Seeking Opinions....

I have a friend - let's call her Kathy.... Well Kathy has a beautiful and very expensive Llardo Christmas Nativity scene on display... It's displayed on a table that is about 4 feet high... Kathy enjoys decorating her lovely home for Christmas.... She has many decorations on display... many of the items are very fragile... But she is very careful ...... her husband and children are very careful.. The decorations are admired but not touched.... From the moment her children could walk/crawl - they knew what was an "okay to touch" decoration and what was a "no-no touch" decoration..... Kathy made sure there were many things that her kids could touch and enjoy so they too could enjoy the Christmas decorations and celebrations....

This year Kathy is having Christmas Eve at her home.... The entire family - aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, grandparents, and nieces will all be there... Kathy is dreading it this year... Why? Because her cousin has two monsters daughters who are wild and Kathy's cousin does not watch her own children.... Her cousin has had the gall to say - if you don't want it broken then put it up... Now you must understand - the decorations (the very expensive Llardo Nativity scene) is against a wall not in a traffic area.... It's actually in the formal living room where no one really goes....

The cousin's girls are old enough to know right from wrong - one is six (6) and the other is four (4)... I believe the girls should be watched by their parent... I also believe that if one of the girls went into an area that no one was in and started to play with the fragile decorations and broke it... the cousin should offer to replace it or pay for it.... I believe that is the right thing to do... Whether Kathy accepts it or not... the offer should be made...

I believe it is always the parent's responsibility to look out for their own children - regardless of where they are - parenting is a 24 hour a day job... a job that we signed up for cheerfully.. Too many times - parents become too lazy... overwhelmed to train their children... to set boundaries... but we must set boundaries... We need to prepare them for the real world... for school... for other people's homes... where boundaries exist...

What do you think? Should Kathy put up/remove her Christmas decorations or ask her cousin to please watch her kids? Poll at the top of the post...

Christmas holidays can become very ugly when family and friends fight... Please remember the reason for this Festive Season and love when and wherever you can....

Addiction Has Many Faces

When we hear the word addiction - most of us think or assume drugs and/or alcohol.. But I believe addiction has many faces... many forms... I believe addiction is caused by a compulsive addictive personality and I also believe it can be hereditary.. Addiction of any kind is a life long battle.. I know - I have battled food addiction my entire life and I smoked for twenty-eight (28) years - I quit when I turned forty (40).... It took me about ten (10) tries before I was able to quit smoking for good... and I'm thankful that those urges to pollute my body with nicotine are gone....

When I was waiting for my oldest daughter to be born - I spent several weeks with her birth mother (Cindy). Cindy attended AA meetings several times a week. She was a recovering alcoholic and had been sober for about two (2) years when we met. I was invited to attend a few meetings with Cindy - She wanted to spend time with me and to introduce me to several of her friends and her sponsor... One night - a leader in a meeting came up to me and said that - I needed to be watchful of my daughter... that she too may have inherited an "additive" personality and alcohol and drug abuse could happen... I remember thinking to myself at the time - I will raise my kid right and this would not... could not be an issue.... My dad was an alcoholic and I turned out okay, right????

Since that night over fourteen years ago - I have learned and matured... I have learned that addiction can take on many forms... and I also learned that the signs can start at a very early age... The personality of "it's never enough" is a sign... Not enough candy... not enough TV time.. not enough phone time... I want more.. and I will do whatever it takes to have it.... I have watched my daughter go through these feelings and I have watched her try to fight the urge to push the envelope of going too far - sometimes she won the battle and sometimes she did not... I also came to realize that this is exactly the feelings and battles I fought as a young child... a young teen... a young adult... and still today... Different wants but same desires...

Addiction is a battle - an everyday - I got to pay attention battle... I believe as parents we must be diligent... we must keep our eyes and ears open... Our kids' future happiness may depend on it...

It's Impossible To Be a Lousy Husband and A Great Dad

I was listening to a lecture not too long ago about the roles of husbands and wives and one of the comments that stood out like a beacon to me was this - "You'll hear things like he is a lousy husband but he's a great dad - but in reality if he's not a great husband it is impossible for him to be a great dad."

Parents are the main role models for their children and if one or both spouses do not treat each other with love and understanding then how will their children learn? Growing up my dad was a very loud and vocal kind of person - quick to anger - quick to yell - quick to accuse - very slow to acknowledge his own mistakes if he ever did - very slow to apologize if he ever did.... My mom - I believe tried to take care of us kids without gaining the attention or wrath of my dad.... He was a fearsome man...

When my temper flares - I can hear my dad speaking through me and that is something I do not want to hear.... ever.. I do know because of my faith - I am quick to apologize and I am quick to acknowledge my mistakes but I am also very quick to yell.... I have gotten better and I am still working on it.... My husband on the other hand takes after both of his parents - he just shuts down - does not know how to communicate - I can physically see his eyes glaze over whenever a conflict arises... We both inherited not the best characteristics from our parents... and our children have a high risk of inheriting them too....

As a mother I want it all for my kids - the best of everything - spiritually, life fulfilling, and everything that is good... I want my girls to one day marry a man that lifts them up - that treasures them.. that loves them... I want my girls to believe they deserve it and in return I want my girls to know how to love with all their heart. I don't want my girls to yell or shut down- I want them to handle conflict differently - live differently...better... and they learn all that from me and their dad......

They May Stray..

I was talking with a friend the other day.. We were talking about the challenges we face raising our children... The values and beliefs we try to teach them... The rights and wrongs of life... We try to give enough freedom so that they can learn and grow - but also set boundaries so that they will not stray too far from home..

As children and teenagers - our kids learn from our example... When our children go off to college - then they learn from their teacher's example... My hope and prayer is that my children will be strong in their beliefs and in their convictions and not change what they stand for because it is the popular thing to do... I hope and I pray that my girls will continue to weigh right and wrong and always choose right...

My friend was saddened because her son's belief system is completely different from when he was home... The Christian values they held as a family were tossed away.... because one professor told her son that there was no God.... and because there was no God - then everything that they had known to be true was also false...

Challenging ideas and beliefs is part of growing up.. I think.... In making their own decisions, they find themselves or at times lose themselves in the decisions they make... But this is something they must do to become strong in their adult life - it's part of breaking away from the apron strings.... and during this time we need to continue to love.... continue to support... continue to show our beliefs by example... Shoving our belief system down our child's throats will not help ... They grew up in our homes.. they already know what we believe even though they may act like they forgot... We need to continue to be their parents... continue to just be ourselves...

The Bible says that if we raise our children in the right direction... they may stray from the path... but they will find their way back.. So my job today, is to continue raising my children in the ways of the Lord... Give them their freedom inch by inch and pray for them everyday...

Human Trafficking Is All Around Us

Last year I had the opportunity to learn about Human Trafficking.... Real life human trafficking that is happening in my own country... my own state.... and sadly in my own county.... This is a real crime - that many people don't know about.... I volunteer my time to help get the word out by working a booth at the county fair.... prayer walking in known areas of human trafficking - can you believe Huntington Beach Pier - is a known target area for human traffickers...

Two years ago in a nail salon down the street from my home - a human trafficking ring was broken up.... the workers turned out to be slaves brought here from Vietnam... They lived.... they worked.. they slept... and they were beaten in this salon... Walking into the nail salon - the untrained eye would never see - that the workers would look to only one leader - one person that they show fear too.... You would not realize that the main reason they did not talk with you wasn't because of language barriers - it was because they were not allowed to converse with the clients...

In a private gated community in a wealthy area in Orange County California - there lived a young Egyptian girl of eight (8)... She was sold to a wealthy couple.. This wealthy couple took this child home with them.... This child became their house slave. A neighbor noticed something not right.... why was the child not going to school with the other children in the household.... the neighbor called the police and now the couple is in jail.... This young girl was rescued at the age of 13.... Recently, she told her story - today she is 19 years old. click here to read her story.

Recently - I received an email from a friend who is also active in human trafficking.. What she came across is so offensive to me.... There is a t-shirt for sale at The Onion Store that says this:
"My Friend went to Thailand and All I Got was this lousy kidnapped prostitute." This is no joke. It is hard for me to believe that there are people out there that find any humor in this shirt...

Knowing what I know about the millions of women and children who are trafficked every day... that are abused - mentally and sexually... who are afflicted with diseases beyond their control and when they are no longer an asset to the abusers... they are murdered.... thrown away like trash... I find the shirt more offensive than I can describe... My friend called the company to verify that this shirt truly exists.... and it does.. ( I have the link in this post for you to see for yourself...) my friend asked to speak with a manager and was denied but she was told that many people have already called to complain.... If you feel as strongly as I do - give them a call at 800-280-1791 and voice your objection to this truly heinous shirt...

Mommy Ears

Yesterday there was a helicopter circling our neighborhood - in our usually quiet suburbia neighborhood... The helicopter must have been hovering for over thirty (30)minutes and Kara, my eleven year old seemed to be getting a little frightened... So I asked her if she wanted to jump in the car and investigate where the helicopter was focusing..

So we hopped into my car and drove to the supermarket parking lot where it seemed to be where the helicopter hovered the most. There was one police car talking to a man in white car... nothing else - so we decided to go through Burger King and grab a drink and head home.... We went into the back way into our neighborhood and on the street right behind us - we found the mother lode of police cars.... My kid's eyes became two huge saucers..... When we go home, I called my neighbor behind us to get the scoop.. Apparently, a man had broken out of jail about fifty (50) miles away and decided to visit our neighbor - also known as his mom - she lives in the tract behind us - a neighbor spotted him - called the police - and a chase ensued... That was all I got.

Kara was convinced this little blimp would make all the news stations and made her daddy watch all the news channels.. Which of course - nothing came on.. until 11:30 PM - there was a clip about a man escaping from jail - and that is all they caught on TV... I had no knowledge they were watching the news.

At around 12:30 AM - I headed for bed. Crazy day trying to get as much as possible done... I get into bed - snuggling deep down into my thousand count sheets ( I really love my sheets) and I was right on the verge of sleep... then my "mommy ears" heard a whimper.. I paused and held my breath so it would be easier to hear.. and then I heard another whimper... I quietly got out of bed - my eldest was busy grinding her teeth between her snores and my baby.. my eleven year old was softly crying... I asked her what was wrong... She said she had a dream that daddy found out that a bad man got out of jail and was in our house and she was scared.... It's been years since my little one needed comfort at night... I got to be honest - I loved having her come to bed with me... we snuggled - we feel asleep.... and this morning - I woke up with a foot in my ear.......!!!

High-Speed Chase

Last Saturday - August 8, 2009 a car that ran a stop sign decided not to stop when the police tried to pull them over... they decided to have a high speed chase and the highway patrol made the decision to participate in this stupid game of cat and mouse.... A short time later seven (7) people are dead.... Four of those people were children - ages, 1, 3, 4, and 7....

There are two major issues - I find wrong with this... First - chasing a car that ran a stop sign is beyond dumb - Yes, follow them if it's safe... With cameras on almost every stop light (this is California) - the highway patrol could have snapped so many pictures of the driver and license plates that it would not have been difficult to track him down.. But because the police did not use good judgment - Seven people are dead....

The second major issue I find in this story is this - the driver hit a truck - killing four (4) children - the children were ejected out of the truck and died at the scene... There were a total of five (5) children and two (2) adults in this pickup truck...... I personally do not know of any pickup truck that sits seven (7) people.... These children could have been saved if they were in a proper car/truck with seat belts.... this just breaks my heart...

High speed chases have become the norm in California. I have personally witnessed three (3) while out and about.... I have seen too many to count on the news.... I do not understand why this has become an epidemic.... Do the drivers want to have their two (2) seconds of fame on the 5 o'clock news? Do they really believe they can get away?

There are very sophisticated cameras and video equipment throughout California - my question is - instead of inducing high adrenaline (all parties) and risking the lives of innocent people.. why doesn't the California Highway Patrol and other police agencies use them............

Listen to the video below - the newscaster sounds so joyful, amazed, and happy to broadcast this pursuit......

Control Your Child... Please

I have a friend who has two kids that drive me insane.... and it's not the kids' fault... I love my friend, I truly do.... but I don't want to talk to her kids on the phone.. especially if the kid cannot talk... and anyone that tells her it's cute.... besides grandparents is lying.... I'm betting it annoys the grandparents too... I remember one time she gave the phone to her Princess#1 and did not get back on the phone for almost two minutes.... since the kid didn't talk.. I could hear my friend going potty in the background..... not cute... not even a little.. Tip to parents that do this: Unless the caller asks to talk your babies... they don't want to talk to them... really

I had a free afternoon a while back and called my friend and asked her if she could join me for lunch.. Her husband works from home - so usually the two of us can have some quality time together.. She was available and met me at Mimi's, a cute little French Bistro type restaurant... When she arrived she had princess #2 with her.... My friend explained that as she was leaving the house, princess started to cry and she had to bring her.... Don't get me wrong - I love kids... I have a couple... I just wanted her and me time... So we tried to have a conversation between princess throwing her crackers.. banging her spoon.. and trying to get out of her high chair.. so what does my friend do? She takes princess out of the high chair and puts her on the ground.... in a restaurant!!! The kid starts running around... going under customer's tables... I'm sure everyone could see the look of horror and embarrassment on my face... We had not started eating our lunch yet!!! My friend starts to laugh and says something like "isn't she cute?" my answer "NO" I shouted in my head.... The customers around us about had enough because within five minutes the manager came and asked my friend to control her child - in a nice way.... My friend was really angry at the restaurant and the manager... Seriously..... Tip to parents that do this: Children should have freedom absolutely - but they must also have boundaries - allowing your child to run, scream loudly, or throw food in a restaurant is never acceptable.. if your child does that... leave. Parenting is about being inconvenienced at times.. many times.. People go to restaurants to enjoy a meal not to watch your kid running around "being cute"...

When my daughters were much smaller and were in a double stroller we used to go to the mall and window shop.... The girls were always eager to go because they knew after I was done "shopping" they would get to go Mac Donald's and get a happy meal... It became our little once a month tradition.. The stroller was also great for tying bags on.... Never once did my girls try to get out of the stroller.... they never complained.. we made our "mall adventures fun"...

Well my same friend and I met up at the mall a couple of weeks ago and this time she brought Princess #1 and #2.. I don't expect her to leave her kids home every time we get together.. seriously.. When the plans were made - she mentioned that her husband was going to watch them - so I kept my girls home too.... My girls love to play with her daughters so they would have tagged along too if I knew.. This trip to the mall was awful with a capital A - why? My friend said her daughters did not like the stroller and so they proceeded to run every which way... up the escalator... down the escalator... cutting people off - whining.... What could I say to my friend...? I witnessed her yelling at the restaurant manager... so I sucked it up and grinned... "Wow... this is just great"

I truly believe that my friendship with my friend will always be there. I will always love her and her girls... young children can make things difficult - that is just the way it is.... but children without boundaries can strain a friendship.. Of course, our children are always our priority as it should be.... but it is our job as parents to be responsible enough to train our children to behave well in public at every age... and unfortunately - the enjoyment I once had spending time with my friend is gone..... for now

Bombs Are A Flying....Kaboom

I have to confess that I have a potty mouth.... I really don't mean too.... sometimes those F bombs hit and the S bombs usually follows the F bombs... Today, those bombs were just a flying... I have learned that the bombs most often hit from fear or anger or both.... Many times fear will turn into anger...
This is what happened..... My kids go to a very large school... We have a designated meeting place each day. The rule is to always meet up with me first to let me know if they need to do something and then I'll wait or come back at a determined time. Their school is a private commute school - so walking home is not an option.... My oldest gets out at 2:45 and the youngest gets out at 3:00. We always meet no later than 3:05-3:10... Today the clock struck 3:25 and my youngest (more responsible one) did not show up.... I went to her class and her teacher informed me she was released before 3:00.... I could actually feel my pulse starting to go crazy.... mostly because this is the kid that has gone through periods of fainting... and I'm picturing her lying somewhere in a bathroom stall having hit her head on the toilet... I know many of you reading this are thinking "get a grip" but you know what? It is what it is.....
After looking in the bathrooms and not finding her - I head back to our meeting place and see her coming towards me.... I asked her what she had been doing....(not in the most mature and quiet voice - I must confess) she said that she went looking for her friend's mom to see if her friend could come home with us.... 1 2 3... Her friend must have seen the look on my face because she got the heck out of there... I asked my daughter what the rule was... and she repeated it.. I told her I was really mad.... and her little sarcastic voice in a whisper I could hear says "Of course..." that just made my blood boil even more.....
So we are driving home and I realize my gas light is on so I pull over to the gas station to fill up... Then my oldest starts on me about something that I have said no to about a billion times..... and normally I would just say no but not this time... Oh no...not this time The F bomb and the S bomb just went KABOOM.... and you know what my oldest said? "Mom, please don't say those words to me." In a normal frame of mind - I would have been ashamed of myself.. but I was on a rampage.. I was out of control.... I was seeing red...
The car became very quiet.... My daughter than got brave enough to say the following: "Mom, remember when I told you that I no longer want to cuss? I have been really good about not saying bad words... I used to say the F word a lot because I hear the word from you..." Of course that made me mad.. and I told her it's not my fault that she said bad words... ( I knew as I was saying this I was wrong...) and she said this..."Mom, you yourself told me that we became what we hang out with... I live with you and I was becoming you...."
When did my child became the parent? She was so right...... When we came home and I had a chance to catch my breath and grow up..... I told her I was sorry...and I am being really nice.... sometimes us moms can be the child.....shame on me today... Lord, help me to glorify You tomorrow..

Bring Home The Bacon And Frying It Up In A Pan

As a mother, I am on duty twenty-four hours a day seven days a week... I am not allowed to get off my "paying" job and become a slug in front of the television for the next twelve hours.. I don't have someone asking me what I would like for dinner... But I do have the "Mom, my project is due tomorrow - can we run over to Michael's for some glitter?" "Mom, my computer won't turn on. Can you help me?" "Mom, my belly hurts..." "Honey, I'm hungry when is dinner ready?" In addition to the "mom and honey can you help mes" I have laundry to clean, groceries to buy, a house to try to keep clean, and kids and husband to make sure all is good with. Welcome to my life... Welcome to every mother out there's life...
As a kid I remember watching a commercial and this beautiful put together wife and mother is singing a song that she can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan and never let her husband forget he's the man... do you remember that commercial? I personally believe that commercial is one of the reasons us mothers are in this predicament.... We (I) expect so much from ourselves and if we don't do it ALL than we are a failure as a wife, a business woman, and a mom..... I think being a mom and wife is much tougher today then it was twenty years ago.. Expectations are much higher than it used to be..... I also believe that the higher expectations are one of the major reasons for divorce in today's society.....
So I am here to say... I cannot do it all the time and be perfect.... sometimes (often times) I need help.... and the funny thing is when I ask - I usually get it.. no questions asked... no complaints....
You know the saying "Men are waffles and women are spaghetti"? That means that men have all these boxes and they can think about one thing at a time.... If my husband is watching a ballgame on TV... he won't notice that I'm not cooking dinner but he will notice he is hungry... So if I asked my husband to put the casserole in the oven while I am busy doing something else..... no problem.... I just have to tell/ask him.. Women (spaghetti) can go in one thousand different directions and still be on top of each one of them....(in our mind not necessary in our body) so as women we may need help in accomplishing the one thousand things we have going on....That is why God created the husband and the kids...... Just ask!

Okay, I'm A Little Distracted

I do not do well with distractions... When I am working in my office and one of the kids walks in to ask me a question or come in for some attention.... I can get angry... Angry because I lost my focus on what I was doing... angry that I can't concentrate on "my" stuff.. I get angry in my selfishness...... My kids need my focus on them too... they need me to say..."Wow great job" or "I know, honey" or "ouch, that looks like it hurts"....but sometimes my obsessive compulsive behavior gets in the way of what is truly important.... my children... my husband.... my family.. I have been known to let my business just take over and before we had kids.... that was somewhat okay because Dusty and I were both working hard to gain our dreams of a large home that we can fill with our children... So looking on what we were striving for - I can check - got the house... and check we have a family.... Now is the time to spend time with them...to appreciate what Dusty and I always wanted....children.. the loves of our lives..
Jesus is a good teacher in dealing with distractions. Matthew 19:13-15 Some children were brought to Jesus so he could lay his hands on them and pray for them. The disciples told them not to bother him. But Jesus said, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." And he put his hands on their heads and blessed them before he left... Distractions happened all the time in Jesus' ministry - the difference is the way he handled distractions.. He saw distractions as opportunities - to love.. to show others that they are worthy of His attention...
My kids... my husband... are worthy of ALL my attention.. and I need to start letting the distractions become an opportunity to show them just how much I love them and appreciate them...

Taking A Shower...

I am a naturally very lazy person. If I could stay in bed until noon..I would. If I could stay in my sweats, tee shirt, and fuzzy slippers...you betcha I would...But I don't...why because it's not the right thing to do. A typical week day for me is getting up at 6:45 am, start yelling at the kids to get up, dressed, and brush their teeth... at 7:00 am, I am threatening the kids with loss of privileges to get out of bed. get dressed, and brush their teeth....and DON'T FORGET TO MAKE YOUR BED!!!! The girls finally make it down stairs around 7:25 am to have a fast breakfast and run out the door by 7:45 am to make it to school in time... During this time, I am making their lunches, feeding the dog and letting her go outside, and gathering their school stuff to get ready to go into the car. Most times my husband can take the girls to school which is real nice.
At 8:00 am I am in my (home) office starting my day. It really bugs my husband that I usually don't take a shower in the morning... I usually wait until lunch time... Mostly because in the mortgage industry the important things....happen in the morning and I need to be available and not singing in the shower... In between phone calls and processing, I can usually throw a load of laundry in the wash, make beds, clean around the house, and get dinner going....lately, I am lucky if I have time to make my bed...it's been crazy.. Don't get me wrong, I am one of those people that thrives on doing fifty things at once... I guess I am weird because the more things I have on my plate..the more productive I become.... okay the house may not be as clean as I would like and the bed might be messy....but you moms out there - you get it...
I think that when God was making moms - He knew He would have to give her the ability to walk, talk, jump, run, laugh, cry, juggle, sleep, and hug ALL AT THE SAME TIME.... That is our spiritual gifts - the ability to do and be what our kids and husbands need.
I want to share with you something that happened yesterday and how blessed I feel today. Yesterday, I needed to go to the hospital to see an old friend. It was a last minute thing and I had no time to find a sitter for my kids. While driving to the hospital I told the girls that they will have to stay in the downstairs lobby... they can read their book or listen to their iPods.. I told them it's very safe and I wouldn't be long... minutes before I arrived at the hospital there was a shooting in the lobby and two people were shot and killed.... If I had not taken the shower I almost did not take...but felt that I needed too... my kids would have been in that lobby....without me... The thought of my babies witnessing something so horrific just makes my blood run cold....
I am so thankful to God right now...for sparing my kids that trauma.. for loving me so much that he made me want to take that shower...funny thing was I wasn't even dirty...I had just taken a shower the night before