Household Happenings.

Here's what it looks like outside right now.  That could change in a little while as we are expecting another big snowstorm.  We have stocked the fridge and are (I hope) well-prepared.  I'm hoping this will be the last snowstorm as state chess tournament comes up in March and right after that?  Another stupid hernia surgery for me.  My third.  It was a relief to hear that, actually, because my regular doctor thought I had a huuuuge tumour for a little while there.  No worries.  Just my guts falling out again.  :/

In homeschooling, Emperor has just read through Silas Marner and Conrad's Heart of Darkness.  I think he enjoyed Silas Marner much more and found the other book a bit disturbing.  His new math curriculum is all graded on the computer (sample lessons here!).  Here I am teaching him by doing absolutely nothing.  He ran into a bit of a problem because he forgot how to multiply fractions.  So then he spent today reviewing with Khan Academy.  There is no excuse not to homeschool because you don't know all the answers when the internet is out there, right?  Changing the subject, I bought this little house at the thrift store; I don't know why.  I just like it.  It is a "handpainted Delft."  I think it is a salt shaker because of the little holes in the chimney, but it sits on my windowsill.

Rose can read simple words and do matching games and easy games like Candyland.  She also helps out around the house frequently.  I found this little girl looking over my shoulder while I was watching Hoarders the other day.  She would like you all to know that garbage goes in a bag.  Poopies go in the potty!  And as she watched, she wondered, "Why is she doing that?  That's disgusting.  We don't throw trash on the ground!"

When Woodjie has the sniffles or is just not feeling himself, I will give him a "hairbow" so he can look like a little unicorn.  He will lie down with his blankie and twist his hair for a little while.  He is starting to use full sentences most of the time and can count up to 42.  He is just so cute, isn't he?

Homeschool House Tour!

Do you know how long it took me to get everyone reasonably quiet, shoot 5 minutes' worth of video, and upload it to youtube?  A fair while, I'll tell you that!  I hope you enjoy it.  I wasn't as brave as Blondee, posting a vlog about myself, but this is more interesting anyway.

Bad News.

I've started in on a cough.   Not a big one, but big enough that I was honestly concerned that I would tear. Then I took pain pills until the surgeon's office opened because a side effect of the heavy-duty pain drug I'm on is that it stops people from coughing.  I don't like doing that, using drugs off-label like that without seeing a doctor, but I had to get through the weekend.  The surgeon's office refused to see me for a cold yesterday, I went to our family physician.

He prescribed me still more pain drugs and said what I'd been doing is a good idea.  We sure don't want to upset the surgeon by opening this all up, he told me.  Well, ok then... I just don't want to turn into a junkie.

You won't, he said, because you don't have an "addictive personality" and you are using them for a set purpose and a short period of time.  I would tend to think a few weeks isn't a short period of time but I am not going to argue with him; I agree I can't be coughing with this huuuge opening in my gut just starting to heal.  I just can't.

I also checked in with my surgeon when I saw him today and told him what happened so that he wouldn't think I'm doctor-shopping for drugs.  Hey, but if your front office says I need to go somewhere else then that's what I'm going to do.  It's just odd, though, seeing the regular doctor over a tiny cough when really it's a surgery-related issue.  WHO would care about just going *cough* once or twice an hour otherwise?  Not me.

The surgeon told me to stay on the pain pills for about another week and then see if I still have a cough.  I like having a set time and also like having all the doctors be able to talk with each other.  I don't like not having people know what the other guy is doing and I'm glad there were no professional disagreements.  Just take the drugs, lady.

I was going to post what it looks like without the staples in but the whole thing, this whole gash is open and bloody and has LAYERS to it just like looking at the sides of a half-cooked steak.  It's THICK like a half-cooked steak, too. I mean, horror movie stuff.  I cried when I saw it... I could seriously whip off my shirt in a crowded place and scream that I've been stabbed and people would believe me, that's what it looks like.  Huge six-inch long gash, still bleeding a little actually.  And that is "normal" for what I've just been through.

Right now I'm on a lifting no more than 10 pounds restriction.  But the surgeon said I will never be able to lift more than 40-50 pounds. EVER again.  As in, I will never be able to lift my little children again.  I am so sad. I can't remember which time was the "last time" I got to pick them up, so I won't be able to have a goodbye picking up.  I don't know, that part makes me very sad.  And more than that, how am I going to handle things if I have to move to a new city?  OR even pick heavy stuff up at Sam's Club?  NEVER move over 50 pounds again?  How am I going to live like this?  People will think I think I'm a princess or something, making everyone else do MY work.  But I don't want to be back at the surgeon's place again.  These folks can patch you up, but you are never as good as new.  Each new patch is really not as good as the last one.

I'm not very happy about this at all, especially with the prospect of what if Woodjie runs away?  He doesn't understand about cars.  What if I am going on a trip alone?  I can't lift my own bag.  No fair packing bunches of stuff in different bags; it will still all weigh over 50 pounds.  I guess I'm in shock and have no clue how I will live the rest of my life like this.  I mean, it's not the worst thing that could happen to someone... there are harder things some people handle in this life... but I'm unhappy about it all.  :(

Ideas Welcome

SO many posts that never got published. I think I deleted about 47 drafts today. They include such never-to-be-seen classics as "The Water Buffalo" and "The Sexy." Well, they're lost, lost, lost forever. And that's a good thing. But I've also been peeking over my search results to find out more about what YOU would like to read. I'm reasoning that the most-searched stuff is the stuff you most want to read about, right?? Here are some of the searches that bring new readers to my blog:

vision forum secret underwear
pumpkin plant flowers
used boys' underware
maggots in hair

Is this what you-all are here for? Eee, well, sorry about not entertaining you more.

Ok. So, I'm open to ideas for blog posts. I can't say I'll do them all (esp. if you want to read "The Sexy." I'm sorry, it's just *gone.* Deleted. No more Sexy.) but it would be interesting to see what you-all are curious about.

Oh, what do *I* like reading on other blogs? It depends on the blog, but mostly I like people who can blog snarky but not mean, people who can show me part of their lives (whatever they're doing) and I also like places with lotsa comments, but not so many that I feel I'd better not disagree with the "host" or I will be eaten alive. Oh yeahhh. I thought I'd send you over to Tracey's to read a blog post just because I thought this was a good 'un. :)

Yet More School Stories.

Elf isn't doing so badly. I'm letting him flounder and figure it out for himself. It looks like every now and then, though, he might need a little hint about what to say and do.

I've been asking him to do things like tell me the names of two other students this week, and tell me what people are talking about in the lunchroom, and tell me about what you are saying in class, and all sorts of things like that. It worked very well in Mr. McC's class last year. He eventually learnt the names of six other children and was able to even tell me a little bit about a few of them. This year, not so well.

At least he does seem to want to talk to me about things. But he's making more than a few social mistakes. One of the teachers had an "icebreaker" sort of conversation a bit ago and went around the room asking each of the children what they were doing over the weekend. Elf's response? "None of your business."

Yeahhh, he has been coached that next time, "I'd prefer not to talk about it," or "Can I please skip my turn?" would have been better answers. The teacher also had a "discussion" about "respectful behaviour" as well.

Or this. Elf has figured out that table "18" has the best conversations. They don't have very interesting chats at 15, Elf told me. It got pretty boring there, and Elf wanted to (I guess??) talk about something else.

"Could you please spice this conversation up a little bit?" he asked them. "My mom wants to know alll about the things we talk about here, and I don't want to have to give her a bad report."

Can you believe this approach didn't work?? Can you? Things just don't work out for this kid and he's trying to figure out why. So. He can go to "table 18" on W days or something like that. They have the best conversations. One of the things they do is play some sort of "pass the expired milk carton" game and another is to discuss which food is the nastiest and plan a large "last day of school" food fight. I'm now cluing Elf in to the fact that the last day of school is NOT a good day to sit with the people at "table 18."

Patrick is trying to teach him to say "Yo Mama said so" at the table as a good way to socialize. I dunno, I guess that's what the high school kids do, so maybe it will be avant-garde at the middle school. I remember hearing this "Your mama" thing in college. One fellow from the 'hood just threw, "Yo mama so fat she breaks chairs" or somesuch into the conversation. MYYYY, was I insulted. I told him he didn't know my mother, and how dare he? He thought this was all HILARIOUS and started in on other Mama being fat jokes. I told him for his information that my mother lost QUITE A BIT OF WEIGHT on Nutri/System, so that just shows how much he knows.

Rolling, he was.

Crazy Comment Monday!

THIS kind of crap reinforces my decision not to go to church. I still believe in God, don't get me wrong, but I reallllly think pastors need to teach their flocks better. This is hardly a one-time visitor who doesn't listen to sermons posting the following on facebook:

"Don't buy the new Pepsi coming out with pics of the Empire State building and the Pledge of Allegiance on them. Pepsi left out 2 little words in the pledge 'Under God.' Pepsi said they didn't want to offend anyone. So..if we don't buy them, they won't be offended when they don't receive our money with the words 'In God We Trust' on it. How fast can you repost this???Amen!!"

Person 1: Sorry but this is a hoax. Pepsi is not doing this.

Original Poster: It sounded interesting so I posted it. Did not care if it was true or not. It was stating something I believe strongly about. How America has become so dismissive of God. It won't effect how I personally view my Pepsi purchases. If anyone gets the wrong idea about Pepsi. Then they are over looking the importance of the message. Put God back in America again. I will love Pepsi no matter how they promote the product.

Me: ‎?? If you knew this to be untrue and posted it anyway, you're saying Truth doesn't matter if the message states something you believe strongly about. So I don't understand what you are saying you believe strongly about. Do you believe in Truth, or something else? I'm honest to goodness confused by your post and trying to figure it out. And... "put God back in America again?" You do see the silliness of thinking that anyone could possibly kick God out of any place He didn't feel like leaving in the first place. Take comfort in that, friend! He hasn't left you. :)

Original Poster: Whatever

Me: Whatever? TRUTH is "whatever?" O-kayyyy.

Original Poster: I believe in the truth. It was just a post about how sad it is that God is being left out of the picture. In my eyes, I did not research it on it being true or not is all. If ya don't like what I say then just de friend me. I have enough BS to put up with out your over powering idiotic ranting.

Me: You can defriend me yourself if you wish. As for idiocy and BS, that's what posting stuff like this looks like to most people. See, I don't think God needs either one of us to "defend" Him. God being left out of the picture in people's lives IS a sad thing. But would you like me to post lies about you to "prove" that? That's what you did to the Pepsi corporation. Real people out there have real jobs, and yes, they CAN get hurt by things like this. The least you could have done would be to look it up on Snopes, and they disproved this in **2002.**

Me: http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/undergod.asp

Result: My comments *somehow* were deleted, I've been defriended and I'm not able to even view her page any more. I love how she wanted to throw in her personal life's difficulties as a reason I should never even question her. I'm sorry, but you shouldn't go off and post mean things - even about companies - unless they're at least *true.* People have lost their jobs because of false internet rumours. For the record, I've lost a lot of "friends" by being confrontational in this way. Maybe I just can't keep my mouth shut when people post stupid things... but actually? I would agree with her central premise that God is important. I guess she just didn't see how it's not the best idea to lie or spread false rumours to prove the point...

Seriously. Do I need to confine myself to puppy and kitten posts? Katharine Beals recently wrote that the art of argument has pretty much faded from our public lives. Maybe mine has and I oughtn't to have said it was "silly" that God could be removed from anything. But... it. is. so. silly. I couldn't help myself!! Maybe that's my problem.

Post-an-Accent Meme

Okayyyy. I thought I spoke like about everyone else here. Maybe I don't sound normal and unaccented like all the people on the video?? Missouri is pretty standard... I think I talk like these people... But I was talking with a friend I "met" through the blogs and had corresponded with for awhile for the first time today. She said I didn't speak as she thought I would. Later she told me I sounded a bit Southern, even. I thought that was strange and I told everyone so at dinner. My husband asked, "Well, where is she from?" and I told him New York. D said well, that figures, everyone is Southern to those people. "Unless we're talking about someone from Maine or Canada," piped in Patrick. G said that when he went to Ohio, people said his accent was Southern. Well, now, I don't reckon we speak like Sandy Cheeks, but for the rest of the meal? The children seemed to be in some sort of contest for "most outrageous and fake Southern accent." It wuz plum cray-zee, y'all. :) Or maybe YOU should post a representative video of "how people talk around here." Let's see what you post. Leave a link in the comments so others can visit!!

Look at Me GO! :)

Please welcome my Lily Slim ticker. I also posted it on my sidebar. Look how hard I am working! I refuse to post starting/ending weights. Juuust trust me that I will still be overweight when I lose the 80 pounds. BUT this is my goal for now. It might not be updated this week, but ordinarily I will update it every Wednesday. Do feel free to notice the numbers and leave encouraging comments.

Sunshine!

Laura from Day by Day in Our World has thrown a Sunshine Award my way! Thanks, Laura! The rules are to tell seven things about yourself and link to some other bloggers so that they can do the same! Sometimes I've made new bloggy friends by following links or popping over to someone's blog after they've made a comment on mine or a friend's.

And now, the seven things... but I will hit the shift key instead of the number for extra fun.

!. Ok. First thing. I've GOT to get things out of my brain, and the things I have to tell you aren't all about me, so you are stuck reading some random dribblings. Well, or clicking away. But then you would miss out.

@. I am not pregnant. I just thought I'd let you know that. Thank you for asking me when the baby is due and then when I tell you I'm not pregnant? Thanks for letting me know I waddle when I walk and you thought the baby dropped. You suck.

#. In unrelated news, I am now on a diet. Yeah, I spent a few weeks gorging on pizza, crying and getting even fatter after that little remark but whateva. It's not even that this person was trying to hurt me so much as she's old and has no guard over her mouth anymore. I started yesterday and still haven't lost anything. I gained a pound. I checked. Maybe I will quit next week if this is the sort of "result" I'm going to get from going hungry. I am somewhere between 160 and 465 pounds and I would like to lose... realistically, about 40 pounds and be 40 pounds overweight. Just enough so that I'm not asked about twins. :(

$. I miss butter. Butter goes with everything. You can even microwave a bit of butter (not icky margarine) add some brown sugar and cinnamon and yum. WHY bother with the bread part of the cinnamon roll when you can just eat this? Caveat: if you eat an entire bowl, you might feel a little sick and then your husband might tell you he is not feeling sorry for you anymore because you didn't learn your lesson last time.

%. Ok. Onto religion because everyone knows that's a topic for polite conversation. Something I don't get. WHY do some really conservative Protestants get really nasty about Catholics for obeying the Pope all the time, but then listen to total crackpots with "biblical authority" who think there are RFID chips in the swine flu vaccine and that Obama is trying to convert everyone to Islam? Or follow the father of the home, no matter how STUPID he is? Dang, at least the Pope was vetted, yo. And yes. I get the husbandly authority thing. I do. And I agree with it. I just think some people carry this concept so far that... well... they're wack.

^. I know some folks are prolly pretty lax in their homeschool. Mine over the summer looks like, "Here's a book. Read a chapter." BUT at the chess club last night all the other homeschool moms were planning their days, blocking SCHEDULES and cracking the textbooks. Does anyone else out there just sort of *feeeeel* it's a History day, or is it just me?

&. One thing that makes me very happy are people who can forgive. I am soo ditzy on stuff and have tried to help plan a party and fell on my face. You know it's sad when the person for whom the party is planned has to help out. Still in the RSVP stages and then how much food to get based on RSVP's? What if tons of people never RSVP and then show up? What then? How do other people plan "casual get-togethers" and not run out of food or have WAY TOO MUCH food/leftovers for 2 months? But... other people are working with me and kicking my hiney in the right direction. And they are forgiving. *whew* That means a lot.

Now I'm passing on the award!

Andrea Hermitt is one of those people who has homeschooled for about forever. She's homeschooling her children all the way through high school and she has a series of YouTube videos as well. That's how I got to "know" her. She's started those up again and I can't wait to see what she's going to say next.

Sue is blogging from Japan. She is such a lovely person and her photos are works of art. I've been reading her for a while and am surprised she does not have a super-large following. :)

Mommy Kerrie is just stinkin' hilarious. Go say hi and you won't be disappointed.

Emperor is cute and would appreciate visitors.

Elf is (apparently) not cute but would also appreciate visitors.

Happy blog-hopping! Winners, you DO NOT have to participate. It isn't sunshine-y to have yet another obligation dumped in your lap. I'm just passing on some linky luv to you and hope it brightens your day.

The Ugly Truth

(Pictures: two sets of rock garden before/after shots.) When I tell people that I have several autistic children, they somehow seem to think that I am some walking marvel who can magically get everything done. The reality is that I cannot.

*

My yard is overgrown and the poison ivy and small wild trees are literally five feet tall in some places. I cannot "just" go outside with the children and get things finished. I cannot "just" schedule my own medical appointments. I have to wait until summertime and then decide whether it's worth asking Patrick to take on a paid babysitting job. My husband is already "just" taking all the time off from work he can so that I can attend at least some dopey IEP meetings during the school year without ALLLLL the smaller children and he can get the dopey medical appointments done for certain children downtown or we can get cars serviced, or he takes days off when big things come up, etc. (nevermind vacations... they do not happen). The reality is that my basement is stacked full of crap almost five feet high (six to seven in some places) because I cannot, I do not, "just" have the time to sort through my things.

*

I'm very exasperated almost all the time.

*

I don't know where to put my stuff or my anger. I feel left behind by all of life. As it stands, I had to pay Patrick $10 so that I could have the honour of digging around outside today. I'm very sore and for some reason my elbows hurt from pulling weeds. Soon, I will be paying him $10 for the honour of getting my teeth cleaned and having the pearly-white toothed hygenist ask me whether I ever even brush my teeth and show me on the model how to floss. Insulting.

*

And my weight. I "just" don't have time to cook good meals for myself and have eaten an entire bag of goldfish this afternoon. Not bad, you think? It is if you shop at Sam's Club. That's the sort of dinner I eat around these parts, but I have at least weaned myself off of the Oreos. I had one today, for the first time in about two weeks. And I stopped at one. So I am heartened that I do have some self-control.

*

So I just want to tell you that... SOMEDAY, I'm going to be ok. SOMEDAY I will find a place to put all this anger. SOMEDAY I will stop screaming all the time. SOMEDAY my house is going to be organized. I don't mean perfect. I just mean I'm going to be all right. I am having a very hard time figuring out how on earth to live from day to day, but someday I'm going to be all right.

*

I just don't know how to get there.

How Young is TOO Young for facebook?

I was intrigued by this article, of course posted by a friend on facebook, asking how young is "too" young. I'm thinking that if the rules say you have to be 14, then you're too young if you're 13 years, 11 months and 29 days old. Sorry, you just are.

NOBODY really follows the rules, though, and people sign up all over the place with crazy names like Happy-Elf Homeschool and stuff. There's no real way of knowing if the person you're playing YoVille with is really a 84-year-old or just turned 10. The internet is the internet, and it really shouldn't matter. Let the parents decide whether their kids get online...

So. I don't get why the facebook people make it theoretically impossible for children under 14 to get an account. I would care less so long as the parents give permission. How to verify that, I have no clue. I don't know how cars work, either, but I do have an opinion on the use of safety belts. :)

This is interesting, though. Could you imagine how embarrassed this child will be by "her" old postings? "Look! My first pooooop!" in the photo archive? At least when my parents FILMED me at age three peeing in the doctor's office in a cup, it was on film. As in, the reels? Probably gone to the dustbin of history by now and thank God for that.

Anybody else out there old like me, and also grateful that our teenage mistakes and embarrassing moments are NOT posted online? Yeah.

"Guest Posting?"

Was looking at my technorati ratings and whatnot recently, and they're in the tank. My husband says I need to write controversial stuff, get people really mad, and then watch the comments roll in.

Sweet.

But I'm not feeling that controversial right now. I was thinking maybe I need to let someone do a "guest post," because I see that done on other blogs and it works out pretty well. Then of course D got into all the crazy things he'd say if I gave him the floor. He'd also link back to his own leatherworking blog. Um, this guy kept getting readers after some weird searches for "leather wife" and whatnot were typed in, mmkay?

Of course that inspired him, because aside from some leatherworking gurus in Arkansas somewhere, no one followed his blog, so he did a whole post on how you will NOT find posts about the "leather wife" on his blog. At least not how these people were... thinking...

See my pic with one of D's creations? I am trying to do the tough guy look, but it doesn't work on a middle aged 340 pound lady. Oh, well. Patrick says the spiked bracelets are "Bowser." You know, Super Mario's Bowser.

Maybe I should let my alter ego blog sometime, but I'm afraid of some of the things she will say...

Sunday Selections

This photo was taken by my friend Maria at the Lead Bank Chess State Championship. For more Sunday Selections and links to other participating blogs, visit Kim's place. Happy Sunday!

Answers to YOUR Questions

Bonnie asked me about grocery expenses and how much are diapers here? Well, depending on how much "tandy" I want to give Woodjie for peeing in the toilet, and how many bowel movements everyone has that week (I know, TMI), I spend somewhere between $25 and $35 a week in diapers. I keep looking at the cloth diapers and thinking I could pay upfront and save A LOT. But... somehow, that would be like admitting that Woodjie is not going to learn to go potty. Um, cognitive dissonance here. Not to mention that I deal with enough poop without the diaper washing and rinsing and eeew stuff.

So in answer to your question on poop, Lisa, I have no idea. NO idea. With some of my older autistic children, who were able to speak and understand language, I gave them a little taste of vinegar I dabbed my finger in when they pooped their pants and TWO chocolates when it went on the potty. But you need to have that little success to "build on." How to do that? Well, you know the signs before the kid poops and pop him on the toilet reallly fast. But what am I saying? We've never had it happen for Woodjie. Or Rose, just yet, but I'm not worried about her in that area *yet.* I can't see myself punishing a child I don't think fully understands yet... and that would be Woodjie, big boy that he is. That would be mean to punish someone who doesn't understand.

Wilma and Blondee, I have to tell you that I do NOT have meal plans. Things are terribly chaotic at the house. They are super-adrenaline chaotic on many days. I am on dog paddling and keeping my nose above water mode. So, each week, D will come home from work via Sam's Club and buy mega popcorn chicken, mega pizza rolls, mega Pop Tarts and whatever else is on the "list." We sort of cycle between the same six or seven meals and when we run out of something, we buy more.

Eating almost nothing but bulk foods keeps expenses down a LOT. And did you know that Oreos are milk-free? So is Hunt's Lemon Pudding. Don't let the pictures of milk on the packaging fool you! Thankfully, Emperor and Woodjie are not deathly allergic to milk and eggs. If I make a mistake and they eat "trace amounts," it's ok. I just try to avoid doing that with most things.

Deb... on the glasses... they stay nice and unbroken if they are unworn. G needs glasses, but refuses to wear them. So do Elf and Emperor. I don't know how I'm going to get them to wear them for school later. And not to mention, a good deal of the reason WHY Emperor and Elf refuse to wear glasses is that Woodjie breaks them for fun, and then Emperor and Elf get into trouble for getting too close or whatever. It isn't always their fault because sometimes Woodjie sneaks up behind. I just see big dollar signs leaving the house whenever it happens. There are so many things I wish I could fix. SO so many dysfunctional things. This is a tiny one. Not enough energy to teach the kid to quit busting stuff. I can tell he plans it for times I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT go and get him into trouble. He just knows.

Tracy, my husband and I met in college. I'm not sure who introduced us, but we had many of the same friends and lived in the same dorm building freshman year. Here's a post with our pic!

OK, that's all I have in the public comment section. Have some doozies in the email... I think I'm gonna wait on those...

The Puritan Baby Book

You might consider naming YOUR children one of these baby names that are a part of my family's heritage. Somebody needs to compile a BIG book of Puritan baby names, before gems like these are lost forever:

Thankful Snow. You'd think this would be an uncommon enough name that a simple google search for "Thankful Snow" would reveal nothing. You would be so, so wrong. Several results, presumably for different Thankful Snows, popped up. Mine was born in Massachusetts a very, very, verrrry long time ago.

Mehitable. It's a girl's name. There was more than one... they were actually able to find suitors and get married, too.

Lemon and Orange. These are BOYS' names. You know... like "Roelof" and "Evert." We actually have several Oranges in our family tree. One of the Oranges, of course, named his son Lemon. I guess he was tired of being called "Orange" after his own father and wanted to give his son something more citrus-y and different. :)

Keziah. Girl's name.

Jerusha. Also a girl's name.

And finally... what were "Silence Hurd"'s parents thinking? Silence. Heard. Were they humourous little Puritans, or was it just one of those funny mistakes people made??

PS. Emperor's name is boring by comparison. More than once I've been asked why I saddled the boy with such a name, or how could he ever learn to spell it, and things like that.

My New Facebook Account

My name is Happy-Elf Homeschool and I am a YoVille addict.  This is my photo.  If you become my facebook friend, you will get timely "Happy-Elf" updates, and you know you can't live without those.  You will also receive energy drinks and fab-u-lous prizes if you play YoVille with me.  Currently the fabulous prizes mostly consist of fake pillows and Cottage credenzas but hey, what do you want for free? :)

I Need Some Advice

I think I am not understanding anyone's motives or even getting what the implications are for anything sometimes.  I'm still (???)ing over a recent conversation, typed online.  I'm not sure what I did wrong.  The conversation ended so abruptly that I'm not sure what to think...

Acquaintance Person:  Hi. I have missed you at church.

Me:  (silence for a bit)

(Thinking:  Hmm... she seems to be asking why I'm not going anymore without asking directly.  SO glad I'm typing because in real life, I'd launch into it.  And I don't want to get nasty about the church she is still attending.  I want to say something nice.  Whew.  I can be *so* much more discerning in type.  But that doesn't mean I'm very discerning even with a sec to think before I type... what to sayyyy?  Something nice.  Here goes...)

Me:  Hi!  Thanks.  How are you doing?  How is (adult son) doing in (organization)?

Person:  (ADULT SON) WAS UNABLE TO JOIN (organization) BECAUSE (obvious disqualification).

Me:  (Why the caps suddenly?  I don't get it.) Oh, that's too bad.  I'm sure he'll do great once he (does the thing that qualifies).

Person:  WELL I THINK THE STATE OUR COUNTRY IS IN THAT THE (organization) IS NO PLACE FOR A YOUNG MAN.  WELL I HAVE (appointment) SO MUST BE GOING.

Me:  Ok!  Nice chatting with you.

Person: BYE

Me:  (???)

Ok.  Please analyze the conversation.  WHAT did I do wrong here?  The silence part?  The asking about her son? I think I need some social skills classes or something.  I feel really bad.  I am always doing something not right.  The other night a dear sweet teenager came to say hello to me at the autism center.  She is a volunteer there.  STUPID me told her that I did not recognize her because she was not wearing a white shirt like last time.  Duh.  She was probably one of the nicest people ever and AFTER she said something ohhhh! I recognized her face.  But I wasn't thinking about it without the right shirt.  That's dopey.  People change their shirts!! So... why didn't I recognize her?  She was even in the same place I saw her last time.  Arg.  That was rude of me.  I do this to everybody who isn't my best friend for about three years. 

And duuuh.  There's this other lady that goes to the autism center.  I could tell you her name and 50 things (no exaggeration!) about her and her family, and I know personal things and all kinds of stuff.  But I don't recognize her with her hair down.  I figured this out after she kept talking to me the other day as if she knew me pretty well.  But I thought maybe she was someone the director hired to do the presentation that day so I was guardedly nice, wondering why she had that happy "I know you well" sort of dance to her.  We had to sit and chat with her a long time before I sort of had an inkling of who she was.  I didn't know for sure until someone else called her name.

STUPID stuff like that.  She probably thought I was snobby and unfriendly.  Yeah, kinda!  I was, looking back on it.  Sorry.  But I didn't say anything to her about it in case maybe everyone would think that I have Alzheimers or something.  But you can't lose what you never had.  I do that when I'm driving, too... just keep going and hope I recognize the place soon.  Do you know how terrifying highways are?  You could wind up most anywhere.  I will go to Wal-Mart.  I will go to Sam's Club.  The doctor's office.  A few places nearby I know.  Please do not ask me to go anywhere new, ever.  (I am freaking out just thinking about it.)

Still, I could always tell my father and my uncle apart even when their wives could not.  They were identical twins.  But they were so, so different.  Some lady wears the wrong colour shirt, though, and all bets are off.

I hope I haven't offended this person I chatted with online tonight.  I'm not sure what to think.  Feeling guilty and going over and over the conversation in my mind.  So, lemme have it.  Surely it can't be worse than what I'm feeling and saying to myself already.  There is probably some very obvious "rule" that I have overlooked, such as, "I know you must be busy, so I will let you go," is a polite way to say, "Go away now because I'm done."

Sigh.

People I Know

I went to the bank this afternoon.  I needed to copy a birth certificate that was in my safe deposit box (sorry, you didn't think I had VALUABLES, did you?).  I had a nice conversation with Juanita and waved over at Dan.  They are the friendliest bankers EVER at that place. 

I don't know if it's their training, or if they are just naturally likeable people.  They always say hi to me by name.  They know everybody.  They are nice and helpful to everybody who walks in. 

I left the bank around 4:15 and took Elf and Emperor out (more on that maybe tomorrow).  There were several helicopters buzzing around nearby.  Something had to have happened.  People walking by talking on cell phones with that "look."  Went inside and saw the tv news.

My bank.  Cut/paste from the big city newspaper:

"(Cityname) police are investigating whether an altercation inside a local bank today involved a kidnapping.

Police were called to the Bank of the West branch at (address) about 5 p.m. on a report of a cutting. They found two men, one of whom might have been kidnapped from outside the city, a department spokesman said. The case is still under investigation.

No one was seriously injured in the altercation inside the bank, the department said."

I hope that Dan, Juanita and the other folks who work in the little cubby offices there (they *wave* but I don't know their names) are all ok physically and mentally.  Hope the victim recovers soon as well... how frightening!

Things Woodjie Says

OffFFF! Okie-non ee-vee! Okie-non! I'm having trouble appreciating Pride and Prejudice and am requesting that you switch this garbage off immediately for something more highbrow. My favourite character is Charizard, but I suppose I can make do with Jigglypuff if I must. My sister insists upon acting out Jigglypuff's singing and face-doodling every time. I wish she would quit touching me with her stupid "marker."

Us? Waaar yuu? I am making discreet inquiries as to the location of my bus. You must "look everywhere" for my bus and wonder with me where it could be.

Ee ent. The movie or show is finished.

Eye surn. Gimme that. It's MY turn.

Waah-waah. My very, very fake cry. I am having trouble with a transition or want a cuddle, so I'm going to pretend to be the baby. You must pick me up and make a fuss over me. It doesn't matter that I'm nearly four.

and finally...

Mamma. I love you, Mamma. Can I have some pudding with my lunch? Extra cashews? If I ask Mamma for something and have a sweet face, I'm probably going to get it. I'm soo cute.

Hair By Wal-Mart Salon

No.  It's worse than that.  I cut it myself.  I can't STAND going to the hairdresser.  Everything smells all weird and there are people who like to do the chit-chat thing.  I don't know.  I never know what to say to anyone during the chat times and I'm sure I will come across as unfriendly or totally irrelevant/on a tangent.  Then there is the, "Eew, who did your hair?" and "What product have you been using?" questions that usually come up.  Normal people don't call 'em "product."  Half the time I use dish soap in the sink but I don't want to tell them that.