life lately || sewing

I thought I would share on here some of the things I have been doing lately in the sewing room.  Most of this I share on Instagram, so if you have an account, stop by!  But I know many of you do not have one, so I don't want you to be left out.

I have two main projects in the works.  First up is my Circle Lattice quilt by Carolyn Friedlander.  This was my first attempt at hand appliqué, and it is not that bad actually!  It is a slow process and one that gives my fingers a beating.  I do enjoy the time spent with working with my hands while tucked under something I have made.  It is very satisfying.

My next project is another appliqué, but it is a mini.  This is called my xoxo quilt, and to be painfully honest, I have had mixed feelings about it.  It was one that I sketched out, but that's about it.  I worked piece by piece hoping that in the end my desired outcome would be achieved.  Well, I ran into some hiccups, which is natural for improv.   And now I have the top 90% done, and I have NO clue how to finish it. And by finish I mean binding, what I want the final product to be, etc.  I am just hoping inspiration will slam into me with full force.

I joined in on an Instagram hashtag that didn't really catch any steam.  I made this improv flying geese panel, which I adore, and I hope to return to it soon.  But for now it is in the WIP pile.

And lastly, I made this small piece as a prototype.  It was a design that came to my mind during my book writing, so I quickly sketched it out not to forget it.  I think I would like to take out a few of the overlapping gray and black areas and make them lighter.  I just need to order some Aurifil, and as soon I do that, I can finish this piece.  I am not sure why it is taking me over 3 months to order a spool of thread.

Not quilting related, but Matt gifted me a loom.  My weaving is done and just needs to be hung onto a dowel.  I definitely foresee more weavings in my future.

I found these odd baskets (I have two) at a thrift store for $2.  They hung on a wall waiting to be used.  When I started to clean up my sewing room I discovered a clever use for them. They now hold my large and small embroidery hoops.  I don't know about yours, but mine were hanging on a nail and kept falling off.

And just a quick shout out to Bobbie Lou's Fabric!  She has some great quilting cottons with new arrivals coming in all the time.  Be sure to pop over and check it out.  And of course, free shipping on orders over $50 in the US.

So those are just a few of the things going on.  I wish I could share it all!  One day though!  :)   Just know I am alive and I have not sworn off quilting, although my husband thought for sure I would after he witnessed the stress in my life and home last year.  Ha!  It's all good though!

Happy quilting!

xx nancy

One year ago:  Triangle Fish Quilt
Two years ago:  WIP Wednesday
Three years ago:  30 Fat Quarter Projects

I can't. I'm busy.

Hey Owen.  Tonight as you were sleeping, I did my usual check and turned off your lights.  I repositioned your half hanging frame back onto the bed, and I tucked you back in under a beloved tattered quilt.  I laid down next to you.  Actually, I laid on top of you, but you didn't budge.  And I gently cried.

I cried because I knew you were the best gift God has ever given me, and I never understood that joy or love parents speak of until I had you.  I cried because I never want you to think that you are a less of priority than my book, my work, or my blog.  I cried because I knew I was guilty.  Guilty of robbing you of precious time spent between a child and a mother.   Guilty of making you think my work comes before you or that my crafts and hobbies are far more important than you.  When you were little, you were my priority, and I placed very little before you.  I savored every minute I got to spend with you.  And then I started this blog, and good, no great, things started to happen.  And then I got a publisher.  And then you became even lower on my priority list.  I cried because it was the truth.  I cried because I was ashamed.  I cried because I knew I would never get this year back.  I missed out on many memories with you, my only child, because I had a loving group of women raise you this year.  I feel awful that I blew away that precious time of watching you grow up.  I don't want you to remember me as a busy mom.  I admit, I have been selfish at times.  I am sorry.  Terribly sorry.  I really got lost in what was important to me, and I will try harder to be a better mother to you.  I miss you so much, even though you are here with me.  I'm tired of saying I can't.  I'm tired of deadlines, and I'm tired of teaching you that those things are more important than a relationship between a mother and child.  Admittedly, some of that I cannot blame on work.  The words "I can't" has almost become a trained response, and as time goes on, I find myself using the sentence more than I like.   That is why I cried tonight.  The last thing I want you to remember about me is "I can't.  I'm busy."

Recovery + Three Lessons That Helped Me Understand My Self Worth

Photo credit via

*I try not to talk about anything pertaining to religion on this blog, but the story of my life is a religious one.  

Every once in a while my heart will pound.  If you are a member of the church and have ever experienced a testimony meeting, you may understand this feeling I am speaking of.  It's not pounding because I just worked out or pounding from anxiety or nervousness.  It's pounding because the Spirit is telling me, "Speak up."

To publicly talk about this is a bit scary, more out of human fear of what others will think of me, but I trust in the Lord that there is a reason.   That there must be someone out there who can relate or who will gain a better understanding of whatever it is they need to know.

Over these last few months, I have been blessed beyond measure.  I feel that I am generally blessed with good things like health, family, friends, comfort, and talents.  But this blog has opened a few doors that I never knew would open, and so today I am feeling grateful for that.

These opportunities, among other things, have made me reflect about my life, and it really has made me question, "Why?"  I pose this question to the Lord more than to those close and dear to me, and I am constantly amazed by the Lord's outpouring of love for me.

To understand the lessons I have learned and why I ask "Why??" to myself and to the Lord, you must first understand what happened in my earlier years.  My past is a dark one filled with many dark moments, depression, and thoughts of suicide.  I tear up as I type that because those words remind me of those moments when I felt so lost in the world, so alone, and so worthless.  My mother passed away when I was 15, and that was the turning point in my life.  She was not the true cause of my despair, but it definitely was the push that sent me rolling down a hill.  Soon after her passing, I began to experiment with cigarettes and alcohol.  Then I started to smoke marijuana.  By the time I graduated high school, I was smoking weed weekly, if not daily, and drinking any chance I got.  After leaving my hometown, I started to experiment more with harder drugs like hallucingens and cocaine.  This lead me to mischief and small crime.  My life really started to spiral downhill, and one night when I had hit the lowest point in my life, I found myself curled up sobbing in my bedroom.  I was ready to end it.  I seriously felt like Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail.  I felt there was no hope for me, and I had no hope in the world or in the people around me.  I pleaded fervently, yet silently, for someone to hear me.  For someone to pull me out of this heavy blanket of depression, dishonesty, and drug abuse that I was tucked under.  To this day, I still do not what happened in that moment in the bedroom other than there was an awakening of my soul.  I realized something needed to change, and it needed to change NOW.  By the time I turned 21, I cleaned up.  I started to go to church, and guess what?  Life became good.  Life was still not perfect.  I relapsed a few times, but they were quick, and I found myself getting back on track.  I got rid of my old "friends" and got new ones who shared good morals and values.  It was really difficult to be in a new place and make new friends.  It was tough, but I did it.

In retrospect, I firmly believe the Lord helped me get out of that dark pit I was in.  He was there casting his flashlight on me when I only thought it was the sun.  I know He could see my potential, and He did not want to see me suffer any more.  I cannot express the following enough.  I SHOULD be in jail or in the grave right now.  I am SO serious when I say that, and that is why I am ever so grateful today for the current state I am in and question the Lord, "Why??"

1.  The atonement is real.

I am a walking testimony that the atonement is real.  I have seen the power of it in my own life.  I know this post will shock many (Hi Dad! I love you!) because, if you have ever met me, you would never think in a million years I did those things.  People can be forgiven.  The atonement can CHANGE people.  The atonement is for EVERYONE and EVERYTHING.  It's not limited to race or sex, age or religion, sin or sorrow.  The atonement can be used for all sorts of things.  It is there for any pain or affliction.  It is there for real world problems in life.  It heals any heart broken by sorrow.  It heals, so people can move forward in their lives.  There is hope, peace, and happiness, which can only be found in the Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.  And I am not talking about the superficial, instant gratification kind of peace or happiness, but the kind that calms your soul for a long time.

2.  I am loved.

I know I broke my Heavenly Father's heart, and I contributed to a lot of the blood that the Savior shed that day in Gethsemane.  But I also know that I have been forgiven, and they have an unconditional love for me.  When I look back at certain moments in my life when I chose to do wrong, I know there were heavenly angels watching over me.  I don't say this as to go out, do bad things, and you will be watched over and cared for.   I'm just saying there must be a reason why I am still on this Earth.  Maybe I have completed that mission by bringing Owen into the world.  Who knows, but what I do know is that I am loved.  It is manifested daily in my life.  I caught a glimpse of this love by having my own child.  I will unconditionally love that boy even if he hits or kicks me or says he hates me or is an ungrateful brat.  I will still love him, and I will do everything in my power to keep him.  I know my Heavenly Father loves me the same way.

3.  Heavenly Father wants me to be happy.

I wasn't brought into this world to be unhappy.  Yes, there will be moments of pain and suffering, but that is the process of life.  Just as I want Owen to be happy and to experience all that life has to offer, my Father in heaven wants the same for me.  I witness this in my life when little things, like the doors that have been opened through blogging, happen in my life.  I'm sure He is looking down at me responding to my question, "Because I want you to be happy."

I am eternally grateful for this second chance at life I have been given.  I'm still learning to forgive myself, which is part of the atonement process, and maybe this is my way of helping to let a chunk of it go for good.  Even though this post will be around and my poor decisions will now be publicly known on the internet, this may be my way of shutting that door and throwing the key away.  Yes, I have made some terrible choices, but hopefully, my bad choices can help prevent someone else's.  And this can be applicable to anything in life, not just drugs and alcohol.  ANYONE can change, and everyone has the POWER to change.

I can go ahead and say right now that making poor choices will not get you the grand opportunities your heart desires, so please do not think, "Well Nancy did x,y, and z, and look how great she turned out!"  I have suffered and paid for my consequences, and on occasion, I am reminded of my poor choices.   If you could take a glimpse into my brain, you would understand the mental torment and hell my body has experienced, and it would easily persuade you to never go down the path I did.  There are still some real consequences I suffer from like short bouts of depression (I'm not on any meds.) and short and long term memory loss, but I am healthy and alive!!  I know that one day I will be made whole again, and my brain will be restored back to its natural, healthy state.   It was so easy to belittle myself as soon as my memory reminded me of the mistakes I've made, and sometimes, it still happens.  I'm human.  But once I understood those three things - the atonement, His love, and my happiness - I was able to move on.  Maybe not completely or all at once, but I am able to take bigger steps, no leaps, to forgiving myself and allowing myself to live the grand life I deserve.  I still may question why at times, but I quickly remind myself why.  And in the end, I am always amazed.

Matt and I // 2007 

xx nancy

If you think you know someone who might benefit from this post, please feel free to share this post.

currently || home + sewing

i thought i would poke in, and let you know what's currently going on in my life.

 . . . . on the home front

+ happy mail day!  it's amazing how this box will turn into something awesome like that photo on the right.  but it's true my friends, and i am stoked.

+ i finally got owen a bed!  i'm still thinking about paint colors.

and yes, it tested positive for lead.  boo!  i took it by a sandblaster who quoted me a minimum of $300 to take it off.  another boo.  fortunately, there is the internet and good quality air control masks you canwear, so i might be tackling this job myself away from the home of course.  if you have pointers, i would love to hear your thoughts. [you can purchase Lead Check at Lowe's Home Improvement]

+ matt and i celebrated our 6 year anniversary last weekend, and owen crashed the party.

+ a project that from here on out that will be referred to as: Project "TIMESUCKBUTTRULYGRATEFULFORTHISTIMESUCK."

so, that's not really me, but i swear i feel like i am swimming in a sea of papers right now.

+ there are also some other time sucks going on around here at the house.

via reel foto via Jill Greenberg

okay, that's not my son either, but this captures the true essence of motherhood and what I experience on a daily basis.

via buckets and bows

okay, this is not my real laundry, but that's a real time suck.

via my real life

okay, this is a real photo of my sink.


+ Young House Love did it again by sharing the love.  thank you for the wonderful feature! [you can see the room reveal here.]  [source list here.]

 . . . . . in the sewing room


+ i shared this fabric pull on instagram [you can follow me here + i am private but just request to follow and i'll accept.].  i turned it into pluses, which will never get old for me.

+ a modern cat block i made.  actually, i made about 25 of these.  i don't even own cats, but i know many quilters do.  i'm thinking about sharing the tutorial for this super easy block, if there's any interest.

+ art gallery fabrics sent over minimalista and a few pure elements for me to play with.  [thank you AGF] i'll be working on this for the next few weeks.

+ and if you are interested in joining a modern bee, my good friend Danny, from Mommy For Reals, has some openings for her Stash Bee.  so check it out!  she's awesome, and you will love her.  you can get all the information here.

so what has been sucking up your time lately?  are you preparing for the holidays?

have a great weekend!

xx nancy

Find me elsewhere:  Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and Bloglovin'

Rose Bowl Flea Market

Wow.  This flea rocks.  Of course, there were some junky areas, but overall, I really wish I had a U-Haul to take back to North Carolina.  Raleigh, NC's flea market is pretty big too, but the Rose Bowl, which only happens once a month in Pasadena, CA, is at least 3 times the size of Raleigh's market.

I started out a little late getting there around 9:30 a.m.  There were lots of clothes, antiques, new items, home accessories, and of course, vintage items and collectibles.

I thought this art could be a fun DIY project.

I was drawn to this X for some reason.

I really, really wanted one of these signs, but they were so heavy and cost a little more than what I was willing to pay.

Old children's books turned into art.

For some reason I wanted this picture.  It was only $10 too, but I was afraid I was going to dislike it once I brought it home.

Lots of hardware.

Book page blocks.  I was going to buy a few these to go on a bookshelf, but I opted out.  I thought maybe the print was too small for guests to see, so it might come across as just a large black rectangle when looking at them across the room.

I should have taken a lot of up close photos of the items in this booth.  This was probably my favorite booth there.  Lots of fantastic vintage items.  I was particularly drawn to the Borden milk box and old metal canisters.

Um, how cool is that fan?

The funny thing about this post is I forgot to take photos of the things I bought.  I didn't buy much.  Okay, I only bought two items.  A sign that said "N St" and a small brass pig.  Yeah, I am shocked too.    I walked in there with the idea to spend some money on some items for our home back in NC but the nagging reality of having to make sure it fits in our car was in the back of my head the whole time.  So if you are ever in the Pasadena area during flea market time, go check it out!  But remember there is barely any shade, and this flea goes on and on and on.  There's lots to see!

Have a great weekend!  I am spending the weekend with Grandma from OR, and we are taking Owen to Sea World today.  Yippee!

Road tripping across the United States || winner of the Roly Poly Pinafore

*I packed my bags for the summer and moved from North Carolina to California.  This means my blog packed its bags too.  owen's olivia will return to its normal schedule of sewing and home decorating sometime in late August.

He's my little Elton John.

Well, we made it!  If you follow along on Facebook, which you totally should, you may know that we have settled into our new place.  Road tripping across the United States is serious business.  Get two adults and one child into a small car, and well, I'll let you guess the rest.
 

Can I tell you the lower part of the United States is beautiful?  We drove through NC, TN, AK, TX, NM, UT, AZ, NV, and CA.  If people tell you the US is overpopulated, they are lying.  It's just that a lot of people want to live in the same places, and there's a lot of open land in the Southwest.   It may be owned by farmers or whatnot, but technically speaking, there is plenty of land for everyone.  

 

My least favorite drive was from Copperas Cove, Texas to Cedar City, UT, which we broke up by staying in Albuquerque, New Mexico.  There's just nothing out there.  And most of it was flat with lots of dirt and rocks. 

 

We will travel the middle part of the US on our way back to NC.

The only sewing I did while I was in the car were these few hexagons.  I spent the rest of the time playing Candy Crush.  Shame.on.me.

Here are a few pictures from the road.

Arkansas 

Wind mill farms in Texas.

New Mexico

New Mexico

 

Shiprock, New Mexico

 

Four Corners.  Four state lines touch each other: New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, and Utah.  It's so freaking hot at Four Corners, and I am wearing jeans and wool slippers.

Arizona

 

Nevada

Alien Fresh Jerky - Nevada. 

Bryce Canyons, Utah

Cafe Rio -  A MUST try if you are ever near one.  I had the sweet pork barbacoa salad sans lettuce (go ahead and laugh) and Matt had the enchilada burrito.  To die for.  You must try their mint lemonade too. Oh, and kids eat free! 

While we stayed in Cedar City, UT, Matt's good friend hooked me up with antlers!  Amazing, right?!  Not sure what I am going to do with them yet, so if I start pinning antlers like crazy, you will now know why. (You can find me on Pinterest here.)

 We were fortunate to find a furnished one bedroom apartment on Craigslist.  We didn't get scammed.  Hooray!  This apartment is the least kid-friendly, family-friendly apartment ever, but we are so happy to have a place in a nice district and didn't need to rent any furniture.  Do you want a tour of the apartment?  We are within walking distance to many shops and restaurants and we have access to a nice pool and workout gym, tons of trails, bike paths, and sidewalks, and the beach is 4 miles down the road.  Oh, did I mention the LDS San Diego Temple is right behind our building?

You do not have to be Mormon to appreciate the beauty in LDS temples.  They are simply downright gorgeous structures with the most well manicured lawns and landscaping you will ever see.

It's a bit of culture shock for me living in an apartment with a family, and most people live in apartments here.  I cannot send my son into the backyard anymore, and if we forget something at the apartment, that means carrying everything back up three flights to go get it.

Did you know San Diego is hilly?  Random yes, but I was thinking since we were on the coast that it would mostly be flat.  Pacific coast is very different from the Atlantic coast, and I am sure a fault line or two has something to do with that.  Oh, and the weather!  The weather is just spoiling me to death out here!  Low humidity, cool temperatures in the mornings and evenings, and warm sun during the day.  I am already dreading going back to North Carolina!

So in summary, I am really liking the place so far.  As I spend more time here, I can talk more about San Diego, but just let it be known that it's very easy for someone to become a total bum while living here.  It's just that great.  :)

If you want to stay updated, follow me on Facebook or through bloglovin' or RSS.  GFC is going away this summer.  I hope you'll tag along!

Random.org chose Katie from Simple Simon and Company as the winner of the Roly Poly Pinafore by imagine gnats.  An email has been sent.  Congrats!