Anti-spanking fiction

Earlier today I was taking the Five Factor Personality quiz that Mija had posted on her blog from awhile back (I'm sooo behind on my blog-reading) and had to kind of laugh at my results on the second factor: conscientiousness.

You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.

It's especially funny as just last night I was thinking about how A.'s and my spanking life is sorta anti-spanking fiction. He's the more disorganized, unstructured, "bend the rules" sort, while I'm generally the neat, obedient, anal retentive control freak. I mean, sometimes I'm late for appointments. I can procrastinate at times, which probably contributes to my being late. Well, that and trying to cram way too much into too little time. Every now and then I still get willful when it comes to respecting my physical limitations. But when it comes right down to it, I'm just not really that naughty. Granted, I'm bedridden most of the time so it's not like I really have the opportunity to do much that's naughty. But even when I'm healthy, I'm generally a very good girl.

It's hard to be a good spanko when you're just not really very naughty, ya know?

I dunno. Would I be more naughty if I wasn't sick? Would I have been more like my Allie/Natty alter-ego if my health and childhood environment had been different? There is something in me that innately longs for discipline and yet, in most respects, I am fairly self-disciplined. A part of me that longs to be rambunctious and willful and naughty, that wants candy and ice cream, but another part of me that likes watching PBS and making nice Chinese herbal soups and resting. Was I just my own parent for so long that both the child and the parent are now innate parts of me?

I do know there are naughty aspects of me that I suppress. My inner smart-ass, for instance. Or normal self-indulgence. I'm tactful and empathetic because those were vital survival skills growing up. Yet I do think that I suppress them far too much. Being a bit of an ego-centric bitch would probably be handy at the doctor's office on occasion. However, if I need to stop suppressing them, getting punished for expressing them probably wouldn't be the best course of action. Hmm...maybe I should get punished if don't express them. Maybe knowing that I'm going to be spanked if, say, I'm not assertive with my doctor would be a good thing.

Might have helped me last week when I should have insisted that Dr. H check me for a type of bacterial infection I strongly suspect I might have but instead remained silent because when I mentioned it before he looked at me like I was completely crazy. I was really annoyed with myself later. Even more annoyed with myself a few days after that when the acupuncturist asked why I just didn't insist that he do the blood test. I mumbled something about the test requiring a lot of precautions and stuff, to which she simply shrugged and said it's not that big of a deal for him to manage, which I knew was true.

Believe it or not, I'm actually a lot more assertive than I used to be and that's in large part because of all the health problems since my ill-fated surgery seven years ago. I mean, I actually ask questions now.

But, well, being spanked for not being enough of a smart ass would still make for odd spanking stories.