Haley Has Gone Home....

Yesterday in the late afternoon -Haley went away..... She wasn't in any pain and her loving family was by her side... She fought a good fight... She was a lady to the end....

Everyone wanted a miracle.... a true healing of her body.... but that was not to be.... Today and forever more - a family will grieve the loss of their beautiful daughter.... sweet sister.

Please pray for this amazing family during this sad sad time..

Cancer Is Awful... Scary....

I have always been afraid of cancer... Cancer has been the main killer in my family for decades.. My dad's mom whom I never had the privilege to meet died from breast cancer when dad was a young ten (10) year old boy... My mom's mom had a double mastectomy because of this horrid disease.. Several aunts, uncles, and cousins are now gone... breast cancer, brain cancer, lung cancer, ovarian cancer, and oral cancer.... My father had his tongue removed a few years before he passed away... Cancer is awful... scary.... and when my gynecologist advised me eight years ago that I had it - I was terrified... but not surprised....

I was lucky this time... The form of cancer I had was very rare but treatable if caught early enough.. Thankfully, it was caught in the very early stages and the infected area was surgically removed... The chance of the cancer coming back is 33% - so I have to be checked every six (6) months and that's okay... I do have a few complications that I can and will live with for the rest of my life. These things are easy to accept because I am here - I am here for my husband.. my kids.. my family..

A few years ago I met a woman named Shelly while I was waiting in the oncologist office for my six month check up... We noticed that we were reading the exact book- Hiding in the Shadows by Kay Hooper... My favorite author and as it turned out Shelly's too... We exchanged emails and phone numbers and a new friendship was born...

Shelly was 41 years old when we met and she had been fighting cancer her entire life... When she was five (5) - she was diagnosed with Leukemia.. She fought and won that battle... When she was sixteen (16) she had a cancerous growth on her femur - her leg was removed when she was seventeen (17).. She married her long time sweetheart when she was twenty-four (24) and became pregnant almost right away - the doctors believed this to be a miracle.. her daughter was born healthy and beautiful.. Shelly discovered a lump in her left breast while taking a shower shortly after her 40th birthday.. When I met her - she had just finished her latest round of chemotherapy....

I was so amazed by Shelly - her incredible outlook on life... her optimistic spirit.. She told me she could be sad and feel sorry for herself but she chose to live... I love that... She chose to live... I think we all can learn so much from that simple statement.... I have learned so much in the short three years of our friendship....

Today - I received an email from Shelly's husband... it was a mass mailer to all Shelly's email friends and co-workers... The email was to let Shelly's friends know that Shelly died Friday night from a massive heart attack brought on by her lifetime of radiation and chemotherapy.. Her heart became weak and she just could not fight any longer....

Cancer is an awful disease.... I do not want to lose any more people I love... Good-bye Shelly - I am so lucky to have met you... So lucky to have known you.. You are beautiful... You are amazing. You will be missed...

Taking Care Of The 'Just In Case'

As a mom of two kids - my husband and I felt it was necessary to have a few things done right away... Get a will set up.... Pick guardians that love our kids... and get life insurance so our children would never be without... When we first started this process we had no idea where to begin....

Getting an estate planner to handle the will was pretty basic... But life insurance - not so easy to figure out... When we first started investigating what life insurance was... there were many decisions to make... such as... Did we want term life or whole life...? How much did we want to spend... for how much coverage... What companies were reputable. We had so many questions...

The first thing we had to do was start at the beginning... How do we find life insurance quotes? Quotes for Term life... Quotes for whole life... We needed to find a way to educate ourselves about life insurance so that we can make the right decision. After we determined what direction we wanted to go we needed to get life insurance quote comparisons.. Again - that is a difficult thing to do if you did not know where to go....

We were lucky to find http://www.lifeinsurancequotes.net - it took the hassle of going through the many search engines - trying to find a few good companies.. then having to talk to salespeople who wanted our business but would take too much time away from my day.... I am not the most patient person - so getting life insurance quotes at my finger tips was more my style....

If you are in the market for affordable life insurance - check them out.... I am glad we did... I think it is so important to be prepared for the "Just in Case" things that can happen but pray that they don't... I can tell you from personal experience - knowing that all of this stuff is done - it takes a worry out of traveling...a worry out of just in case something happens to us - I know my kids are covered at least financially and are with people who love them...

This My Deathbed

I started smoking when I was 12 years old - I would steal my parents cigarettes and smoke them in my bedroom - it was hard to tell I smoked due to the fact both of my parents were very heavy smokers and the house was in a constant cloud.... As I got older the cigarette intake increased... By the time I hit forty (40) years old - I was smoking two (2) packs a day - I was constantly trying to hide the fact that I was smoking from my husband.... from everyone.... I had an addiction and I would almost do anything to continue it.... Even watching my dad die from the effects of smoking did not affect me... He had his flippin tongue cut out due to cancer - he had a trache and could never eat or drink food again and I still continued to inhale away until.....

I had a cyst in my mouth that had to be removed - I went to an oral surgeon and I was having my blood pressure monitored... My pressure was so very high - the doctor thought I could stroke out... No lie.. It was over 200 on the top number and over 100 on the bottom - the normal is 120/80... That was the kick in the head I needed.. I came home - picked up the pack of cigs I had just bought - broke them up into tiny little pieces - knowing that if I did not I would dig through the trash to unearth them - coffee grounds and all... I fell down onto my knees and I prayed... Prayed to God to take this addiction from me so that I can live my for my girls... I need to be here for my kids because no one could love them the way I do.... I remember crying while praying - I had never in my life just thrown myself on God like that... I was at the bottom and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I could NOT do it alone

My want was gone - I gained about 50 pounds but you know what - that's okay. My cravings for a smoke are gone..... I don't even think about it... I do see a change of habits though. I no longer talk on the phone like I used to - smoking and talking went hand in hand. I talk on my cell while I'm driving (I have an ear piece) instead of smoking.... I don't read as many books as I did before either and you know what - that's okay too. I know that I will be here for my girls and that is all that matters to me....

This song is a story about an addiction - it's a sad story and song - let me know what you think... I really believe it will touch you.

High-Speed Chase

Last Saturday - August 8, 2009 a car that ran a stop sign decided not to stop when the police tried to pull them over... they decided to have a high speed chase and the highway patrol made the decision to participate in this stupid game of cat and mouse.... A short time later seven (7) people are dead.... Four of those people were children - ages, 1, 3, 4, and 7....

There are two major issues - I find wrong with this... First - chasing a car that ran a stop sign is beyond dumb - Yes, follow them if it's safe... With cameras on almost every stop light (this is California) - the highway patrol could have snapped so many pictures of the driver and license plates that it would not have been difficult to track him down.. But because the police did not use good judgment - Seven people are dead....

The second major issue I find in this story is this - the driver hit a truck - killing four (4) children - the children were ejected out of the truck and died at the scene... There were a total of five (5) children and two (2) adults in this pickup truck...... I personally do not know of any pickup truck that sits seven (7) people.... These children could have been saved if they were in a proper car/truck with seat belts.... this just breaks my heart...

High speed chases have become the norm in California. I have personally witnessed three (3) while out and about.... I have seen too many to count on the news.... I do not understand why this has become an epidemic.... Do the drivers want to have their two (2) seconds of fame on the 5 o'clock news? Do they really believe they can get away?

There are very sophisticated cameras and video equipment throughout California - my question is - instead of inducing high adrenaline (all parties) and risking the lives of innocent people.. why doesn't the California Highway Patrol and other police agencies use them............

Listen to the video below - the newscaster sounds so joyful, amazed, and happy to broadcast this pursuit......

I'm Am Not A Hypochondriac

One of my biggest fears is dying before my kids grow up. Every little mole.. lump... dizzy feeling... and whatever feeling I have is evaluated and if I think it is serious I go to the doctor.. Don't get me wrong, I am not a hypochondriac - I don't live at the doctor's office nor do I feel like I am dying just yet.. I do not have good DNA- a family legacy of cancer and heart disease... and I rather look any potential health risk in the face rather than bury my head in the sand... Both grandmothers had breast cancer, aunts and uncles died of cancer, several first cousins have died of cancer, and my dad had tongue cancer but died from a bad heart...

I have been getting yearly mammograms since I was 32 years old - next one is due next month. I already had to fight my first cancer battle 5 years ago when my doctor discovered a rare form of vulva cancer caused from the HPV virus (that will be a different blog)... Because of this weird virus - I had a section of my vulva removed and have to see an oncologist every 6 months... Joy!! Us ladies sure do love our gynecologist appointments, don't we?... yuck!

While on vacation in the Bahamas a few years ago - I discovered that I had blood after a BM. It did not stop but continued to get worse. When I came home, my doctor thought it was a hemorrhoid - but he did send me to another doctor to get evaluated for a colonoscopy. Sure enough, I had to have one and the doctor found 3 very large polyps - the kind that can turn to colon cancer.... Went back the following year for a follow up and discovered a couple of small ones. The doctor advised me to come back every two years.... Mind you today, I am 43 years old....

I will continue to be poked and prodded if that is what it takes to be in control of my health... To be able to continue being healthy for my kids.. for my husband... and for me... I am lucky to be able to go to any doctor at anytime... I don't need to get an authorization... I don't need to wait to see a specialist... I just go and my insurance will cover it... Granted we pay very high premiums for this luxury.. but it's worth it to me...

In 1994 - I had a fever of unknown origin... The doctors were stumped.... I did not have to wait for tests.. I did not have to wait to see a doctor.... After about the tenth blood test - the doctor calls me to tell me my kidneys are not working and I was rushed to the hospital.... I truly believe if I had a HMO or socialized medicine - I would be dead....

I will not get into a debate about socialized medicine or Obama's health care whatever...... I will be honest and say - I don't know enough to have an educated conversation or debate and silly me I am okay in my ignorance.... I do not believe that the government should run our choices of who we see and when see them... I believe in a free democracy..... I believe in being in charge of my own health....

Can You Die From Fright?

Have you ever seen the movie The Ring? That is one scary movie... My husband and I rented it one night and decided to watch it after the kids went to bed.... Right after we started watching - my oldest daughter (she was 8 maybe 9) was convinced that she was worldly and mature enough to watch this movie with us.... We told her "no way" and then the whining starts and the "I'm a big girl" starts.. and the " Plllllleeeeeeeeeessssssssssseeeeee" that won't stop.... So my wise husband decides to teach her a lesson and allowed her to watch it with us.... The first scary scene (10 minutes into the movie) - my kid starts crying.... freaking out, really..... and runs out of the room....

That memory made me wonder - can people die from being "scared to death"? We all have said the phrase - "you scared me to death or that scared me to death" especially us mothers... My kids scare me to death practically everyday and I'm not kidding!

Recently ABC News did a study on this very question and they discovered - yes... A person can be scared to death... When a person is scared by an earthquake, a near miss car accident, or any other sudden adrenaline inducing experience they can die.... it's like a drug overdose of adrenaline. In most people the adrenaline goes away and their heart beat starts to slow down and they are fine.. a little shaken up - but fine and others ( a very very small percentage) their heart is so completely shocked by the adrenaline rush it that it literally stops.....

To reduce the possibility of dying from fright the experts say to be prepared - know what to do in an earthquake, car accident, and whatever thing that can cause fear... People who feel that they have some control over a situation are less likely to die of fright...

I thought this study was interesting....... and regarding my daughter - she still remembers that scene in the movie and my wise husband wasn't too happy that she slept with us that night.... she was too afraid to sleep on her own....

Below is a scary scene from The Ring..

Remember When

Yesterday my dear friend and God Mother Maria died. I was getting ready to go to visit her in her home when my phone rang... It was her son calling to tell me the sad news. I tried to keep my voice steady and to listen to the words he was saying...but I felt like I was in a tunnel... Maria is gone... I am too late... this kept repeating in my mind... His voice was shaky and he said he will call later..
I went to the couch and curled in a little ball and cried.... Cried tears of sadness and tears of guilt for not calling her more often.. not visiting her like I should have..all the I should haves and could haves just going through my head...Then I went to my computer and read this from her son:
I am so sorry to inform all of our dear friends that mom passed away minutes ago, surrounded by dad and the rest of her immediate family. She didn't suffer and she left with love and dignity. She asked me a few days ago to tell everyone that at the moment of her passing I should tell you all to be strong, that life goes on, and that she loves all of you dearly. More to follow later.
Maria knew we all loved her and in her beautiful grace and dignity she once again wanted to comfort those that loved her and who she loved..Always thinking of others as was her way.
Later yesterday afternoon her son called me again... He said that his family would like us to come over and mourn and love together. So we hopped in the car - my husband, Dusty and our two girls.. on the way we picked up my mom.. We arrived at the home of Maria and her husband. Their five sons, many grandchildren, and an assortment of other family members were there to greet us with a hug and a kiss. I have no idea what I said or how I said it... I was just so sad... Everyone was sad... They know that their mother is no longer suffering in pain. She is cancer free and in her perfect body rejoicing with her Father in Heaven... The tremendous faith of this family is an awesome thing to see. The family's love and kindness was just so overwhelming.
When I walked into the home I was told that Maria was still there in her room overlooking her beloved garden and I was asked if I wanted to see her and say my final goodbye. I did.. She was a sleeping angel and I went to her, kissed her on the forehead and told her I loved her and that I will miss her but I will see her again and I will give her a kiss and a hug as we always do...
Later I went into the backyard where all the sons and their families were reminiscing about the olden days.... this wonderful family had moved into a duplex on the other side of my home when I was a three year old child. They had just come to America from Guatemala.. We were their first American friends and the bond of friendship became stronger than you can imagine.
Maria having five sons.. she "adopted" me as her little girl... She would always call me her baby...and I was. With a love so strong - she made everyone feel that they were the most important person in the world.. That was one of her special gifts. She and her husband Carlos came to America with almost nothing but managed to raise five successful sons: An architect, A airplane pilot, a doctor, and two very successful businessmen... They created a home filled with love and happiness - where everyone wanted to stay....
This week will be a very difficult week.. tomorrow the viewing and Tuesday the Rosary service and later followed by the release of ashes... all we will have left will be the special memories of a lady who loved without reservation and passed the loving quality to her sons.. and her grandchildren....and there will be a lot of "Remember Whens"...

Saying Goodbye....

In the past year my children have been introduced to death... There are many things I can protect my children from but death is something I cannot. As Christians we know that death is a part of life and that it is the beginning of our journey into Heaven.. but it is still sad for the ones left on Earth to miss them...
Death came into our lives last Summer when my dad died... My dad had been suffering from cancer and heart disease and his poor body could no longer take it... This is the first person my kids knew up close and personal...they attended his funeral with dignity and grace... My oldest and most sensitive daughter wrote Grandpa a special note..she said it was between him and her....she laid it on the flowers on top of the coffin...after the graveside service and everyone left, I stayed behind to make sure that my dad was taken care of... A funeral worker saw the note and knew where it had come from. She asked me if I would like the note to be in the coffin with dad - I said that would be nice. She discreetly opened the casket and slid the note in... I thought that was very thoughtful of her....
Shortly after dad passed, two other close friends passed away... It seems it always comes in threes... My daughters knew these people well also...again my kids would attend a funeral...again my kids met death up close and personal... again they grieved.
Today death greeted me again.. A woman who I have known and loved my entire life.. It had been several years since I had seen Maria...but she has always been in my heart.. life goes by so fast when you are raising your own family and before you know it twenty years have gone by...and you ask yourself..where did they go? Maria came back into my life last July. When my dad was on his deathbed, I called her and her husband Carlos...they dropped what they were doing and jumped on a plane and arrived by my dad's bedside just in time. They were there to grieve with us and to love us. I don't think Maria knew her time was nearing also... none of us did. She is a lady with much beauty and grace raising five loving and successful sons along with her husband, Carlos. Now their family of seven has multiplied by many...wives and grandchildren... many souls for her to love.
Last time I saw Maria was a couple of weeks ago at the hospital she saw me and held her hand out and said "come here, my baby... I love you" She was too weak at the time to visit long... I kissed her on the check and told her I loved her and I would see her soon...
Goodbye, Maria....You are my love and my heart..you always have been and always will be...and when you see dad tell him hi for me..

Life and Death with Old Friends

This morning I received a phone call from a very old and dear friend. His name is Freddie. I have known Freddie his parents Carlos Sr. and Maria and his four brothers Carlos Jr., Wolhan, Johnny, and Christian my entire life. His parents were my second set of parents when I was a very young child... They are originally from Guatemala and still have the wonderful accent of their native country....forty years later. This family is so very precious to me.
Last summer when my father was dying, I was trying to track down Carlos and Maria to let them know my dad had only a day or two left. I called their son, Wolhan who lives in Northern California to ask him if he knew where I could find them.. Wolhan laughed and said that they had just walked through door from the airport. His parents had just arrived for an extended visit. Loving my parents as they do, Carlos and Maria jumped in the car and were at my dad's bedside within two hours... Our parents' relationship are one of those great stories of true friendship. They met in the late sixties.. The Ovalle family had just moved to America from Guatemala.. the language barrier did not affect this friendship or all the kids from becoming close friends. Five boys and three girls all of us close in age and high in adventure! We were poor in those days.. but as kids it did not matter...we didn't know we were poor....We just lived each day the best we could and enjoyed our days of young freedom... One story Carlos Jr. shared with us a month or so ago was our first Thanksgiving together... Our families had just met and we were all sitting at the dinner tables. The adults at one table and the kids at another table. Everyone was quiet and on their best behavior....until my sister Debbie flipped a spoonful of mashed potatoes at the boys thus created the "Thanksgiving Day Food Fight".... Carlos Jr. said that was a happy memory...
Through the years, we all drifted apart. Each of us starting our own families and careers...but we know that we are there for each other.....They were there when my dad died. They were there for my mom...
Well, Freddie's call this morning was to let me know that Maria is in the hospital with kidney cancer and that it has spread.. He said that Maria wants to see my mom... My mom recently cracked her pelvis and is unable to drive so I told Freddie that we will be there right away.. As I was heading up with my mom to the hospital, we learned there had been a shooting in the hospital and two people were shot! When we got to the hospital it was in complete lock down...No one going in and no one going out...
We waited for a little over two hours and then I took my mom home. I am waiting for the call so that we can return and let Maria know how much we love her.... Let Carlos Sr, Carlos Jr., Wolhan, Freddie, Johnny, and Christian know that we are family and we will ALWAYS be there....

Please pray for my friends.. Please pray for Maria. Thank you.