Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions

You guys. Valentine's Day. It's not that I don't love that I'm Cathie's "NUMBER ONE VALENTINE XOXOXOXOXOXOXO" again. But this holiday just gets more and more annoying for me every year. And this one is particularly obnoxious. It is destroying a weekend!

I'm fine with Valentine's Day ruining a Monday. Tuesday or Wednesday? Fine. Thursday? Not ideal, but have at it. BUT WHY MUST IT DESTROY AN ENTIRE WEEKEND!?

Here. Have some Pictures and Distractions:

Burke was just sitting there and Ollie walked over and plopped down like this and I love him BECAUSE EVERYTHING THAT PUPPY DOES IS CUTE.

Half a Carload

My friend Burke is possibly the greatest human being of our generation. A couple of weeks ago we were talking about how I needed to move for the eleventy millionth time in the last ten years and how much I was dreading the task.

Because you guys. Moving is the absolute worst thing in the history of all worst things lists in the history of the world. It is worse than camping and Glee and when you open the car door and snow from the roof falls down your shirt.

MOVING IS LIKE GOING CAMPING IN THE WINTER WITH THE ENTIRE CAST OF GLEE. Except you also have lift heavy things.

Well, as I was complaining to Burke and pondering how it is that I have conducted my life in such a way that has caused me to have to move between 1 and 4 times a year, every year, for an entire decade, Burke offered his help.

Six Chairs

Eli: Hi. I would like to buy this table and six of these chairs.

Lady: Great! Let me make sure we have enough in stock.

Eli: No problem.

Lady: Let's see . . . hmmmm . . . well we only have four of those chairs.

Eli: Ok. Do you know when you'll have more?

Lady: No.

Eli: Can we order some? Is that a possibility.

Lady: Nope.

Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions

By the good graces of God, Matt got very very sick this week. He asked me if I could come to his place and take Ollie for a day or two, since he didn't feel up to taking him outside every few hours. When I showed up 14 seconds later, Matt was sitting on the center of his bed, hunched over, and looking like the girl from The Exorcist.

And I was like, "poor Matt. You look awful and WHERE'S OLLIE!??!?" And then I gathered all of Ollie's things, took him home, changed my number, and Rebecca and I entered the Witness Protection Program for good measure.

Rebecca works from home and all throughout the next day I kept getting texts that would say, "Snuggling!" "Playing!" "Sleeping on my lap!" and then occasionally, "LICKING! WHY THE LICKING!?"

Unfortunately Matt found us after he got feeling better and came and took our happiness away.

And now, your Pictures and Distractions. (Please follow me on Istagram because PUPPY.)

This is the happiest you'll ever see me. I wish we could say the same for Ollie. ONE-SIDED. 

Neighborhood Watch

Remember a little while ago when I got trapped inside my elderly neighbor's apartment because I was incapable of just minding my own business? Well I'm currently attempting to develop a reputation in my building for being the guy that gets involved in anything that looks like a problem, only to ultimately make the problem worse or more dramatic.

So that's how Friday night happened.

My friend Burke and I were heading out the door to grab some food after our Friday afternoon workout. I live in an incredibly large building. It's like one of only four man-made things you can see from space. There must be somewhere around 200,000 people living in this building. The make-up looks like this:

Families with children: 20

Eli and Rebecca: 2

People over 95 years old: 199,978

Contraband cats: 30,000

Scary Movies

This weekend I went to my friend Burke's house and we had nothing to do so obviously we turned to destructive behavior. Like DRUGS AND VANDALISM!

Not that I know what those are, Cathie.

Ok, so we didn't turn to drugs and vandalism. Partly because even if I wanted to turn to drugs, I would have absolutely no idea how to get any. Like, I think you just go the alley and say something like, "hey man. You got the hook ups tonight?" And then you have to do that sneaky handshake thing where you exchange money for a little baggie. But then I wouldn't really know how to do the drugs once I got them home.

I would probably just end up putting them in a blender and making a smoothie. But then I would get too scared to drink it because what if they were poison drugs?