The End?

So I've done it. I've written the last chapter of Twisted (Tink), and it only took me two and a half years to do! I would like to thank everyone who has followed along on it's journey, especially Newt. Without her constant encouragement I would have never had the guts to finish it. She created the first physical copy of the book, in part, making the story "real". I know I should feel sad that it's over. But I'm not. I'm excited. This accomplishment makes me feel that any of the stories brewing in my head can make it to paper. All I need is the determination, and if I'm lucky, the support of a great friend.

As always, criticism, critiques, and compliments are welcome.

Tomato throwing is not.

Have a great weekend Homebloys!

I'm Not Drinking Pee

If you haven't read yesterday's post, please do so before reading further.

Here are the stats:

Eight of you voted for the same four I did-
1. A male carpenter, 25 years old
2. A male biologist, 50 years old
3. A pregnant college student, 28 years old
4. A female child, 6 years old

Seven of you voted for the physician instead of the biologist.

Four people voted for the four youngest.

One person chose to keep all the girls.

One person kept only guys.

One person suggested eating other people.

Three of you suggested they just drink pee.

Three people killed the pregnant chick.

Six people killed the kid.

Six of you are sick bastards. (I'm just sayin'.)

And eight people wimped out and didn't pick at all.

Thanks for answering, guys. That was really fun!

In Other News:
Have you seen this?

*Sigh*

End Of Da World

Before we begin, I would like to explain that this is an ethics exercise.

There is no wrong or right answer.

NUCLEAR FALLOUT SHELTER EXERCISE

You are trapped in a fallout shelter with the other Homebloys who visit this blog. The instruments in the shelter indicate that it will not be safe for your group to leave the shelter for six months. Luckily, there is enough food, water, and other facilities to permit your group to remain in the shelter for the required six months.

There is a telephone in your shelter that is linked to a fallout shelter in another city. One member of your group just spoke with a person who is trapped in the other shelter and reports the following information:

"There are nine people in the other shelter. After surveying their provisions, it has become apparent that there is only enough water to keep four members of that group alive the six months before it is safe to leave the shelter."

The other group realizes that five of its members will have to be put out of the shelter so that those remaining will have a chance to live. However, they have been unable to make the necessary decision as to who will be put out of their shelter.

The other group has asked you to make a decision on its behalf. It has agreed to implement your decision immediately and without question.

The group in the other shelter consists of the following people:

1. A male carpenter, 25 years old.
2. A male biologist, 50 years old.
3. A female attorney, 40 years old.
4. A male minister, 40 years old.
5. A pregnant college student, 28 years old.
6. A female college student, 18 years old.
7. A male mental patient, 48 years old.
8. A female child, 6 years old.
9. A male physician, 72 years old.

Which four will you choose to remain in the shelter and why?

(I have written down my own answers for tomorrow's post.)

Weekly Words Challenge 49!

The words for this week were Sour and Salty, and due to my work load today, I'm using a "Get Out Of WWC Free" card. Betcha didn't even know we had those. But don't let that stop you from posting! I'll be around to check yours out shortly.

The words for next week are:
Moody
and
Bright

If you haven't joined the fun yet, go here for details. Don't forget, we also have a Flickr group for easy shareability. Plus, you get to find out the new words at least an hour earlier. Happy snapping!

Daily Etsy Pick:
Handmade Tiles
Flying High
Pair Of Ninjas

WTF Etsy?:
Mummy Doll
Itty Bitty Titties Earrings
$40 Lego "Cloud"

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: I booked our hotel room for the wedding night today.
Hoop: Sweet!
Tink: I'm going to try and book the limo tomorrow.
Hoop: Cool.
Tink: We just need it for the ride to the hotel, right?
Hoop: Right. No riding around either. I just want to get to the hotel room and DO IT.
Tink: Well that's romantic.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: Quit petting my dog.
Hoop: He's not your dog; he's my dog.
Tink: He's in MY lap.
Hoop: *Pats Tink on the head*
Tink: Are you calling me your dog now?
Hoop: No, silly! You're my human.

Waterlogged

Whoever named Florida the "Sunshine State", never lived here during hurricane season. Which, for all you Yankees, is from June 1st through November 30th. That's six months out of the year! Boomerang Fay, or Fickle Fay as some have called her, dropped about 1 inch of rain per HOUR in Jacksonville. In fact, today was the first day in a week that we saw sun. I squinted out the door at lunch and asked the receptionist, "What is this strange feeling I'm getting in my eyes?" "I believe what you're feeling is called sunshine," she replied. Then the sky cracked open and rained on my parade.

While I was sitting on my ass watching the BBC on Friday, Hoop was working on beach side. You know, the worst freakin' place to be during a tropical storm. It wasn't until there were several tornado warnings reported in the area that his boss let them go home. Even then, it was against the corporate office's wishes. Corporate wanted them to stay and work. Because, according to them, the workers were just as safe there as anywhere else. What the hell is wrong with America? Once Hoop got back, we busied ourselves with a few rounds of Wii bowling... and completely missed the warning of a tornado in our own area.

About a mile from our house is a river called Black Creek. I'm guessing it was just a wee river when it was named. I used to envy all the expensive houses on the water, with their elaborate docks and pricey boats. I don't anymore. Some of those people might have to LIVE on their boats when this is through. Hoop and I took a drive down there yesterday. One out of every five houses has a "For Sale" sign in the yard. Yeah... Good-luck with that, buddy. Anyone want some rain? I have tons, cheap. In fact, I'll pay you to take it all off my hands. How can you refuse such a deal?

Inquiring Minds Want To Know:
I got the chocolate covered sunflower seeds from Fiwa, who I believe got them from World Market. The Skullcandy earbuds came from Target. They were available in all kinds of hot colors, including Rasta! I highly recommend them. They're super comfy as well as cute.

How was your weekend? Dryer, I hope.

This Blows... Literally.

Meet Boomerang Fay.

She's that red blob hugging Florida.

Fay's a bitch. She can't make up her mind where she wants to go. Which is precisely why I'm at work today. If I don't get to leave soon, I may not be able to go home at all. They're talking about closing the bridges down. Hoop and I both have to take a bridge to get home. *Sigh* Does anyone have a boat? Or a large raft? My boss has been in meetings all morning with the other managers about who should stay and who should go home. So basically, he's weighing which of us he's willing to lose.

I'm still here. So, I think you all know where I stand on the totem pole.

You probably think I'm the hippo. I'm not.

I'm the ant holding up the hippo.

Well, I should probably post this. Our power keeps flickering in and out. I hope all you fellow Floridians are safe. Living in Florida is crazy, no? Canada is looking better and better. Hey Canucks (which I say with the utmost love and respect), you might have me sold on the idea yet! To everyone else, I'll see you on the flip side.

Weekly Words Challenge 48!

The words for this week were Bitter and Sweet.

How did you interpret them?

Sweet
(Thanks to Fiwa for holding a contest I could win.)



Bitter
(Other than peanuts and cashews, I find all other nuts rather bitter.)



(Random Pictures)

Skull Earphones


Luke, I Am Your Poppi.


The words for next week are:
Sour
and
Salty

If you haven't joined the fun yet, go here for details. Don't forget, we also have a Flickr group now for easy shareability. Plus, you get to find out the new words at least an hour earlier. Happy snapping!

Daily Etsy Pick:
Fishbowl Earrings
The Pirate Cupcake
"Go Away" Desk Sign

WTF Etsy?:
Gnarled Scarf (Or something a cat hacked up)
Detroit Hookers Magnet Set
"Fantastic" Lowbrow Folk Art Carving

Return Of The Weekend Recap

Weekend Recap:
1. Yesterday was Chore Day. I worked on the house while Hoop begrudgingly mowed the lawn.
2. Sometime around three it started to storm.
3. I went to the back door to check on Hoop. I found him standing in the middle of the yard, open mouthed, as the rain poured down.
4. He smiled when I stepped out on the covered porch. "Could you bring me some soap and shampoo?" "Seriously?" "Yeah." "Ok."
5. I came back out to find him naked.
6. "This is the most exhilarating thing I've ever done!" He yelled, ducking his head under the mini-waterfall our eaves made.
7. I've come to the conclusion that weddings make people lose their minds.
8. Friday, Hoop's Mom asked if she could have some blank wedding invitations just in case she decides to invite her coworkers.
9. So now we're just passing these things out like Valentines?
10. I don't fucking think so.
11. Saturday evening, Hoop and I received our first wedding present... a Wii!
12. Actually, we bought it ourselves. But it was under my Mom's instructions, as she's the one who is going to be paying us back for it.
13. My Mom, the health nut, swears by it. Papa Bear lost five pounds playing with theirs.
14. Crap. I just realized I forgot to do the good-bye month post for July! I'll get to it sometime this week.
15. Friday night -Oof, this is all out of order- Hoop and I took my two younger brothers and their friend Lance to see "Star Wars: The Clone Wars."
16. Lance wore a Darth Vader helmet.
17. Lil Bit wore a sombrero.
18. I'm not claiming it made sense.
19. On the way into the mall, a police officer yelled at Lance to take off the "mask". We tried to explain that it was a helmet and he was only wearing it in support of the movie, but the cop would have none of it.
20. Reason #982 why I don't like the police...
21. The movie was lame. It felt like one big advertisement for the cartoon coming out this fall. But I didn't care. The boys made it well worth the money.

So, what did you do this weekend?

Suzy Homewrecker

I woke up this morning in a funk. Hoop was still sleeping when I stumbled out of the shower to look for clothes. After wading through piles of dirty ones, I finally found the unfolded stack Hoop had washed the night before. I had been slaving away over the stove at the time, too busy to supervise. Had I known he was only going to wash the clothes I'd already worn for the week, I might have been able to salvage my morning. But I hadn't, and here I was, faced with a dilemma. Do I wear the outfit I wore on Monday or mix-and-match and hope no one notices?

"FUCK!" I yelled, kicking at the nearest pile of dirty clothes. For a moment my inner kid popped through and shouted, "Wheeeeee!" So I kicked another... and another. Then I upended the large basket of unfolded clean clothes. Then I kicked the dryer for good measure. I was just starting to feel better when Hoop ran out of the bedroom, rubbing his eyes. "Whasgoinon?" "I want a part time job," I told him. "Oh-Kay," He mumbled. "I'm serious. I can't keep up with all this shit AND a full time job AND plan a wedding AND cook dinner every night."

Hoop opened his eyes a little wider. "So you want to be a part time house wife?" "Yes!" Then I thought, "Oh my God. Did I really just say that? I DID! Holy shit, I meant it. That's it, I'm brainwashed. Those fuckers at the life improvement center really did it. They turned me into Suzy Homemaker. Now I'm going to start talking like I belong in Stepford. I might as well go buy an entire set of aprons with Monday through Friday stitched on them." "It'll be OK, baby." Hoop rubbed my arm lovingly. "You keep getting ready and I'll go find you an outfit to wear." So it's true... They got Hoop too.

Dun, dun, duuuuuuun.

P.S. Sorry I haven't been around to everyone's blog to comment this week. Things have been crazy around here. I'll be sure to stop by soon! For those of you waiting on your contest winnings, I'm running a little behind. Are you seriously surprised? But the good thing (for you) is, I keeping adding more stuff to it the longer I wait to go the post office. They'll be shipped in the next couple of days. Much love, Homebloys.

Weekly Words Challenge 47!

(Sorry for the no-show on my post, guys. I stayed up until Midnight Monday working on it and then Blogger didn't post it when I scheduled it to. Go figure. Blogger sucks.)

The words for this week were Scatter and Collect.

How did you interpret them?

Scatter


Collectors

Wonder Woman


Tampa's "Real" Ghostbusters


Joker and Harley


Two Face


Cobra


Punisher and Wolverine


Steve, the creator of "Bad Half Betty"

(Random Pictures)

In A Hurry

Apparently, I was taking too long and there was a line forming downstairs.

Centro Ybor


Coyote Ugly Rules


Bumblebee Door


Men's Room Door


Pirate Table


Life Improvement Brainwashing Center

You couldn't see "Scientology" when you walked up to the building from the side. I swear. Did I mention it was dark?

Two Trolleys


The words for next week are:
Bitter
and
Sweet

If you haven't joined the fun yet, go here for details. Don't forget, we also have a Flickr group now for easy shareability. Plus, you get to find out the new words at least an hour earlier. Happy snapping!

Daily Etsy Pick:
Say It At The Fridge
Fairy Door
Obsolete: Poetry Inspired By Dead Words

WTF Etsy?:
Panda Bear Chair
Giant Tampon Plushie
CD Shower Curtain Hangers

I'll be checking everyone's entries when I get back Wednesday!

How Hoop Almost Got Us Brainwashed

Saturday was Hoop's 31st birfday. To celebrate, I rented a hotel room in Tampa. Or, as Hoop calls it, "Florida's armpit". So why did we choose to vacation there? Because this hotel just so happened to be having a comic book and toy convention on Sunday. Am I not the coolest fiance ever? When we arrived at the hotel Saturday evening, we immediately asked the guy behind the counter how to get to Ybor City. The clerk made a face and then reluctantly showed us a map. "What's wrong with Ybor?" Hoop asked.

The clerk, a young black guy, explained that Ybor City wasn't safe anymore. "...Not unless you're in a gang." Then he flashed us some signs I'm pretty sure he learned off a CBS special. "You know, it's gone hip hop." Hoop stared at him for a second to see if he was joking. He wasn't. "Oh. Oh-kay." Hoop replied. "But I guess it could be cool if you're a biker or into that alternative lifestyle," the clerk continued. "You guys would probably have more fun at Channelside." We got directions and then headed out.

"I don't believe him," Hoop said when we got in the car. "Ybor used to be a really cool place to party." "How long ago was that?" I asked. "Nine years ago." "Exactly." We drove to Channelside first. "Are you kidding me?" I laughed when we got there. "Why did he think we would like this?" The place was painfully yuppie. "To Ybor!" Hoop replied triumphantly. This time I didn't argue. I was a little nervous when we got to 7th Avenue, but my fears were quickly squashed. There were families walking around, families with little kids.

I don't want you to think that Ybor is Disneyland though. The city IS pretty dirty. The surrounding neighborhoods are project-style apartments and old rundown houses reinforced with metal bars and cages. You wouldn't want to go past the strip, night OR day. But if you stick to the shops and bars you'll have a good time. They have a Coyote Ugly Saloon there and the original Columbia Restaurant. In short, it looks like a really fun place to party. I just wouldn't want to live there.

Shortly after we arrived, Hoop and I came across a building with a banner draped across the side. "Life Improvement Center. Free Stress Test!" There were two young people sitting outside. They looked normal enough. Maybe the boy was a little too thin. He instantly jumped into his sales pitch. "Would you like a free stress test, sir?" Hoop, who was feeling pretty adventurous, said yes. Meanwhile, I was being distracted by the young girl, who was commenting on my shirt. So it didn't hit me where we were right away.

My first thought was, "Why are there racks of books everywhere? Is this a bookstore?" Then I saw the words on the wall. SCIENTOLOGY CENTER. "Oh shit." I stopped walking. My palms broke out in a sweat. I immediately tried to figure out how to run away. There was a girl standing behind me, blocking the door. Hoop was already in the room, too far away to grab. "How did this happen?!" My brain shouted. "I don't know!" I shouted back. I walked toward Hoop, trying to signal to him with my eyes. "Have a seat," the guy replied.

Hoop and I both sat down, unsure of how to get out without making a scene. I looked around quickly. There were about ten people in the building. They were all watching us without trying to be obvious. "Hold on to these," the guy was saying. He handed Hoop what looked like two metal cans. They were attached to a meter. My brain felt like it was fluttering around in my head, trapped. "They're auditing him!" It yelled. I'd studied up on all this crap about eight months ago out of curiosity. I never imagined I would actually USE the information though.

"Think about something that has been causing you stress," the guy said smoothly. I held my breath. "My brother died two weeks ago," Hoop answered briskly. The meter jumped. "Obviously that has effected you strongly. Has the stress gotten worse since it happened?" Hoop's eyes narrowed. "What would you say if I told you we could make that stress go away?" The guy asked. Hoop handed him back the cans. "I don't WANT to forget my brother." "Oh- Oh NO, that's not at all what I meant." Hoop and I got up to leave.

"Here, just watch this video." Then the boy disappeared. "Let's just leave!" I hissed at Hoop. "Shhh, he's standing right behind us." My arms broke out in goosebumps. We pretended to watch the video, which threw around the word "Thetan" a lot. Finally the film was over. The guy, who saw how obviously unreceptive we were, showed us to the door. Hoop and I didn't even wait until the building was out of sight. We ran as soon as we got outside. When we eventually stopped, Hoop turned to me and said, "Oh my God."

"I know!" I shouted. "What the hell was that?" We walked in silence for a minute. "Do you think they brainwashed us?" Hoop whispered, looking behind us. I stopped and tried to think of the most anti-Scientologist thing I could think of. It finally came to me. "I hate Tom Cruise. I hate Tom Cruise. I hate Tom Cruise." I repeated mentally. "No," I finally said to Hoop. "I think we're OK." He exhaled loudly. "Well, you let me know if you start feeling funny, OK?" "Yeah, you too."

...To Be Continued.

P.S. I'm going to be out of my office all day tomorrow. My WWC submission will be set to auto-post. I'll check on everyone's entries on Wednesday.

LL The Interesting

LL's name stands for Lord Loser, which I refuse to acknowledge. I've even played around with the idea of renaming him. Like maybe to Hairy Harry... Or Mountain Man. Hey, MM is close to LL. There is nothing loserish about LL, which is why his name bothers me so much. In fact, LL has some of the coolest stories I've ever read on the blogosphere. He should have his own show on the Discovery Channel. Not like animal porn or anything either, a LEGITIMATE one. We should make a petition.

The first time I visited LL's blog, I was captured by this line. "Did I ever tell you about the time that I helped pack a dead woman out of the middle of nowhere?" That pause was your mind stuttering. You can read the full story here, here and here. Then there was the time he rescued two old people who were stranded and apparently suffering from dementia. LL, I should probably mention that you're going to have a whole lot of search terms for "dead" and "body" this month. Don't get freaked out, OK? It was just me.

One of my favorite posts on LL's blog is the one about his infamous anonymous commenter. The post was approximately 21,524 words long. Which, I think, counts as a novella. I ate a sandwich in the time it took me to scroll through it. I'm talking like a foot-long. Another thing that I like about LL is that he's humble. The last time I paid him a compliment he called me sweet, followed by the word liar. It was totally uncalled for, but it made me giggle like a school girl. He really does look handsome all cleaned up.

LL lives in Idaho. Which the thought of visiting, frankly, scares the shit out of me. I get lost thirty minutes from home... Where there are gas stations... and MAPS. I can't imagine what would happen to me out in the middle of nowhere. I would probably run out of gas and then get eaten by a gigantic moose. Are there moose in Idaho? Fine, bear. Whatever. But knowing that there are kind and capable people like LL out there makes me feel a little better about my chances. Which may not sound like a huge compliment, but it is. It really is.

LL Is...
(According to Google)
1. ...an outdoor apparel company.
2. ...a second rate rapper.
3. ...a famous Psychometrician who contributed to the study of human intelligence.
4. ...a "top-down parser for a subset of the context-free grammars." HUH?

Now see LL, was that so bad?

Have a great weekend Homebloys!

Suspended Animation

There's a blank spot in my brain where positive thoughts should be.

I've been prodding it for awhile, waiting to see what stimulates it.

So far, nothing.

It seems to be effecting the rest of my brain too. I haven't cleaned the house in a month. I know, ew. We've been doing laundry on a need-to basis. Groceries? Pfft. I've been eating soup for three straight days. I come home and literally wander around. It's not that there isn't a million things to do, some fun (like reading) and some not (like mowing). I just can't find the motivation to DO them. I decided to walk the dog yesterday... the fat one. She started pulling me toward home after five minutes. I was like, "No. We're doing this, damn it!" I expected to feel something afterward. Lord knows the dog did. But I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel rejuvenated or tired or even accomplished.

There are so many things wrong right now... in my life, in the world. I get hung up on all the problems and I just stop moving. Like maybe if I stay real still they'll forget I'm here. Hoop and I have been on a losing streak for about two years now. If it's not house troubles it's car troubles. If it's not financial problems it's emotional ones. For awhile I seriously wondered if I was bad luck. "Or maybe it's Hoop. Or maybe it's us." But now I'm starting to think that the world is generally a little fucked. I woke up yesterday morning and decided I was going to move forward, finally. I was going to use my optimism as my shield, deflecting bad juju as I went.

The day started off fine. Then the work started piling up. The phone wouldn't stop ringing. My boss had the nerve to ask me what I "do for this company, exactly". All of a sudden I couldn't find my shield. Where was is?! *Panic* Did it get buried under this rising pile of shit? Then I came home and tasted smoke on Hoop's lips. His Mom blew us off AGAIN on the list of wedding guest addresses. I realized we were out of soup. Suddenly, I found myself sobbing quietly on the kitchen floor. Irrationally, I wondered if I could make a run for it. Maybe, if I left right then (alone), I could get away before the problems noticed. But I'm weak. I decided to crawl into bed instead.

Each day this empty space inside my head gets bigger. It stretches itself out, taking possession of neighboring territories. I wish I could call it a hostile takeover. But it isn't. It feeds on apathy. There used to be this voice inside my head. It was strong and beautiful. "I can...!" "I will...!" "I am...!" But now it tells me, "I can't..." "I won't..." "I'm not..." The relief comes when it doesn't speak at all. Sometimes I'm overcome by anger and I think that I would do anything to have that voice back. Anything! But at what cost? I wish someone could tell me. But then again, what if it wasn't what I wanted to hear?

What if it meant giving up everything?

Weekly Words Challenge 46!

The words for this week were High and Low.

How did you interpret them?

High

My favorite view in the yard.

Low

Spiny Orb-weaver Spider


The remainder of some vines on the bottom board of our fence.

The words for next week are:
Scatter
and
Collect

If you haven't joined the fun yet, go here for details. Don't forget, we also have a Flickr group now for easy shareability. Plus, you get to find out the new words at least an hour earlier. Happy snapping!

Daily Etsy Pick:
Beach Snails
Funky Frames
Portable Bonfire Pit

WTF Etsy?:
Mermaid Dolls Lamp
Herbert The Bag
Really Expensive Needle Felted Cow

My Brand Of Heroin

Can't talk.... Too busy reading.

You can blame this book:


The 3rd Annual PB Contest Winners!
LL- *Undecided
Jay- Goody Bag
Geenalyn- Goody Bag
Fiwa- Goody Bag
Ikkinlala- Goody Bag

For everyone who chose the goody bag, please email me your mailing address (twstdtinkatyahoodotcom). I'll have them out in the mail by next weekend.

*LL: If I don't hear an answer from you by today, I'm going to give you a personal post on Friday. Sheesh. Who knew it would be so hard to choose? ;)

3rd Annual PB Contest!

(Rules and prizes listed in yesterday's post.)

9:00 AM Contest
1. What is the name of my sock zombie?
2. “Cheese and Rice” is a cussing alternative for what two words?
3. What does Hooker Headers sell?
4. Who in my family loves gay techno?
5. The sound of termites eating reminds me of what?
WINNER- LL!
Prize:

1:00 PM Contest
1. What was the “Christine of Appliances”?
2. Name the award I give out yearly.
3. Who was leaving notes in my office?
4. What big gift did Hoop get for Christmas?
5. According to Kurt Vonnegut, what are semi-colons?
WINNER- Jay!
Prize: Goody Bag

5:00 PM Contest
1. Name a character (besides Tink) from my story “Twisted”.
2. In what month did I quit smoking?
3. Before my friend’s parents adopted her, what did they consider buying instead?
4. What title did I give the poem recited to us by a bum?
5. What strange animal did I see at the mall last June?
WINNER- Geenalyn!
Prize: Goody Bag

Surprise Contest
1. What is "Braum"?
2. Name the publication I get the “I Saw You” blurbs from.
3. Where did Hoop propose to me?
4. What is the only thing I can make out of origami?
5. Who won, Tinkzilla or the Candy Lego Robot?
WINNER- Fiwa!
Prize: Goody Bag

Midnight Contest
1. Which two words did I post for the WWC on April Fools Day?
2. Name the cards Hoop wanted to spend five-hundred dollars on.
3. Who is Hoop’s fantasy girlfriend?
4. What do I suspect the Lucky Charms’ leprechaun really is?
5. How old am I?
WINNER- Ikkinlala!
Prize: Goody Bag

And that concludes the Third Annual PB Contest! Thanks to everyone who played. For the winners who chose the goody bag- well, that's everyone unless LL decides otherwise- I'll get with you soon about your mailing information. Packages should go out next weekend. Have a fantastic finish to your weekend Homebloys!