything away.

I have not told a single soul about this, wanted so much to tell somebody, but somehow the words just doesn't come out. I have became a very private person. I hate it that I don't have 'tempat mengadu.' I am not comfortable with anybody yet to a point I can call them in the middle of the night in case I have some problem. Or the person will be first to know these kind of things that happened to me. Darn, its so hard to build a relationship at this age, or maybe its just me? Whatever it is, for now I have to endure this on my own. I could not tell my mom, she'll freaked out, definitely, and that is not good. I only have Allah as 'tempat mengadu' and probably this blog..hahaha..

Hadith of the day:
Abu Hurairah also reports that Allah's Messenger, peace be upon him, said: "For every misfortune, illness, anxiety, grief, or hurt that afflicts a Muslim -even the hurt caused by the pricking of a thorn - Allah removes some of his sins." Ibn Mas'ud said: "I visited the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, while he had a fever. I exclaimed: 'O Messenger of Allah! You have a high fever! ' He said: 'My fever is as much as two among you [might have]. ' I asked: 'Is it because you have a double reward?' He replied: 'Yes, that is right. No Muslim is afflicted with any hurt, even if it is no more than the pricking of a thorn, but Allah wipes off his sins because of it and his sins fall away from him as leaves fall from a tree'."
Fiqh-us-Sunnah, Volume 4: Sickness, Expiation of Sins

Hopefully last night's episode did expiates my more than Mount Everest sins. InsyaAllah.

Till next time, wassalam. 

The worst place to work

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I came from a  company called Shell Refining Company in Port Dickson, we are in the downstream business. For the past 5 years, downstream business were under scrutiny due to depleting resources and many other constraints. The company tried to promote the motto "A good place to work" in order to keep the morale high. Though we may not enjoy the benefit as much as the people in Upstream, we enjoy the company nonetheless. Bonus were not that high, cost being slashed, forget about the additional benefits that the Upstream colleague enjoyed, we never get to experience that. Travel is restricted, and most of the trainings are in house. But because of the people, we enjoyed our work, we cherished the camaraderie, we helped each other, and somehow despite the lack of resources, we can always count on each other. We went through the thick and thin of the industry when the crude price record an all time high and we were being penalized for the slightest glitch possible.

Now, I am here, an Upstream company, you can say that I am enjoying all the monetary benefits, but honestly if I can come up with a motto, this particular company, SPDC, based on the people's attitude, can be called "The Worst Place to Work". Its a big organization, and as a friend said, these kind of set up leads to inefficiency, very true. One project involved soooo many people, but still the work was far from perfect. Common issue that I found here:

1. Meetings NEVER start on time. (Well maybe once for the past 8 months that I am here)
2. People have commitment to stay put in a session until the end. A workshop, may start at 8am, they will come at 9am and by 11am they will be going out again, saying they have something else to attend, and that is the last of seeing them, and yet, they claimed that they are involved in the project.
3. They have serious commitment issue, no MOM with action party has ever been circulated. Nobody takes responsibility, but many would claim they have done this and that. To me that is b*llsh*t.
4. They also have compliance issue, few times we get request to do work that is meant to retrofit a certain design that does not meet the standard, helloo.....there is design basis in DEP, use it, you did not even use DEP , now you are asking us to do all sorts of things to cover your ass. There is specific project guideline, with proper Technical Assurance sign off to make sure all are in compliance, but how come it gets to this stage? What is this Technical Assurance doing? His signature is all over, the documents, which clearly does not meet the standards. WTH??
5. The people will only commit to meetings if it is being held in hotels, then you'll get people that was not involved in the work, attending it full time. WOWW!!
6. Every meeting that dragged on to lunch time, no lunch would be provided. I was told each employee were given pocket money for lunch, and yet the complaint about the meeting that does not serve lunch, once the topic is opened, they can drag on discussing (complaining) about it for a good 30 minutes.

Seriously, if its not about the money, I don't think anybody (non-Nigerian) would stand working here. I am here for the experience, in terms of work scope, I am learning a lot. But I think I learn more of how to control my anger here. SERIOUSLY.

Life in the RA on the other hand, is a bliss. So that is the main trade off. 

Guess this update comes much earlier than anticipated....huhuhu...next one will definitely be about garden, till then, Wassalam. :)

An Epic Journey Sharing - translated to Malay part 4

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahiwabarakatuh...

Blogging bukanlah trend zaman sekarang, I myself rarely looks at blog nowadays, which is a lost, sebab banyak je ilmu yang berguna masih lagi di kongsi di dalam blog-blog yang ada (okay fine..saya lagi banyak follow YouTube sekarang..but I think worth to put the ceramah into writing..another pet project perhaps..hahahaha...) Ok, back to the main topic, dalam siri yang lepas, kita telah bincang serba sedikit sampai ayat 40 Surah Yusuf. Saya dah janji nak habiskan juga perkongsian dalam BM ni. Yang dalam English kena tunggu masa sikit, sebab folder tu ada dalam kontena kapal..tengah belayar kat laut mana entah sekarang...hehehehe......

Setelah itu Yusuf AS pon menafsirkan mimpi kedua-dua lelaki itu. Dia berpesan kepada salah seorang yang dijangkakan akan bebas dari penjara untuk mengkhabarkan perihal dirinya tentang tuan kepada lelaki itu.
Maka dijadikan oleh syaitan bahawa lelaki itu yang kembali kepada tuannya dan lupa akan pesan Yusuf AS, dan dari sebab itu Nabi Yusuf terus berada di penjara untuk beberapa tahun lamanya.

Selang beberapa waktu, raja Mesir telah mendapat sebuah mimpi seperti di dalam ayat 43:

"Sesungguhnya aku mimpi melihat: tujuh ekor lembu yang gemuk dimakan oleh tujuh ekor lembu yang kurus, dan aku melihat tujuh tangkai (biji-bijian) yang hijau dan tujuh tangkai lagi yang kering. Wahai ketua-ketua kaum (yang hadir, terangkanlah kepadaku tentang mimpiku ini, kalau kamu orang yang pandai menafsirkan mimpi".

Dia bertanyakan kepada pembesar-pembesar baginda tetapi jawapan yang diperolehi menurut mereka itu hanyalah mimpi-mimpi kosong.

Dan terdengarlah hal ini kepada salah seorang lelaki yang sama-sama berada di dalam penjara bersama-sama dengan Nabi Yusuf AS. Katanya : "Aku akan memberi tahu kepada kamu tafsirannya. Oleh itu hantarkanlah daku pergi (kepada orang yang mengetahui tafsirannya) ".

Maka lelaki itu pergi berjumpa dengan Nabi Yusuf yang masih di penjara dan menanyakan perihal tafsiran mimpi raja itu. Seperti maksud dalam ayat 45 - 49.

45:Dan (pada saat itu) berkatalah orang yang terselamat di antara mereka yang berdua itu, dan yang baharu mengingati (akan pesanan Yusuf) sesudah berlalu suatu masa yang lanjut: "Aku akan memberi tahu kepada kamu tafsirannya. Oleh itu hantarkanlah daku pergi (kepada orang yang mengetahui tafsirannya) ".

46: (Setelah ia berjumpa dengan Yusuf, berkatalah ia): "Yusuf, Wahai orang yang benar (pada segala-galanya)! tafsirkanlah kepada kami (seorang bermimpi melihat): tujuh ekor lembu yang gemuk dimakan oleh tujuh ekor lembu yang kurus; dan tujuh tangkai (biji-bijian) yang hijau serta tujuh tangkai lagi yang kering; (tafsirkanlah) supaya aku kembali kepada orang-orang yang mengutusku itu, semoga mereka dapat mengetahui tafsirannya".

47: Yusuf menjawab: "Hendaklah kamu menanam bersungguh-sungguh tujuh tahun berturut-turut, kemudian apa yang kamu ketam biarkanlah dia pada tangkai-tangkainya; kecuali sedikit dari bahagian yang kamu jadikan untuk makan.

48: Kemudian akan datang selepas tempoh itu, tujuh tahun kemaraun yang besar, yang akan menghabiskan makanan yang kamu sediakan baginya; kecuali sedikit dari apa yang kamu simpan (untuk dijadikan benih).

49: "Kemudian akan datang pula sesudah itu tahun yang padanya orang ramai beroleh rahmat hujan, dan padanya mereka dapat memerah (hasil anggur, zaitun dan sebagainya)".

Nabi Yusuf terus memberikan penafsirannya kepada mimpi itu. Ada beberapa pengajaran penting dari ayat-ayat ini.

1. Lelaki yang bebas dari penjara itu tidak berdalih dengan menyorokkan siapa yang pandai menafsir mimpi, dia berterus terang menyatakan dia akan pergi ke orang yang tahu, dia tak take credit for somebody else’s work. Kalau nak ikut dia boleh je buat macam tu.
2. Nabi Yusuf disapa dengan sopan, ini adab orang yang mencari ilmu pengetahuan, menunjukkan rasa hormat, rendah diri terhadap orang yang lebih tinggi ilmunya dari kita.
3. Sains menafsir mimpi adalah sesuatu yang sangat tepat, setiap situasi dan peristiwa memainkan peranan dalam mimpi yang ditafsirkan.
4. Kebolehan menafsir mimpi adalah mukjizat Nabi Yusuf sebagaimana mukjizat Nabi Isa berkebolehan menyembuhkan penyakit dan Nabi Musa yang berhasil menukarkan tongkatnya menjadi ular dan yang paling penting Nabi junjungan kita nabi Muhammad SAW, apa agaknya mukjizat Nabi Muhammad SAW? (al-Quran)
5. Ayat 47 mengajar kita supaya bergantung kepada keupayaan diri sendiri terlebih dahulu, barulah meminta pertolongan orang lain.
6. Ayat ini juga mengajarkan kita orang bijak pandai dan golongan penasihat seharusnya berusaha memberi penyelesaian untuk masalah yang mereka kesan (bukan tahu raise concern saja). Saya petik kata-kata Robin Sharma dalam kata-kata aluan bukunya yang bertajuk The Leader Who Had No Title : Vicitims recites problems, leaders presents solution, jadi kita yang mana satu?
7. Dalam ayat ini juga Yusuf AS mempamerkan akhlak yang sangat mulia iaitu tidak menyembunyikan ilmu, walaupon yang bertanya itu orang yang pernah menganiaya kita dahulu. Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda yang bermaksud: Sesiapa yang ditanya tentang ilmu (terutama ilmu agama) lalu dia menyembunyikannya akan diikat mulutnya (meletakkan kekang di mulutnya seperti kuda) dengan kekang dari api neraka pada hari kiamat. (Riwayat Abu Daud dan at-Tirmidzi)
8. Keseluruhan ayat ini menegaskan untuk setiap satu jangka waktu yang susah, akan ada 2 jangka waktu Allah bagi kesenangan pada kita (seperti ayat 5-6, Surah As –Sharh ) 7 tahun yang ada hujan, makan dan berjimat sebagai persediaan untuk 7 tahun kemarau dan sesudah itu akan datang waktu hujan akan turun kembali dan boleh bercucuk tanam. Pengajaran, waktu rezeki melimpah ruah, beringat-ingatlah untuk menyimpan, sebab langit tak selamanya cerah...chheewwaahhh..!! hahaha.. (gelak sendiri la kan, takda sapa nak gelak ngan kita)

Sehingga bertemu di lain kali, insyaAllah :) Wassalam....