Even though theses past several weeks I have felt Lower than ever, emptier than a dried out clay pot, I know Jesus has my back. Months before I was on top of the world; taking credit for being cancer free, for the great summer I had, for working on things around the house. I know He's there...but sadly, I put him on the back burner. Can you say STUPID?
I know the cancer is attacking several places in my body and I know I will die some day.....but until then I'm fighting as hard as I can. Monday I got sick on the way there and we did not make it to Madison for a 2nd opinion. I think I wanted to go b/c I thought that was what I should do. I have since changed my mind. My dr is a good dr and is on top of things. I trust him.
I had another appt with him yesterday and started chemo. I also got another dose of anti nausea drugs. :-) Even tho I had done it before I was scared.....I'm not a cry baby but I am a scaredy cat.
All went well. When I got home I felt better, emotionally....ready to fight! Yay for prayers!!! No matter what happens, Jesus has my back! I know it. My hubby is right there too! He's very attentive to my needs.
Before we left for Madison I fell into his arms and said "I'm so f#@*& scared" and started crying, we both did. I stopped it right away.....I have to be strong. By the way f*& is not a word I use...but I may use it now!
At 12:15 today I am scheduled to have my port put in. It's a good thing....but last time I had a different dr and hospital..let's hope this surgery goes as well. My bff is taking me, hubby can not afford to take off from work. So right now I am sitting here needing a cup of tea.....I don't think swishing a swallow of it around in my mouth will be the same as drinking it.
As of right now my chemo schedule is for 3 weeks on (once a week) and 1 week off. I am not sure how many sessions, but I think it's a lot. Also I will be taking a chemo pill every day, that's all I know about that right now.
In case you are not a Christian and don't know/understand Jesus here are a couple of good books that you might want to take a peak at. I know I will live forever in the most wonderful place ever with many of my loved one.........mom, baby sister, brother, dad, and oh so many others.............and I want you there too!!!!
It's amazing that you are able to speak the love of Jesus while going through your trials. That is your testimony and I am blessed to know you because of it! Continuing to pray....
ReplyDeleteYou sound so good. And I the very end, I will see you too with everyone. Beautiful place. But until then, we need you here!
ReplyDeleteLinda, I'm so thankful you're in fight mode again! I've been praying for you and will continue. You know, Jesus promised never to leave you or forsake you...NEVER. No matter what, he's going to be right there with you. Aren't you thankful you know him?! I sure am! I know this is scary, especially going through it the second time around but combat all those scary thoughts with truth. Write little post it notes and stick them around yourself to remind you. Joshua 1:9 should be front and center and I'm going to take the liberty of putting your name in that verse: Have I not commanded you, Linda? Be strong and courageous! Linda, do not be terrified or dismayed (intimidated), for the Lord your God is with you, Linda, wherever you go.” I love you my friend and I'm pulling for you!!!
ReplyDeleteLinda, I can't begin to tell you how I felt when I read this post and you said you were going to fight, to try and be strong. I wanted to say those things to you, but felt I did not have to right to tell you what to do...But I do care about you and want you to fight as long or hard as you can. You know your family loves you and only wants the best for you. ...well there's some out here that want the same for you and we have not even met you. But one day like you said we can all be together in the house of the Lord. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love you, Susie
ReplyDeletebless you precious one.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to hear you are feeling "strong" and have made decisions. Going forward in the arms of the Lord! Continued prayers for you.
ReplyDeletewarmly,
deb
We all have our time to feel empty, weak, and saddened about our situation. Some situations may seem worse than others, but in the long haul, we all our bearing a cross. I am so glad of your change of heart and your declaration of Jesus having your back! He does! Sometimes we just have to remind ourselves of that. Those books look good!
ReplyDeleteLove ya,
Deb
Hey Linda,
ReplyDeleteSo glad you're feeling comfortable and confident with your doctor. That's HUGE! And it's okay to cry...it's okay to be sad and downright angry...and the F word and cancer seem to just go together, don't you think??? I think anyone who has battled it, or had loved ones battle it...have used those two words in the same sentence...or at the very least, THOUGHT them! Anyway...know you are in my thoughts and prayers. According to my tracking on the box I mailed you...you should be getting a surprise (well not VERY much of a surprise, bein's I told you about it!)...around Friday! Hope you like it! Love you muchly, my friend! God bless!
Pam
You keep fighting my friend and I'll keep praying! I will pray every day for strength and healing, you WILL kick Cancer's butt... you go Linda, you AND JESUS have got this!
ReplyDeleteHugs and prayers!
ReplyDeleteYou're awesome!
ReplyDeleteYou keep fighting and yes, Jesus has your back. Don't have regrets over what you may or may not have done. God goes before you and behind you and is with you in between!
ReplyDelete