Instant Length

There's a misconception out there.  Just because a mom doesn't know HOW to do her daughter's hair, doesn't mean she doesn't WANT to know how.  

While I was in Utah this past summer with the kids for Sammy's therapy, Callie took swim lessons again.  There I met another mom who had adopted a few sweet little african american girls.  (When I say "a few" I mean 6.  She has 12 kids total!  She's an angel with a beautiful family.)  I noticed her girls hair and asked if she did their hair.  She did. And it looked great.  I wanted to come over and have her teach me a few things, but it just never happened.  But, she did tell me how she did it.  

Yarn.

What?

Yarn. 

I've twisted Callie's hair before, taught to me by a new friend Stacy, and it worked.  But I didn't do it often.  It didn't look like how I wanted it to.  But these girls...their hair was full and it looked great.  "These are yarn twists."  My eyes were opened and a new world lay before me!

When we got home, I tried it out.  Yarn twists, or yarn extensions, were fairly simple, but time consuming.  Taking pieces/chunks of hair, you twist it into the yarn.  It actually helps protect the hair, if done correctly and taken care of, by trapping in the moisture.  My first time was ok.  They lasted 3 weeks and Callie loved it.  Instant length.  Instant flipping of your hair.  Instant 2 years older!  (holy cow...she was no longer my baby girl)  Instant gratification, served.  But I knew I wanted it better and next time it would be. 

Callie wanted to have it done for her school pictures.  I was nervous about that.  Could I really make it look good enough for pictures?  I tried.  I took a break 1/2 way through while Micah was awake.  We resumed when he went down for a nap.  This time, she wanted it longer...and longer she got.  

This time, I wanted it a lot fuller, so I used smaller sections of hair.  It took a long time, but it turned out really well I think.  She loves it, and that makes me happy.  I was better at getting the yarn anchored down at her scalp, so hopefully it'll last a month and not just a few weeks.

 For 6 hours, this was Callie's position!  Watch movies, eat snacks.  It was a long day.  But worth it as I haven't had to "do" her hair for the past 2 weeks.  I moisturize it and have varied the style, but it's easy...pig tails, braid, ponytail, down, half up...whatever.  Easy.

I trimmed the extension twists so it's not really this long.  I thought I had a picture, but I don't.  It goes down to about her elbows.

There are so many different things I want to learn and try on her hair.  If she remains patient with me, I just may be able to learn more.  It's important to me that I can do her hair, that we can sit together and make these memories.  I want her to one day sit and do her little girl's hair and think of the hours we did it together.  I want it to be a good memory.  So far, I may be developing nightmares for her...but I'm pretty confident with consistency, it'll change.  I hope so at least!

But it's all because I so desperately love this little girl.  My little gem.

Callie's New Look

This is what Callie now wears to bed at night.  I don't do it every night, but she wears it on the nights when I've just done her hair.  It is supposed to protect her hair.  A lot of moisture is pulled out of her hair at night by the cotton pillow cases.  Why not get a silk pillowcase?  Because I found this at Walmart for only, like, $3.  That's why.  And she loves it.  It comes off by the morning, but the nights she does wear it, I can tell her hair is more conditioned in the morning.  

Thankful 9: Hair Product

Well, you all are always asking me about Callie's hair.  Here we go.  The secret, and what I'm thankful for today: Hair product.

Silly?  Perhaps.  But if you are a white mama to a black child...learning the ropes isn't easy.  One thing I did learn quickly was that boy are those hair products important.  Because let me just tell you uninformed parents out there -- African American hair is far different than your own.  It's beautiful, and it sure takes a lot of care. 

I just finished a 2 hour hair session on Callie. She went straight to bed, otherwise I would have taken pictures.  Basic twists, but 2 hours of twisting and I can't tell you how great it feels to type now!  Seriously.  It's like shaking out your legs after long run.  Even two years ago I wouldn't have believed that she'd sit through me doing her hair without screaming bloody murder.  I was certain our neighbors were going to call Child Protective Services a few times while trying to brush out her hair.  And what could I have told CPS?  "I can't deny it.  I'm torturing my child.  I'm desperately trying to pick through her hair.  And she hates me for it."  (sigh)  But I stuck with it, and she's so much better now.  What do I have to thank?  MPP y'all.  Movies. Popcorn. Product.
 
So, after trying too many different products to even count, here's what I have settled on (for the time being).  I don't claim to know it all ~ with what I know, if I really did know it all, Callie would have a pretty grim future ~ but this is what I use and what I'm thankful for.  (With that said, if anyone stumbles across this who knows more than I do...I'd be thankful for that information as well!)

Shampoo and Conditioner
Shampoo, shampoo, shampoo.  I have gone through more shampoo and conditioner for Callie than I've used for myself my entire life!  Callie's hair is Thin.  Fine.  Tight curls.  Black hair -- and curly hair in general -- gets dry.  So, you don't want to over wash.  But you still have to have clean hair.  All shampoos I used, I felt, just stripped her hair completely.  Then I'd load up the conditioner.  LOAD up.  The best conditioner I could find for her was the kind in my mom's boxes of L'oreal after she'd dye her hair.  She'd mail me the little tubes.  Those really worked the best for Callie...but I was still unsatisfied. 

Until.  One beautiful, glorious, late night infomercial.  It's true.  I was so immersed in each demonstration.  And when I saw that Holly Peete Robinson used it for her and her kids ~ I got giddy.  Could this really work for Callie?  I didn't call or go online to order.  I didn't want to be that person who bought some stuff from an infomercial.  I sheepishly mentioned it to a friend who readily said, "Oh, I have that stuff.  Do you want to try it?"  Um, yeeeeaa-aahhh.  I was sold.  I ordered it up and life hasn't been the same.  This stuff glides through Callie's hair.  It's a cleansing conditioner.  With this one step, I'm washing and conditioning her hair.  I am in love.  My finger run through her hair, and when they don't, I give a little wiggle, and ssswish...there they go.  Knots?  Not really.  Love it.  And, I use it for myself too.  Noooo.  "But your hair is so different than Callie's," you say.  Yes.  That's the beauty of this all-natural product.  I don't get it, and I don't care. 

What is this heaven in a bottle?  Wen.  Changed my life people -- or rather, Callie's life.  Whatever.

Deep Conditioning
I do it from time to time.  I've tried some packets that I get at the store.  They were fine.  I did Callie's hair once with a deep conditioning packet of gunk and wrapped her head in saran wrap!  She looked so cute (I wish I could find that picture right now).  But now, I use Wen, again.  They have a deep conditioning mask and I do that about 1x a month for her...for that extra moisture, especially during the winter.

Styling Product
Wen.  Is this getting boring?  I use the sweet almond mint styling product, BUT, I also use, and love a few others. 

Mizani's line I actually still really love...believe it or not, Wen isn't the only thing out there that I use for her.  Mizani's Coconut Souffle, in particular, I use as I put in twists or ringlets.  I've also used their Rose H2O products.  It's fine, but I like the Coconut Souffle better.  It really makes styling her hair so much easier, and her hair soft.

But a friend of mine also led me to some old school Vo5 conditioning hairdress.  Seriously, I love this.  It works wonderfully and is much less expensive than Mizani.  I recommend it.  It is greasier, but when I take her hair out of whatever hairstyle I have it up in...her hair is so soft and shiny still.  (Here's a nice blurry picture from the internet.)

Daily Moisture
I'm not as good as this as I should be.  I go through phases.  But in the winter, when the weather is especially dry, I am much better.  So, each day I need to add moisture to her hair to keep it hydrated and shiny.  Here are 2 of my favorites.

Even though D'Tangle is for detangling hair...it conditions it as well.  I like the way it smells and it's easy for me to spray it on Callie's hair for quick hydration.

And coconut oil.  Who knew?  Right there in the grocery store, as I pick up my almond milk and coconut yogurt...I can get some coconut oil for Callie's hair.  I also use this for her skin each day.  I rarely use lotion anymore for her...just a dip into the coconut oil jar.  Again, overall inexpensive, and it's great for her hair and skin.

So, there you have it.  I'm so grateful for these things.  Now, I neglected the different combs, brushes, hair bands, etc that are fantastic as well.  But, this post is already long enough.  These products have made the time I sit with Callie enjoyable.  She gets excited to get her hair done.  Yeah, that's probably the MPP over the "yea, Mom's doing my hair"...but oh well.  It's no longer something I dread (like from the fear-of-CPS days).  It's become something that I often, truly, look forward to.  And now that I have the products I like, I've been able to focus more on the actual hairstyle than the haircare.  And really, that's the fun part! 

Right Callie?

Riiiiight.

I Love Her Hair

Hairy Situation? Not Really.

One of the first things people talked to me about when Callie was placed with us was her hair.

"Do you know how to take care of black hair?"

"What are you going to do with her hair?"

"You need to talk to people abour how to take care of her hair."

Of course I had thought about these things. I researched right away and figured out what products to use, etc. It was a big surprise to me when I first met Callie when she had jet black straight hair. Perhaps that's why so many people asked me if she was Indian -- her straight straight hair and beautifully shaped eyes. But, as time progressed, her curls definitely came in.

Now, I'm not perfect, but I do my best. I could do better. But I've really tried to make sure her hair stays healthy, and I feel like I know what I'm doing. Ask me to braid her hair in super tiny braids with awesome patterns...I'm not there yet. But when it comes to hair health...I've talked to professionals, and I feel rather proud of myself when they tell me I'm doing a great job. I took Callie to a salon once, and even after looking at her hair, they told me that I just needed to keep doing what I was doing. So, 3 cheers for Jenny!

I had an experience in Spokane that I will always remember though. I was at the JCPenny salon and I talked to the only African American hair stylist there. She was the expert they told me, on ethnic hair. She was young, beautiful, and had a mane of hair that was gorgeous -- tight curls pushed back from her face in a headband. I could picture Callie looking like that one day. I told her about Callie and how I "want to keep her beautiful hair just that -- beautiful." The woman let out a sigh and said, "I'm so glad you said that." I was surprised. I didn't think I was the only mom out there who wanted their kids' hair to look good. "I can't tell you how many white moms come in here telling me about their black kids and how horrible their hair is to deal with not knowing 'what the heck I'm supposed to do with hair like this' and 'trying to figure out this mess on their head'. It is beautiful hair, just different from their own. So, thank you for saying what you said."

I honestly do love Callie's hair. Look at that picture. This was after a bath one night. She's too young for me to just let it out too often. When she gets older she'll be to take care of her own hair a little bit and she can wear a silk cap or scarf over her head at night...but for now, I usually braid it, cornrow, twist, pull up in poofs, something to keep it up. Those are all super cute, but when it's down....

So for me, saying Callie's hair was beautiful was natural. It made me so sad to think that there are mothers and fathers out there saying things, around their own children, about what a pain this or that is about them. It makes me cringe. I would never say around Samantha, "Gosh, your little head is such a problem." I know these parents probably don't even realize they're doing it or what it's doing to their kids...but I'm pretty sure some of those little girls will be the ones who can't wait until they are old enough to get their hair straightened. I'm not trying to be judgemental as much as make a point that we need to be so careful about how we parent, about what we say, and think about how our words (and actions of course) will ultimately affect our children's self-esteem.

So...long story short...Callie's hair is different than mine. I have to take much better care of her hair than I have to mine. It takes me an hour in the evening (not every night) to wash, condition, detangle, and braid. But look at that hair. And look at that little girl. It's so worth it.

Not the best hair shot -- her hair was in some serious need of being redone, but I like this one anyway. We were at the park and she didn't know I was about to take a picture. She was contemplating if she should join some kids on the jungle gym. She did.