Kyiv's Raccoon Man

We landed in Kyiv on Saturday afternoon and found a taxi to take us to our apartment. "She's Got It" by Venus was playing on the radio.

Taxi Driver: Vat zis mean, she got it?

Eli: It means she has something special.

Taxi Driver: Vy zey not just say "she have somezing special?"

Eli: It's just a saying in English.

Taxi Driver: Vat so special about zis voman?

Eli: I don't know.

Taxi Driver: Vy he sing about her if he don't say vat so special.

Eli: Look. I haven't slept in like 40 hours. I'm incapable of engaging in philosophy at the moment.

Skylar Thinks He Can Cook

Skylar thinks he's a cook.

Yes, you should read into my word-choice there.

Also, I want to mention that Skylar is the most amazing human being. He is selfless, beautiful, and charming. I don't talk about him enough, because I am jealous of him. I wish I could be just like hime when I grow up.

[The above paragraph, including the curious spelling of the word "hime," was written by Skylar when I left my computer unattended.]

He decided he was a cook some time ago despite never having really cooked. I suppose this is because he watched his sisters obtain this skill over the years, somehow believing that their mere relation to him made culinary arts a collective familial knowledge.

But it didn't.

I know that it didn't, because I have seen him ambitiously host a number of dinner parties over the three years that I've known him. And I've literally discussed the results of the dinner parties in therapy.

Forest Accordion

The doors to the Sokol metro station were about 50 feet behind me. The trains had stopped running some time ago. It was dark--somewhere around 2:00 in the morning.

I was 24 years old, and at least that foolish. I shouldn't have stayed out so late, especially since I had only been in Moscow for a couple of days and I wasn't familiar with the city. But the sun sets late in Moscow in May and this had fooled me into thinking it was much earlier than it really was.

My Russian wasn't very good. Definitely not good enough to explain to a taxi driver where I kinda-sorta thought I lived, which I would have had to do since I was too careless to ever bother writing down my address.

I was staying with an American family I had met 48 hours prior to this. They lived in a small gated community on the edge of the giant city. The neighborhood was surrounded by a forest, and it wasn't well known.

I had a basic cell phone. Not a smartphone. This was 2009. The phone had died hours before.

A Latvian Banya

The Internets, or what we could access of them, told us that the drive from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to Riga Latvia would take about three hours so I don't know why, exactly, it took us seven and a half.

Some of it surely was caused by our determination to stop in every town, take every country road, sniff every tree in every forest, and pee on every dilapidated Soviet monument. The highlight of this journey was when we encountered two church-going babushkas in an old country cathedral on the Estonian-Latvian border, wherein we were simultaneously and repeatedly complimented, insulted, lectured, and scolded in the way that only babushkas in Eastern Europe can do. They showed us around, told us we need to eat more and go to church even more than that and then they demanded that we come back on Sunday, grilling us on our organ skills.

We finally showed up in the medieval and surprisingly booming town of Riga Latvia sometime that evening, after which we wandered the cobble-stoned streets in the rain that periodically forced us into shockingly-beautiful Russian Orthodox churches that were in all their glory, hosting Ascension Day services for the Easter-loving religious folks.

We Made it to Hogwarts

We spent a couple of days in the fairy-tale land of Tallin before receiving a lecture from Estonia's skinniest man about all of the ways the police were probably going to lock us up abroad before he handed us a set of keys to a rental car. And then we drove south.

We stumbled upon a roadside diner of sorts, run by a woman who I think might be the actual Anastasia. It was in the eyes. She also kept asking me to compare lockets with her.

Anastasia didn't speak a word of English and I don't speak a word of Estonian so we negotiated our meal through a mix of Russian, Pig Latin, and Ebonics for good measure.

This seemed successful considering that she brought out nearly 75% of the things I thought our conversation directed her to bring. And then we ventured on through country roads and Estonian hillsides that were so pretty that every teenage girl just wrote something nasty about them in a burn book.

And then we landed in a college town called Tartu. Or, as Adam calls it, "Tatooine."

10 Tips for Traveling on a Budget

Over the last few years I've received a lot of emails from people asking how I have been able to travel as much as I have and whether I have any tips for traveling on a budget. I decided finally to post on this topic and share with you ten tricks I use for traveling abroad as inexpensively as possible.

Throughout my 20s I was able to see a lot of the world. This was not because I had a lot of money. I was able to do this, in part, because rather than buy things I bought experiences. I never had nice stuff and usually lived pretty basically. I also worked a lot while going to school and every time I could scrape together some money, I would do what I could to see how far it could take me in the world, which got me to be pretty creative in my traveling.

Now that I'm no longer a poor college student, my lifestyle has changed, but I still generally travel on a pretty tight budget. Because CHEAP. Below are the main ways I save big bucks while out and about:

Shabesaur

This trip was sort of a spur of the moment deal for me. Well, only sort of. I ran into Kimberly and Tyler a few weeks ago after having not seen them in over a year. They told me they were going to Eastern Europe soon and invited me to join them.

This was probably one of those things where they were just being enthusiastic and polite but I took them seriously, marked my calendar, and bought a plane ticket that night during a stress work session. And then I texted them a picture of the Travelocity confirmation page with an excessive amount of emoticons.

I met Kimberly exactly six years ago. We lived in Moscow at the same time and worked down the hall from one another. We instantly became best friends. The kind of best friends who make terrible decisions together and almost get one another killed on a daily basis. Because of Kimberly, I climbed into many unmarked vehicles, followed strangers down dark alleys, and got stuck more than once in incredibly dangerous neighborhoods at 3:00 in the morning without a way to get home. Also, I think she's responsible for my parasite, Lohan, that I picked up that year.

Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions

You guys. Wednesday was garbage day and you forgot, AGAIN to remind me. This is getting really serious. In the four months I have lived in this house, I think the garbage bin has made it to the curb on time exactly three times. And the first time was two days after I moved in and there was basically nothing in it but I was just so excited to participate in the neighborhood activity so I rolled it out there anyway. Isn't reminding me on Tuesday night to take the garbage out to the curb one of your duties listed in our Stranger contract? I inform you about mole rats and satanic chickens and you make sure I take the garbage out, don't sign up for triathlons, and stop unnecessarily taking my clothes off at the dentist and pharmacy.

June Snapple wouldn't forget to remind me. Just sayin'.

And now, your Pictures and Distractions:

My new exceedingly heavy bar stools. NOT THAT I KNOW WHAT A BAR IS, CATHIE.

Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions

You guys. I've been working like a madman this week. One hundred million bagillion hours. I wish I could talk more about my job on Stranger because CRAZY. You guys. What I do is CRAZY. Sometimes rewarding. But always crazy. Maybe I'll give a little more detail soon. But I can't help but think that I might have the strangest lawyer job on the planet.

Because I was working one hundred million bagillion hours this week, I did very little picture-taking with my phone. So, I decided to take a number of Snuggie selfies for you. YOU'RE WELCOME.

And now, your NSFW!!! Pictures and Distractions:

With creepy Christian art in the background.

A Walk Through Kyiv

We landed in Kyiv Ukraine on Friday afternoon after twenty or so hours of traveling. Brandt had never been to this part of the world before and didn't know what to expect. In a way, I didn't either. I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that we had been obsessively checking the news every day for updates on the unsettling situation in Ukraine, wondering whether going was really a good idea.

A few months ago I wrote about what has been going on in Ukraine this year. We've seen it on the news, day-in and day-out, since the beginning of 2014. The turmoil started when a few peaceful protesters in Kyiv's center square were brutally attacked at the orders of one of the world's most corrupt presidents. The response to those attacks was swift, and in the coming days, thousands, and at some points hundreds of thousands, stormed the streets.

The fighting between the protesters in Kyiv and the group hired to put an end to things turned the center of Kyiv into a horrific war zone, so dramatic that the photos we saw online looked like something out of a sensationalized Hollywood movie. Then, finally, just a couple of months ago, the president was forced to flee Ukraine or stay and answer for his crimes against humanity. He fled.

Because Apparently I Think I'm Anderson Cooper Now

So I'm turning thirty at the end of next week. I remember so well when I was 21 and my friend Paula came to town to visit and she told me that she had just turned thirty and I was like, "HOW ARE YOU EVEN STILL ALIVE?!"

Suddenly thirty doesn't sound all that old.

Nevertheless, I feel the need to go through some sort of early mid-life crisis so I bought eye cream a little while ago and also whenever a Spice Girls song comes on the radio I'm all, "TURN IT UP!" because that's what the kids are listening to.

When I found out that Rebecca was going to be moving to Paris, I thought it would be a perfectly good idea to fly out there and spend my birthday in the city of love where I could practice the one French word I know. #HomeAlone

Pictures From My Phone & Weekly Distractions

Daniel flew into Salt Land last night. This morning I ventured off to the office, of course making sure he had food and that all of the child locks and safety hazards were taken care of. I told Daniel I would check on him throughout the day and make sure he had everything he needed.

Daniel: Where's the laundry?

Eli: Huh?

Daniel: Don't get smart with me. Just tell me where it is. Let's get this over with.

Eli: Oh. Did you want to do my laundry? 

Daniel: Eli. At least have the courtesy of not gently manipulating me into doing it. Just tell me where it is so I can get started.

A closet door was then opened. A nation's worth of dirty clothes came pouring out of it, filling the apartment. Daniel should really think twice next time he decides to stop doing my laundry for six months.

And now, your Pictures and Distractions.

With Kyle and Emily, participating in our weekly Survivor party without Brandt who took his Disney prince hair and went to Ireland for work.

You People Rock My World

Yesterday I wrote this post about what's happening in Ukraine. I wrote it because Daniel has been telling me for a solid month that I should.

I hesitated writing it partly because I didn't think anybody would be all that interested in hearing what I had to say on the topic. I find it extremely interesting, of course. But I have a very special interest in what's happening between Russia and Ukraine, having lived in both countries and having spent a significant portion of my 20s in that part of the world.

I finally wrote yesterday, deciding that I had a unique voice on the topic that I should preserve on Stranger, even if it wouldn't end up being all that popular or interesting to you.

Ukraine

The last few months have been really strange for me. I've been watching the events in Ukraine unfold. I've been watching with anxiety and fear and sadness and some excitement. I've been full of conflicting emotions and real concerns.

There's a very special place in my heart for Ukraine. It's right next to the spot I carved out for Paul Simon and cheesecake. I was a church missionary for two years in Ukraine, from the summer of 2003 to the summer of 2005. I've been fortunate enough to stay close to my friends there over the years and have been able to visit Ukraine half a dozen times since 2009, the year I moved back to Eastern Europe to work in Moscow for a short while. Most recently, Daniel and I visited western Ukraine in 2012, right before leaving for Palau.

Those people are probably still talking about how much borsch that kid ate.

Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions

Around this time of year it starts to feel like summer isn't a thing that ever happens. The distant memories of running in the grass barefoot, visiting the Farmers' Market, and not crying because of the snow start to seem like a dream. In Ukrainian the word for February is "Lyutiy" which means "fierce." I've had enough of fierce lately. Somebody get me a bucket of ice cream. And Paul Simon. If it's not too much trouble.

And now, your pictures and distractions.

My sister Krishelle and my niece Kamree. Happy birthday to Krishelle this week. She's the best sister you could ask for. And I once saw her kill a black widow with her fist.

The Dentist Picture

About 14 years ago my younger sister Micalyne and I received a letter in the mail that would change our lives forever. It was December and Christmas cards from all over the world were arriving at the McCann home, mostly addressed to Bob and Cathie. Micalyne and I were 14 and 16 at the time, respectively, and neither of us were in the business of sending or receiving Christmas cards ourselves.

That's why it was with confusion that we, together, opened what looked to be a Christmas card addressed to the two of us.

We were correct that it was a Christmas card. But we were also sorely let down because this Christmas card was from our dentist. It included a professionally-shot photograph of the male dentist and the many female assistants that worked with him.

Eli's 10 Favorite Cities

Frequently Strangers email me and ask for travel suggestions. I've been fortunate to be able to hit a decent portion of the world in my 20s. And besides writing, traveling is probably the thing that I enjoy most.

I thought today it would be fun to give you my top ten list of my favorite cities in the world to explore. This list is constantly fluctuating, but this is how I feel today. Full disclosure, I have never been to South America and my travels in Asia, Africa, and far western Europe are sparse. I have explored eastern and central Europe and Central America extensively and I've wandered through the Middle East and a few other places.

Also, I went through my photos to find a picture for each of the ten cities and it hit me once again how TERRIBLE I am at taking pictures. And I used to be worse. Anyone who reads this blog and sees the Pictures from my Phone on Fridays knows this. So, sorry about the photos below. These cities are much better than I've represented.

Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions

It's the middle of the night and I'm sitting here in my office because I suddenly seem to have a million things to do in my life and only like 12 minutes a day to do them. It also doesn't help that things like Youtube and laying on the ground doing nothing are still accessible to me. Combine this with the fact that self-control is apparently not a thing I get to have and BAM. In my office in the middle of the night trying to do work.

And with that, happy weekend. Here are your Friday Pictures and Distractions:

Jolyn and I wandered to Midway Utah to see the ice palaces. There were one million children there. Jolyn and I were two of them.

Russian Survivor

On Saturday the court had an outing to the Rock Islands as sort of a farewell party for the three of us court counsel who will be leaving Palau over the next few weeks. We made the forty minute boating trek to one favorite beach with a view of a small lagoon-like area. We barbecued, played music, swam, and visited with one another until the sun started setting. It was wonderful.

The beach had a bunch of props on it from Russian Survivor, which is being filmed in Palau right now. Two seasons of the U.S. version of Survivor have taken place in Palau. When something like that happens in a country that is smaller than many universities in America, it leaves an impact. Seeing the Survivor memorabilia around town this year prompted me to become a huge fan of the show. My friends and I have ordered old seasons on Amazon to pass around to one another. So when I found out that Russian Survivor was going to be here for my final few weeks, I suddenly felt like I was living in the middle of Hollywood.

What made this particularly exciting to me was that Daniel and I just happened to be on the Russian version of The Amazing Race last year when we were in Kyiv. We were walking through a park when we saw several of the teams running by, each being chased by its own camera man. One of the teams stopped and quickly asked us for directions to a spot we had just come from. I did my very best to be charismatic and memorable to ensure that my big Russian television debut would not get cut.

The Banya Archive

I'm heading off to southern Mexico in about 30 minutes after a very frantic weekend of trying to pull a million things together all at once. I just got back from a wedding of one of my very best friends of all time, Annette, who left me immediately after law school to pursue the dream in our nation's capital. Congrats, Annette. Love you and all of your ridiculousness to death.

I was hoping to write about some of this week's happenings before taking off to the great unknown where I will likely be murdered eat 1,000 tortillas, but alas, I have run out of time. So instead I'm leaving you with an older, archived post from my days in Moscow Russia in 2009. Below is one of the strangest stories I have from my life, and is one most of you probably have not read.

Have a great week everyone!

(This post was from May 31, 2009, and is about my attempt to visit a Russian Banya (bath house) without really understanding what it was)