I Haven't Forgotten This Advice

It's Five Minute Friday at The Gypsy Mama.  The topic today... Expectations.

Five minutes set on the clock....Go.

I Haven't Forgotten This Advice...

Expectations can eat up a marriage.

Seriously, they burn me every time.

I will never ever forget in premarital counseling...our friend and mentor, Jason, said, "Beware of placing expectations on each other."

At that he held up his arms.  Parallel to the floor.  One arm on top of the other.  He raised his top arm up as if to say "cut" at the filming of a show.

"The greater your expectation, the greater your disappointment.  Especially if they go unvoiced."

In ten years, I have told that story 100 times.  And thought of it 1,000.

Expectations can eat up a marriage.

However, when I stop placing expectations on Brent, or just people in general, I am free to love.  And enjoy.

And love them some more.

My expectations are nothing more than the demands of my heart, placed on another human being.

That's not fair.

There is only One.  Jesus.  He is my expectation.

I can expect everything from God.

He will not disappoint.

...Stop

Authority, Crowns and Camo Hats

For Brent, the conversation came up out of no where.

I stood staring at the bathroom mirror.  Curling one tiny strand of hair at a time, I talked to the Lord and listened.  He had been stirring my spirit for days.  Curl after curl, I replayed each scenario in my mind. My most recent not-so-great-wife moments.

Listening back I could hear it...my words creating disorder in my own home.

Brent walked through the bathroom door and into our closet, laying a pair of gym shoes on the floor.

I looked at him through the mirror, "Babe, I owe you an apology."

He stood up.  "For what?"

"Recently, my eyes have been opened to how often I rob you of authority in front of the kids."

Twirling strands of hair around my iron, I went on.

"When you are home, I want the boys to know that Daddy is home.  God has appointed you as the head of our family and when it comes to the kids, I rob your voice of its authority.  And what I say is nothing huge or greatly disrespectful.  It is the little things.  For example, yesterday after dinner the boys asked if they could go outside and play.  And in the middle of you giving them permission, I interjected and said to them, 'No you all need to go upstairs and finish cleaning the playroom.'  I did not allow your instruction to hold weight."

Brent smiled.  "I think you are being too hard on yourself."

"No, I am serious.  Earlier I stopped you when you gave them a Popsicle. I even know when I do it!  I want the boys to hear your "no be no" and your "yes be yes".  I want to play a supportive role to you in everything.  If I am not submitting to you then what am I teaching them?  To argue authority?  I don't want that.  When you are home, I want them to see you as the head of our family.  God put things in this order."

As a mom, isn't it difficult to make this transition?  All day long, it is just me and the kids.  I give instruction. I call them for meals.  I referee disputes.  I tell them where to be and at what time. I am in charge.

But when daddy's home, things shift.  Authority shifts.  Brent and I then become a team, yet he serves as coach.

But hear me now {sassy finger wagging}. What I am not saying is - "Ladies, we are to be quiet doormats in our homes.  We have no voice.  Let us be seen and not heard."

Absolutely not.  That is not it at all.  But what the Lord is saying to me is, "Becky, be an example of honor and respect.  Don't just tell your boys to honor their authority, be an example.  Show them the God-ordained order of a Christian home.  Encourage your husband in his manhood.  Love him well by respecting him well.

My parents fought - loud, proud and a lot.  My mama wore the pants, no doubt.  I refuse to allow my boys to grow up under this same model. When I disagree with Brent, I can (and usually will) express my opinion in a respectful way...but not in the presence of my children.

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.  Proverbs 12:4

The excellent wife is a woman of good character, a helper to her man, one who brings him public honor. But the place I must practice public honor is in the privacy of my own home.  With my audience of three.

I pray my sons will grow up desiring an excellent wife of good, godly character.  A character in which they watched their own mother live out.

I pray their wife will be a beautiful crown, not a camouflage hat.

Brent smiled, "Well, I accept your apology."

And with an overly macho voice and a silly smirk, Brent stood extra tall and said, "But don't let it happen again now woman."

{He's a mess - grin}

Lord, thank you for your gentle conviction and allowing me to see a small crack in what could become large break.  Help me to show honor and respect to Brent, all of the time, but especially in the presence of our boys.  In Jesus name, amen.

This post was featured today at Our Family For His Glory!  Take time to hop over and meet Jessica...a woman of God, wife and mother of six....SEVEN years and younger.  What a rockstar!  Thanks, Jess for the opportunity to share a piece of my heart with your readers!!  xoxo

Day Twenty-Two: Love is Touchy-Feely

When Brent and I married, we read through the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

By far, one of the most helpful books for understanding how we relate to each other.

If you've never read the book the five love languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Acts of Service
3. Gift Giving
4. Physical Touch
5. Quality Time

Ten years ago, I would have said, hands down, that my strongest love language was "Quality Time." To an annoying fault. I love being with my family. I love spending time with Brent. Be it a romantic date or a trip to Walmart, I want his time.

But over the years, my love languages have changed a bit. I do still need my QT but, I have grown more in my need of Physcical Touch. And I'm not talking the sexual kind {blush}. We are talking, rub my back, pet my hair, hold my hand physcial touch. Ahh, feelin' the love.

Here's my theory: As we have aged and had kids, our natural tendency to touch has decreased. I mean, who can hold hands in the parking lot at church when you are trying to protect your three-year-old from running in front of a car. The only physical touch I receive from Brent some days may be our hands brushing over one another as we hand off a child after bath. "Here's one for PJ's. Hand me another."

This is my theory with elderly people, too. They are rarely touched. I try to be mindful of this when I am with my grandmother. Maybe I hold her hand while she's talking or rub her back before I go. Sometimes I give her a longer hug than I would just anyone. (You can never hug your mamaw too long.) She needs touch...because she rarely gets it.

So Jesus had compassion and touched their eyes, and immediately they recovered their sight and followed him. Matthew 20:34

Multitudes would gather. Thousands of people just wanting Jesus' touch. The people would bring their sick to Him...just for one touch.

They believed his touch would heal them. And it did.

His touch expressed compassion. His touch expressed love. His touch brought life.

One touch of Jesus' hand was power. These people needed the hand of God to make them whole.

Even today, one touch from Jesus can change a life. Forever.

Day Twenty-two: Love is Touchy-Feely

Today, make a point to extend your reach and touch someone. Hug a friend. Hold a hand. Rub some one's shoulder. We aren't talking awkward, we are just talking Jesus. Love on the people around you with a little physical touch.

It just might bring them life.

{What is your love language?}

When Busy Gets Your Best

We are in the thick of busy around here. Campus Crusade - busy. School-age children - busy. Fall sports - busy. Caring for Mamaw - busy. Fall is our craziest time of year. Not to mention, the kitchen sink is clogged, we're going out of town, the yard needs mowing, I'm co-chair of a 5K...I could go on.

Life. Is. Busy.

With my whole heart have I sought You, inquiring for and of You and yearning for You; O let me not wander or step aside [either in ignorance or willfully] from your commandments. Psalm 119:10 AMP

And when I'm busy, things slide. I slack on recycling, laundry piles up, I skip flossing my teeth, I'm snappy at Brent, and even worse ... I jip myself of time with the Lord.

My marriage and my walk with God - I am always amazed by the similarities of these two relationships. Both take similar amounts of intentionality. Time. Affection. Talking. Loving. But when one goes south, usually so does the other.

If I'm not intentionally pursing the Lord, I switch to spiritual auto pilot.

If I'm not intentionally pursuing Brent, my marriage sets to auto pilot, as well

My busy gets my best. My Best gets my last.

O let me not wander or step aside. Psalm 119:10 AMP

Oh, the subtle act of stepping aside. What a word picture - this stepping aside.

Can't you just see it!? "Oh, life is so busy Lord, I will just be right over here. Let me step aside for just a minute while I take care of this. And this. And this, too ..."

Stepping aside even sounds dainty doesn't it? "Oh pardon me, Lord."

Well, I tell you, the pardon I really need from the Lord is for my negligence.

There's nothing dainty about wandering from the Lord. Careless is a better word.

Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5:25

Get this ... to "keep in step with the Spirit" simply means to stay in line.

Let us go forward walking in line. Gal 5:25 AMP

Walking in a line - that is Kindergarten 101. Stay in line. Keep your eyes on your Leader. Don't wander off.

I got one spankin' in Kindergarten. For what? Getting out of line in the cafeteria hallway and talking to another class who was passing by.

Ahem, thirty years later, here I am. Still wanting to get out of line.

Today, let us get in step with the Spirit! Let us not wander from our God, but seek Him with our whole heart.

Lord, forgive me that busyness has gotten my best. Let me keep in step with you today. Let me not wander or get out of line. Today, I love You first. Today, I will intentionally love Brent well. I say "no" to auto pilot. Let me walk forward, not wandering from your commandments. Forgive me of any negligence on my part. Today, I keep my eyes fixed on You. I love you, Lord Jesus.

Does busy ever get your best?

The Fall of June Cleaver

An excellent wife who can find? - Proverbs 31:10

Last night turned ugly.

The evening started very well. Cool weather. A pot of soup on the stove. Brent walked in the front door to a happy wife in the kitchen and happy kids playing in the back yard.

We all sat at dinner and shared our Friday highs. Afterwards the boys threw football with daddy while I cleaned the kitchen. Bliss.

The kids came in for baths as I folded laundry. (June Cleaver never had it so good.)



Brent said, "Hey, I think I'll go get us a movie. I would enjoy some alone time. A little solitude to refuel."

Great idea. A movie. A refreshed husband. A calm, post-bedtime house. Love this idea.

So he left. I headed downstairs to make popcorn for the boys.

Well, I don't know what happens from the top of the stairs to the bottom, but a blissful night with children can turn to chaos in 0.2 seconds. Amen? In the blink of an eye, the boy's blissful behavior turned to fighting and name calling. The hush of my happy home became crying and crazy. And whose fault was all of this?

Brent's.

How could he leave me at bedtime? Arguably the most difficult part of the day! I'm tired, they're tired. And I'm now left to break up fights, read bedtime stories, brush teeth and do this all alone. Poo.

I call him. (Bad idea.) "Where are you? Are you almost done? I am struggling here. Could you come on back."

"Yes."

And he comes home. Long story longer, I should have never called. He needed that time. I needed to leave him be. I'm a big girl. I can handle fussy kids at bedtime. I've done it 1,000 times. I just shouldn't have called. (So much for June Cleaver.)

Was he mad? No. Was he frustrated? Very much so. I don't blame him.

An excellent wife who can find?

Excellent: (chayil) Virtuous, strength, might, efficiency, ability, force, power, leader of the army, upright, integrity, as the strength of a tree.

The word excellent means woman of strength. "It is the same word used to describe the character of Israel's Judges indicating that they were able and well qualified for their profession. So it follows that a wise woman is able and qualified for her work, has command of her own spirit and is able to manage others. She is a woman of resolution who, having chosen godly principles, is firm and faithful to them." - Dillow, The Creative Counterpart

Last night, I did not have command of my own spirit. I turned into a big baby and placed undo blame on my husband. I was not acting as one well qualified for my job.

Too often I get that "Well, I don't get a break" attitude towards Brent. And that's not fair. Nor is that really true. The Lord gives me several opportunities to refresh throughout the day. I don't always take them, but He always offers me rest. Rest only found in Him.

Dillow writes, "A strong bond of faithfulness and trust must have existed between the woman in Proverbs 31 and her husband. This trust can be applied to her husband's confidence in her ability to manage the household affairs: he knew that she was competent and that when he returned from his work each evening, he would find the home and family not in chaos but in order. Which of these situations does your husband find when he walks in the door."

Umm.

Brent, I am so sorry. I confess that I was not being compassionate towards your needs last night. I was being selfish. Forgive Buster?

An excellent woman who can find? Well, not in my house last night.

But today, I revel in the mercies of a new day. In faith, I am woman of strength in the power of the Holy Spirit. So are you.

Oh, how I need the Lord. My goodness.

In my own strength, I wuss out with fussy boys at bedtime. But in HIS POWER, I can lead an army.

Diary Of A Fantasy Football Wife

Ethan was a six-months-old and Grant was barely three when Brent tried to explain.

"It's a draft. And I have to be on the computer at the same time as all of the guys I'm playing against. It is time sensitive. I need to be online with all of them or I will miss out on the players I really want. The computer will choose for me and that could be bad. Also, before the draft starts, I need some time to think through exactly who I am going to choose."

I was listening. But this is what I heard.

"I know you have been with a nursing baby and a needy three-year-old all day. I'm sure you've been pooped on, spit on, hit on and screamed at, but nevertheless, at 7pm I am going upstairs into my office and shutting the door. You may not see me for the rest of the night. You will be handling bedtime and bathtime alone. I hope you were able to sneak a nap today."

Confessions of a Fantasy Football Wife.



This game, so harmless and fun, was my enemy. Pulling for a favorite NFL team was now a thing of the past. Every team, every game - an opportunity to score points. I didn't get it. I just didn't get it.

It has taken time, years obviously, for me to come to grips with the truth that Brent enjoys Fantasy Football. He enjoys it because it is not just about football. It is a conglomeration of male bonding, healthy competition and the love of the game. All three bring Brent joy.

And if Fantasy Football brings Brent joy, then it brings me joy, too.

The two will become one flesh. Ephesians 5:31

His league is my league. His team is my team. Instead of being his biggest opponent, I need to be his biggest fan.

Tuesday night, I sat and listened as Brent told me all about his draft. He's taking a different route this year, just so you know. His strategy is different. This just might be his best draft yet. {smile}

I want to support my man. In everything. I want him to know he is a great dad, a great husband, a servant leader, full of grace, full of love and one heck of a Fantasy Football Coach.

So what if it takes him away for a few hours here and there. I can deal. My quality-time-love-language will just have to wait. He does so much for his family. Shame on me for taping my toe over this. It really is harmless. These guys don't even bet money.

Here's to another Fantasy Football season! I'm pumped for you Brent. Forgive me of my selfishness over the years.

I get it now. I get it.

And don't be surprised if I am running around the house screaming for Chris Johnson to trip over his shoelaces when he’s about to score a 78-yard touchdown. I just don't want him to cost your team the title.

Get On Top Of It

There are better Spin instructors than me. Many instructors at the YMCA are true cyclists who ride there very nice road bikes for miles and miles every week.

I have an old mountain bike in my garage from college.

I've ridden it three times.

A true cyclist I may not be, but I don't claim to be either. Good thing that is not a requirement of a Spin instructor.

But what I can offer is encouragement. If you come to my class, I am going to tell you how great you're doing. How hard you're working. How healthy your heart is. How good you will feel. And how proud I am of you. (for what that's worth)

And I have a few tag lines that automatically come out of my mouth when teaching:

* Go! Get after it!
* Whoo!
* You're not tired.
* Get on it! Don't let it get on top of you!

The last line is where I've been. Trying to stay on top of it.

The "it" can be anything. In a Spin class, it may be a sprint, a climb or a time trial.

In daily life, it may be parenting your children, being intentional in your marriage, your finances, family relationships. Or spiritual warfare.

I started the summer sprinting as fast as my little seven's could pedal and now I am having to tell myself, "Get back on it, Becky! Don't let it get on top of you!"

I don't want to give too much credit to my Adversary because Jesus defeated him on the Cross. I live victoriously in this life.

But. The enemy sure has given us the 'biz this week.

Brent and I have had conflict. My boys have been at each other's throat. Brent lost his wallet. And his keys. We had dead birds in our bathroom vent. We've encountered unexpected, large expenses .... On and on. And on.

Did I walk in the power of the Holy Spirit 100% of the time this week? Um, no.

I allowed my circumstances to climb on top of me. And weigh me down. I've cried. I've yelled at my boys. Snapped at my husband. Looked to ice cream for comfort. And I may have even cursed.

"Get back on top of it."

The Word of God tells me...

In all things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Romans 8:37

Take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, stand firm. Ephesians 6:13

For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world - our faith. 1 John 5:4

Therefore be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord. Romans 15:58

This is true of me. And you. We are immovable in the power of the Holy Spirit. It's when I'm in my own efforts, my own strength that I can't stand up.

It is so important to remember who I am in Christ and to allow the Word of God encourage me out of a pit. And to remind myself that I have the victory. I am an overcomer. I am a conqueror. And I am steadfast.

Doing this is much more effective than ice cream.

Stand up. Get on top of it.

And don't let it get on top of you.

****

{I am so enjoying your "Significant Summer: How's It Going?" feedback. I am still accepting and compiling your comments! They have been so great! If you've written a blog on summer activities, let me know that, as well. I will link to your blog from here. Thanks!}

Happy Birthday, Brent!

Today I celebrate Brent Crenshaw! Thirty-five and thriving.

Happy Birthday, honey.....

You are such a loving, intentional dad...


Such a sensitive, servant-hearted husband...


A disciple-making, man of God. I mean, just look at the results of your hard work...


Brent's Bible Study. LOL....Please know this was staged!


One camping, t-ball coaching, lawn grooming, Jesus-loving stud.

You rock, babe. Put extra sugar in your coffee today!

Lord, thank you for the BLESSING of being married to Brent! I pray that Brent's ministry would continue to thrive, flourish and grow. Thank you for all the time, prayer and energy he spends investing in the lives of young men on UT’s campus. I pray a special blessing today over him….a blessing of health, wisdom, stature, favour with God and men. Thank you for the husband he is to me. How he treats me with love and honor. How he serves me daily and treats me so special. Thank you for putting us together and blessing me with the opportunity to serve with him in this life.

Thank you, Lord, for the father he is to our sons. Our goal is to train our children to bear the image of Christ. Brent is such an example — what a Godly dad. He is such a rich example of Christ. Brent understands the importance of time spent with his boys; being present and active in their lives. Brent is a man of God, a lover of the Word and a pursuer of wisdom and knowledge. Brent pursues all things true, noble, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8).

We love you, Brent. Happy birthday. We are so incredibly proud of you.

James Middleton...Way to Go!

Being that Romans 12 is one of my favorite passages in the entire Word of God, my heart was extremely glad watching the Royal Wedding.

Kate's brother, James, read two large parts of this scripture.

Straight up. No fluff.

No excuses.

The Word simply spoke for itself.

If you are not familiar with this powerful piece of scripture, enjoy this morning the transforming power of God's Word.

Click here to see the clip of James' reading.

***

Romans 12 {verses read at the wedding}

Therefore, I urge you, brothers [and sisters], in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

***

Did you watch the wedding? What did you think?

"Dear God, Don't Let Me Be a DIVA."

Spring Break 2011 is coming to a close.

The family and I had the great privilege of staying a week with eighty college students in Daytona Beach, Florida.

It was so powerful. And I learned so much.

But what I learned, God didn't reveal during devotionals or morning quiet times scheduled for our students.

No. What I learned, the Lord taught me Tuesday night. During conflict with my husband.

Sitting in our room, on our somewhat sandy, hunter green couch, Brent and I had a little chat.

The boys played on the beds (the beds which fold out of the wall, mind you. In just one big open room. Very little privacy. Unfortunate napping set-up. One small kitchen with a miss-matched coffee maker, a poor Internet connection and, to beat all, I forgot my favorite coffee mug.

Did I mention all five of us were in one big open room? And the beds came out of the wall?

"I think we should leave Thursday."

Brent looked at me. "We just got here Sunday. I don't feel I've had a chance to connect with many students yet. Why do you want to leave?"

Thinking closely of my phrasing, "The boys will be exhausted by the end of the week. Then they'd turn right around and start back to school. I'd love to have a few days back home to readjust and settle in before a new week begins."

"The boys are having a great time. They will catch up on rest on the drive home. I think you want to go home because you are uncomfortable."

Busted.

"Well, this set up isn't ideal. Luke has no privacy for nap. The beds cave in the middle. I'm sleeping right on top of you. It's not easy on me, no. My job is being mommy. And being mommy on vacation is no vacation. It's more work. So, selfishly, mommy wants a vacation, too."

Even as the words were coming out of my mouth, I could hear it. Sin. Pride. Entitlement. I was being a nasty four-letter-word...

D.I.V.A.

Brent - "Well, I wish you were being more supportive and a bit more concerned about what the Lord is doing in the lives of the students here verses how inconvenient your circumstances."

Ouch. That hurt. And ticked me off.

Truth is painful to hear.

Speechless, I sat there. Staring a hole in the green carpet. Thinking.

Lord, he is so right. But my pride is hurt and I can't tell him he is "so right".

Yet.

It was time for the boys to go to bed. So I turned the sound machine on, turned the lights off, put Luke in his pack-n-play, tucked everyone in. And went to bed, as well.

As I lay there, for two hours, I prayed. And asked the Lord, what is really going on in my heart? I kept thinking of Paul, full of joy in every circumstance.

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Philippians 4:11,12

Content (autarkēs) 1) sufficient for one's self, strong enough or possessing enough to need no aid or support 2) independent of external circumstances 3) contented with one's lot, with one's means, though the slenderest.

Paul was independent. Sufficient for himself. Strong enough to need no aid. Happy, even with a slender lot.

Now, I don't go so far as to say that I was "suffering for Jesus" here. I had plenty. Luxuries in the grand scheme of life. But to a mother of three under-rested, overly-active boys, my external circumstances were slender. And unfamiliar.

But Paul was content is every situation. In plenty or in want.

I need to be, as well.

The next day, I woke. My heart heavy with DIVA.

Jesus took me for a long walk on the beach that morning. And listened as I confessed. And confessed and confessed.

"Dear Lord, don't let me be a DIVA!"

He encouraged me. And loved on me with new mercies and an amazing sunrise that reflected His faithfulness to me that day. Everyday.

I went back and told Brent how right he was (which he usually is) and we ended the trip on such a high.

It's amazing how much ministry can be done when I take myself out of it.

There is only so much ministry a Diva can do. She is far to preoccupied with herself.

In humility count others more significant than yourselves. Look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:2

The heart of ministry lies in this verse. Looking not to your own interests but to the needs of others.

Serving. Loving-well. Encouraging. And serving some more.

We made it back in one piece. And I am thankful for the conveniences of home. Little things, like my coffee mug.



And a little privacy.

Spring Break 2011 will always be remembered as the year the DIVA died.

And thank God she did.

Life is Short...Love Hard

My grandmother, Mildred, was unashamed when it came to affection. A little lady with soft skin. Who gave the very best hugs.

Her forehead pressed against mine, she'd hold my face in her tiny hands and sing, "I love you a bushel and a peck, a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck."

And she meant every word.

She loved deeply. Even deeper than a bushel. Or a peck.

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15:13

My grandmother lived her life in the affection of Christ. His expression of love marked her life.

Love one another: (agapaō) to welcome, to entertain, to be fond of, to love dearly

Mildred welcomed and loved dearly, all those that the Lord entrusted to her. A woman of faith. An affectionate, serving wife. A student of God's Word and a lover of His people.



Yesterday morning, my precious grandmother met Jesus.

Her faith now sight.

Today, I can't help but think of her legacy.

Her legacy of love.

Not the love of this world, but the agape love of Christ.

This morning, I write from a very raw place. My heart grieving the loss of this precious woman. My ears wishing I could hear her sing to me ... just once more.

But I am so thankful for the lesson that resonates today...

Life is so short. Love hard.

As for my marriage, the Lord entrusted Brent to me for a lifetime, but today I see a lifetime as not very long. Love hard.



I want to be a student of the man in my life. I want to study him and learn how to love him in a way that speaks to his heart most.

Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33

Brent wants my affection, yes, but even more, he receives love through my respect.

"Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks, yet few couples ever find"...



"Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her"...



"...it's the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy." - Love and Respect for a Lifetime, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

This Biblical truth is one that my sweet grandmother knew... and as a result she enjoyed two thriving marriages. One to my grandfather, who died of Lou Gehrig's disease, and her second marriage to Everett, a railroad Engineer.

Both men adored her. And I have to believe it is a result from her desire to meet their heartfelt need. Respect.

"Respect is a man's deepest value." - Love and Respect for a Lifetime

I am thankful today for a glimpses of my mortality. I am thankful for the reminder that I only have this marriage for one lifetime. Love Hard. The little things that cause me to be upset with Brent are so small in comparison to the gift he is to me. I am leaving a legacy. My children will remember something of me....

Let it be a legacy of Love and Respect.



I would love to give you a copy of this book. It is a breath of fresh air. Small and easy, but absolutely full of Biblical, healing truth regarding marriage.

A blogsphere friend of mine, Lissa*, commented yesterday saying that this book changed her life. Wow. Weighty words from a woman who walked the rough terrain of marriage. And overcame. Praise Jesus.

Lord God, thank you for the legacy of love that my grandmother left to me. Thank you, for giving me, for giving all of us, the opportunity to leave the same legacy. To love and respect. Let us see Today as the day. To love hard...for life is so fleeting. Help us today to have an eternal mindset. And to be intentional: To PURSUE LOVE. TO PURSUE RESPECT. AND TO PURSUE YOU. In Jesus Name, Amen.

If you'd like to win a copy of this book, you could do a few different things:

1) become a new follower of The Word of God and a Cup of Joe (let me know if you do this...I can't always tell)

2) Share this post with a friend via tweet, facebook or email

3) Share a Cup of Joe on your blog

4) just leave a comment (make sure I have your name and email)

Let me know how you enter. I am so excited about this.

The winner will be chosen and announced tomorrow morning! (I'd love to get the book mailed to you in time for Valentine's Day. xoxo)

(Please pray for my family as we grieve and make arrangements. Especially my sweet Daddy and Aunt Marsha, as they cope with the loss of their mother.)

*Lissa posted a blog this morning on my kitchen and dining room! How neat :)

He Makes Beautiful Things

To all who mourn in Israel, he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the LORD has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory. Isaiah 61:3

God makes beauty from all of our ashes: the dust and ruin of our brokenness. The pain of our hurting marriages; the mourning that comes from deep loss.

God has the power and desire to give us a heart of praise in place of a spirit of despair.

He makes Beautiful Things out of us.

Behold, I am making all things new. Revelation 21:5

Reflect on this life-changing truth as you enjoy this powerful song today, Beautiful Things. I envision us all, closing our eyes in worship together this morning, lifting our hearts to the God of miracles.

Let us surrender this morning....all of our ugly for His beauty.

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Tomorrow, please be sure to check back. I will be giving away a potentially marriage changing book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs titled Love and Respect for a Lifetime. Oh, the depth of truth this book offers.

"Women absolutely need love. Men absolutely need respect. It's as simple and as complicated as that." - Eggerichs

Wow.

Come back tomorrow to hear more and enter to win a copy. How fun!


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Also, completely unrelated to anything, are you (ladies) in need of a weekend away in the Smokey Mountains? A couple of days to rest, laugh, cry :), enjoy Christian fellowship and feed on the Word of God? Well, if so, you might be interested in this extended invitation from a local Mom's ministry here in Knoxville:

The weekend of February 18-20, 2011 the PEP Moms ministry of Cedar Springs will be gathering at the lovely River Lodge in Pigeon Forge for our annual retreat. Our speaker this year is Becky Crenshaw who writes a local blog which many women in Knoxville and around the country follow. If you have never read Becky's blog, it is deep and soul-nourishing- definitely worth checking out! Becky will be speaking from Acts 3:19 in a series of talks titled "That Times of Refreshing May Come." We have a limited number of space available for this great opportunity to get away, get refreshed and enjoy sweet fellowship. There are two options: attending the entire weekend ($100) or attending Saturday only ($30). There will be some women attending who are not a part of the PEP Moms ministry or have been part of the group in the past-- This is an open retreat and all are welcome! Find further information by clicking here. If you know of someone who needs to be a part of this retreat... please feel free to bring a friend, sister, neighbor, co-worker, etc!
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A word from Becky:

Lord, what does refreshment in Your presence look like? How do we rest with children at our legs, begging for waffles. When our kids won't listen and we hear more "No's" than "Thank You's" on any given day? Where is that refreshing that comes from Your Holy Spirit (Acts 3:19)? What does that look like for us - thirty-something and several kids deep?? Will you show us, Father?

Will you, Lord Jesus, meet us - hungry mother's in need of rest, in need of soul-deep hugs, fellowship and refreshment that only Your presence can provide? Meet us, Lord. February 18-20th. We ask you to come. Move. And change our lives.

In Jesus Name. Amen.

Ladies, words do no justice to my excitement and anticipation of what will happen at Pep Moms Retreat this year. He is so good and so ready to touch us. He will teach us, in our time together, how to enter into His presence on a daily, moment to moment basis and receive refreshment from Him alone. By His Word, let us learn how to come to Him, all of us who are weary and burdened, and receive rest for our souls. Let us throw off our yokes and trade in for His - a yoke that is easy and light. (Matthew 11:28-30)

Oh Hallelujah! Will you come and enter into His rest? Join us in study and fellowship as we receive refreshment for our souls.

Be Blessed,
Becky Crenshaw
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Many of you have joined us on retreats in the past and know how wonderful a time it is. We would LOVE to have you for the weekend or for the day on Saturday!

This is the perfect "GIRL'S WEEKEND or GIRL'S DAY OUT!" Come be spoiled, recharge your battery, and best of all get reconnected with God!

Many blessings,
Monica and Andrea
Co-Directors

Imagine....a weekend away...and God making Beautiful Things out of us. Mmm.

If this sparks something in you, I encourage you to pray about it...

I Walk Away With This...

After two weeks of working on the Love Dare, and hearing from so many of you, one scripture alone speaks to me this morning.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Yes, it takes a great deal of humility and selflessness to make a marriage thrive.

But even more, it takes the power of Christ, working in us, strengthening us, to hold it together.

This excerpt struck me from yesterday's blog post. Re-read...

"And then there’s marriage – the strongest covenant on earth between two people, the pledge of a man and woman to establish a love that is unconditional and lasts a lifetime.

Keeping this covenant is not something you can do in your own strength. There’s good reason why God was the One who initiated covenants with His people. He alone is able to fulfill the demands of His own promises. He alone is able to forgive the receivers of His covenant when they fail to uphold their part of the agreement." - Kendrick, Dare to Love

I have never really thought of this before. The God of the Universe, entering into a covenant of marriage with me and Brent...knowing we could not fulfill it in our own strength. Knowing we are too weak. God alone is able to fulfill the demands of our matrimonial promises.

Kendrick continues, "The Spirit of God is within you by the virtue of your faith in His Son. This means you now can exercise your role as covenant keeper, no matter what may arise to challenge your faithfulness to it.

Especially if your spouse is not in a place of receiving your love right now, the act of covenant keeping can grow more daunting with each passing day. But marriage is not a contract with escape clauses and exception wordings. Marriage is a covenant intended to cut off all avenues of retreat or withdrawal. There’s nothing in all the world that should sever what God has joined together. Your love is based on covenant."

Our culture doesn't really understand what a covenant means. It is not a word we use everyday. A covenant is never to be broken. In our world, we break things...we replace them. Not so with marriage.

When marriages are broken, God doesn't replace them. He restores them.

God has the power to make a severing marriage new.

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the Power of Christ may rest upon me...For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10b

This scripture encourages me to shout, sing and cry out, "I am WEAK, LORD. I boast in it. I boast in YOU. I invite your POWER to rest upon me. Upon my marriage. It is in my weakness that your strength resides. It is in my humility that you can come and restore my brokenness. Come, Lord. Heal."

If your marriage is severing today, let me encourage you, His grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in your weakness. Would you let Him in to heal? In all humility, allow the power of God to rest upon you.

Love Dare #8
Spend time in personal prayer; then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death and that you have purposed to love him or her no matter what. Leave the letter where your mate will be sure to find it.

You know what they say. The quickest way to a man's heart is through his coffee cup.

Well. That's the case around here. My letter was nothing fancy, as you can see, but it was so therapeutic for me to write this to him. To tell Brent that I am committed to this marriage. Not only because I love him, but because I love Christ all the more. I am strengthened by the truth that, in God's power, our covenant of marriage will be fulfilled. Unsevered and strong. No man can separate what God has joined together.

So we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:6

Know that your marriage is protected and strengthened by the power of the Living God. When the storms come, rest in this truth. His Word proves He is faithful to His covenant. His end of the bargain is good. Our end is to find our strength in Him. To weather the storm in His power, not our own.

So now faith,hope and love abide; these three; but the greatest of these is love. PURSUE LOVE. 1 Corinthians 13:13-14:1a

Lord Jesus. Thank you. Thank you for making your power available to us through the Cross. Thank you that you do not leave us to ourselves in marriage. You knew we couldn't do it without you. Lord, I ask you to make your strength perfect in the weak places of my marriage. You know where we break, Lord. Heal us. Make us new. I ask a blessing over the person reading this right now. I pray they would know your great love for them. I pray you would make your sufficient grace a reality in this moment. You are so good to us, Lord. So so good. We love you. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Love is a Covenant : The Final Dare

Where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. – Ruth 1:16

What is a covenant anyway?

A contract is usually a written agreement based on distrust, outlining the conditions and consequences if broken. A covenant is a verbal commitment based on trust, assuring someone that your promise is unconditional and good for life. It is spoken before God out of love for another.

A contract is self-serving and comes with limited liability. It establishes a time frame for certain deliverables to be met and accomplished. A covenant is for the benefit of others and comes with unlimited responsibility. It has no expiration date. It is “til death do us part.” A contract can be broken with mutual consent. A covenant is intended to be unbreakable.

The Bible contains several major covenants as part of the unfolding story of God’s people:

*Noah, promising never to destroy all flesh with a worldwide flood (Genesis 9:12-17).

*Abraham, promising that an entire nation of descendants would come from his family line (Genesis 17:1-8).

*Moses, declaring that the people of Israel would be God’s permanent possession (Exodus 19:3-6).

*David, promising that a ruler would sit on his throne forever (2 Samuel 7:7-16).

Ultimately, He made a “new covenant” by the blood of Christ, establishing an unending, unchanging legacy of forgiven sins and eternal life for those who believe in Him (Hebrews 9:15).

Never once has God broken any of these covenants.

And then there’s marriage – the strongest covenant on earth between two people, the pledge of a man and woman to establish a love that is unconditional and lasts a lifetime. In marriage, your wedding ring represents your covenant vows – not merely commitments you hoped to keep but premeditated promises, publicly spoken and witnessed by others.

Keeping this covenant is not something you can do in your own strength. There’s good reason why God was the One who initiated covenants with His people. He alone is able to fulfill the demands of His own promises. He alone is able to forgive the receivers of His covenant when they fail to uphold their part of the agreement. But the Spirit of God is within you by the virtue of your faith in His Son and the grace bestowed upon you in salvation. That means you now can exercise your role as covenant keeper, no matter what may arise to challenge your faithfulness to it.

Especially if your spouse is not in a place of receiving your love right now, the act of covenant keeping can grow more daunting with each passing day. But marriage is not a contract with escape clauses and exception wordings. Marriage is a covenant intended to cut off all avenues of retreat or withdrawal. There’s nothing in all the world that should sever what God has joined together. Your love is based on covenant.

Hundreds of years after the prophet Malachi recorded these words, people are still wondering why God withholds His hand of blessing at times from their homes and marriages. “You say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been witness between you and your wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant … For I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel, and him who covers his garment with wrong, says the Lord of hosts. So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously” (Malachi 2:14, 16).

Every marriage is called to be an earthly picture of God’s heavenly covenant with His church. It is to reveal to the world the glory and beauty of God’s unconditional love for us. Jesus said, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love” (John 15:9 NIV). Let His words inspire you to be a channel of God’s love to your spouse.

The time is now, man or woman of God, to renew your covenant of love in all sincerity and surrender. Love is too holy a treasure to trade in for another, and too powerful a bond to be broken without dire consequences. Fasten your love afresh on this one the Lord has given you to cherish, prize, and honor.

Your life together is before you. Dare to take hold of it and never let go.

We dare you.

Today’s Dare

Spend time in personal prayer; then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death and that you have purposed to love him or her no matter what. Leave the letter where your mate will be sure to find it.

He has remembered His covenant forever. (Psalm 105:8)

-The Love Dare, S. Kendrick

(I revised the dare...earlier today I had written out the wrong one from the Love Dare book...sorry!)

Do You Feel Like Giving Up On Marriage?

Wow! Our Daring to Love is gradually coming to a close. I have been so encouraged to walk through this with you all. So far we have:

1. Resolved to say nothing negative
2. Done unexpected gestures of kindness
3. Established rules to "fight by"
4. Prepared a special dinner or "date night"
5. Committed ourselves to love...even if it is one-sided
6. Searched our hearts for wrong doing...and forgiven our spouse for theirs

Two more "dares" to go. And they carry a lot of weight. Hang in there and complete the task at hand. The Lord will bless. He really will.

Dare to Love #7 Building Marriage on Prayer and God's Word

Do you feel like giving up on your marriage? Jesus says to pray instead of quitting. Are you stressed out and worried? Prayer can bring peace to your storms. Do you need a breakthrough? Prayer will make the difference.

Prayer gives you direction.

Placing all aspects of your marriage under the authority of God's Word and prayer is the greatest decision for ultimate success in your marriage. - Kendrick, Dare to Love

Read that again and again and again. I would bet my life on this statement. I would.

There is nothing on the face of this earth more powerful than God's Word, prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit working in the lives of believing Christians. God is waiting on you to exercise your faith in Him on behalf of your marriage. Faith pleases God (Hebrews 11:6).

Maybe this is uncomfortable for you. Or you aren't sure where to start. Here are some tools:

If you want to pray for your spouse and see you prayers answered, ask yourself:

* Is there anything I need to clear up with God?
* Is there anything the matter between others and me?
* Is my heart being honest with God, without selfish or hidden motives?

If our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and can receive whatever we ask from Him because we keep His commands and do what is pleasing in His sight. 1 John 3:21-22

Ask your spouse to pray with you. If you're embarrassed, start simple. Join hands and silently bless a meal. Or offer a simple sentence prayer together. Tell God your concerns and give Him thanks.

A Love Dare #7: Prayer

Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about the best time to do this, whether its in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements and needs before the Lord. Don't forget to thank Him for his provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.

This topic is very dear to my heart. If you have a testimony of the power of prayer in marriage, please leave a comment. There is no telling how it could encourage another reader.

Also, I feel this dare to be of such great importance, please share it with a friend.

Reflections Day Five: Forgive ... *Big Sigh*

My deepest apologies for such a late go at the blog. We have been bombarded with life. Let me just give you a glimpse into where we've been...

Drum roll....

Happy 90th Birthday, Ethel!



Isn't she a doll? Yes, this past weekend we celebrated my grandmother's big 90th milestone. Just ten more years until she's on Willard Scott's birthday list on the Today show. Listen...I wouldn't put it past her. She's as strong as an ox. And I am so proud of her.



Look at her laugh. Love that. You can imagine how busy we were. Then, shortly after the party, I packed up and left for a quick trip out of town. I thought Brent might have time to write the Love Dare #5 Reflection. Umm. Not so much. Three boys, homeschooling and holding down the fort doesn't do much for the ol' blog.

Brent...thank you for letting me have a night away to seek the Lord. I love you.

So. Let's reflect, shall we? As I am feeling so warm, fuzzy and refreshed. I just could NOT wait to get back and write. Such an outlet. I am so thankful to the Lord for this blog. Mmm. No sufficient words.

Love Dare #5 Reflections: Forgive...*Big Sigh*

Pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Ask for God's forgiveness; then humble yourself enough to ask you spouse for forgiveness as well. Whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it now. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to "forgive us our debts," each day we must ask Him to "forgive our debtors."

It is a very humbling thing to pray through my "areas of wrong doing." Although Brent and I are not explosive people with layers of sinful behavior towards one another, I don't ever want to live as if I don't wrong him. Because I do.

One of my biggest wrongs is quiet. Subtle. Unfortunately, my wrongdoing has become culturally acceptable.

The seemingly, non-offensive sin of Unthankfulness.

Brent is a servant-hearted man. So giving. A leader. A manly (go backpacking in 25 degrees) man. He takes great pride in making young knights of our little boys. He pursues the Lord with intent and fervency. He cherishes me. Honors me. He treats me delicately and with delight.

Now, do I treat him as he deserves? Not always.

It is so easy to focus on what he does wrong (which is truly minimal and always unintended on his part) verses all of his overwhelming good qualities.

My upbringing created in me a natural disposition towards pointing out wrongs. My mother, always quick to correct. Ready with a word to improve me. I learned this trait from her very well.

Brent doesn't need to hear my opinion about everything. Sometimes he just needs my listening ear. A supportive wife.

My "expressed opinions" are often my passive way of saying..."you really should do "that" my way. Your way is not good enough for me."

**Brent, forgive me for my unthankfulness. Forgive me of my pride. I am so honored and thankful to call you my husband. **

"The truth is, our whole lives should be lives of continual thanksgiving. Paul told his audience at Athen's that "[God] himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything" Acts 17:25. Everything we are and have is a gift from Him. Taking for granted all the temporal provisions and spiritual blessings that God has so richly bestowed on us, and so failing to continually give Him thanks is one of our 'acceptable' sins." Respectable Sins, Jerry Bridges.

Lord Jesus, forgive me for not living in a continual state of appreciation. Everything I am and everything I have is from you. Forgive me for my lack of gratitude. Forgive me...I take for granted so much. I am thankful for you, Jesus. I bless your name.

Love Dare #5: Forgive ...* Big Sigh *

There we sat, my friend Cynthia and I. Sitting in cold, stale chairs in her pediatrician's waiting area. Five other families surrounded us. Sniffling children. A receptionist at the front desk and a quiet television mounted in a corner.

My phone, the ringer on high, blasts from my purse.

"Hello."

It was Tracie. I talk and I talk, forcing Cynthia, the receptionist and the five surrounding families to hear my entire conversation. My voice loud and inappropriate for a small waiting area.

"Mrs. Crenshaw?"
It was the receptionist.
"Mrs. Crenshaw?"
"Hold on Tracie." I turn to look at her.
"Mrs. Crenshaw, your phone call is very disruptive. Will you please step outside."

My face hot with embarrassment and all eyes on me, I look to Cynthia. "I'll go wait in the car."

I grab my keys and take my phone call and purse outside. I sit in my gray minivan, turn the key in my ignition and ... nothing.

My battery - dead.

Phone still to my ear, I look up to see Cynthia standing at the window.

"That's what you get."
"What?!"
"For having that obnoxious phone call. That's what you get."
I start to cry. "Cynthia! How can you say that? I'm humiliated enough. And now my battery is dead! I just need a little grace here!"

*********************************************
I pop upright in my bed. Awake. I look at the clock. 4:10a.m.

OH HALLELUJAH! It was a dream. The whole thing. A dream.

*Big sigh*

None of it happened. I am free from all of those emotions : Embarrassment. Frustration. Humiliation.

Free.

(side note: Cynthia would NEVER say that. She is so precious and gentle.)

So at 4:10 a.m. I think, LORD. Isn't that just like you? All of our bad experiences, our hurts, our embarrassments, our humiliations, our foul mouths, our hurtful words, all of our mistakes - upon asking forgiveness - we are free.

As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12

I will think on that dream today. It was very real.

And much like our sin, there are repercussions. We may still remember. But in Christ, we get to take a huge sigh of relief and experience mercy that is new with each waking day.

Freedom and forgiveness.

So how does this Biblical truth hash out in marriage?

Coming from the chief of grudge holders (ahem, me), true forgiveness can be very difficult.

I tell you, I have such a humble husband (who is not writing today because he is camping - in 25 degree weather). Brent is quick to apologize and ask forgiveness.

Not everyone is like this. I'm not. Sometimes it is physically painful, seriously, physically painful to apologize. Can you relate? My flesh likes to wallow a bit in my frustration. But not Brent. He seeks resolution.

"One universal factor is required to turn any marriage around: COMPLETE FORGIVENESS.

Complete forgiveness means holding nothing between you and your spouse and deciding I will make a daily commitment to practice forgiveness as a lifestyle." - Kendrick, Dare to Love

Read that again.

If you are in a difficult marriage...holy wow! Compete forgiveness may seem impossible. There may be years and years of hurt and history. But remember how much you are forgiven?

"God doesn't skimp when in comes to forgiveness." - Kendrick.

Why should we?

We shouldn't.

I am learning that forgiveness is easiest in light of God's great mercy on me. I am learning, also, to allow God to take watch over my offender. God is the Judge, not me. I can release all of my vengeance, bitterness and frustration over to Him...and be free to love. sigh.

Love Dare #6

Pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Ask for God's forgiveness; then humble yourself enough to ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. Whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it now. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to "forgive us our debts" each day we must ask him to help us "forgive our debtors."

With Christ we are free and forgiven. And free to forgive.

God is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think - according to the power that works in you. Ephesians 3:20

I know this is a daunting dare for many. But God is able. In our weakness HIS STRENGTH is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9). Let Him do a work in your heart with this new waking day.

Choose to forgive and be free. Give it all to Christ. *Big sigh*

Love Dare #5: Popping the Question

I give you a new commandment: love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. John 13:34

From both of us...Brent and Becky:
Marriage is a promise to love unconditionally. For better or for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live...

These are big promises. Weighty words that, in our own efforts, are very difficult to fulfill.

Warm and fuzzies wear off, husbands snore, wives nag, children scream. Love is much easier when life is easy. But when jobs are lost, illness strikes, bills are running over, then what? Where do we pull from to still love our spouse?

"You cannot give what you do not have. You must have the love of Christ before you can truly give unconditional love to anyone else." - Dare to Love

In Christ, a never-ending, over-flowing spring of love can rise up in us. I know this to be true. His love lives in a believer. It is rather amazing.

God is love. 1 John 4:16

He is not just a part love. Love is not just something He does. It is who He is.

And God offers this love to us - His love to cover us and to live in us.

"Jesus is calling on you to accept that He loves you and to love Him back. When He becomes your source, then you will have the love it takes to value your marriage and to serve your spouse as a gift from God." - Dare to Love

God offers His unconditional love freely - as a gift. An undeserved gift, at that.

Receiving His gift begins a relationship with Him. Notice, I didn't say, "begins a religion with Him."

No.

Accepting His love begins a relationship.

A relationship with the ultimate Source of love.

Imagine.

Even more, God not only wants to love you and enter into a relationship with you. He wants to love on your spouse...through you. He wants to restore your marriage. Restore your joy and give deep fulfillment, meaning and purpose in your life.

LOVE DARE #5

Love is a choice, not a feeling. Love is an initiated action, not a knee jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost interest in receiving it. Try saying in words similar to these, "I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."

Love Note: This kind of love is impossible without the love of Christ beating in your heart. His presence within you will enable you to love, even when your marriage seems very one-sided.

- Dare to Love

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How do we enter into a relationship with God?

1) God wired us for relationship: God loves us and created us to know Him personally. (John 3:16, John 17:3)

But what prevents us from knowing Him?

2) Relationship is broken: We are sinful and separated from God. Because of our sin we cannot know Him personally or experience His love and plan. (Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23)





3) Jesus restores: To fix this broken relationship God sent Jesus Christ as His only provision for our sin. Through Him alone we can know God personally and experience His love and plan. We can not earn this. It is offered. (Romans 5:8, John 14:6)


4) God is popping the question...and waiting on our response. Just knowing this isn't enough. We must individually receive Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord; then we can know God personally and experience His love and plan. (John 1:12, Ephesians 2:8,9)

Once we have entered into this relationship with God, we now can begin to understand the essence of Romans 5:8. While we were sinners Christ died for us.

And in turn when your spouse sins, you understand can forgive them and love them unconditionally.

Have you ever made this decision? Have you said "yes" to God's offer?

For more on this visit here.

Feel free to contact me (Becky) if you'd like to talk more about this. It would be such an honor.

Love Dare #4: Compassion and Popcorn

"If you miss the level of intimacy you once shared with your spouse, one of the best ways to unlock their heart again is by making a commitment to know them. Study them." - Dare to Love

In the Gospel of Mark, a leper approaches Jesus. He kneels before the Lord and asks to be healed. Moved with compassion, Jesus stretched out his hand, touched him and said to him, "I will." Mark 1:40-45

Jesus, was moved with compassion for this sick man.

Unfortunately, our English language does no justice to the emotion indicated here in the Greek.

Compassion doesn't mean that Jesus felt sorry for him. It doesn't just mean that Jesus had pity or empathy for this leper.

No. Compassion (σπλαγχνίζομαι) means to actually get in the middle of the mess.

"Jesus was moved to take on the burden of the leper." - Kendrick

Jesus wants to be in the middle of our mess, too. In the thick of our hardship. In the midst of our pain. In the midst of our joys -He rejoices with us. We are his delight.

Jesus has compassion like none other. He loves. He listens.

Listen: to hear something with thoughtful attention : give consideration; to be alert.

So it should be with our spouse. Kendrick says, "listening to your mate is one of the best ways to live with understanding."

The ear of the wise seeks knowledge. Proverbs 10:14

Love pursues. Love asks questions. Love listens.

Brent internalizes so much. I have to ask lots of questions to get into his world.

Not the case for me. I am an open book. Or open blog, if you will.

But, I want to be a good listener for Brent. A student of him, so to speak.

And this doesn't mean giving advice, trying to fix him or assuming I know how he feels. (I'm bad about all of this)

No, listening means to give him thoughtful attention. Being alert to what he is saying and giving him consideration. Getting into his mess. Stepping into his hardship, bearing his burden, rejoicing with him and delighting in his victories.

Love Dare #4: Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

It goes without saying that having three boys is an obstacle when preparing a romantic dinner for two.

So last night, once the boys were in bed, we planned a special date night. And nothing says special date night better than stove top popcorn.


A little olive oil and sea salt...


Medium heat. And once that little guy pops....


Add a half cup of his closest friends.


Brent loves this stuff. Not me. It makes me cough.
But its not about me, right?


Shake, shake, shake. Pop. Pop. Pop. And voilà!



Date night.

The Love Dare suggests three questions to spark conversation. We thought they were a little cheesy (pun intended), so we asked our own:


1. What are a few things that are bringing you life right now?

2. What are you looking forward to over the next few weeks/months?

3. How can I be praying for you?

It was a sweet time. No TV. No Internet.

Just us.

And our stove top popcorn.

What might you do with your spouse? Can you think of some good questions to spark conversation?