Some Catching Up

I just passed my 8 week "surgiversary". Yes, it's been 2 months already! I've lost almost 38 pounds since surgery, nearly 50 since I first saw Dr. G and 71 since I started my journey toward weight loss surgery! :) My allergies are clearing up and I'm feeling much better. I have more energy and am sleeping better.

I another "WOW" moment last Monday. A "WOW" is when you realize how much you're changing after surgery. For instance, when I didn't have to take diabetes or high blood pressure meds anymore, that was a "WOW"!

For this one, we went to the school to get my daughter for her endocrinology appointment. You have to show your ID to the security guard and they check it against the computer system to make sure you are who you're supposed to be and that you're authorized to pick up the student. Well, the guard looked at me closely, looked at my license and then said, "Uh, this doesn't look like you."

WOW. I realized I was at my heaviest when that picture was taken and so I said, "I've lost over 70 lbs since that photo was taken."

He said, "Well, good for you! You're going to need a new photo ID soon!"

Yes, I am. :D

On the down side, the endo appointment was a total disaster. I ranted about this on another website when it happened and have been trying to put it behind me since. However, yesterday that same doctor contacted me by letter and brought all the anger back up.

He was the doctor that confirmed Kristin has PCOS. He wanted Kristin to take birth control for the estrogen and to try and regulate her period. He also wanted her to take metformin for insulin resistance...but he didn't want to follow her he said. He wanted to leave that to the gynecologist and primary. He said if anything else came up, we should come back to him. I was puzzled about that but didn't push him.

Kristin's care was interrupted when we lost our health insurance. TB and I went with Medicare and we applied and eventually got Medicaid for Kristin. Think it's easy finding a specialist who takes Medicaid? Not really!

The endo, Dr. Post, is with the pediatric division of Cooper Regional Hospital and so I thought to bring her back there. Her period stopped again and she'd developed a cyst on her ovary. She wasn't losing weight in spite of exercising to the point she hurt her back and sprained her ankle. She's on other medications that cause weight gain. Besides, PCOS is a hormonal/metabolic issue and that's what endos are supposed to treat, right? So I made the appointment.

What a mistake that was! Dr. Post seemed really annoyed to see us and wanted to know what we were doing back in his office six months after he told us to go to someone else. I explained it to him while he listened impatiently. Then he announced, "Well, I can't help her. She eats too much."

I should have gotten up and taken Kristin with me and left the SOB. I could tell what he was thinking: fat mother, fat daughter, waste of my time. He didn't know a damn thing about either one of us! However, I argued with him because Kristin needed to see an endo. I told him Kristin was eating low fat/low sugar/low carb foods and exercising and she did NOT eat too much.

He looked at me and said, "YOU eat too much!"

Kristin started crying.

I'm thinking--this jerk doesn't want to help. He hasn't asked a thing about what we eat or how much. He has NO clue. He said that whatever Kristin was eating, it was still too much--or maybe she was getting food at school.

At that point, I got up. There was no point in staying. The man absolutely did not want to help Kristin and now I needed to find a new endocrinologist. I've been looking for another pediatric endo that will take Medicaid and have written a letter of complaint to Cooper.

The letter from Dr. Post was like the icing on the proverbial cake. It said something like, after you left, I reviewed Kristin's records and realized there is an additional test she should have. Here's the lab slip, have the test done and I'll write you again after I get the results.

As if!!!

I called the doctor's office and left a very angry message for him with his receptionist, careful not to blow my stack at her. It's not HER fault he is an ass! She asked for my number and I said, "Oh no, there is no way I want to talk to him. Just tell him what I said." What I said was basically that over my dead body would my daughter ever see him again after the way he'd treated her. Grr.

We are unable to keep ourselves healthy without help?

I'm not sure how I feel about this issue. The truth is that I am obese and haven't been able to get the weight off and keep it off. But do I need the government to come in and help me do it? That seems scary.

TB and I aren't the only obese people in the country. There are, according to the article I read, 67 million of us. Another 75 million of us are overweight. Why? Apparently we just keep making the wrong choices. Instead of going for healthy foods and exercising, we're sitting on our couches eating fast food.

Well...I don't think I totally agree with that (I say from the comfort of my typing chair). Healthy food is expensive. That's one of the problems TB and I are facing. We want to buy fresh fruits and vegetables and stay away from the dreaded middle isles of the supermarket. IF the government wants to interfere, why can't they start a program that would make healthy food less expensive?

TB and I have been advised over and over to cut our budget, cut our food budget. To do that, we'd have to buy junk. Junk doesn't cost much.

This is what the American Heart Association would like government to tackle and bring about change to help us all make healthy choices:

* Locations of fast food restaurants.
* Restaurant portion sizes
* Availability of high-fat, low-fiber foods and sweetened drinks.
* Community design and infrastructure, which involves assessing land-use mix and walkability of neighborhoods, including: adequate sidewalks and areas for physical activity; accessibility of jobs, schools and recreation by walking or cycling; availability of public transportation.

Well, these are all very nice. The AHA doesn't say what it would like to do about the location of fast food restaurants but I'm assuming they'd like to hide them. Well, don't they think people are going to be clever enough to find them anyway?

The good food is available...it's expensive.

I really like the last idea a lot. If any of the ideas are worthwhile, I'd say that one is it. One of our biggest problems is that it's just too easy--or necessary--to get into a car and drive where we need to go. In my neck of the woods, if you don't have a car you are screwed. Everything is too far away for a walk, there's no public transportation and for whatever reason, cabs won't come here.

I used to live in Columbia, a preplanned city in Maryland. What a wonderful place that was and how I miss it! James Rouse planned multiple communities in one with miles of parks, walkways and biking trails. Each community had its own little shopping center, place of worship and schools. You could walk to these places ... or bike. You only needed a car for work and even then you could use public transportation. When I lived there, I did a lot of walking with the kids. I really do miss it.

That's what we need here and in most of the country. I bet it won't ever happen though because of the expense involved. Too bad, because the cost of not doing it is more dear.

The whole article is here.

Roller coaster ride

If there is any one small consolation it's that TB and I are not alone on this roller coaster ride of financial disaster. We go up, we go down. We were up on Monday and Tuesday after meeting with JCHD, Jersey Counseling & Housing Development. The lady there looked at our ridiculous budget and still worked with us, talking to the mortgage company. We got a disability forbearance until the end of September, time for us to regroup and redo our finances. We have to show that we can afford our mortgage and our bills and still have money left over. A daunting task but we figured we could do it.


Now we are rocketing back down, after talking with someone at Consumer Credit. We'd hoped to enroll in their program but as soon as our expenses put us in the red, she told us we wouldn't qualify for the program. The alternatives would be selling the house or filing for bankruptcy, although the latter might not help us that much.

We need for TB's social security disability to be approved. Then he'll be able to collect his disability pension and then we can start approaching Consumer Credit Counseling again. We have to show that we can meet all our basic expenses first and then have money left over for bills.

This whole process is so scary. I felt hopeful up until I hung up with this woman from the CCC. Now I am feeling despair again. What if SSA doesn't come through by the end of September? I had to take an Ativan to calm myself down.

On top of it all, TB is suffering terribly. He couldn't sleep at all last night between the pain in his back and in his legs. We had to get our partial deposit back from the bariatric surgeon to help us meet expenses during this forbearance period. He really needs that surgery desperately by the practice will not accept just the insurance company's payment of $7000. They want their whole fee of $8000 odd dollars and it doesn't matter the circumstances. Thanks a lot, NJ Bariatrics. :P

TB is confused about what to do next and so am I. We can wait for the disability to kick in and then we could put the deposit down again so he can get the surgery. We could try a different doctor and start over again. The rollercoaster plunges down even further. When will it go up again?

Just Stuff From Today

This

TB's legs continue to pain and itch him but they don't feel as hot as they did. I guess TB's going with the assumption he's healing slowly. I'm not sure I agree. I'm worried about the itching and the fact that it's not all clearing up faster and got him to leave a message with the doctor.

We both went together--we travel as a team just about everywhere now--so he could apply for SSD (social security disability) and so I could meet with my DVRS (division of vocational rehabilitation services) counselor to discuss working from home for me or getting into a program to upgrade my clerical skills. We need income and we need it NOW


Thursday Challenge:

This week's challenge is "family" and here are all our grandchildren and a daughter:






That

Well, why should this be any kind of a surprise? Diabetics need to exercise and doctors tell us we should so that we can have better control of our sugar. It also does wonders for the heart and blood pressure. But too many of us don't exercise and it's not because we like being fat or have a particular death wish!

More than half of U.S. adults with diabetes also have arthritis, raising a serious obstacle for diabetic patients urged to exercise, according to a government study.

It's not that we don't want to exercise, there is too much pain and probably not enough of us can afford to join a gym with a pool.

The full article is here.

While we're speaking of diabetes, one of the foods I was afraid I'd haave to give up is fruit. I love fruit, all kinds, and it's one of the healthiest snacks I can find. These are some tips for better ways to eat fruit when you are diabetic:

* Eat fruits raw or cooked, as juice with no sugar added, canned in their own juice, or dried.
* Buy smaller pieces of fruit.
* Choose pieces of fruit more often than fruit juice. Whole fruit is more filling and has more fiber.
* Save high-sugar and high-fat fruit desserts such as peach cobbler or cherry pie for special occasions.

and the other things

Has everyone seen the sinkhole pictures in Texas? This thing has grown to the size of two football fields and is still eating vehicles, parts of buildings, telephone poles and more dirt. It could take about 2 weeks for this thing to stabilize so it could keep right on growing! I guess if there's anything good about this it's that it didn't open up in someone's neighborhood...yet.

Did you hear about the little town in Wyoming (75 people) that has all the air pollution of a big city?

I read an article but lost the link for it about all these wonderful super seeds we created to grow wonderful food to stop world hunger. Wellllll....the problem is we didn't teach anyone about fertilizer nor make it affordable, or about crop rotation and so on so that all these wonderful seeds are withering away in poor soil.

What are we doing to ourselves?

One ray of hope: after all that death and destruction in Myanmar, a baby is born.

Lost

I almost wasn't going to write anything about the show this week. I wasn't crazy about the episode. Dr. Jack was acting like a controlling freak. First he didn't trust anyone to remove his appendix but himself (huh?) but luckily Juliet and Bernard had the smarts to knock him out before that went too far; he got ugly and possessive with Kate and his ghost/zombie father was totally creepy in the episode. Now I know how Claire got separated from her baby but it makes no sense. She is supposed to raise the baby, not Jack and Kate. The whole show was just creepy to me and I was glad when the credits began rolling. I'm not a big Jack fan anyway.

Weight Loss Surgery

Well...never say never. I was positive I did not want weight loss surgery and if I even considered it, I would only be interested in the lap band. Many months later of pain, increasing disability and inability to enjoy life, TB and I have come to the conclusion that we need and want the surgery.

Yesterday we went to the N.J. Bariatrics Center. This wasn't our first visit. A couple of weeks ago, we went to an informational seminar about the two types of surgery and we had the opportunity to meet both of the doctors, Dr. Brolin and Dr. Chau. The seminar provided a great deal of information and input from a man who'd had a bypass a couple of years ago. We were especially impressed with this man and decided to schedule ourselves an appointment to see Dr. Chau, the surgeon who does the lap bands. Dr. Brolin does riskier bypass surgeries.

If we thought we were informed at the seminar, we learned even more at the consultation. We met with Dr. Chau who explained in detail the benefits and risks of each surgery and what they entail. We also met with a dietician who explained what our lives would be like -- food wise anyway -- post surgery. An insurance specialist explained all the steps we needed to take for precert. The whole process will take 3 months.

After hearing all the information, pro and con, and even knowing that my success rate may be as much as 20% less than average, I still want the lap band. TB was leaning toward the gastric bypass because of all the problems he's having controlling his sugar and because weight loss is faster in the beginning with that procedure. The gentleman we met had the distal gastric bypass which is a procedure for the super obese, people who need to lose 200 lbs or more.

TB and I decided that since he is in the most intense pain and the one who needs to get back to work, his procedure will come first. Our next step is to get letters of support from our doctors and to begin a paper trail that shows we are getting counseling about the surgeries.

TB decided that although he is terrified of it, he wants the conventional bypass because it will help him faster. It scares me but I can't sit here and dictate to him what to do when his pain is so severe he gives his quality of life a 1 on a scale of 5. That's pretty sad for a man of only 54.

And so we're off on this new journey.

What's Going On With Us...

From time to time, I just like to post an update mostly for the friends who follow my blog. I'm a terrible correspondent.

T.B.: His prescribed medication, opana, isn't working well for his pain anymore. We had one visit back to the pain management doctor after that third epidural and, unfortunately, TB needs surgery. Before, that though, he will have to lose weight. We both have an appointment to consult with a bariatric surgeon on Wednesday.

No, it doesn't mean we're getting gastric bypasses! The only type of surgery I'll consider is the lap band. TB, however, is more willingly to look at the bypass because there would be a quicker weight loss. He just would like to get relief from the agony he's in.

TB still isn't able to work and we're treading water but thanks be to God, we have not gone under.

Me: Recently, my CPAP pressure got bumped up and although I hoped that would make my insomnia go away it didn't happen. I wake up in pain several times so either that is overcoming the pressure OR the pressure isn't high enough. The CPAP tech says that the right pressure is supposed to be enough to practically put you into a coma. I have a lot of day time sleepiness, especially in the morning, but that might also be due to Abilify, a medication prescribed to reduce my manic-ness.

Kristin: We got the results back from her sleep study and thank God she does not have sleep apnea nor narcolepsy nor restless leg syndrome. What she does have is a problem falling asleep and staying asleep that might be due to behavior, anticipated insomnia. The doctor wants her to try a light box and says she must work on getting 8 hours of sleep. That means a bedtime of ten. So TB, the doctor and I are not on the list of Kristin's favorite people. So it goes.

The adult kids: Same old same old

Little T: He's regressed a little in some behaviors but is improved in others, like his signing. His new thing is to run from us and try to get us to chase him. That's okay for fun and games but not when he suddenly darts into the street or runs from his teachers!

Here's a recent picture from school. "Smile, Tomas." This is the result.



Grandchildren in TN: We might be getting for them for part, some or all of the summer, oh, boy! We're hoping it happens and are lookikng forward to it!

Except for the news about the grandchildren, you might think we are all sad and unhappy but that's not true. Things could be a whole lot worse. This is a concept I'm trying to get across to my pessimistic daughter. I got an article about 5 steps to becoming a happier person and plan to send it to her. I thought I'd share some of what I learned though. Much of it was common sense and there were several links to other websites to read through.

Whether or not you feel happy depends on a couple of things. One is--are you happy with your life? It's not just your job or your spouse, there are other things involved. Do you have supportive friends? Are you nourished spiritually? Do you volunteer in the community?

Features that promote happiness if you are positive about them:

* Health
* Self-Esteem
* Goals, Values and Spiritual Life
* Money
* Work
* Play
* Learning
* Creativity
* Helping
* Love
* Friends
* Children
* Relatives
* Home
* Neighborhood
* Community

Another (and to me, more important) factor in happiness is your own attitude. Do you feel that although things are going wrong, they'll eventually become better? Do you think that no matter what you do, things will always be bad?

Here's a link to a happiness quiz.

I took the quiz and these are my results. The lifestyle issues are my health and my finances for the most part:

Your Score: It appears that 10 answers out of 16 questions, or 62 percent of your answers show lifestyle features that promote happiness. If there are areas of your life that you would like to change in order to promote increased happiness, there are resources (above) corresponding to each question on the test.

It looks like your lifestyle may be seriously impeding your level of happiness. The good news is that there are many changes you could make to bring more happiness and life satisfaction.

I can make changes.

And if you tend to be a pessimist, you can learn to be more optimistic.

If you’re trying to make positive changes in your life, it’s important to set yourself up to succeed:

1. First, set small, attainable goals. Work your way into a new habit with baby steps, and you’ll feel more successful every step of the way, and be less likely to give up.
2. Next, reward your progress; for each small goal you reach, allow yourself to feel pride, and perhaps give yourself a small reward.
3. Don’t forget to enlist social support! Tell the supportive people in your life what you’re attempting to acheive, and tell them of your successes. This will give you added strength, and will make it less appealing to give up (and have to explain yourself to those close to you)!

Insomnia, Pain, Bariatric Surgery & Sleep Study

As usual, here it is 4 in the morning and I am sitting in front of my old friend the computer. I am unable to sleep because of insomnia caused by stress and pain. It's time to do something about it and the first step is to attend this seminar on weight loss surgery. TB and I know about the risks of gastric bypass and that is what we don't want. Too many people we know died from that surgery.

We are interested in the less invasive lap band procedure. I've got a whole bunch of questions to ask throughout the whole thing. Some questions only I can answer; some only the doctor or facility can.

If I lose weight, it will decrease my pain because there won't be so much stress on my joints. If I lose weight my slee apnea will decrease. I know what to do in terms of the right food to eat--it's just that I'm in too much pain to exercise. If I could get to a point where I could walk, bike or swim without being in pain all the time then I can exercise and lose even more weight. So here goes!

Oh and while I'm talking about health, here are a couple pictures of my daughter wired up for her sleep study.



Here she is, all wired up and ready for the test to begin. The wires all go to machines that monitor her brain activity, pulse, pluse-ox, whether she kicks her legs or grinds her teeth and so on. First there was an overnight study, basically to determine if she had sleep apnea. If she does, it's really mild! The next part of the test was to have her take 5 naps at different times of the day t o see how sleepy she was. Hope we get some results back soon!

And the next picture is a puzzle, just a little different from the first picture! Enjoy!

P.S. Well, rats! I couldn't post the code here for some reason...but here's the URL for it anyway!

Puzzle

It's time to do something and stick to it!

I'm one of those fine fluffy people who don't realize they are bigger than their brains think they are. I never fail to be surprised when I get stuck trying to get out of a chair or when a car has parked too close and I think: oh, I can just slither in or out of my car easily only to find out OOOOOPS! NOT! When I had my breast reduction surgery, I was so thrilled! I felt so much better...and then I realized that not everyone noticed. How can you not notice breasts hanging down to the waist? I looked down at myself and was shocked. Oh! You don't notice if there's a big pregnant looking belly that's been there all this time!

I'm not knocking myself, believe me, this is just my sense of humor to help me stay sane.

The other day, TB, Tomas and I went outside to frolic in bubbles on a gloriously warm afternoon. It felt good to be out after being pent up for so long. And T loves bubbles (still "ub wah") so much! TB also brought out his camera and took lots of pictures. Last night when I saw them, my jaw dropped to the floor. Is that me? I thought. I was genuinely shocked. I'm not going to show those pictures because I'm going to save them as my "before" pictures.



Here is one that shows T and me, enjoying the bubbles: happy nana and grandson. In spite of the fact you can't really see my jelly belly, you can probably tell I can stand to lose a few pounds. Great...'cuz now that I've seen the pictures, I know I must act.

For starters, here is another helpful article I read:

What Does a Healthy Diet Really Mean?
Is it a Diet or a Lifestyle Change?

By Debra Manzella, R.N., About.com

Updated: February 27, 2008

Think of the word "diet" and what springs to mind? Restrictive meal plans? Best-selling books by skinny celebrities? Guilt producing health nuts who make us feel like anything that we might want to eat is not only bad for us but will ultimately cause our unfortunate demise and it will be all our fault because we didn't listen to them and follow their diet?!? OK, maybe that last one is just me.

Anyone who has been diagnosed with metabolic syndrome, prediabetes or type 2 diabetes has heard the word "diet", usually in the context of a health care professional telling us that we need to change to a healthier diet. But these days, we tend to think that there must be a detailed diet we need to follow, a book we have to read a membership we have to buy, or a guru we need to pledge our allegiance to.

But "diet" actually has another meaning. According to our good friend Merriam Webster, the word "diet" can also mean "food and drink regularly provided or consumed." Another definition is "habitual nourishment".

Here in this country, there is so much talk of diets, that we start to think that we have to be "on a diet." The other meaning of the word diet gets lost in the hype: Your diet is what you eat everyday.

People can have a healthy diet, a junk food diet, or a steady diet of Steven King novels. It's just another way of saying... something you consume on a regular basis.

So when we hear in the news that we should add something, say, like olive oil, to our diet, it just means that we should chuck the trans-fat laden hydrogenated gunk we're eating and substitute something that's kinder to our heart instead.

No fancy diet required. Just tossing out some bad stuff and adding some healthier choices to what we already eat everyday.
More unhealthy items to limit or eliminate from our diets:

* Beverages that contain high fructose corn syrup
* Packaged salty, fried snacks
* Other packaged snacks that contain trans fats or high fructose corn syrup
* Deep fried or breaded, battered foods
* Creamy sauces or soups
* Processed foods like hotdogs, luncheon meats, or high-fat frozen foods
* Sugar-laden foods like packaged cookies, cakes and breakfast cereals

Healthy things to add to our diets:

* Fresh or frozen vegetables and salads
* Lean meats
* Water and other unsweetened beverages like green tea
* Homemade low fat, low sugar treats
* Fresh fruit
* Monounsaturated fats like olive oil, canola oil, nuts and seeds
* Whole grain breads, brown rice, and other sources of fiber

A diet doesn't have to be rigid, it doesn't have to cost a lot of money and it doesn't have to be on The New York Times Bestseller List. It just has to be something that we can follow everyday. Good choices that fit our preferences and our lifestyles. In other words, an everyday diet that we can follow for life.

More on my get-myself-healthy again plan a little later. It's time to get going this morning on all my errands!