Haley Has Gone Home....

Yesterday in the late afternoon -Haley went away..... She wasn't in any pain and her loving family was by her side... She fought a good fight... She was a lady to the end....

Everyone wanted a miracle.... a true healing of her body.... but that was not to be.... Today and forever more - a family will grieve the loss of their beautiful daughter.... sweet sister.

Please pray for this amazing family during this sad sad time..

Not Wanting To Let Go....

Last night Haley's parents posted on Haley's Facebook page that Haley's kidneys have stopped working and now is the time to make Haley comfortable and try to prepare themselves to say good-bye to their baby.... The update was made over 15 hours ago and I do not know if anything has changed... I do know that Haley has touched so many lives with her strength and courage during her fight... Currently there are over 100 comments on Haley's status and 36 re-shares... No one wants to give up on this precious life... We have been praying.... crying... making bargains with God... We want to believe that some how some way - She can be saved... She should live the incredible life that was in front of her a year ago... A star volleyball player at her high school.. A young girl with too many friends to count.. A girl whose beauty took your breath away.... A smile that was contagious... A girl in so many ways just like her mom... A mom I have known for over 35 years.....

Cathie and I on my wedding day

I regret that I never had a chance to "know" Haley... I remember the day she was born on April Fool's Day - I remember holding her when she was only a couple of days old... As the years went by - Cathie and I would try our best to get together for a movie or dinner. We both were working moms and it was very difficult at times for us to see each other.. But when we did - we started right where we left off... We would have little get togethers at each others' homes... I remember a particular New Year's Eve at Cathie's home and Haley and Ashley played with my two girls so that we adults could bring the New Year in.... I always enjoyed the stories about Haley... her funny and quirky ways... her amazing talent in volleyball... and I still have every Christmas card that Cathie sent out every year with her and her sister Ashley's picture... During the past year - I have seen how much Haley has meant to her friends and family.. What an amazing girl/woman she is...

No parent should ever have to say good bye to their child and I know that Haley's parents are going through the roughest time of their lives... I cannot stop crying - because I can see both of them in my mind's eye and it's so heartbreaking.... There is nothing at this moment in time that will ease their hearts.. or minds.. They are sad.. They are destroyed right now... and only time will lesson the pain..... A lot of time....

Praying For God To Say YES!

I'm mad... I'm sad... I'm wondering why God lets awful things happen... If you have been following my blog this year - you may have seen and/or read several posts about a young girl named Haley who is fighting a rare disease called Myelodyspastic syndrome (MDS).. At first - we were looking for people willing to sign up as a bone marrow donor via Be The Match. Many people signed up and after a few months a donor was found...

In August - Haley started chemotherapy to get her body ready for the donor marrow... She received the transplant... Within a week - She was not feeling well and was advised that she had a deadly fungal infection in both of her lungs... The doctors tried to prepare the family to say their goodbyes.... All of a sudden - the idea to get donor white cells to fight the infection came up... People showed up in droves to UCLA Medical center to donate their white cells - ( a long 3 day process).... Haley's lungs were clearing up - She was taken off life support and a light at the end of the tunnel was starting to be seen... The possibility of coming home by Halloween was even discussed... until...

Haley started to feel poorly again by the beginning to middle of September... October 5th - Haley learned that the transplant did not work... By October 14th she is back in ICU in need of oxygen... Every day - getting worse... Every day Haley's mom, dad, family, and friends watch Haley go further away.. Many of Haley's friends have come by to love her.. share stories with her... two of Haley's favorite bands were even allowed to serenade her in ICU this weekend.. Such an outpouring of love... prayers... compassion... and an over powering feeling of helplessness....

I know this is not about me... I get it... But I can't help but feel so mad... I can picture in my mind -my life long friend (Haley's mom) cuddling in bed with her baby girl.. Wishing like hell she could switch places with her... I can't help but wonder where is God in this... Why does it feel that He is sitting back and just waiting to take Haley home? I hate being mad at Him... But I would be a liar if I said that I wasn't... This is not fair... This sucks.... and I want to fix it!!!!

I had a daughter that passed away shortly after she was born... Many of my friends felt very uncomfortable.. not knowing what to say... feeling helpless... trying to avoid the topic of my loss... avoiding me because they to wanted to fix it.... I would hear those little sayings that people say in a time of loss - things like... "She's in Heaven visiting with her grandparents" or my personal favorite - "Heaven is this perfect place and could not be perfect without children" Well - you know what - these sayings are crap... So if you find yourself wanting to comfort a friend with these stupid little sayings.. do everyone a favor and don't - hug them instead... or just be still....

So today, November 6 - Haley is still fighting for her life... Her family and friends by her side... Today I am Praying for God to say "YES - I will heal her body" "YES - I will give Haley's family a HUGE miracle"....