Here's My Story

One thought common across the years is how fast each year passes by hehehe. So 2015 is no exception. I had thought that I usually review the year once it is just over but apparently not. I think it's quite a good idea to have a summary for reflection. Here's a summary of 2015: (1) Books I didn't read as many books as I would want to, mainly due to spending too much time on the laptop. I expect people would think that I spent too much time on games but that's not true. Oftentime, I do not play games until late afternoon before dinner and after dinner. If there's work, it would be just at night. I would surf Facebook, read news, do some financial housekeeping, read actuarial and investment articles, blogging, and working on actuarial projects. Yes, I do read frequently but reading books is different. (2) Games Finally stopped playing Guild Wars 2, just before their expansion. I knew I would stop playing it since Ban has stopped playing long before I

I sounded out my sisters on wanting to come out to parents . They suggested instead to help me test the water. They had a couple of suggestions and we finally settled on my youngest sister gossiping about one of my gay friends. FYI, earlier this year, I already had permission from this friend to tell my parents about him being gay, as a conversation opener. Honestly, I forgot about this but luckily my sisters didn't (thanks!). Initially, it didn't go that well. My youngest sister reported that my dad commented that it was unnatural and that a guy shouldn't be without another guy. My mum was silent. My sister did respond appropriately but that was that. Oh well, at least we tried this, instead of me coming out right away. The next day, I called my parents to wish them happy anniversary and to my surprise, my dad brought up the topic of my friend being gay. Amazingly, he was positive about it: he accepted that being gay is in-born, and all that matters was that the person

The urge to come out to my parents is getting stronger each time I think about it once in a while. My main reservation is the potential of disturbing the "peace". After decades of ups and downs, we have come to a stable state, so to speak. Internal strife is minimal and next year we'll be entering a new phase of "financial support arrangement". It is, however, getting tedious to maintain this charade. I so want to introduce Ban to them as my partner and it would be much easier to speak with them from then on about us (rather than being "housemates") and our activities e.g. going on holidays together as we did recently. I am also thinking about the future where Ban and I may move to another state or even another country. I'm quite sure my mum would be ok but I'm uncertain about my dad. My dad was of the traditional China-man type but he has come a long way to change his ways. I'm just afraid this is just one too many "modern" p

Until recently, only one cousin knew I am gay, via her mother whom I had given prior permission to do so. Few days ago, I personally came out to a cousin over late breakfast. Before that, I noticed something on Facebook that made my sister and I considered that cousin to be potentially gay-friendly. I was a little nervous. My strategy was to first talk about that particular Facebook content and casually mentioned that it seems another cousin (whom I suspect and almost sure that she's also gay-friendly) is gay friendly, besides my sister and I. I was wondering whether she was too. She affirmed that and  in fact she has a few good friends who are gay. What surprised me was the near non-existent reaction she had when I came out. She was like "I'm ok with that" and went on picking up conversation from where we left off, which was mainly about her family and trips overseas. At first, I was a little apprehensive that maybe she was uncomfortable and so wanted to talk abo

...when you have this parenting guide on how to spot gays and lesbians: For gays: Muscular body and a fondness for showing off the body by wearing clothing, such as by wearing V-necks and sleeveless tops A preference for tight and bright coloured clothes An inclination to be attracted to men A tendency to carry big handbags, similar to the kinds used by women For lesbians: Showing attraction to women Distancing themselves from women other than their girlfriends A preference for hanging out, sleeping and dining with women Absence of feelings for men These guidelines were introduced during a seminar in Malaysia, on 12 September 2012, on “Parenting in addressing the issue of LGBTs (lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders)” organised by Yayasan Guru Malaysia Bhd and Putrajaya Consultative Council of Parents and Teachers Association and allegedly endorsed by Malaysia Education of Ministry. At the very least, the seminar was officiated by Deputy Education Mi

'My child is gay: how parents react when they hear the news' is a book (edited by Bryce McDougall) consists of a "collection of letters written by parents who have first-hand experience of that moment. These letters were written to be shared - to help other parents come to terms with unfamiliar feelings. They have also proved invaluable to the concerned young person contemplating the best way to come out." Ban's mum lend this book to me, perhaps to help me and my parents if I should choose to come out to my parents. I have read over 40 pages of it so far. Each letter is short and so it's easy to just read one or two regularly. Recently I came across this advice to other parents, prefacing the letter, given by a mother from rural New South Wales in Australia: Enjoy your children, straight or gay. Have fun with them - life is too short to be angry and upset because they have not fulfilled your dreams of them. They are all individuals and must be respected

For those who are thinking hard about whether they are gay or not, my advice is to look out for any telltale signs in the past. For example, if you regularly find yourself in situations where your friends remark aloud, "Oh wow, look at that hot chick across the street." while at the same time, you silently thought, "Omg, look at that gorgeous guy next to her.", then please seriously (re)consider your (homo)sexuality.

On my recent trip to Singapore, I took the opportunity to come out to a rather good friend, whom I befriended during my university days. He was someone I used to have a crush on but thankfully I moved on. In fact, at one point, he did suspect but I denied it at that time. I wanted him to meet Ban and so I came out to him over the phone. Remarkably and thankfully he took it extremely well: "Of course I'm ok with it. You're my good friend." Due to the sheer amount of news we exchanged, I totally forgot to ask him whether he had any questions to ask me pertaining to my homosexuality. Oh well, perhaps next time.

This is a key date in my life. A very happy occassion. About four months ago, I added and started corresponded with a guy, who turns out to be super nice, caring and considerate (among other lovable qualities). He is Ban and he's now my man :)

What fellow blogger, Alex, experienced is one of the reasons why I've decided not to come out to my parents. It would be a very convenient excuse for them to blame on homosexuality for all my perceived undesirable attitude and behaviour in the past and in the future. There would be pressure for me to maintain a standard that is likely to be higher than your average heterosexual person, which would be grossly unfair. Even worse is my fear that they may take this further by excusing their bad behaviour and ignore any admonishment from me and waved it as some gay distorted views. It would be so easy for them to continue to be irresponsible since whatever I say then would fall on deaf ears and maybe even ignore my siblings' advice by assuming that they have been influenced by their gay brother. If this happens, it would be dangerous. It has very real consequences on me and my siblings, at least on the financial side. No, it's not that we depend on them. It is the other way

I came out to my childhood good friend, Paul, back in May 2007. In his usual style, he blogged about it in an amusing way. I enjoyed reading it very much and laughed at it. Of all my good friends back when I was studying in Melaka, I've only kept in touch with Paul. In fact, I regularly visit him and his family every CNY, so much so that my sister commented that as though he was my boyfriend (the irony lol). Our parents are friendly to each other. However, inevitably, over the years, since I left Malaysia when I was 16 years old, we both have less and less in common. I don't know the people he hangs out with and vice versa and lately I've been left alone chatting with his dad while he does some mysterious stuff on his laptop (probably blogging or reading blogs). Nevertheless, most importantly, I know that he is one of very few friends I definitely can count on if I'm in trouble (Paul, you're sweating now? ;-)) Anyway, not surprisingly, I've always encourage