FEB 1

Start nga pala ng Feb ngayon. Wag naman sanang buong Feb ko ganito. Not my day. Ayoko pa sana i-admit pero when it rains, it pours. Grabe. Baka bukas blessings naman. O kaya next month. Basta puro blessing ang sunod.

Sabi nga ng Aegis, "gulong ng buhay, patuloy tuloy sa pag-ikot, ngayon ako ay nasa ilalim, sana bukas nasa ibabaw naman"

Manila, pa-miss ka ha. Kaasar.

Naisip ko lang bigla, sana yung flight ko kanina to Manila from CDO na lang ang na-delay, nakasabay pa sana ako. Pero kawawa naman ang mga affected. Domino effect eh. Grabe.

Love you Q. Thanks for being there.

Last Semester

2nd sem AY0809, my supposedly last sem in college, doesn't seem to be exciting at all.

First off, Bacbacan 2 (Inter-BA org sports fest) is on Monday and... we're not ready. Not to mention back aches and... oh God. Basta nakaka stress mag lift, mag practice every night (though hindi naman ako palagi umaattend), nakakapagod overall.

I never liked Bacbacan 2. I dunno. Maybe because it is always scheduled too early, like only a few weeks after the start of 2nd sem. Eh feeling ko bakasyon pa rin ako. Bwisit. Dammit, para sosyal.

Because of Bacbacan 2, nauubos energies ko. I always feel like not doing my academic requirements. 177, 198, PI 100. Shet. Nakakatamad.

I just want to graduate. After that i won't need to think about my orgs, my acads, and i could get away from the busy UP life.

Ang sakit sa ulo. Sore head. Nakakapagod.

I Hate Endings

Reasons why i hate endings:

• That's it. Nothing follows.
• I'm always left behind. I always find it difficult to move on.
• Endings are always sad. I really don't believe in happy endings.

Previous endings i hated (the ones I remember, at the least):

• The end of my OJT in SEAIR. (At least here, I've already moved on.)
• High School Grad
• a looooooot more. TMTM

Endings i hate and i fear:

• this sem
• this school year
• YOU

_________________________

I always picture our relationship as the "happy" one. A healthy one, where quarrels and arguments are the usual things. I was too confident that we, at least you, are mature enough not to end the relationship just because we fought and didn't agree on some things.

These recent events, however, are different. You've changed. I'm not sure if it's only you, but i'm certain that you changed. Gone are the days when you're the one who comforts me.

I miss those days when i always feel that you are the shelter that i have always looked for.

I admit, i might be too self-centered. Thoughts only centered around my feelings - my aches, my sufferings, myself. You might not have changed. Maybe it's just me. This too-selfish me.

I sincerely regret the things i said. I'm not sure, though, if you think that i voiced it out only because i'm mad and that i didn't really mean it, but, it's too late. It's all been said and done.

_________________________

I always had a problem on expressing my thoughts. Oftentimes, they just come out of my mouth, without even consulting what's in my head nor my heart. But it's out of the question now. IT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH. I hope, you, did not take it seriously.

_________________________

This one's the ending I (insert-superlative-adjective-for-regret) feared to happen.

i don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow. i just wish that no matter what happens, neither of us go home broken. it's been 8 months. i wish we could still count, together, until 8 years.

i cant continue with my countdown to christmas and my birthday. not now...

Moments of Silence

Despite other people’s notion (myself included pala), I actually get pleasure from moments of silence. Moments where I can actually talk to myself, hear the thoughts (inside my mind), rejuvenate, and think about things (that may seem worthless but are actually invigorating), give me the comfort and weird personal satisfaction.

Due to these moments, I have come up with some thoughts that I believe to be worthy of sharing.

1. My legs are aching like argh!

Fuck that practical exam in Consumer Behavior. Fuck the thought that we had to “stalk” a member of our target market. Fuck these target markets who made us walk from 5th floor down to the 1st, and climb up again, not knowing if they knew we were following them. Fuck that maghapon lakad all around Shang EDSA (from 11 am to near 5 pm) Fuck. Ang sakit sakit ng paa ko!

As I’ve told my groupmates, I never ever really enjoyed shopping. I hate my mom, my sister, girl relatives, girlfiends (with and without space) for making me walk to and fro these stores! I hate it when they fit and check and touch and compare and talk about buying or wearing or having all these damn merchandise. I really hate it why they seem not to have the guts to know what they like. On second thought, what they will buy.

I hate my legs. It’s always like these whenever I am walking that much especially when inside a mall I’ve always been like these whenever I’m with a girl buddy. Today, however, was different. We were not shopping – we were stalking. Fuck.

2. Grad Pic on Monday

I really wonder what I would look like. I wish it won’t be bad. No not bad, I mean it should be good. Really good. Something I could brag to all the people who could see.

On the other hand, I am currently feeling bad about my creative shot. Am I really overly pretentious? Fuck. I wish I could think of some other concept even this late. I regret signing up for a creative shot. I should have picked the other package (without creative shot). That way, I could save money, free myself from thinking of a concept, and keep myself away from the thought of looking bad.

3. I’m not sure if Feasib and/or Orgpres excite me.

Sept 16 OrgPres

We are really in a grave danger. We only have nothing but concept. No practice, just meetings. No polishing, just steps. Ah. Go for threepeat. JPIA, JMA, CE, wag nyo masyado galingan.

Sept 19 Feasib deadline

This and next week will be our Financial study week, which means, my hell week. I want an inspiration, gazillion confidence, and huge amounts of will and determination to finish a thorough financial study for our group. I know I can do this. I just have to cram.

4. I am …
thinking about my 173 individual paper
wanting to do my Spanish assignment
worrying about my things that I will bring home to Cavite on Monday
wondering what my Mom and Dad are thinking about my “not-going-home” this weekend
excited about what’s gonna happen to UP’s cheerdance tomorrow
wishing that we’ll push through with our 168 tomorrow
going crazy
wanting to sleep
craving to cut my legs (still aching sooo badly, or so it thought)

… ending this post.

Night fellas!