This Has Been A Busy Week

Yes, I busy every day this week.....I surprised myself and did not poop out once.

Monday morning I had a follow up appointment with my electrophysiologist (heart rhythms) in Fond du lac (74 miles). It took us longer because part of the interstate was down to 55mph, as opposed to 70mph. I'm glad we left early. I was prepared for car sickness, I had my ginger ale along, ate at ginger candy, and brought my anti-nausea meds along with an unneeded puke bag. All was well.  My heart is ok, pretty much the same as it was. Still have the PVCs, but nothing too bad.

After that we stopped at a nice St Vinnie's too look for some hats for me....all they had were winter hats. It's the end of March and it was 52 and sunny that day.....why weren't the summer hats out??? I wish we had a photo, I bet we looked funny. Carolee is pushing me in a small wheel chair, with no footrest while I pushed the shopping cart. I had my feel on the bottom of the cart and hands are hanging onto the handlebars of the cart....they are only a little lower than my head. HILARIOUS! Carolee said she felt like she was pushing a semi. We didn't look at anything else.

Next we were off to lunch. We stopped at Faros, it was recommended by a clerk at the thrift store. It was a typical family restaurant. As usual nothing on the menu appealed to me. Only the Mexican food and breakfasts looked good. I chose a chicken enchilada. There were 3, rice, and re-fried beans. I had a salad first (a very wet salad *sad face*). It was all good tho. I took 1/2 my food home and ate it the next day. 

We took the scenic route home and had plans to stop at another thrift store but it was closed. 

After I got home I had time for a light supper and a short rest before heading to the Look Good Feel Better program. This is an EXCELLENT program for cancer patients or survivors.

I took my make up loving friend with me. Deb makes sure I look good and also helped me find some turbans and hats. This is my after look, I don't wear a lot of make up. I do look a lot better here than I did without anything on. I had on full eyeliner here....maybe I need to wear it.....I know I did when I lost my eyelashes last time.

If you know any survivors or cancer patients (women) send them to this program. It is wonderful!!!! Even if you do not wear make up normally they can show you some quick tips....even just lipstick helps.

Each participant receives a large make up bag containing all the make up you need: cleanser, lotion, sunscreen, foundation, powder, eye liner, mascara, eye-shadow, eyebrow pencil, blush, and much more. It's a lot! All of the things are donated, so each bag can be different. My friend was looking for the eyebrow pencil because she really liked it and found it online for $24, she estimated the value of the make up bag to be $150 - $200. That is not why I went, but I love it! I needed some head coverings.........I donated mine from 2 years ago back to them. I found a couple used (free) and some new (purchased). They also had some wigs. I got a used one (free) but they also had new (to purchase). I am not sure what I'll do. I still have mine from last time, the hair color is not the same....but do I care? I am shedding something terrible. I really need to chop what is left off.

Tuesday my son in law and the kids came to visit. Mark is a great son in law, Bev you did a good job! It's always good to see the grands too. They are getting really busy....so I have to start feeling better so I can go see them!!! They also brought me pickles :-)  As you should know I love my pickles and I can only find them in Appleton...and I don't get there often. When Amy and Mark visit it's kinda on their way and they stop especially for me.

Wednesday was my weekly lab work and a scheduled chemo, finally #3. My previous chemo was 3 weeks ago. I missed one because my WBC were too low. This time my dr said everything was gorgeous....when it's good he says gorgeous. I'll take it. He also had a chart to show me and he was pretty happy about it. The first blood test that I had before I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer showed a really high number for my liver enzymes, dr said it was the highest he had seen....not good. Yesterday it was less than 1/2 of what it was a month ago. It is still high but has dropped considerably. Some chemo is helping!!!! We are happy!

I also asked about my shortness of breath, fluid is accumulating around my lung again. I can't walk very far with out feeling so pooped (hence the wheel chair). The doctor feels the chemo will help and we weighed the consequences of sticking a big needle in my back again and waiting a week to see if the chemo helps. I agreed to give it a week. The one and only time I had a thorancentesis the radiologist did get some air in. Of course it would happen to me. 

As I was sitting in the chemo chair one of the nurses passed out Thirty one bags to everyone. This is a nice bag! You can see the pockets on the outside. Inside it has a big pocket (ipad size) and a zipper pocket. It's a decent size, magazines would easily fit, about 5" deep, with a zippered top. I could even get my laptop in it. They were donated by a local rep. It was filled with goodies: blanket, lip balm, nail file, coloring book and colored pencils, pen, key fob, had sanitizer, hand lotion, I think that was it. I did email the young woman who donated it and she graciously replied. 

One of my premeds for the chemo is benadryl....so I get very sleepy. I told Deb she could leave and I relaxed and waited for Kev to pick me up. Two years ago I drove myself to chemo, but now I don't feel good enough...and....today I noticed I have drop foot again. Darn! I can't drive even if I do feel good. At least I know it will go away...but when?

Today (day after chemo) I feel good. I even had a smoothy for breakfast....one that I made myself with bananas, cherries, yogurt, milk, and I toss in ice cubes.....I like cold things. It filled me up so I'll be having a late lunch. 

I think I'll be a wife and do the dishes today. NO, we don't have a dish washer so Kev does them all. When I feel good I do them. I never minded washing dishes. 

The rest of the week looks quiet!!!! YAY!!!

If you've read this far, thanks. 

The Weekend

We didn't do anything special for Easter, I didn't even go to church. I really didn't feel good in the morning, I'll spare you the details. My breathing seems more labored. Later Kev made ham steak, baked potatoes, a yam, veggies for us. Ham is usually a 'no no' for me, but I cheat on occasion....and have been doing that often. I eat such small portions that I figure it doesn't add up to over 2000 mg sodium anyway. It was a nice meal and a very pleasant, relaxing day.

A gift from a friend! It is special, I love it. 

Thanks!!!

Friday afternoon my son and his family stopped over, it was nice to see them again. When they left he said "See you in 2 weeks." Sounds like that's their plan. 

While they were here our Pastor called and asked if he could stop over. Kev answered the phone and said 'sure', so he was here too for a while. We all chatted, then my kids left and just the 3 of us talked. It was nice to have Kev here too. 

After that Kev picked up Jalen to come and get his birthday gift. His 11th birthday is next month but we don't see him very often and I wanted to see how the Wye Flicker works......so he showed me.

j

You control it by wiggling your hips. This boy does not ride a bike or a scooter.....but he tried one of these last summer and said he loved it....so I knew it would be perfect for his birthday. It will get him off the couch and outside more.

 It's not a cheap gift so several people contributed to the cost.

I am also very proud to say that this young man  is one of 4 in his grade to be chosen for WCATY. It is a University of WI program for academically talented youth. I hope the rest of his family realizes what a treasure he is.

Yup, I have some pretty intelligent grands!

And that's it for our Easter weekend. It was OK, my head wants to do stuff but my body gets too pooped out. 

A Devotion For Today

The Deaconess at our church gave me a devotional book for those with cancer, so you'll see how this particular one pertains to me exactly today. 

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. "H-M-M, " she said, "I think I'll wear my hair in pigtails today." So she did and she had a fun, fun day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and she had another great day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.... "YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!" - 

Yes, my hair is falling out....but no, I won't shave my head. I'm not sure why. I don't think people notice my thinning hair right now, unless I point it out....so I won't....wait, I just did. 

I worked hard to get some hair....a year ago it was starting to grow and I was proud to show off my very short 'do'. I've had it cut twice (I decided to keep it short).

This woman saw the blessings and not the burdens in her situation, we should all be like that!

To sum up Matthew 6: 25-34 Jesus tells us not to worry that the Father gives us all we need. He even takes care of the birds in the air.....He will surely take care of us. Yup, I need to remember this. 

Hope you are having a blessed Easter Weekend!

As I See It

It may be the end of March, but it's not to late for a snow storm in Wi......unfortunately. It's wet and heavy and the estimates I've heard say about 6". It's still windy and it look like a 'wintery mix' is still coming down. This is what I see from my table as I sit at my computer, when it hits the patio door it melts and runs down. My poor birds........nothing in the feeder for them. 

These darn shrubs are invincible :-(  When they are not bogged down with heavy, wet snow they cover up 1/2 the window and I hate them. This summer I NEED to have them removed!

I did remember to weigh myself today and I gained 2#. That's something that doesn't make most people happy....it's good for me. I can't believe how skinny I look.......or maybe I was just fat. I always was thin, very thin, but after I married Kev he fattened me up.....or I just got older and fatter. 

I've graduated to washing the dishes and have plans to clean one bathroom today. No, I was not doing a thing! But I live here and can't let Kev do anything IF I can help. 

Friday my son and his children are coming to visit.

I'm glad I'm feeling better b/c Monday I have a full day. During the day I have a dr appt out of town and then a Feel Better Look Good meeting in the evening. I didn't want to do both on the same day but the next meeting was a month away, and by that time I will be out of hair :-(

I've been doing a lot of reading.....the last 3 books I read were mostly about being pregnant and babies (no, I didn't realize it when I chose those books) so I think I need to change my genre and find a good murder mystery.

Yesterday when I opened my front door to get the mail I found a 'care package' sitting there: dessert, card, crossword book (I don't do other word/number games). Cool, huh?

The other day my friend took me to the clinic for my blood work. After that we (she) did a little shopping. I needed smaller pants, they fit! It's always good to get out of the house and go somewhere other than a doctor's office. 

Unfortunately my WBC is still too low for a treatment, hope it's OK by next Wednesday. I hate chemo but I know it has to be done. On the other hand the numbers that were sky high are lower and lower....that's a great thing!!!!

And that's how I see today!

Happy Easter weekend!

Thank you all for your wonderful comments. 

A Couple Of Firsts

First of all we had a really, nice, quiet weekend....no visitors. I love seeing my family but it was just nice to do NOTHING. It's been 2 weeks since my last chemo and I am starting to feel better. But I am sure  my dr will continue the chemo next week. Well, if that's what I gotta do I guess I gotta do it. 

Yesterday afternoon Kev and I had errands to run so I cleaned up and off we went. I dread making myself presentable....(yes, I do it IF I leave the house). We stopped at a local restaurant for an early supper....first time I've been out for pleasure in a month. As I looked at the menu nothing appealed to me. The strawberries looked pretty good.......so I had a pancake with strawberries (and Kev shared his ham with me). That's a first, I NEVER order breakfast in the middle of the day. 

Another first: no make up! I'm one who always wears make up, even if I'm staying at home. That certainly has changed! I never even think of makeup anymore....altho I did tell Kev if he wanted me to wear some he'd have to apply it. He said if he did that he would not let me out of the house. We had a nice, early dinner. It was so good to be 'normal'. 

I knew it was going to happen....and I'm really sad. My scalp and hair was hurting .... I know what that means....I noticed today that I am shedding :-( I really, really like my short, curly hair. It's so easy to take care of. I have my wig, but it feels small and I feel self conscious when I wear it. I might have one or 2 sunhats here, but my favorite one blew away one windy day. And, of course, I don't have any turbans here! I am going to call a local cancer center and see what they can help me with. 

Damm Cancer!!!!

Palm Sunday

Yeah, yeah, I see people coming out of churches waving around palm branches.....got it!

There's a little more to it than that....I am not the best person to explain, but I'll do my best to simplify it in case your memory escapes you, like mine often does. 

On that Sunday Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey that had not been broken (ridden before). It would be the beginning of His reign, but not until several prophecies were fulfilled. 

He was joyfully welcomed into the city. People laid down palm branches and their cloaks for him. The crowds shouted: "Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest heaven!" (Matthew 21:9, NIV)

By the end of the week he would have been made to carry a heavy cross (to which he would be NAILED), a thorney crown was shoved onto his head, he would be given vinegar to drink, he would suffer ALL of our sins.

After He suffered and died on that cross in the hot sun he was put into a cave and heavy stone was rolled in front of it. BUT 3 days later his body was not there! He rose from the dead and reigns in Heaven with God, the Father! And that is why I KNOW I will be there when my time comes.

And I want you there also!

Some More Of The People I Love

Yesterday a few more of my favorite people stopped over after school. These boys live in town so I see them a bit more often than our other grands. They are Kevin's son's boys. 

They said they'd love me even if I don't give them Easter baskets this year. Kev nixed the idea of an egg hunt and even baskets this year. I can't go against him because I don't have the energy and he is 100% in charge of late. If you are a personal friend of mine you know I don't listen well and march to my own drummer.....but I can't now. Kev is the type of person who doesn't like to ask for help. Several people have offered help to us and he refuses, it's almost an insult, like saying he isn't capable. 

Speaking of energy, I'm almost afraid to say it but I do feel a bit better today. My appetite is better. I forgot to weigh myself the past 2 days but I weighed myself after breakfast today my weight was up over a pound. Usually people aren't happy about that...but I am. Do I feel better as a result of the chemo? Or is is it a result of skipping chemo this week? I don't care, I'll take it!! I still get tired if I do something, but I feel like doing it.

Yesterday my bff brought me some corned beef and cabbage....needless to say I took it easy on the cabbage, that was a treat. 

Today a friend is bringing me Mexican food for lunch....I hope my stomach likes it. Another friend is stopping over later.

We are looking forward to a quiet weekend, no visitors are scheduled...not that I don't like them....but I need alone time too. 

Hope you have a great weekend!!!

Yays and Nays

Isn't this arrangement adorable?

Last night I was thinking...there has to be something positive I can say....so I thought....and thought.

Yay * that it's raining outside and not snowing....b/c it is really windy out-there

Yay *for rides to and from my appointments, I just can not do it yet

Yay * I have started reading again

Yay * my hubby gets me anything I want to eat (which isn't much)

Yay * I get next week off chemo

Yay * March is 1/2 over and spring is on the way

 I did not have chemo today b/c my blood count was too low. I guess it would be a Nay b/c I've never had to miss a chemo before....my blood work was always super (I need to eat protein, but I hate red meat.....try something else)

Nay * Easter is less than 2 weeks away but I will be unable to have our annual egg hunt. It is way too much to ask Kev to do alone and he thinks it would be too much for me, guess I have to agree. I just do not have the energy, I kick visitors out after an hour.

Nay * my house smells dusty

Nay * our water tastes funny (these last 2 are chemo related)

That's all for today, folks!!!

Random Things

,We had another granddaughter visit on Sunday. This is Kevin's daughter's daughter. 

As I'm laying here trying to fall asleep (Monday night in bed), I had a brainstorm, sort of. Anyway I'm thinking about the first time I had chemo, where I was already to fight, I wasn't scared , everything was going great. But I started way ahead that time, I felt fantastic. This time I am rundown already, I'm out of energy before I even start. This time I have to crawl out of my hole and I am not making any headway. I keep losing weight. 

Monday I felt a little better, I slept a little later. But it was a busy day. My pastor came over for a short visit, and then a couple of friends came over later for a visit. So after that I was tired and I took a short nap. visitors are good I feel good when I see them, but I do get tired. I HATE THIS CANCER. I hate feeling like I don't care about anything. I was sad and wanted to cry.....no tears. I read a book with some heartbreaking parts.....no tears. 

Monday after Kevin got home from work we talked for hours.....we've never talked that much. I was talked out!

Once again I thank everyone for believing in me....for your prayers.

The Weekend

 My son and his family came to visit. It was the nicest visit we've ever had. My son had very hard feelings against hubby but they have put that aside. One of the things we discussed was medical marijuana and I think I'm ready for it. I don't have an appetite or any desire to do anything other than lay in bed. I swallow a lot of anti nausea pills and am appreciative of the ones that make me drowsy. I feel OK, it's the darn fatigue. When I'm visiting downstairs I'm fine. 

My oldest granddaughter (15) and my grandson. 

More pretty flowers from my book club 

Photos of the Week

My daughter and her family were here last weekend. She made some rolls for me, my grandson labeled them.

My  girlfriend gave me a bouquet of simple yellow tulips......look what they opened up to be!!!!!

Oldest grandchild, 16 in a few days.

the rest of my daughter's children.

The week went ok, as far as chemo/cancer is concerned. I continue to loose weight and am fatigued, lots more than tired. Thirty years ago I looked much better at this weight.

My daughter brought me more pickles and was here again on friday......I think she loves me! Another friend dropped in and we had a nice visit.

My son and his family will be here later.

Hubby could be golfing but he will stay here and clean up the yard. I'm not sure how warm it is but I bet with a blanket I'd be perfect in the sunshine. He loves me too, he filled the birdfeeder, even tho he HATES the mice it brings. What does a person do about that?

I had some breakfast. Time for THAT. DAM. HANDFUL. of pills and then fresh clothes.

thanks for stopping by.

Thursday's Thoughts

YAY!

I don't have to go anywhere and do not have to get dressed!

I don't need a fancy catch phrase; or a deep, meaningful statement; just a quick 'hey' should suffice.

It wasn't quite 6AM when I started, and the sun was beginning to peek out somewhere............now it's nearly 6:30 and I can see fog all around. 

My 2nd treatment was yesterday, all went well. I still remain sooooooooooo tired and do nothing all day. The dr says I will start to feel better, I hope he is right.

Kevin is so happy I have good friends to check in on me, he feels guilty leaving me alone, but he needs to get out also. 

We had company both Saturday and Sunday last weekend. My daughter is coming tomorrow and I think I have one thing I'd like her to do. She lives over 100 miles away.

saturday my son's family is coming over and Sunday Kevin's daughter's family is visiting, as long as Mackenzie isn't sick.

I am feeling a tiny bit more chipper and hope to be able to at least take some interest a book or even TV program.

I think I am an easy house-guest----I lay around and sleep all day, no tv or radio to distract a person, BUT I do require a lot of room service......Whad'ya think?

I really appreciate all of your lovely comments!!! I hope to read your blogs and comment back soon. 

Thursday's ThoughtsAs

You are probably not surprised to read that my head is spinning.............the thoughts spin around faster and I can't stop them. Thank God I have been getting some sleep, although 8 hours in a row would be nice. When I wake up in the wee hours I try to lay very still and not open my eyes.

I'm tired, it's an effort to talk and even to write this. It's hard to concentrate.

Breathing is best when sitting upright.

My legs ache, but my back has been OK.

I can't wait for bedtime.

Yesterday I had a medical port put in, it all went well. A port is a good thing, it saves your veins. 

Tomorrow I will start taking an oral chemo pill (actually 5 of them) with a list of side effects as long as my arm. *sigh* In fact the pharmacy sends a package of products along for the side effects. 

Tomorrow I am having a CT scan on my liver........and I have to drink 2 bottles of a barium 'shake'. I am afraid the anti nausea meds won't help............mornings are the worst. I can eat in the afternoon. 

My fight mode comes and goes. 

All I can think of is my grandchildren. And I feel so bad for the those who read this. This is an honest documentation of my journey.

Thanks again to my  friends who are taking care of me, for the prayers, for the treats, for the kind words.

He's Got My Back

Even though theses past several weeks I have felt Lower than ever, emptier than a dried out clay pot, I know Jesus has my back. Months before I was on top of the world; taking credit for being cancer free, for the great summer I had, for working on things around the house. I know He's there...but sadly, I put him on the back burner. Can you say STUPID?

I know the cancer is attacking several places in my body and I know I will die some day.....but until then I'm fighting as hard as I can. Monday I got sick on the way there and we did not make it to Madison for a 2nd opinion. I think I wanted to go b/c I thought that was what I should do. I have since changed my mind. My dr is a good dr and is on top of things. I trust him.

I had another appt with him yesterday and started chemo. I also got another dose of anti nausea drugs. :-) Even tho I had done it before I was scared.....I'm not a cry baby but I am a scaredy cat. 

All went well. When I got home I felt better, emotionally....ready to fight! Yay for prayers!!! No matter what happens, Jesus has my back! I know it. My hubby is right there too! He's very attentive to my needs. 

Before we left for Madison I fell into his arms and said "I'm so f#@*& scared" and started crying, we both did. I stopped it right away.....I have to be strong. By the way f*& is not a word I use...but I may use it now! 

At 12:15 today I am scheduled to have  my port put in. It's a good thing....but last time I had a different dr and hospital..let's hope this surgery goes as well. My bff is taking me, hubby can not afford to take off from work. So right now I am sitting here needing a cup of tea.....I don't think swishing a swallow of it around in  my mouth will be the same as drinking it. 

As of right now my chemo schedule is for 3 weeks on (once a week) and 1 week off. I am not sure how many sessions, but I think it's a lot. Also I will be taking a chemo pill every day, that's all I know about that right now.

In case you are not a Christian and don't know/understand Jesus here are a couple of good books that you might want to take a peak at. I know I will live forever in the most wonderful place ever with many of my loved one.........mom, baby sister, brother, dad, and oh so many others.............and I want you there too!!!!

The Spirituality of the Cross

7 Christian Rules

If you click on the title below each book it will take you to Amazon.