Cutting Back and a COnfession

I am cutting back on activities of late.......b/c of heath? weather? or what? Since my sinus infection I seem to be more tired. I don't like to be out at night after 8PM. I like to be in bed by 7PM......I play my games, read, or watch TV.......besides that it is dark so early.

Last week I did not go a local live production. I knew it was going to be good....but didn't want  to go out at night. 

It's cold.............50 is cold to me. I turn the thermostat up to 74 when I am at home.....have to remember to have Kev turn it down at bedtime.

Next weekend I have several reasons not to go to a scrapbook retreat....I get tired so easily. It is only October.....I hope winter goes quickly.

I am cold, tired, and slow.

I have started physical therapy for my neurorpathy ...hope it helps. I am tried of not driving, walking like a drunken sailor, and slurring my words. 

Wish me luck!!!!
I want to make a confession..............I have ACCIDENTALLY deleted one of your posts, I hate it when I do that. Sometimes I check comments on my Kindle and my thumb hits the delete button....and it is gone.....:-( so sorry....I love comments!

A Book, Bingo, My Back, Baking, Bruises

This is a great book! I would not chosen it on my own, thinking "it's too sad'. It was recommended by one of our members. I am so glad. Until twelve years old Martin was a 'normal' boy. He got sick and no one knew what was wrong, he couldn't talk, eat, or control his limbs....very frustrating. For nine years he just sits in a chair wherever his is placed. He's deemed to be on the lowest end of of the intelligence/rehabilitation scale. Finally he sees flashes of light of his past life and knowledge just appears to him. One of the workers, at the home he spends his days in , takes notice of him, of his eye contact, and she wants to have him tested.

He's tested for the ability to communicate and it is determined that he has the ability. He's outfitted with a word/letter board and finally a laptop. He spells words, learns words and their meaning, he learns to 'speak' the laptop application. Martin works for hours at learning. He studies, works part time, gives speeches, travels, etc. He faced the struggles of every young man, only at an older age. Eventually he works full time and marries.

 

Another interesting fact is that, although he was not raised a christian or church goer, he knows Jesus and talks to him. How can  you not believe???

Last night I went to bingo with a friend.....no one at our end of the table won, but it was a nice group. If I go again I'll have to get a dauber, maybe a pretty metallic one???

All day yesterday my back was so sore, I didn't do anything to it. (sad face) The day started out good, with a call from my son.

I couldn't bend over to pick anything up and I could barely stand up straight when I walked. I was hoping my errands and walking would help, but no. I tried to sleep on my other side last night and today it is better. Cancer? or normal everyday pain? maybe I should go back to the chair yoga at the senior center.
I feel like I cough more.....is it a cold? cancer? Yes, this is how we think.
I am not really a big pumpkin fan but I want some pumpkin bread, I think I have all the ingredients here, I just took my last loaf of chocolate zucchini bread out of the freezer. I know I should flush all of my sugar down the toilet. (cancer loves it)
I've noticed a few light bruises lately.... I've NEVER bruised before unless I really got hit.What is that about?
Friday morning I am leaving for a Christian retreat: "Live, Laugh, Love". It's in Three Lakes, a couple of hours up north. We've gone before and always enjoy it. This is the first year I am not driving. (sad face) 
I guess I need to do some laundry and start packing.
Thanks for checking in with me................what's next?

Catching Up

Did you read my Heaven & Hell post?

If not, I hope you'll read the following two paragraphs, it is very important!!!

"The other day when I was finished with chemo and waiting for Kevin to pick me up I was chatting with one of the super fantastic nurses about the end of life. She used to work in hospice care for several years and told me about one experience she had. The patient had a painful cancer and was on whatever pain meds were available. She did not believe in Jesus or the Bible. She invited all sorts of people into her home at the end to attempt to figure this out: from tarot card readers to a Baptist minister. Finally, at the very end, she was given the same thing a surgery patient is given to 'knock them out'. When she passed a terrible, loud, blood curdling, piercing scream could be heard for 3 blocks. I think she had just fallen into hell's fire. How awful. I've never heard of anything like that, I have heard of people saying that  family members are there to greet them, that they've seen a bright light, of smiles. One of the hospice nurses quit right after that job. Now you know why I want you to believe and to be in heaven with me! You can become a believer in the last 5 minutes of your life, but we don't know when the end of life will come and if you'll have 5 minutes to become a Christ follower.
Hell is an ETERNAL fire, not for me!"

the following is a comment from one of my followers. 

"Our friend, Mike, sat with an old friend of his that was dying. He was an atheist and Mike had been working with him for a long time to get him to believe in God and the bible. He said he KNEW but religion wasn't for him. Mike swears that when he died (he was sitting there with him) that there was a dark "fog" that rolled into the room and hovered over him and he died with an agonized look on his face. Now, if it had been anyone but Mike I might have been hesitant to believe it. However, there was a nurse and relative in the room that also saw it. The nurse said she had never seen anything kike it and it scared her badly." 

Did you survive the first holiday weekend of the summer? We had a quiet weekend........... Saturday night Jalen came over and stayed overnight, we went to church Sunday morning.....it had been months since I've been there. Sunday a couple of my friends came over and helped me pull weeds from my flower garden. Monday was very nice, Kevin drove one of the city 'dignitaries in the parade in our convertible. I wanted to plant my 3 tomato plants, but it was too warm for me so I sat on the deck and did some reading. I did get one plant planted....2 more tomatoes and many flowers to go. After Kevin got home from golfing (yes, I was a golf widow most of the afternoon) we took the convertible and went to eat. Kev was nice enough to allow me to choose the restaurant - the new Mexican place in town. Kev doesn't care for ethnic food....but he had tacos with ONLY cheese and beef. I had seafood enchiladas......that just didn't agree with me, I did not feel good when I went to bed. I actually took an anti-nausea pill before I went to sleep. I think I have that place out of my system for a while.

I was good after that. This morning I had a an appointment with the Home Heath care nurse  and then onto my oncologist. Since I have neuropathy and drop foot he decided to change my chemo to an oral pill.  Hopefully the drop foot will go away and I will be able to walk and drive again. It is really hard not to be able to drive myself around!!!! Dr wanted me to walk on my toes (not happening) and my heels next ( that didn't happen either).Today was a free day. I go back next week for a chest x-ray and find out about the drug. Of course, everything has to be ok'ed with the insurance company.

I'll keep you posted on my new chemo journey! 

Come back soon!

Another Post I Hadn't Planned On Writing

Need I elaborate any more?

Probably not.

I am having flashbacks from the chemo days:

I don't have a desire to eat.

I am so tired, I was up at 8:30 this morning and napped from 10 -noon. I am so tired...........but sleep fitfully at night.

The only thing I accomplished today was washing the dishes. I am going to bake some potatoes, and heat up veggies and leftover chicken for dinner. 

I should have gone grocery shopping...but that would've meant getting dressed and leaving the house. I haven't left this house for 3 days.

The smell of the soap hubby uses for his shower makes me wanna puke.

Sorry for all of the negativity but it is getting rather depressing....taking all these pills with their side effects. Just one month ago I felt like superwoman.....

I've been checking out the side effects of my thyroid med - Levothyroxin. 

Should I even be taking this? It looks like it will just add to my problems.

In the morning if I roll over in bed before getting up I am dizzy.

I am looking into Thyromin by Young Living.

Does anyone else suffer from hypothyroidism? What works for you?

Yes, I am getting as sick of writing these "I feel so awful" posts as you are of reading them. Soon, very soon, that will change.

Hope your week is off to a great start!

Eggs and More

Read this on facebook and wanted to share

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the ‘Senior Special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

"Sounds good," my wife said, "but I don't want the eggs."

"Then I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay more for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously.

"Yes," said the waitress.

"I'll take the special, then," my wife said.

"How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked.

"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.

She took the two eggs home and baked a cake. ( don't mess with seniors)

Since I'm kinda grouchy I thought I'd start off with a funny. 

....and if I'm ever in that situation I hope I remember to ask for my eggs in that form.

First: I'm still not feeling any better....this is the 3rd week. I am so tired and take a nap late in the afternoon...and I do sleep. I also get so out of breath and can not walk and talk at the same time. When I do go to bed I sleep fitfully.

But my appetite is back, that I WAS NOT worried about. I am not sleeping so late in the morning, that's a good sign.

I went in for my physical earlier in the week, which did not happen. My BP was really low, so after she talked to my cardiology nurse I was told to go back to my previous dose of that med. We talked in depth about how terrible I felt. The NP ordered a 4th set of blood tests for me.

Finally.....some news. I'm glad all of my other tests were good...but what is wrong with me? Why do I feel so awful?

My thyroid is under active, most likely from my radiation last year. I'll start the new meds tomorrow.

Also my inflammation indicators are quite high. I am not sure what that means exactly, but arthritis,and such does run in my family so that doesn't surprise me.

Since I am a blood thinner I have my blood checked about every 4 weeks. My INR is supposed to be between 2-3, so when the nurse called and said it was 6.3 I shouted out "holy shit".

Next week I am going to have my physical. The week after I have two more dr appointments - a rheumatologist and an electrophysiologist. I sure hope one of these doctors can figure out why I am so out of breath.

Second: I'm grouchy because I let one person get to me, even though 50 other people like me, I listen to the one that hates me and let that bother me.

On the bright side Yesterday I had lunch at school with 2 of my grandsons. We always enjoy that.

I have been doing the aquatic exercises at the Y with the Silver Sneakers b/c I can move at my own pace. Today we had a Valentine's party - soup & sandwich and some games (prizes, of course). It was really nice.

Looks like it will be a cold and quite weekend here. Kev and I don't celebrate Valentine's Day...actually he doesn't really celebrate any holiday. He does bring me bar food on Wednesday nights....so I can live with that. 

Happy Valentine's Day to you!!

It's A New Week

I'm still not feeling the greatest, but am a teensy, tiny bit better tonight. Saturday was a total loss. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

I did set my alarm so I'd get up for church today, I have to do that if I want to be out of bed before 9. Eight o'clock is good, but 9 is a little late, hope that changes when summer comes.

I've had a hankering for ice cream for several days but we don't have any. Last night hubby asked if I wanted a shake from McDonald's.....that wasn't really what I wanted....but I said sure. I could understand not wanting to change clothes, get out of the car, and walk around in the store....why else are drive - thru's so popular? He was trying...I asked if we had ice cream a couple of times. This morning he went to the store and picked up sweet rolls (I can easily avoid those) and some rainbow (or superman?) ice cream.....YUK. I had to tell him I didn't like that kind. I was going to pick up something I liked after church but I was so beat that I forgot and came right home.

Surprise!!!!

Hubby came along with me to our grandsons's band concert Thursday night. I don't think he has gone to any other school events.

 Yes, he grumbled when I crawled over him to go up front and take photos. The band directer has each row stand up so we can get a photo. Hubby also complained when I followed the boys back to their rooms and got this picture of grandson J. 

Oh how I love facebook. I found this photo of my oldest granddaughter and claimed it as my own. She's 15.

My back and hip bones have been hurting so much when I go to bed, I just can not get comfortable. I toss and turn and roll around for hours.  My chest hurts...heartburn? (that would be a new experience for me). Two nights ago I grabbed my Young Living Deep Relief roll on and tried that. Either I was so tired that I thought it worked or it did make me feel better. I tried it again last night and it did help. I wasn't sure where to put it, so I did as suggested: feet, temples, and I also put some on my achy back and hips. I'm a doubting Thomas, skeptical kind of girl so I am still wondering if it's all in my head.....but if I hurt tonight I'm using it again.

I have an appointment with my GP on Tuesday so if I'm still feeling crappy I'll talk to her. I do know that all of my blood-work from last week was good, really good. I hope I can start breathing again....this shortness of breath is getting old....so old.

I hope this week is off to a good start for you and me!

It's Been A Quiet Week

....and I'm not complaining. 

Weird coincidence? Last week's dr appointment went very well, the dr did increase my blood pressure meds. The very next day I had absolutely NO ambition. I thought that was what was causing my lethargy....so I went back to my previous dose. I finally was able to talk to the nurse and explained my situation to him and I decided to take the new dose of BP meds. Maybe high BP was causing me to feel icky. We shall see. I am also feeling shortness of breath since last week. Not the extreme shortness of breath I had previously, but definitely feeling worse that I had been for a long time.The past 2 weeks I have just not felt like myself (who am I feeling like? I'm not sure.) I'm feeling lazy, not happy (as I usually am), I almost feel nauseous, I don't have much of an appetite (that's a good thing)....I just don't feel right.

 Monday I attended a silver sneaker exercise class at the Y and I could not keep up. It was more strenuous than the ones at the senior center I had  been attending,  I was just beat and had to just stand there and march very slowly. I'm not wasting my time going to that class until I feel better. I am still taking the water aerobics classes, those are not so strenuous and I can easily slow it down.

Today I had lab work done for my appointment next week with my primary care dr. I am not sure what she is looking for. The cardiologist ordered more blood tests after I talked to the nurse and expressed my concerns. Four vials lighter I walked out of the clinic with a juice and granola bar.      

I'm not sure if I have some kind of bug or if it is my heart. I've also been experiencing some dizziness so am seeing the electrophysiologist later this month. They deal with the diagnosis and treatment of heart rhythm disorders.

And that is why I haven't done much of anything the past 2 weeks.

All decorated for Valentine's day....and that will be it!

Don't Underestimate The Power of A Small Cabbage

Cabbage is one of those vegetables that not a lot of people like, I like it though, with lots of butter and salt and pepper on it..............but no salt now. It's good for you! and for a funny story.

My mother used to, and now I, make a cabbage based vegetable soup. I could eat it for days and days. I finally picked up a small head of cabbage the other day. 

Last night I made a baked potato for hubby but I didn't feel like having one so I just had a side of cabbage with my pork chop.  He opted for corn and a potato...no surprise there.

 Now for the not so funny part:

*I have CHF (congestive heart failure).

*Since the dr increased my BP meds I ache when I go to bed at night. My back hurts, my hip bones hurt, I toss and turn and just can not get comfortable. 

*Sometimes I have a dizzy/light headed spell.

As I am thrashing about in bed last night I developed a bad pain in the center of my chest. Indigestion? but I ate dinner 4 hours earlier. Oh no, what if I am having a heart attack....I check to see if I can smile, that's ok. I think, "if I do have a heart attack I am better off just calling 911 than trying to wake hubby who is downstairs, probably asleep with the TV on".

And for the funny part:

I remembered that almost 2 years ago, just before I retired, but had already started chemo, l had such a bad chest pain that Kev  picked me up from work and took me to ER and they ran ALL SORTS of tests for my heart............only for me to figure out that it was gas from the cabbage soup I had the night before. I started burping up a storm and that's when I put 2 & 2 together.

Aha! I forced myself to belch last night and after a few minutes I was starting to feel better.

I still have cabbage left, but at least now I'll know what is going on. And that's my funny story for the week. 

Do you have one?

Doctor Week

Yes, especially as we get older, doctor time comes.....Just 2 years ago I was a once a year visitor. Suddenly it changed to almost every week I was seeing some sort of doctor. Now, some months I don't have any appointments (excluding the INR check for my blood thinner).

Thursday is my first mammogram since my breast cancer diagnosis. I am delighted that I do not have to go out of town for it, our local facility has the same machine that is used at St Luke's so my surgeon is OK with me staying here, just a few minutes away.

Monday I am traveling to Milwaukee to see the cardiologist and to have another ECHO. Early next month I have an appointment with my new primary Dr (actually she's a PA).

I am really not a worrier, but I'd have to lie if I said I am not experiencing a wee bit of trepidation regarding these upcoming appointments. IF there is something to worry about I'll handle it then. I don't see any sense (never did) in thinking 'what if?'

I am exercising and feeling great ...but.... lately there are times when I almost feel light headed, it's hard to explain but I know what those episodes feel like and have had them before. The last time I had an ECHO my ef (ejection factor) was down.....did it go down again? And what would  that mean?

After water aerobics yesterday and my usual Monday errands I'd love to stay in today.........but no.......I have to run to Manitowoc to get the painting supplies I forgot on my last trip. So, off I go!

Hope you are having a good week!!!

Wow! Is it Friday Already?

It must be, my calendar says so. Where did the week go? Where did the month go? Only one more week and it's November. I hope winter goes as fast as summer and fall have gone. I am wanting to stay home.....to get some work done around the house and work on my crafts. Seems like I've been making up for all the times I stayed home last year. 

Yesterday morning I went grocery shopping and stopped at the thrift store. After lunch I cleaned up all my dead flowers....it's sad for me to have to throw them out. I did bring a few indoors and have a couple of plants that are still looking good, by the front door. It was a nice day to work outside, the sun was shining and all I needed to wear was a light sweatshirt (and pants LOL).

I actually made a decent dinner that hubby would eat. It's hard to cook low sodium for a man who doesn't like spices.

I was supposed to go to my Y Class but I begged off saying that I was beat after working outside all afternoon. I was tired but was on a roll. After supper I cleaned both of our bathrooms. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do after that so I just went upstairs and turned on the TV, read for a while, and played a game on my Kindle. I love Words with Friends. 

spied this guy as I was browsing the thrift store

At night, when I lay down my legs just ache. My calves feel like they are ready to cramp up. My knees ache and it moves up to my thighs. My elbows ache. When I am doing some of the workouts at the Y I have to stop because my calves hurt.
When I talked to my cardiologist and he looked at my ECHO he asked me how long I was supposed to be on the anastrozole. hmmm....I knew the oncologist put me on it as a precautionary measure and the standard time frame is 5 years. When I talked to the pharmacist she said the aches could be a side effect. I did some research on my own and read that it can also affect one's heart. I don't need that...... I talked to the triage nurse and she mentioned my concerns to my oncologist. At first she gave me the standard answer "5 years" etc. I told her I wanted the dr to review MY case. I knew he told me that it wasn't absolutely necessary. Yesterday she called to say dr said I do not have to take it. YAY!
Let's hope my aches go away and that my ECHO is improved next time. 
Guess what? I am off again......back to the clinic to have my blood tested for the blood thinner and check out the book sale at the library. Will I drop off more clothing at the consignment shop? The real question is will I have any money to pick up?
Happy Friday!!!

This Could Be A Depressing Post

....but it's not going to be, why should it be sad???

Monday I, and one of my good friends and a usual travel partner, traveled to Milwaukee to my visit with the cardiologist at the heart failure clinic (100 miles from home.) At first someone had to drive me, now I can do the driving. I don't like driving in big cities but another friend gave me directions for a very easy way to get to the hospital so it's (almost) a piece of cake. And it's so much easier with a friend riding shotgun.

It was a nice day for a drive, the trees are still very pretty and we had a nice visit. 

beautiful berries outside of the museum

I had an ECHO with an injection so they could get a clearer picture. I also had my usual blood work done. When I saw the dr he did not have the results of my lab nor did the person who reads the ECHO have the 'official' numbers. The nurse called me yesterday. My blood work was 'beautiful' according to the nurse. 

My ECHO was down to 35 from 43% at my last one. Normal ranges from 55-70. I was hospitalized at 19% so I know it can be improved with meds. I Have an appointment in 3 months for another ECHO.

I want to talk to my oncologist about the anastrozole that I am taking. It's a precautionary measure. It interferes with the production of estrogen in the body. The amount of estrogen is reduced so the growth of the tumor is limited. But my tumor had a very low percentage of estrogen reception. I am also wondering if that med is causing the aches in my legs when I go to bed.

On our way home we stopped at my favorite grocery store to get my FAVORITE pickles. When you're watching your sodium pickles are hard to find and I LOVE pickles....as as kid I often drank pickle juice...even as an adult I did. We also checked out the Land's End outlet. Most of their clothes are not my style, although I do love the jackets and sweatshirts. It's not a cheap store but the quality is good, you don't find the thin shirts you see at the big box stores, the ones you HAVE to wear another shirt over or under. 

Yesterday I had lunch with 2 friends and then went to a table setting display. I've posted about that before...and will again.

I weigh myself every day (per doctor's orders) and my weight was more than ever today:

*I had too much salt yesterday

*I eat too many sweets and too much food

I need to get back on track! and I will!

Today I am going to the yoga class at the senior center. It's not your usual on the floor yoga, but the stretching and breathing will be good. Twice a week I am taking a Livestrong class at the YMCA. I can walk so I should....I need too. We have a Little Free Library about 2 blocks from our house so that is an incentive for me, to add or take a book. I take the long way around to get there.

Today I have a follow up visit with physical therapy for the lymphedema in my breast. It really doesn't look better. I need to be more vigilant in doing my exercises and massage for that also.

So much to do.............Linda get busy!!!

Just because the cancer was cut out of your body doesn't mean it's over. The same goes for an chronic disease, it is always there....always a struggle, and a 'work in progress'.

I hope you have a great day!

So Sweet But Yet So Disruptive.

As I said in a previous post I am feeling really good, back to normal (except for occasional  lightheadedness), and addicted to chocolate once again.

Since the beginning of my journey I have lost about 30# and I like the way I look now. When I was getting chemotherapy last summer I lost my appetite and had to force myself to eat, Not anymore. I didn't eat any chocolate, I was able to walk right past Kevin's candy dishes and barely look at the chocolate. The only sweets I liked were fruit snacks. 

One side effect of the chemo was the absence of pain in my knees, especially my left knee (with a bakers cyst, damage from an auto accident, and arthritis). Now I take Anastrozole and one of it's side effects are painful joints. Sometimes my knees wake me up at night from the pain. My left knee is really stiff and painful when I get up from a sitting position (nothing new) and I limp around for a few steps.

 AHA! I had a revelation last night.....I think when I can't fall asleep.

I think it is the sugar consumption that is adding to my pain. I can feel that my knee is more swollen now than during chemo. Cancer also feeds on sugar. Ok, so now how do I cut the sugar??? Or more truthfully how do I stop the CHOCOLATE???

When I do I will feel better and not gain my lost weight back. 

Yesterday I filled 100 Easter eggs with candy for our egg hunt on Sunday.....well....I had to eat some of the chocolate.  I really am addicted to chocolate *** sad face***

I have done a very little research on natural remedies.

Some of the things that are good for cancer and arthritis are the same: green tea and turmeric. One of my pink sisters is taking Matcha tea (green tea) so I may try that. Lemons are in the news as good for cancer, I do put lemon in my iced tea and water....need to research that more. If I can find natural remedies that are deterrents for both it would be WONDERFUL.....so I want to put some more time into researching these subjects.

If any of you have any insight please leave a comment.

Thanks!!!

Have a HAPPY and  BLESSED EASTER!!!

Their Diabolical Plan......

.......but is it the same one my body has in mind?

Have my doctors been paying attention to me? It seems like I have gotten every UNUSUAL chemo side effect. Dear Lord, when you made me did you take the parts from the seconds/extra pile????

My oncologist had the bright idea to remove my tumor with only a local anesthetic, maxidation - similar to what you get for a colonoscopy. And he even got my surgeon to agree to it. It does scare me. I am 'only' having a lumpectomy, but still.......... Even my cardiologist seems to think it might work. I will see him next week and discuss it with him. Oh dear, what did I get myself into when I agreed to take on breast cancer?????   wait.....no one ever asked me :-(

Wednesday I had a lot of errands to run and was gone for most of the day. I did feel kinda 'foggy' and weird and just tickled a car in a parking lot (should never have told Kev). Shopko was my last stop and I walked around quite a bit, very slowly, I was quite tired by the time I got home. 

Thursday I had a bad cramp in my leg so I called the nurse and she said to take an extra potassium pill. I figured that was it but it's best to talk to the experts. I also noticed more numbness on my right foot/leg and that when sitting on a kitchen chair, with my feet flat on the floor, I can not lift my right toes off the floor.....scary. I finally got a hold of my regular dr (per the cardiology nurse) and they wanted me in that afternoon (it was already 3:30pm) or to go to ER. REALLY??? Kev took me to the dr and they ruled out a stroke but said I have drop foot......which my oncologist says happens with chemo patients. Not again....... So now Kev won't let me drive :-(

Today I have to go in for an MRI on my head and lumbar spine....oh joy, I hate those darn things....but at least this time I won't have to hold my breath (like I did when they did my heart last month-that was hard for me).

Just when I thought I understood the plan it changed on me....again. 

I have to get in the shower and get dressed b/c I haven't any idea of when I need to get my MRI. Thanks Carla for the ride....

and all my other friends for chauffeuring me around.

Trying To Catch Up - part 1

I am sorry I haven't posted, some of you are aware of what's been going on via Nana Diana or Deb. I was in St Lukes hospital in Milwaukee (cardiology and heart surgery) for nearly a week and came home Wednesday evening. I DID NOT HAVE SURGERY, that is just the type of hospital it is.

I had been so tired out and terribly out of breath and gained weight, even though I wasn't eating a lot. I didn't go anywhere, except for doctor appointments that friends would take me to. I was always in a wheel chair at my appointments. I could barely walk around in my own house. Getting dressed was a chore.

Nov 12 I had another ECHO.

I had been retaining water and the lasix was NOT helping. I told my cardiologist this and he doubled the dose, checked my blood-work and then changed it back. I was not feeling any better.......I know my body. I googled my situation and learned that intravenous would be the way to go. Another friend, an MA for 1 year, also mentioned IV administration of lasix. I should have asked my Dr about it. This went on for 3 weeks. I actually wanted to be admitted to the hospital. On many occasions my lips were blue and the Dr did not seem to care. 

Thursday, Nov 13, I was told to go to the hospital b/c the ECHO showed that my heart function had declined, kind of scary. I called Kev and work and he came home and we left for the nearly 2 drive to Milwaukee. I was relieved to be settled into the hospital.

• You are your best advocate - speak up for yourself.
• Pay attention to your body.
• Know your numbers: BP. weight, pulse, temp, whatever they take, and note any changes.

I'll be back in a day or 2 with more.

Chapter 1: Bye Bye Chemo and An Apology

Woo Hoo!

Yes, the chemo is over.....at least for now, unless I need a 'booster' in the future.

My blood work has been 'gorgeous' every time (to quote my dr) and the nurse who explains it to me says it is frame-able! Thanks to all of your prayers and the probiotics I take.

Chapter 2: Next I move on to only the Herceptin. It's not a chemo drug but is still given through my port and I have been getting it already so there are no new side effects to look for. That drip will last 30 minutes......so no more lunch at the clinic, I can deal with that. I forgot to ask the dr how long I'll get that but I know it is  longer term. One of the nurses guesstimated for about a year. I gotta do what I gotta do. I am waiting for the surgeon's call this week to schedule a consultation and surgery. Since I am pretty sure I am having a lumpectomy I am not worried......the lymph nodes removal concerns me a bit.

Radiation: Now this chapter scares me, I have heard too many horror stories.  Since I am having a smaller surgery I am hoping it won't be so bad....hoping!!!!   Painful burns :-(   Extreme fatigue.....I am tired of being tired. I don't have any specifics on the radiation yet, but you can bet I'll be updating you.

Looking forward to: *Having hair for the winter (what will it look like? now I'll have to figure out what to do with it again)

*Eyelashes

*Mascara and eye make up (I am very fair with blond eyelashes and brows, it will be nice to have eyes again)

*No more 'interesting' side effects from chemo

*No more constant watery eyes & runny nose

*Will I be able to wake up, well rested, at 5:30 and keep going all day until I sit down at 8???

*Today is my last day of Dexamethason  :-)

Thankful for: *Your prayers and friendship and comments

*The visits Carla blessed me with during my treatments

*The many calls, cards, and small gifts given to me out of love

*The doctors that I like

*The HER2 + cancer. Otherwise I'd be dealing with triple negative cancer, the most difficult kind, it often kills women. Herceptin is a game changer and targets the cancer cells.

*Great health insurance

*Good books and that I like to read

*Donating my head coverings back to the cancer center

I know the list will get longer....but I have to get dressed and take advantage of the day.....I'll be tired the rest of the week.

I feel I should apologize for my last depressing post. I guess I was having a 'poor me, nobody loves me' day. I woke up about 12:30 at night and was going to delete it but I read such a nice, caring comment that I just couldn't do it. Most of the time I am content and happy with my life and know that the cancer is just a temporary detour. I know I can not undo the mistakes I've made in the past and will have to accept that who I have as friends/family now are my friends/family. 

Thanks for visiting!

It IS fall.......time to put on my long pants now :-(

The Summer That Wasn't

It's the middle of August and as I write this I am sitting outside with a hoodie on....hood up.

That's partly because it's breezy and cool out and partly because I need to keep the sun off my neck. Last week I developed a pain in my hands between my thumb and pointer finger, my chest was red, my arms had red blotches on them, and my hands hurt when put in warm water. A few days ago my hands started peeling..........it was sunburn :-(   I hadn't been out in the sun since the grandchildren were here, but it caught up with me. So now I am following doctor's orders - no sun: long pants, long sleeves, gloves. I love the sun and I miss it but I will stay covered.

Back to the summer that wasn't..............The Old Farmer's Almanac predicted a cooler than usual summer for us this year and it was correct. We're often a bit cooler here (next to Lake Michigan). I don't think we have had many over 70 degree days. I'm not complaining, the temps were perfect for me. Soon it will be autumn. Seems like we were waiting for the hot weather to come....and it never did.....and now it's almost over.

I had so many plans for the summer........so many things I wanted to do with the grands, so many improvements I wanted to make to my small flower gardens, and there was even some inside work I had hoped to accomplish. Many of those things did not get crossed off my list. I planted some flowers but haven't been taking very good care of them. I think we went to or had one cookout this summer. I didn't make it to many festivals or celebrations. My friend invited me over for a fire one night but I was too tired to go......so it doesn't seem like I did a lot of summer things. BUT I DID have a good summer- I was able to go on all the trips I had planned and I have spent time with the grands. It was a relaxing summer and I will enjoy a relaxing autumn also. 

This is not my first 'summer that wasn't'.

About 8 years ago, after a chiropractor visit, I developed a herniated disc. That evening I could not get out of bed until I had ingested some pain pills the next morning. That happened a day or 2 before my granddaughter was coming to stay with us......one of many other plans that were cancelled. That summer I spent many weeks in my recliner (including sleeping), only getting up when necessary. After several weeks I had surgery and eventually recovered. That was a hot summer and a very quiet one for me.

I'm not rushing autumn.....in fact I am holding on to summer AS LONG AS I CAN!!!.....but how was your summer???

Feels Like Christmas

I had a nice long post almost ready to go...and poof it was gone, so you're going to get the short version.

I worked 1/2 day today and received:

* a gift certificate for Easter

*bouquet of flower for Administrative Assistant's day

*gift certificate for the above reason

*larger than usual paycheck (extra hours)

We've been home 2 days and I had 3 appointments.

Yesterday I had a port inserted and also a clip in my lymph node. It went very well.

Before the surgery Nan, one of my nurses, came in bearing gifts. She and Julie gave me a big, hand made blanket. When I cover up with it I am suppose to think of it as a hug from the doctor and his 2 nurses. Nan also made a small, 1/2 moon shaped pillow for use with the seat belt or tender area (after surgery). They surprised me!

Monday is my first chemo treatment and hubby is coming along with me. He's been to all of my appointments by his choice and even gave me a hug when I told him that I'm going to need a hug now and then. Tuesday I get an injection. Chemo is scheduled for every 3 weeks. I hope that goes as well as everything else has so far. It's scary, but if other women can do it, so can I!!!

Also my bff is struggling right now with the seriousness of her mother's illness. It appears that Loretta won't make it much longer. If you're a praying person please pray that Loretta is pain free and for peace for Deb and her family. Even though they know life has to come to an end it is still very difficult for them.

We've Been Busy

Right around now I am wondering if I have a mental  deficiency???? My granddaughter has been here since friday and my grandson spent 2 nights with us also. We've been on the go!!!

Of course we had to set up the tent. They were able to sleep in it one night. Grandpa told them it was time for bed at midnight....how long they were up after that I don't know. I do know that they woke up early (birds) and were in the house about 5 and played games on the computer until I got up (or was woken up).

One afternoon we went to the library's program about animals in the rain forest. Two of my grands were chosen to help hold the 100# snake. The other one held the tarantula earlier.

Naturally we spent an afternoon at the local water park.

 A is sorting the embroidery floss that we picked up at the thrift store. On the left you can see some of the full cards she got. She sorted it all by color and marked off, on the master list, which colors she has. Can you say organized? She is making friendship bracelets to sell in their garage sale and the money will be donated to an animal shelter. Do you think this grandma is proud??? We were talking the other day and she said she was thinking that on her next birthday, since she has enough of everything, she'd like to have people donate to the animal shelter instead of buying a gift for her. This is all her own idea! Her mom is not an animal lover and they don't have any pets. My mom was a great animal lover and I told her that is what we requested when her great grandma passed. I love all of my grandchildren, each one has a special gift, but at this moment a tear of pride is running down my face. 

Grandson J is making up the menu for lunch. He wanted to go to a restaurant and I was not doing that so she suggested that they have a restaurant here. They ordered their food and even paid me. I made over $2, including my tip. A didn't have any money so J gave her some of his money. (Which is our money b/c most of it comes from grandpa anyway.)

After the library we stopped at the Historic Washington House for a quick tour and some ice cream. A and I always get ice cream here when she visits. Grandson S had never been there so he enjoyed it, well, they all did. Here they are in front of a wonderful dollhouse. 

Is that old lady with my grandchildren me???

A loves to scrapbook so we worked on hers. This is her favorite page. It's with her and her little sister. I gave her a bunch of supplies for Christmas but she hasn't had time to use it so I hauled stuff upstairs. My basement is a mess!!!! And who wants to be in a 'dungeon' when you can work in front of the patio door and hear/see outside? I think she likes using all of my papers and stickers too! Her mom scrapbooks too, but with 3 children and the activities they are involved in, she hasn't had much time. We are going to do more scrapbooking today. 

A sleeps in so I have a couple of hours to myself in the morning. I crave my alone time and so does she. The boys wanted to go the 'kids night' at the park last night but she choose not to. J was upset but this is her week and she wanted to just stay home. I usually take the boys to such events..........mom is working, dad has all the boys including their 2 year old and doesn't drive. The other grandparents, along with mom's brother and sister, live just a couple of blocks from the park, but......

Tonight we're attending 'Sundae Thursday' and the boys will come along with us. Two Rivers is the birthplace of the ice cream sundae!!!

My left leg has really been bothering me. My hamstring is so tight and  I can not bend my knee very much. I have to go upstairs stepping only my right leg, it hurts to put weight on my left when stepping up. Walking on a flat surface is just fine. I am beginning to think it could be something with my back???  My knee has been stiff for years but the thing with walking upstairs is new. I am going to make an appointment with the chiropractor for next week. Wish me luck!

MIA

It's been a long time since I've posted...........I was getting ready for Easter...putting up a few decorations.....trying to pin down which family members would be here for dinner.....well, Easter is long gone. The weather hasn't improved much, although the snow has melted considerably and we've seen a bit of the sun.

Good Friday was my friday to work and I worked until early afternoon. Hubby had the day off and we were expecting our 4 year old granddaughter for the weekend. Jessica, Chuck, and M arrived about 4PM, we visited and then went out for fish.

The weekend just continued to get worse. I developed a headache before I left work that afternoon and it was still very present! M and I got ready for bed and I read her a story, turned on the TV (she  insists it stay on all night), and said 'good night'. At last I can go to bed!!!!............but not M, she's quite energetic. Grandpa was watching TV downstairs and she made a couple of trips down to visit him. I finally pretended I was asleep and let him deal with her. I felt like crap!

putting the Easter window clings on

 

 Saturday morning my headache was still there, I was coughing, and all I wanted to do was sleep. Hubby and M left at 8:30 and returned home about 1.....I went right back to bed until about 2. I NEVER sleep during the day! Later in the afternoon grandson J came over and we had things to do. We colored eggs with a new technique that made the neatest tye dye ish eggs.  I had some big packing material bubbles for them to pop. The kids had baths to take..... popcorn to eat, and a movie to watch. He's almost 8 and she's 4-1/2 so they don't agree on everything. They look forward to seeing each other the 2 or 3 times a year they get together.

look at that concentration

 Sunday morning I just did not have the energy to get ready for church so we skipped it. I've been coughing and sneezing, so has M. We both feel nauseous at times. Thank goodness I put my foot down and said I'd make a ham and rolls and everyone else should bring food if they wanted to eat. Ok, I also heated up some frozen veggies and made an apple salad, easy stuff.

pop! pop! pop!

M's parents are coming from out of town, the other 2 families are nearby. I planned dinner for 1PM, allowing time for travel and church. A few minutes after 1 most everyone is here...............the potatoes are here so we eat! I'm feeling kinda cranky because of my cold and because the last family we're expecting is over 1/2 hour late........they live 15 min away. GRRRR  Maybe I was just hungry.....everyone enjoyed the dinner, the kids got along, and I cleaned up right away. Shortly after everyone was gone I went to bed! 

This has been the worst 'cold' I've ever had......to me a cold is a cold, but this time I feel sick, my  face feels like it's going to explode, I can't think, I still have a headache along with the coughing and sneezing and all I want to do is sleep and I did a lot of it.

I worked tuesday and wednesday and that was all I did. 

It's been over a week and I finally feel a little better. Someone told me it takes 10 days to get over and I believe it! I cancelled my dentist appointment for monday morning but I do think I'll be able to get back to 'normal' this week. Wish me luck! I hope you've been able to avoid whatever has been going around here.

The Weekend Is Over

First I want to thank you for the comments and emails. I was feeling down and like I didn't matter; I think we all feel like that at sometime(s), and maybe especially so as we get older. I could go on and on about the reason why.....who knows, it may be a future post.

Saturday I was feeling lazy and spent some time on the computer. My back started hurting so that contributed to my laziness. Our grandson came over early in the afternoon, putting the kibosh on any major project I might want to do. My back just felt worse as the day went on. I put an ice pack on it for a while and used the heating pad in bed for a short time.

I hoped it would be better in the morning, but I felt worse. Hubby took our grandson to Sunday school (my job) and grandson J was so helpful....he'd pick up things from the floor or bottom of the pantry that I couldn't get at. Even though it's Superbowl Sunday in the US we didn't have plans: 1) hubby doesn't really have close friends, nor do we as a couple and, 2) I couldn't care less about football. I think sports are great and kids should be involved in something, but it's not for me. The ice pack was my friend again today.

By mid-afternoon grandson J and I finished playing our LONG game of monopoly (my least favorite game) and my back was finally feeling better. I'm so glad, I feel like it was a totally wasted weekend and I am tried of sitting in front of the TV and computer. I didn't accomplish a single thing....unless you count playing MANY games of Words with Friends.

I have a busy week ahead:

• starting Bible study
• Red Hat meeting/dinner
• book club
• Dr appointment
• dentist appointment

It's a good thing I only work 2 days this week!