November - A Month of Monumental Moments for Marci

On my drive home from work last night, I found myself contemplating all of the huge moments that have taken place, in my life, in the month of November.

A few of them, in chronological order:

1) November 28, 1976: My parents' wedding date! I certainly wouldn't be here without this celebration :)

2) November 4, 1984: The date upon which I "skipped" first grade. I had been in first grade up until that point, but, following months and months of testing and being removed from my classroom, I finally officially entered the second grade. I acclimated easily, both socially and academically, but the true ramifications took years to appreciate. The classmates I "left behind" never really forgave me, and our friendships were strained from then on. I was always younger, and always had to explain why, which became a source of shame (the usual response from the other person was, "Oh, so you're smart or something?"). I wasn't able to feel comfortable with the skipping, on a deep level, until rabbinical school, when I was no longer the youngest person in my class. However, even now, as a rabbi, I am still dealing with being perceived as a "baby rabbi." I am in no rush to be older, at least now, but for years I felt like I had to rush everything.

3) November 11, 1995: The night of the "Screw Your Roommate" Dance at Brandeis, during my freshman year of college. Met my college boyfriend/fiance that night, fell in love, and dated him for the next five years. Learned so much about myself throughout. We split up during my second year of rabbinical school (and never married). Realized that I was most comfortable "mothering" someone, but that this wasn't fair to myself or to the other person. Began to search for a relationship that would allow me to be an equal, and to be cared for by the other person as much as I want to care for my partner.

4) Thanksgiving, 2001: The time during which I traveled out to Arizona to visit one of my best friends, Todd, who later passed away in 2002. The days were idyllic, surrounded by the Southwest US in autumn. Visited the Grand Canyon, Sedona, Flagstaff (Route 66!!), and celebrated Thanksgiving with my family in Phoenix. It was a helpful way to heal from the horrors of 9/11. I will always treasure those precious days.

5) November 7, 2004: As I mentioned a few posts ago, this was the date of my car accident, an ordeal that finally culminated in my successful spinal surgery in December, 2007.

6) November 21, 2009: The date upon which I will fly out to California to visit an old OSRUI friend of mine, Mike. Totally excited to see him, catch up, and enjoy some California sunshine. My first official vacation starting work at my new synagogue. By the way, Mike is a HILARIOUS, TALENTED film critic (in addition to his many other skills - directing, editing, composing, acting, singing, etc.), and you can watch his entertaining reviews on each week's biggest films.

Guess November is, in general, a pretty good month for me :)

5 Years Since My Car Accident

Wow, today was five years - how can that be? So much of it feels so recent... Other aspects feel like they've been part of my life forever.

I am so grateful for the healing and rebuilding I've experienced, but I will never be grateful for the accident, the pain, and the suffering. I wish I could've learned these lessons some other way.

What do you appreciate learning in your life?

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

A Big Anniversary - Four Years Since My Car Accident

Yes, that's right - today is four years since my car accident. I can't believe that so much time has passed.

Last year, just one year ago, I was in such a different place (and I blogged about the three-year anniversary). I was totally demoralized, completely hopeless, and crippled by pain. I was angry at the man who crashed into me, saddened by the doctors who made me feel crazy for being in so much pain, helpless to find anything to make me feel better, depressed, as I watched my life fade away, and stuck in this accelerating downfall.

And, now?

Wow.

What a difference. Like the butterfly the accompanies this post, I feel as if I am reborn, spreading my wings, and taking flight. I feel healthy, strong, YOUNG, confident, and renewed. I really wasn't sure if this feeling would ever come. I was so sure that I would be handicapped for the rest of my life, and that it was all going down the drain. Yet, as my therapist points out, I kept working at my own healing, and I brought it about - I found new doctors, I kept pursuing answers, and I discovered that I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! There was something serious going on in my back (a fractured spine), it was fixable, and I WOULD GET BETTER.

And here I am. I am grateful for your support, love, and encouagement, from the darkest of days through the parting of the clouds. This anniversary is so different from last year's, and I know that it can only get better from here on out.

So, while I will never be thankful for the accident, I am thankful for all the lessons learned, the power of healing, the feeling of vitality that flows through my body, and the blessings of friends and family.

She's got a fast car...

Okay, so, the good news in my life is that my lawsuit from my car accident is finally over. I was able to have all of my medical bills covered, as well as my legal fees. The bad news? The money actually sent to me is quite small. However, my dad made a great point - I should use the money received to take care of my back in any way I can.

There are two main things I am thinking of purchasing, that I would be unable to afford otherwise:
1) One of those super-duper massage chairs from Brookstone
2) Getting a nice used car to help me around town

So, I am leaning towards the car as the best choice. Just think - groceries, commuting, funeral processions.... wow, it would all be so much easier.

But, in thinking about it further, I am nervous - I have never had my own car! I haven't really needed one since I moved to the NYC area.

Does this mean that I will finally be a grown up????

An Open Letter to the Man Who Rammed Into My Car 2 1/2 Years Ago

Dear Mr. D.,

I would ask how you are, but this would imply that I care. You see, you have absolutely no idea how I am, two and a half years after you carelessly slammed your car into mine. Did you notice how the trunk wound up in the back seat? Huh? Did you happen to see the way I was driven off in an ambulance?

But, as far as you are concerned, you have no idea how these past few years have been for me. All you know is that your insurance company is going to pay me a paltry sum of money, and my medical bills will barely be covered, all because you were horribly underinsured.

I still wonder why in the world you hit me. I remember (vividly) seeing your black car approaching in my rearview mirror. I remember thinking (since I was stopped), why isn't that car slowing down? Oh my gosh, it looks like it is going to hit me. Oh my god.

And, at that moment of realization, I still didn't really believe that it was about to happen. I still believed that, somehow, there was not going to be an impact.

Alas.

And now, Mr. D., I am in such unbelievable pain, that I am pretty much going insane. My life and my work revolve around whether or not I can get out of bed each morning -will my back cooperate today, or will it need bedrest, pain killers, and ice packs?

Has your life been affected in such a way? I highly doubt it.

I wish I was at a point where I could forgive you. I am not yet there. In fact, it could be due to the fact that you have not asked for forgiveness. I wish I could be like those victims on the news who bravely say, "I forgive the (murderer... abuser... robber...)." I guess I am not that kindhearted at this point. Nope - still too angry.

And then there are my poor friends and family members who have to put up with my constant complaining, my aches and pains, my tears as I try to figure out a way to feel more comfortable. I am endlessly grateful to them for their patience and love. But I wouldn't have to rely on them so much if it wasn't for the careless way in which you drove into my car on that afternoon so long ago, Mr. D.

I guess I won't ever know why you hit me - I won't ever know if it was because you were on the cellphone, or changing channels on the radio, were drunk, or just stupid. In the end, I don't know that it matters, because the outcome is the same. I am forever changed, because of a split-second of absolute, irrevocable stupidity on your part.