Oh, the many ways in which the media shapes my life...

Much in the way that watching Gravity last Saturday solidified that I never (EVER) want to go into space, last night's Blacklist has just made me realize that I never (EVER) want to get on a Subway again.

The End.

I. Am. Challenged.

Those of you who've frequenting my little corner of crazy for a while were probably aware of this...

But seriously. ... Chall-enged.

Especially when it comes to technology.

Kip, I am not. (And I'm not just saying that because I have yet to meet my eternal flame in a chat room.)



I do not love techology. Technology and I are friends OFF.


Remember how I said I was going to enable comment functionality, because my beloved Dr. H wanted to know if he was going to be able make comments on my blog?

Yeah, well...

I. Am. Challenged.

I flipped the switch on Friday. Or so I thought. ... And nothing happened.

I thought maybe it was because I had an older blogger template, so this afternoon, I updated my template. (Did you notice those new sidebars? That's right, "She likes red!")

Again, I checked the settings. Comments are set up as a go. ... And yet, the option isn't showing up inside the posts.

I have no idea what could be wrong.

My sister-in-law is thinking that maybe once I do another post, the option will show up. Like, maybe, since I didn't reactivate the comment functionality until AFTER I did the post on Friday, it won't show up until there's a new post for people to comment on.

*Fingers crossed.*

Because if that's not it... I don't know how I'm gonna be able to give you all a voice again.

I. Am. An. Idiot.

I truly am.

Remember my food rules?

Yeah, so do I.

Which means, I cannot buy my beloved Reese's PB Hearts.

It's killing me a little bit.

My only consolation is that I am allowed to buy candy again in March, and Easter candy is my favorite. (Hello, Cadbury mini-eggs. How you doin'?)

The Reese's hearts are mocking me everywhere I go, but I'm taking consolation in knowing that on March 1st, I will be purchasing a package of Reese's eggs. Maybe on my way to work in the morning.

Listen, peanut butter has protein in it. And protein is good for you. Esp in the AM.

Yeah... self-control. That's not really something I do. I can follow rules, but as soon as I give myself a little leeway, I'm in trouble. (You know that "You give her an inch, she'll take a yard" adage? It was written about me. And my love of candy.)

The End.

The Potato Chip Rule of 2011

Sometimes too much of a good things becomes ... well ... a bad thing.

You know, like when I love jalapeno kettle chips so much that I feel compelled to eat the whole bag. In one sitting. Even though my mouth is on fire and my nose is running. ... That's a bad thing.



I knew it was a bad thing. And yet, it kept happening. Over and over (and over ... and, uh ... over) again. (Look, they were on sale to buy a bag and get a bag free. It's not my fault that I was overloaded on bags of kettle chips. Oh, wait. It is kind of my fault that I was overloaded on bags of kettle chips. ... Whatever.)

Anyway, I made myself sick and my tongue was numb for a couple days.

So I had to ban myself from buying chips until 2012.

It's a true story. There's a ban on me buying any kind of potato chips until 2012*, at which point, if I've proven (to myself) that I can control the chips-to-Laurie ratio over here, I will be allowed to buy chips again.

*Gas Station Exclusion to the Potato Chip Rule of 2011: If I am at a gas station (to buy gas), I am allowed to buy one small-ish, snack size bag of chips.

(I had to add the "to buy gas" part, because a day after I made this rule, I was seriously thinking about driving to the gas station just to buy chips. I had to have a firm talk with myself about the reason we have rules and that eating chips isn't good for me, so I can't just have them any time I want them. Basically, I'm like a 7 yr old boy when it comes to food.)

**Birthday Clause to the Potato Chip Rule of 2011: If anyone else were to buy chips for me and present them as a birthday gift, I'd be allowed to accept them (and eat them).

***Which, naturally, opens the Holiday Clause: If anyone were to buy me chips for Veteran's Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas and/or any other holiday between now and New Year's, I'd be able to eat them (and I'd be deeply beholden to any potato chip benefactor who wanted to contribute to my sad, sad cause).

I'm just saying that I'm not allowed to buy chips until 2012, but if someone (anyone or, really, everyone) else wanted to buy them for me, there are clauses built into the rule that would allow such a thing. (Also, my birthday is a week from today. Hint, hint.)

I'm a Mormon

I've been asked if I'm going to create one of those "I'm a Mormon" profiles for mormon.org. And, you know, I'm totally cool with that. Because, hi, I am a Mormon. Also, I have no qualms about putting that -- or other personal intel about myself -- online. (Obviously.) My only issue? I can't think of a good line to lead in with. All the commercials are like, "I'm a rocket scientist, an off-road enthusiast, a part-time archaeologist. And I'm a Mormon" or "I'm a race car driver, competed in a bake-off on nationally syndicated television, live to serve others. And I'm a Mormon." ... I have no such claims to fame. (Oh, except the "And I'm a Mormon" thing, as previously discussed.)

I've been trying to think of a little catchphrase. In my head, once I have the beginning, I'll be able to steamroll through this profile writing business. Here are a few ideas that I've come up with.

I am:

a TV addict
a lover of fudgecicles
a stubborn woman
an accomplished maker of sugar cookies
an avid reader
a cancer survivor
a freakishly independent little thing
a girl who does not like to vacuum
an unpublished author (so what if I haven't actually written a book yet?)
a Disneyland annual pass holder
an amateur cake decorator
a big fan of lazy days
a high school graduate
a people watcher extraordinaire
an old school movie buff
a cat person (notice I said "cat person" and not "cat lady")
a professional dater (but does that make me sound like a prostitute?)
a story teller
a super fun aunt
a collector of shoes (specializing in black heels)
a lover of big band music
a grammar nazi
a sap

My friend Jo's suggestion was "My name is Laurie. I grew up in Taylor, I swear like a sailor and I'm a Mormon." ... I'll give that there's a nice Taylor/sailor rhyme there, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not gonna go with that. (Methinks that Judy would not be amused.)

So, what do you think? I'm open to any and all suggestions. What am I? How would you define me? ... How should I spin this Mormon thing, do you think? HELP!

I'm sending this out into the universe...

Has anyone seen my copy of North & South? I'm pretty sure I loaned it to a friend (because we all know I'm all in favor of sharing the cinematic wealth when I find something as fabulous as Mr. Thornton), but for the life of me, I can't think of where it might be (or, rather, whose house it might be in).

So... if any of you faithful blog stalkers o' mine have my dvd, please know there will be no negative impact on our friendship status if you have this on your movie shelf. (If you're like me, you probably put it in a safe place and then forgot you had it. I've done that - oh, I don't even know how many times.) I only ask, plead and/or beg of you to return it. And soon. (Feel free to leave it on my porch if you don't want me to know who you are. I don't care if it's returned anonymously. I just want it back, safe and sound.)

I need a little Mr. Thornton in my life. Badly.


Can you blame me?

You know that person who's IMPOSSIBLE to buy for?

Yeah, usually my hardest person to buy for is my friend Jo. Well, Jo or... my brother Brett. The reasons being that Jo has everything she could possibly need/want and Brett... well, how many pairs of extra long & thick socks and/or a basketball can one 26 yr old brother need/want?

But this year? Yeah, this year I have a new IMPOSSIBLE person to shop for. Seriously, this HAS to be a joke. (Except that I know this girl, and I'm pretty sure she wasn't kidding when she filled her "wish list" out.) We're doing a Secret Santa exchange at work (yeah, I know... I didn't start until Dec 1st, and found out on my 5th day that we were doing SS with a $20 cap). Since not everyone knows each other equally, they passed out a "wish list" form that you could put your name and 3 gift ideas on. (You KNOW mine had Dark Knight at the top of the list.) I got the fruity nature lover/yoga girl. And this is her list:

1) Organic
2) Eco-Friendly
3) Sustainable

Uhm... WTF?! So, I guess I'm gonna have to actually buy her something. Clearly, one of my back-up stash of Gold Canyon candles won't work for her. Neither will any of the back stash Bath & Bodyworks lotions & potions. Everything I keep on hand to give the person that I wasn't expecting to have to shop for won't due. (I mean, the reason those gifts are great is that they're so chock full of chemicals and preservatives that they'll keep FOREVER.)

Organic, eco-friendly & sustainable, huh? Maybe I could get her a fruit basket? Some bottled water in a biodegradable container? I'm fresh out of ideas. Help me, please!