The real meaning of Easter - Easter Bunnies

I'm not being quite as facetious as you might think.  Easter was a celebration of fertility - who is more fertile than bunnies?

I know the kind of Bunnies my viewers want to see

In case you doubt that Easter was a Pagan fertility celebration, here is what one site says:

"The name "Easter" originated with the names of an ancient Goddess and God. The Venerable Bede, (672-735 CE - note not AD.) a Christian scholar, first asserted in his book De Ratione Temporum that Easter was named after Eostre (a.k.a. Eastre). She was the Great Mother Goddess of the Saxon people in Northern Europe."  Pagen Origins of Easter

Bunny in the woods

 The same site goes on:

"Similarly, the "Teutonic dawn goddess of fertility [was] known variously as Ostare, Ostara, Ostern, Eostra, Eostre, Eostur, Eastra, Eastur, Austron and Ausos."  Her name was derived from the ancient word for spring: "eastre." Similar Goddesses were known by other names in ancient cultures around the Mediterranean, and were celebrated in the springtime. Some were:

• Aphrodite, named Cytherea (Lady of Cythera) and Cypris (Lady of Cyprus) after the two places which claimed her birth; 
• Ashtoreth from ancient Israel (probably more popular that the God of Old Testament (Yahweh) in ancient Palestine - you need someone to make your crops grow!)
• Astarte from ancient Greece;
• from Mycenae;
• Hathor from ancient Egypt;
• Ishtar from Assyria;
• Kali, from India (not a goddess to mess with); and
• Ostara a Norse Goddess of fertility.

Whilst a bunny's natural habitat is the woods....

... many bunnies are kept inside

 Of course such emphasis on fertility has always been a problem for Christians:

"Fertility cults and rituals have always presented a problem for the Christian church. According to Hyde and DeLamater (2006), when Christianity first began to assert its stronghold on mankind, "Hebrew leaders saw in the fertility cult, a threat to their religion" and as a result, many sexual practices were forbidden because they challenged biblical principles of order. Circumventing the Christian God in order to invoke a process that was deemed to be under this God's complete control was considered an intolerable sin. Here, man's connection to nature gave him no ownership or influence over its processes. "  (Fertility cuts and the making of sexual magic)

Are tights and stocking an aid to sexual magic?

 But Christianity itself may be a fertility cult:

"By studying the development of language in relation to the development of myths, religions, and cultic practices in world cultures, [Dead Sea Scrolls scholar John] Allegro believed he could prove, through etymology, that the roots of Christianity, as of many other religions, lay in fertility cults."

 Most scholars are not convinced of John Allegro's ideas - not surprising given most scholars of the subject are Christian, but even they admit:

"There are some avoided topics in early Christian history like the Apocryphal gospels of Mary, Christ's acceptance by the community without being married, his relationship with Mary and Martha where you could tease out some fertility ritualism There are some avoided topics in early Christian history like the Apocryphal gospels of Mary, Christ's acceptance by the community without being married, his relationship with Mary and Martha where you could tease out some fertility ritualism  ....."

Word to the brothers in Christ - don't feel bad about looking at this image - remember your religion may originally been a fertility cult

Good Christian girls don't have to be angels

 You might not be convinced that Easter is about fertility.  However, I'm sure you don't need convincing that bunnies are a good symbol of fertility, but just in case you are wikipedia says:

"Rabbits and hares are both prolific breeders. Female hares can conceive a second litter of offspring while still pregnant with the first. This phenomenon is known as superfetation. Lagomorphs mature sexually at an early age and can give birth to several litters a year (hence the saying, "to breed like bunnies"). It is therefore not surprising that rabbits and hares should become fertility symbols, or that their springtime mating antics should enter into Easter folklore."

Although this bunny won't be doing much breeding ... but the "bunny" on his back might be

Lesbian bunnies? Probably not.  Probably they are just doing it to turn on the male of the species

And for good measure a word about the origin of the other kind of bunnies featured in this post - or at least the origins of their costume.

"The costume itself was conceived by Playboy's director of promotions, Victor Lownes, designed by Zelda Wynn Valdes, and subsequently refined by Hugh Hefner. Originally the ears were taller and the ensemble lacked the trademark bow tie, collar, and cuffs. First unveiled publicly in an early episode of Playboy's Penthouse, it made its formal debut at the opening of the first Playboy Club in Chicago on the evening of February 29, 1960."

 

 

Since then variations of the bunny have got international

 And have been used to sell stuff

And of course girls who want to look sexy at parties dress as bunnies.  A good way of teasing guys and having a laugh with your mates.

So what should you do this Easter day?

Try some sympathetic fertility magic obviously

Now you are probably reading this because you are a sado without a partner.  Well go and have a wank.  It is duty to keep your sperm healthy just in case you get the chance of a fuck.  If you are don't believe me, here is what a wise geek says:

"Experts recommend restricting ejaculation to once every two or three days to optimize the health of sperm. Men who are sexually abstinent may be well advised to masturbate as a replacement for intercourse. Experts recommend restricting ejaculation to once every two or three days to optimize the health of sperm. Men who are sexually abstinent may be well advised to masturbate as a replacement for intercourse. "

I see you are ready, already

Why not look at some of the bunnies on this page to help you wank yourself off?  (Girls that you'll never have in reality).  OK a few more just for you.

Showing her tights tops

Seams these girls are sexy

Cum already, bad boy, you'll be hell bound soon - don't die today if you can help it

Credits

This DEVILISH.....

.... BRITISH....

........BLOG......

...... is brought to you to glorify SATAN

Ave Satanas

Ad Majorem Sathanas Gloriam

Getting Cross

It's ten o'clock on Sunday morning, that means its time for Joy of Tights to be angry about religion.  Subject of today's rant, the European Court of Human Rights judgement on Nadia Eweida.

Nadia Eweida, 60, was sent home from work by BA in 2006 for refusing to hide or take off the cross around her neck. On the 15th January she was awarded 32,000 Euros by court after judges said there had been a violation of Article 9 of the European Convention on Human Rights

Now, from my point of view, you wear what your employee wants you to wear.  If they want you wear tan tights, white socks and tiny shorts as a Hooter's girl, then that's what you wear.

Is Hooter's more popular than the church in the background cannot think why?

If they want you to dress as a bunny girl with black tights and sandals then that's what you do.

If you don't like the dress code, don't winge about it - get another job!  It is sad that the European court did not show the same common sense as the British legal system - its enough to make you euroskeptic.  It is just unfair when most people follow the dress code and a few get away with it more religious (= lifestyle choice) reasons.

Airline employee wears her uniform.  What if she claimed tights and heels were against her religion?

A ‘jubilant’ Ms Eweida, who had lost at a string of hearings in Britain, said her first reaction to the ruling had been to say: ‘Thank you, Jesus.’ 

"Thank you Jesus" for Christian fashion sense

Gay guy in tights

Now it is all very well thanking Jesus, but  her victory came as three other Christians lost claims at the European Court of Human Rights. Nurse Shirley Chaplin, who wanted to wear a cross with her uniform, was told that her bosses were right to remove her from the wards because of the importance of health and safety for NHS patients.  And two Christians who were sacked in gay rights disputes were both properly dismissed, the Strasbourg court ruled.

Gillian Ladele, a registrar with Islington council, had declined to conduct civil partnership ceremonies. Gary McFarlane, a Relate counsellor, had been reluctant to give sex advice to gay couples.

Now I'm sure all gay guys will celebrate this as a victory for common sense.......

Gay guy in tights

Gay guy in tights

Gay guy in tights showing us his equipment

..... but why didn't Jesus give victory to these other people in their court cases.  I would have thought that the issue of homosexuality is more fundamental for fundamentalists than cross wearing.  After all St Paul says

"Romans 1:26-27: "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence [sic] of their error which was meet."

And here for Saint Paul are some guys enjoying their tights and themselves:

Like the boots and sandals boys

 Saint Paul must be turning in his crypt.

Now it is not just Saint Paul, Moses was into gay bashing as well.

Leviticus 18:22: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."

Now you will notice that Yahweh is quite liberal - nothing is said about women lezzing it up:

Still another one to upset Yahweh.

I'm surprised this guy wasn't hit by a  thunder bolt and reduced to a pair of smoking socks.  Perhaps he will be now I've brought Yahweh's attention to him

More fundamentally given the Jesus we read in the gospels - rather than the one presented by the fundamentalist church -....

No not Jesus some bloke with long hair and a beard.  Like the socks on the left

......you would expect him to sort out all the pain and suffering in the world rather than give Ms Eweida lots of dosh.

Charity funding raising for hospitals would be unnecessary if Jesus healed everyone

What I'm not saying

(1) That people can't wear crosses - they just have to do it on their own time.

Nice boots

(2) That people can't display crosses in their own homes.  Just not at work

(3) That people cannot display all kinds of religious junk (I mean religious paraphernalia (I mean religious artifacts)) in their own homes.

Hope Mary, Jesus and all the saints are helping you keep fit girls.

A solution
I even have a solution to the wearing religious symbols at work issue.  Get a tattoo

Follow peaches example - but with something a little more religious

Advantages of religious tattoos

• Can be covered up by thick tights, trousers or other clothing if not allowed at work.
• Present no hygiene problems.
• What could be a greater symbol of devotion to a god than having him (or her) tattooed on your body. Religious jewelry is so easy to take off anyone would think you are not convinced your god is the best.  Waiting for another one to come along?

Rather than a swirly pattern, you could have a scripture verse on your leg

Rather than stars why not a discrete cross tattoo that could be hidden by ankle boots when required.

Looks like some Christians may already be using this art form:

A bit home made

Go to a proper artist!