The Ten Commandments Of A Healthy Relationship

1. I will do my best to be the happiest person I can be.

2. I will be honest in my dealings with my partner.

3. I will keep my agreements.

4. I will have integrity about my actions.

5. I will honor all others I am in a relationship with.

6. I will practice forgiveness for myself and others.

7. I will nurture my spiritual soul and that of others.

8. I will accept others for who they are without judging them or insisting they change to suit me.

9. I will be open to suggestions and change when it's in the best interest of both of us.

10. I will trust in the powers that be that what happens is for the best....

This list was obtained from The Complete Idiot's Guide to A Healthy Relationship - liked so I thought I'd share....

**photo from yahoo

My Space Has Been Invaded!

I know this may sound like I am whining and I don't care! My space has been invaded and I DO NOT LIKE IT!!!! As you know, I run a business from my home office. My office is a great set up for me. I have 3 operational desks for assistants as I need them. I have a very busy office and at times it can be a little messy but the great thing about it being my office is that I know where everything is... if I am looking for a certain piece of paper - I know it would be in a stack of papers on the floor to the right of my desk... because why? IT'S MY OFFICE....

So - yesterday I had my appointment with my doctor of gynecologic oncology... You see - my regular gynecologist moved and I was without a girly doctor and because my girly stuff is complicated to say the least I needed a doctor that would not assume I am a hypochondriac - Yes - my body is a medical marvel... and when I go into detail - it just sounds down right crazy... Any hoo... I have had a pain that seemed to come from my left ovary and it radiates to my back... It does not hurt all the time but I can feel it all the time so - on Monday I had an ultrasound... the doctor reviewed my ultrasound and said my ovary is fine - so no idea why I'm in pain... He said since it's my left side it might be my bowels or I may never find out... great... In addition to that - the doctor was not Dr. Gentle... I am still sore.... So when I got home yesterday - I was NOT in the best of moods...

When I walked into my office - my desk was cleared of ALL my papers and folders... My neat stacks on the floor - GONE.. My boxes of files GONE and the desks and floors polished and washed.... I about LOST IT!!!! You see - the husband is using one of my desks in his hunt for a job... He started out by taking out my files and such out of the desk he is BORROWING.. <= key word.. I bit my tongue on that one... My "messy" office bothered him so while I was away he took over and cleaned it and now I cannot find a thing....

Instead of thanking him - I yelled at him.... I let ALL the stress I have been feeling out... My personal space gone - My health concerns - His job concerns - Are we moving? Are we staying? Too much work and not enough time.. Everything out in one big huge out of control explosion... and he just looked at me... No words... Just complete and utter shock.... The poor guy thought he was doing a nice thing... even though I asked him in the past to not move the stuff around... He did not hear what I said... all he saw was a "mess" and there you go...

Note - of course I did apologize for my out of control yell-fest... But I will not apologize for being angry - there are things in our lives... our businesses that are to be left alone - especially when asked.... What do you think?

** picture from flicker/yahoo

Running Around Like A Chicken

Growing up my mom used to say - "I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off" - Growing up on a farm - she had experienced this crazy phenomenon...

Well as you know - I've Become My Mother! and I can honestly say that this week - "I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off!" Thankfully I do not have the visual to support this thought.... What I can say is that I am going in a thousand different directions - trying to maintain a business, be a mother to two incredibly busy teens, and be a supportive wife... Most weeks... most days are great - I can honestly say I love my life... I am truly blessed... But there are days that I would love to just stick my head in the sand and hide... I'm sure you know the feeling....

This waiting is not bringing out the best in me... The extreme highs and lows of the wait are difficult to say the least... I do trust God to know what's best for me.. best for us as a family. That is not an issue... But my desire for an adventure is... My desire to know things RIGHT NOW is.....

So this week - we have been preparing ourselves for what may come.... Cleaning out rooms... shredding 20 year old tax returns.. (Yep, I don't throw much away), remodeling the kids' bathroom (new tile, sink, and vanity)... While still running a busy business... still obtaining new clients... still helping with homework, still cooking dinner, and still just being a mom... a wife... a woman...

So what am I going to do today? I cooking chicken of course...

It's Impossible To Be a Lousy Husband and A Great Dad

I was listening to a lecture not too long ago about the roles of husbands and wives and one of the comments that stood out like a beacon to me was this - "You'll hear things like he is a lousy husband but he's a great dad - but in reality if he's not a great husband it is impossible for him to be a great dad."

Parents are the main role models for their children and if one or both spouses do not treat each other with love and understanding then how will their children learn? Growing up my dad was a very loud and vocal kind of person - quick to anger - quick to yell - quick to accuse - very slow to acknowledge his own mistakes if he ever did - very slow to apologize if he ever did.... My mom - I believe tried to take care of us kids without gaining the attention or wrath of my dad.... He was a fearsome man...

When my temper flares - I can hear my dad speaking through me and that is something I do not want to hear.... ever.. I do know because of my faith - I am quick to apologize and I am quick to acknowledge my mistakes but I am also very quick to yell.... I have gotten better and I am still working on it.... My husband on the other hand takes after both of his parents - he just shuts down - does not know how to communicate - I can physically see his eyes glaze over whenever a conflict arises... We both inherited not the best characteristics from our parents... and our children have a high risk of inheriting them too....

As a mother I want it all for my kids - the best of everything - spiritually, life fulfilling, and everything that is good... I want my girls to one day marry a man that lifts them up - that treasures them.. that loves them... I want my girls to believe they deserve it and in return I want my girls to know how to love with all their heart. I don't want my girls to yell or shut down- I want them to handle conflict differently - live differently...better... and they learn all that from me and their dad......

Martyr Dad

Many times as a parent and as a wife - I have had to pretend that I was having a great time... Because that is what you do to make others happy.. not all the time but most of the time..... Example: I am not a big fan of golf but I have "happily" joined my husband on the course a time of two.. Why? Because he likes it.... The same goes for the golf, baseball, football, hockey, racing, and Discover Channel.... He has control over the remote and sometimes just to spend "quality" time with my spouse of 20 years - I suck it up - with a happy smile...
As a mom - pretending to have a great time is just part of the growing pains of having kids.... Don't get me wrong - I love love seeing my kids have fun - but I would not be going to Chuck E Cheese for my own enjoyment... Thank God they have both outgrown that hell hole... Sorry for the language folks but you gotta know that is my idea of hell - Chuck E Cheese and a million kids that are not my own... Get me out of here..... But of course, I did not scream - I smiled and pretended I was having a great ole time... Why? Because it made my girls happy and that makes me happy...
Last weekend we were in Las Vegas and trying desperately to find a place for the kids to have fun... the pool time was over (8 hours of pool slide bliss) The kids suggested the Excalibur - there's a Midway with carnival type games.. I personally love throwing ping pong balls into plastic dishes in a tub of water..... seriously, I do... Well Dusty (the husband) has made it perfectly clear that he does not like playing these games - You only had to look at him to know he was not having a good time.. the pained look on his face.. The "I don't want to play" comments... the eye roll when I pulled another $5 bill out of my purse.... I think every mother has seen these looks on their husband's faces a time or two....
After about a half hour of his martyrdom - I wanted to scream so instead of being lunatic mom and wife - I asked Dusty to figure out what we should do since he despised the games we were trying to play... He suggested the Luxor - he was under the impression that the kids would want to see The Body Exhibition - I was seriously wondering if he even knew his kids after that comment.. but I did not say a word.. So we walk the "not short" trek to The Luxor - we go to the very center of the pyramid - the kids get wind of Dusty's idea for The Body and I suddenly hear a high pitched chorus of "I don't want to see any dead bodies.." So I ask Dusty to figure out what we are going to do and I pop a squat on a bench - my calve muscles were killing me trying to keep up with his stride..
The girls and I are sitting on the bench... Dusty joins us on the bench.... and we sit... not saying a word..... and we sit some more....... Dusty finally says, "You want to go get dinner?" Seriously..... he asks me that.... Where I ask?... He suggests an Italian restaurant that he and I like but the kids hate... which we quickly heard protests from both of the all girls' choir of protesters..... So we walk all the way back to The Excalibur... all the way to the car at the very end of the outside parking lot... in the 107 degree heat.. We ended up at some hole in the wall that made the best Strawberry Margaritas this side of Mexico, ole........

A Real Man - My Husband

One of the things I love about my husband Dusty is that he is a REAL man. He is self assured and confident. He never has the need to prove himself... his actions and results speak for themselves. He is by far the smartest person I know... and I like that. In my personal and business life he is the person I go to for answers and advice... He is an excellent leader and team player - a man of many talents.
I have often asked him in the past why he does not toot his own horn when others talk about themselves.... and his reply has always been the same... I do not need too - my results speak for themselves. For example, he is a very good golfer - it's his passion (besides me) - when we were dating, I too golfed and I thought I was pretty good - I was in a golf class in college and I would tease him in our conversations that I could beat him on the course... he would chuckle and say he looked forward to it... The day came and the guy shot under par! Granted we were on a par 3 course at the time - but the guy shot under par!!! I learned my lesson.. He will often play with others who talk about how great their game is and Dusty will smile and let them talk in hopes that the person is as good as they claim to be..... The results always speak at the end of the 18th hole... it's funny to me that the ones who praise themselves the most are the ones who do the worst...
When others talk about how successful they are... Dusty listens.. he feels no need to brag about himself.. he feels no need to one up anyone - that to me is a real man - in his quiet confidence.. in his humbleness... I am learning from him everyday...
Recently I have learned a valuable lesson from him... in my anger and pride I wanted to lash out at someone... someone who I feel values themselves so highly that they need to look down to see God... someone that boasts and boasts about their own greatness.... I wanted to put this person in their place... this was my pride... my arrogance... my sin....
Dusty explained to me his thoughts on one upping someone and on being humble. He explained that you never "win" or glorify God by trying to prove that you're right... The only authority I need to be concerned with is what does God think.. by my actions and thoughts - and if I am tearing someone down because they bug me and I want to prove them wrong in so many areas...it is not the right thing to do....I would be bringing myself down to the level I abhor.. I need to sit back and pray for a humble heart.. a forgiving heart... and let them boast... let them act superior by their words and actions and pray that someday they to will understand they are not glorifying God by constantly glorifying themselves - because in the end it's not about them or me.... it's about putting God first by our words, our actions, and our thoughts.

Thank you, Dusty for being the man I married.. the man I can look up too. the man I feel very proud of.... and for being a real man... I love you.

The Gout Is Back...Again

Poor poor Dusty... He is suffering his fourth gout flare up in two months.. and I am really getting tired of looking at his Big toe!! Of course, I feel sympathy and doing all I can to ease the pain...but the guy just does not listen.. He still golfs without a cart.. He still climbs the rocks in the backyard trimming his precious palms... He needs to rest that foot when it's flaring.... He's like a cat on a hot tin roof... jump up here.. hobble over there...jump on one foot up the stairs.. limp through the backyard..."look at my toe - do ya see anything?"...Welcome to my life..

We've been to the doctors twice. The first time he got two shots in his bum and it seemed to help right away... and a little over a week later (after golfing without a cart) he's in pain once again...and we make the pilgrimage to Urgent Care.. where this time they won't give the most wanted shot... they give him more pills..

Gout is an inflammatory joint disease that causes acute pain and swelling, usually developing after a number of years of buildup of uric acid crystals in the joints and surrounding tissue. Gout usually affects one of the big toes but can attack any joint.. In the past, gout was thought to be due to drinking too much alcohol and eating too many rich foods. Although eating certain foods and drinking alcohol may trigger a rise in the level of uric acid in the body, these habits may not by themselves cause gout. Gout is most often caused by an overproduction of uric acid (due to metabolism problems) or decreased elimination of uric acid by the kidneys.

His diet has not been high in the "no no" foods.. He has been making it a point to stay away from foods high in purines. His water intake has also increased. I'm thinking that due to the fact he has always tested high in uric acid is the reason he is suffering so much lately.. He is getting older... I am officially married to an old man...(don't tell him I said that) it's taking his body a while longer to get the gout out.... So after another round of golf - (without the cart) his poor toe is on display for all to see once again...lucky me and lucky you....

The Love Dare Day 19

Today I was to look over the previous days and ask God to help me in the areas I need strength and grace. During this journey, I know God has held his hand over my mouth. I also know that He is helping me to have a heart for unconditional love. Am I there yet? I don't know.. If I am not, I am getting close. Only through God can I love unconditionally.
I do know that I am not blind to Dusty's particular ways of talking to me or his "guy ways" but I have become more tolerant. I do pray that he will become more in touch with his "feminine side"...is that asking too much? maybe...
It's funny when I look back to 1986 when I fell in love with him. I loved that he was a guy's guy. He loved sports and playing games. He hasn't changed in that regard. If golf, baseball, basketball, or football is on, you know he'll be watching and there will be no lifetime for women for me that night....
I loved the fact that he was professional in the his attitude and the way he looks at things..kind of that macho I'm taking charge kind of thing....I found that really sexy in 1986....now.. not so much...but like I said I he hasn't changed.
I think over time my priorities had changed. Instead of just me and him. It's me, him, Nikki, and Kara. I'm a mom and a lot of times that meant more to me. I have realized in order to make our family function the way God intended..it needs to be God, Dusty, and then the kids. It's funny how every one's needs are taken care with this simple formula...
Tomorrow's Dare is to trust Christ and to grow closer to him to get closer to Dusty. Until then...