Christmas Elves

I cannot believe this.  Elf is upset that Woodjie brought home a Christmas Elf hat from kindergarten.  Only he is the Elf.  Woodjie says, "Now I a Elfie, TOO!  There TWO elves!"  Rose had to jump into the picture and G... well... what a goof. 

A Very Elfie Christmas

How do you select holiday gifts for your people at home?  Here, Elf is getting old enough to look online with me and compare prices and features and select his own Christmas gift.  He's too old to just be surprised with whatever I pick on Christmas morning, but too young to be truly happy with a gift card.  I was leaning toward a $200 model that would only make bitty one-pound loaves, but had super-great reviews and about 1000 different gourmet foo-foo ways to use the machine.  Elf didn't want something so expensive.  He wanted something basic.  So we decided on a cheaper breadmaker with fewer features.  This is his first loaf, a cinnamon-raisin 2 lb. loaf on the "light" setting.  I know the picture makes it look like it's halfway burnt and halfway doughy, but the colour differences weren't so pronounced in person.  And the bread was super-yummy.  Elf will also be receiving a hand-painted Polish pottery bread tray to go with it because while I don't parcel out gifts to be exactly dollar-amount even, I do try to stay in a general "range" with each child.  (He is going to love it.)

Happy Weekend!

Emperor is speeding along in this photo.  He was quite determined to learn to ride his bike today, but it didn't quite go according to plan.

Elf is in seventh grade, but hasn't mastered that whole riding about on his own thing, either.  For whatever reason, this skill is elusive to them both.

Solution:  no training wheels!  Emperor will pedal and steer, and Elf will keep his feet on the ground.  Everyone wins!

Woodjie and Rose got their little trikes out as well. 

Woodjie will get a fruit snack for each smiley face and as a bonus for getting all smileys, he'll get some computer time tonight!  Have a great weekend, everyone!

The Special Shoebox

Elf is pictured holding the shoebox he got for his tenth birthday.  He was having some trouble coming to terms with the fact that he is not a real Keebler elf, so a retirement party was in order.  The "Keebler elves" made this box with some xeroxed cookie pictures and personal messages taped all over.  Inside were a package of cookies, a new book, and the special "Elf ID" you see below.

The "Keebler elves" made this genuine Elf ID with a xeroxed picture of Elf, a Keebler brand cutout and a typed sworn statement from "Ernie Elf."  It's all laminated.  Elf is over twelve years old, but he still has this stuff and it is probably one of his favourite possessions.  What I didn't realize was that he thought the Elf ID and the box were really from the Keebler elves until one day about six months later when I was talking with a friend about how I made these items...  This box and some of his favourite little things (including the ID) belong on his bed and no one else can touch them but him.

A Picture Post!

This was Patrick's "ghetto racket."  He bought it (in better condition) at a thrift store for $3 and was too cheap to spend his money on a new one.  His team-mates kinda made fun of him for it.  I finally bought him a new one, but everyone remembers Patrick as the "ghetto racket" guy.

Elf got a magazine from Hy-Vee grocery store in the mail and tried their strawberry-banana recipe.  He added a bit of topping as well.

"Aaaaaaammmm!"  Too bad the pic does not have sound effects.  It's part of the whole dessert experience.  Elf demanded I take this photograph and share it with you.

Woodjie's first day of kindergarten/summer school was Monday!  Woodjie is now a SHARK because that's the mascot of this elementary school  He is in their "integrate the disabled kids and hopefully not spend any money on them next year" program.  Ok, it has a nicer name than that.   But hopefully he does well!  I have no idea... there are no notes home in elementary.  I suppose I will call his teacher in a couple weeks and say "hi!" after the class is well-established.

Miss Rose is Vogue-ing a shirt I lengthened with a bit of fabric.  The pic doesn't do it justice; the shirt flares everywhere as she walks about and is really quite cute.

I hemmed in/made narrower a medium T-shirt I bought at the thrift store for a dollar.  I'm thinking to make the shirt more "dress" like that I will need a ruffle or something at the bottom.  Or.  With a little less smiling and the right footwear she can just be Emo.

Yes!

It's a pie crust cutter.  I like the idea of sprinkling sugar through the holes as well.  Other designs included little apples and squares.  Elf is displaying the very first pie he made with his cutter and new cake pan.  Cherry.

What IS It?

Answer coming up tomorrow!  Meanwhile, here are some hints:  it belongs to Elf, and he specially wanted to get this at the homeschool convention.  It costs $4.50 and is made of heavy plastic.  It can be purchased in other designs, but I think Elf picked this one out because it's green.  Green is the colour all the little woodland elves love so much.  So of course it is his favourite colour.   

Speaking of little woodland elves, Elf took this picture of himself recently.  I guess he doesn't have the "flaunt it in the mirror and post this to facebook" social skill down yet.  Also, he forgot to look sultry and/or snarl.  He is almost 12; when is he going to learn these things?  :/  Ok, seriously, I thought this picture was cute and captured the sort of friendly person he is.

For Elf.

Elf is pretty excited about this letter addressed *just to him.*  (I covered his address and name on the letter so that all-ya'll stalkers wouldn't show up at his door.)  Apparently he will save a bundle if he bundles his car and home insurance with Nationwide Insurance.  It's a special offer because he's United States Chess Federation (USCF) member.  I don't know how chess and insurance go together, but "when things work together, they just work better."

Wow!  Elf will have to consider this offer.

Doggone it, though, if at the age of 11 he does NOT own a car or house.  I hear it's a buyer's market, but real estate isn't quite into the 55-cents to a dollar price range just yet.  He was too enthused about this business opportunity to just recycle this important notice.  Elf made sure that his father was aware of all the particulars of switching to Nationwide Insurance.  Dad could save up to 20%, did you know that?  Dad?  Dad?  Do you need to use this paper?

Happenings at Home

I don't like yelling and I find singing at my children when they are naughty to be three times as obnoxious anyway.  I thought I knew for sure that I would be damaging any love for music that they would have otherwise developed.  Not so!  Elf wants to transcribe my angry song into something for EVERYONE at his school to enjoy.  He envisions the entire orchestra playing the "Mad at Kids Song," originally sung by his mother but properly composed by a very small Elf.  When it is finished, he will show it to his music teacher and she will love it for the masterpiece it is.  Elf also wants to be sure to have some sort of memory of my song after I am dead.  Nice, huh?

Woodjie!  I just luv Woodjie.  He was able to tell us that "ear hot" and fuss a bit so that we could take him to the doctor.  Sure enough, ear infection, in the ear he indicated.  Poor lil guy.  NOW he is almost done with antibiotics but has a cough bad enough that I would start to suspect whooping cough were it not for the fact that there is no outbreak here presently and also he had just gotten his booster vaccine on Friday.  I have sort of a love-hate relationship with those vaccines.  I feel like I am taking horrible risks if I do vaccinate, and also if I don't.  I hate that feeling of doing the wrong thing no matter what ya do, don't you?  It isn't just the vaccines.  Woodjie loves to play video games but gets VERY UPSET when his character dies.  I think if I didn't have a boodle of other children who are already into them that all game systems would disappear from the house.

Rose can "poo poo in a potty."  And is a "pwincess."  And had her birthday.  She lost her three!  She is now four, and that means pink PRINCESS cupcakes.  She has all the sparkly rings from the top of these storebought concoctions (schools don't let you bring homemade... and as there were 13 children in the class and I had to buy cupcakes in dozens... sigh).   I couldn't find a good present for her and D said yesss, we don't have to spend any money!  Ha.  Nooo, that just means that because Rose doesn't realize she is missing out and therefore won't pester me, I have lots more time to research expensive gift ideas on Amazon.  I'm thinking lifesize pink pony. 

Yay, Elfie!

Elf won the USCF Christmas Scholastic Tournament in Olathe, Kansas, today! He won two games and drew one.  "I worked pretty hard and my mom helped me a lot, although this day wasn't the best day of my life because my mom made me clean my room and throw away stuff I wasn't using and I cried over it," Elf said.  "Mom told me to throw away a humongous dust ball and I did not want to throw it away so I hid it and Mom will never find out where it went."

Kids Play Blindfold Chess.

You Can Look Now.

The older children have been playing blindfold chess.  It's exactly like regular chess, except they have to face away from the board, call out their moves by notation only, and keep track of the entire game in their head.  I make their moves on the board, notate, and occasionally have to tell them that this or that move is not possible.  It is a LOT harder than it looks.  Elf says the middle game is hardest because that's when there are the most pieces on the board to keep track of.  During the beginning of the game, the pieces are all near their starting positions.  Endgame has very few pieces, usually.  Emperor kicked butt in this game, but many of his pieces are idle under this system, which almost never happens in a regular game.  It's good mental exercise, have you ever done this?

The Playdate

Well. Elf had an actual friend over all day Sunday. It was the weirdest thing. Apparently they have a lot in common because they have lockers RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER. It's almost fated that they would be friends.

I went to pick him up and Elf and I saw that his subdivision is entirely Civil War-themed. Jackson, Stuart, McClellan, all those guys and many more as we're driving over. Elf's very favourite Civil War guy is Stonewall Jackson. We asked the friend what his was when he got into the car.

The answer we got was oh, he didn't wear regular pants but cargo pants because he needed some pockets. Also, he is getting "a bit wider" and needed more room.

Ha ha ha! Wellll, at least I thought that it was interesting that the streets were named for historical people...

"Mom," Elf chided. "If I were (friend), I would think you were being very rude right now. He's talking about his pants and you totally ignored that."

The whole afternoon went rather similarly. You could *sort of* see where this kid made the jump in conversation. And he fit right in because the conversation almost invariably popped back to Pokemon characters and related whatevers. Though there was a bit of an argument over Parcheesi. Actually, it wasn't the Parcheesi. It was over "may the best man win," and they all had a fight over who was the best. And whose foot was the biggest and smelliest.

I settled it. First off, feet off my table and all of my children who were in this "contest" are going to de-stinky-fy their feet sometime before bed. And I let them know none of them were men, so you can't be the best at something you're not.

I left for a bit but thennn I could hear them discussing who was the best preteen and trying to exclude poor little Emperor because Emperor is not a preteen, what with his being only ten. I hopped right back in there and settled it.

Um, "pre" means "before" so Emperor is just as much a preteen as you are. By the way, I am the best "post-teen," just so you know.

That shut them up! Well, not really. Elf made some whispered comments as I left the room about just go along with it because she's getting us Oreos and if we say something NOW...

Took him back home at the end of our visit. Elf INSISTED that he MUST see his friend's house. The friend took him on a tour and explained the linen closet in very great detail. Elf listened attentively and asked specific questions. Then they looked at the cabinets in the kitchen. Well, ok then. :)

How We Act in School

Mrs. F:

Elf has had a *revelation* yesterday. He has been informed that attending school is a privilege, that the right to an education is not outlined in the Constitution, and that he is to do his best work at school out of respect for himself, his family, his teachers, and the taxpayer. (And so on and so on. The Mom lecture.)

I understand that he received a 70 on a recent math exam. If he did his best and tried to make up the work and/or do additional work and strive to understand the concepts, I would have to be ok with this even though it is a poor grade. But he has gotten the idea that a 60 is passing, that anything over 60 is good enough, and he didn't bother to take the scheduled makeup. That's his fault and I'm not writing to ask for another. I'm writing to tell you that I can't "fix" every problem behaviour or poor grade my son may have, but I certainly am not going to neglect to have some consequences at home if I'm made aware that this is a continuing problem. He's been told if something bad like this happens again, he will miss his fun activities for a whole week. We do our best work or we find there is no playtime.

Oh, you will love this part. He said he'd like to homeschool again because he'd love to have a break. I told him great but that if he came home, that he would just study everything little brother is doing. You should have seen his face crumple up because Emperor studies chess for two hours a day and Latin and grammar are regular parts of his life. Ha ha ha! Suddenly, he is *quite* motivated to do things your way. Isn't that nice? He's also been told that I would be emailing you (and I am cc'ing Mrs. G and Mrs. P so they are in on this!) so that you would feel free to drop me a note any time you feel there is a concern. He cringed a little, hearing that one. Making his life hard should be a team effort! :)

Hopefully he's left with the idea that we'll be communicating with each other and he's not going to get away with being a slacker.

Happy Elf Mom

Another Whole School Year

Elf has made tremendous progress in the friendship area!! He has been having conversations with a classmate and would like to have him over to the house some weekend. This is great! Just get his phone number and maybe I can talk to his mom and we can work something out.

He brought home a phone number last night! Isn't that awesome?? Now, if we only knew this boy's NAME, I might be able to call and arrange a get-together...

I know. He was sooo excited to talk with someone AND get the phone number, too...

Elf is studying where all the continents and oceans are located in history class. They are also studying Ancient Greece. If I remember correctly this is about the time age-wise I got a phone call from Patrick's school because Patrick had a religious objection to looking at Greek art because of boobies. I settled it in the school's favour by telling Patrick to look but not loooooook. He can handle it.

Emperor is also blogging about school and Ancient Greece in his post titled, "Another Whole School Year." Yep, I snagged it as a title for MY post. Willya click on over there and leave him a comment? He would appreciate followers as well. Promise it won't be too much trouble because he doesn't post very frequently. Thanks. :)

Yet More School Stories.

Elf isn't doing so badly. I'm letting him flounder and figure it out for himself. It looks like every now and then, though, he might need a little hint about what to say and do.

I've been asking him to do things like tell me the names of two other students this week, and tell me what people are talking about in the lunchroom, and tell me about what you are saying in class, and all sorts of things like that. It worked very well in Mr. McC's class last year. He eventually learnt the names of six other children and was able to even tell me a little bit about a few of them. This year, not so well.

At least he does seem to want to talk to me about things. But he's making more than a few social mistakes. One of the teachers had an "icebreaker" sort of conversation a bit ago and went around the room asking each of the children what they were doing over the weekend. Elf's response? "None of your business."

Yeahhh, he has been coached that next time, "I'd prefer not to talk about it," or "Can I please skip my turn?" would have been better answers. The teacher also had a "discussion" about "respectful behaviour" as well.

Or this. Elf has figured out that table "18" has the best conversations. They don't have very interesting chats at 15, Elf told me. It got pretty boring there, and Elf wanted to (I guess??) talk about something else.

"Could you please spice this conversation up a little bit?" he asked them. "My mom wants to know alll about the things we talk about here, and I don't want to have to give her a bad report."

Can you believe this approach didn't work?? Can you? Things just don't work out for this kid and he's trying to figure out why. So. He can go to "table 18" on W days or something like that. They have the best conversations. One of the things they do is play some sort of "pass the expired milk carton" game and another is to discuss which food is the nastiest and plan a large "last day of school" food fight. I'm now cluing Elf in to the fact that the last day of school is NOT a good day to sit with the people at "table 18."

Patrick is trying to teach him to say "Yo Mama said so" at the table as a good way to socialize. I dunno, I guess that's what the high school kids do, so maybe it will be avant-garde at the middle school. I remember hearing this "Your mama" thing in college. One fellow from the 'hood just threw, "Yo mama so fat she breaks chairs" or somesuch into the conversation. MYYYY, was I insulted. I told him he didn't know my mother, and how dare he? He thought this was all HILARIOUS and started in on other Mama being fat jokes. I told him for his information that my mother lost QUITE A BIT OF WEIGHT on Nutri/System, so that just shows how much he knows.

Rolling, he was.

More School Tales

Here's a story Elf told me, pretty much verbatim:

Something exciting happened at school yesterday. It was awesome. In Communication Arts (English), Mrs. P is really really scared of SPIDERS. And guess what? There was a big egg sac under her cabinet and we got to see all the spiders come out of the eggs! It was AMAZING. And Mrs. P got upset because there were HUNDREDS of tiny li'l baby spiders and they all crawl everywhere, all ways at once and under things. Some of them went into her desk and lots went around the room and into our desks and some were going into her supply closet and getting into the books.

Mrs. P gave everyone paper towels and rulers and told them to squash the spiders instead of reading today. We didn't see any mommies and daddies spiders but these spiders were light brown. (Listening to the story, they sound like poisonous BROWN RECLUSE spiders.) Mrs. P called the custodian RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS and he moved projectors and other things around. They found lots of dead mommy and daddy spiders and they were brown, the big kind you are scared of. (Brown recluse? Oh yayy.)

I know Mrs. P had a bad day but it was SO FUN to watch all the spiders hatch and then go hunting for them in class.

(Here I asked him about the bus.)

On the bus, I know I am the last stop. The bus driver told me when to get off after I got lost that first time. I am listening to all the words everyone says because I want to hear *swear words.* So far what I hear is a lot of yelling and someone said "crap." They're yelling about something I don't get. They are also talking about things I don't know about. I sit in the front and the bus driver talks to me a lot but I don't understand what he is talking about. I am trying to be polite and listen carefully but everything is confusing.

Elf Update

Elf has been very overwhelmed with his "tiresome" days at public school. His bus stop was half a mile away, which wouldn't be so bad if he didn't have locker troubles and have to carry ALL his books in his backpack. And bring his violin. I blogged a little earlier about how he was having a bit of difficulty this school year. I've met with his teachers and school counsellor this week to discuss Elf's adjustment. Elf has provided a list of things he wants the teachers to know about his troubles at school:

1. Lunch is too long. No one is allowed to get up and throw away trash or move from one table to another. I eat my lunch and then have to just sit and wait while everyone is talking. I don't know what they are talking about and I just want to leave.

2. I am listening, but not understanding the teachers when they talk. I am trying to do my work but it always winds up I DO THE WRONG THING and didn't do the directions right. Mom, it would be nice if you could be one of the teachers, but I won't ask because these people need jobs.

3. I don't understand my schedule. I am always going to the wrong classes and am going to be marked absent. Maybe I will be missing and no one will find me. I have an "A" day next week and have only had "C" days so far. I have a schedule but don't know how to follow it. I am going to get lost.

4. Lockers are impossible.

I brought up his concerns and here's what I got back:

1. This is the way lunches always work in our district. We're overcrowded and if everyone got up to throw away each scrap of trash and/or talk to friends, it would be mayhem. The children put all their trash in the middle of the table and then they are dismissed by tables at the end of lunch. They clean up and throw away trash at that time. (Ok. I find that a disgusting eating environment, but I guess you have to do what you have to do.)

2. What strategies did his other teachers use that might be helpful here? (Well. I was his only teacher until the very end of fifth grade. He got to ask as many questions as he wanted and I also picked out curriculum that is suited to his needs. I don't mean that your curriculum is bad, just that you have 150 kids that need to learn the same thing and I didn't have that. So... not sure how to help here except ask maybe that he sit near a good peer model if you assign seats and just keep his difficulty in mind, along with the 500 other things you also have to keep in mind while you teach.)

3. "Almost ALL the other kids are going through this, I promise!" The school counsellor said that at least four families just the previous day had a similar complaint. And if it helps, they haven't lost a kid yet. One of the teachers also showed me where she had organized Elf's binder and taped a handwritten/deciphered schedule to the cover. It also had a "Things I need for class each day" note because Elf WILL forget things. It was PERFECT. I just loved it. He forgets about everything except "bring the binder." Well, wow. It's like a checklist he can do as he prepares for class. He can do that.

4. His gym and orchestra locks were loaned to us over the weekend and now Elf can undo them like a pro. Turns out? The WRONG combination was listed on one of the locks. No wonder it was too hard!! There is a difference between a 2 and a 12, people...

After a bit of wrangling, I got Elf's bus stop changed to one about a block away. Not to be picky, but expecting someone with asthmatic symptoms that flare up in the winter to go that far and wait in the cold is too much. He had no trouble getting the bus but was very, very late yesterday afternoon. My, that bus was late. In comes a sweaty, sunburnt and exhausted Elf. "That's a long bus ride!" I told him. After he got hydrated a bit and expressed his extreme displeasure with the new bus schedule, he told me he got off at the wrong stop and walked well over two miles, much of it on the highway. I guess he doesn't recognize landmarks and will need to be very attentive on his ride today.

And why didn't you borrow someone else's cell phone and call? Oh, because HE DOESN'T KNOW HIS PHONE NUMBER. I can't tell you how long we've worked on this. He's lived in the same place all his life, and had the same phone number all his life. BUT. He can't remember it. Have sharpie-markered it inside his backpack. If he gets lost, he can find his phone number. Trust me, he'll remember where to look for the number, but he won't remember the number. No matter how many times we go over it.

I have *just* sent him off to the bus stop and asked him to 1. tell the bus driver what happened/ask for help knowing where his stop is, and 2. if you miss your stop, don't just get off the bus ANYWHERE. Let the bus loop back to the bus barn and give us a call. We'll be there as soon as we can. We might have to wait for the preschool bus to arrive before we leave, but we will not abandon you. You should not have to walk that sort of distance in the heat with a full backpack.

Well! We'll see how it goes today. I am very proud that he made it home and is able to express his concerns rather than freaking out (most of the time).

The First Day of School, According to Elf

A small Elf was very enthusiastically telling me about his "tiresome" school day yesterday. This is his story, with my notes in parentheses:

I was running to the bus stop (half a mile away!) and Patrick came after me and ripped the tag off my backpack. (Patrick is a senior, and they started school the following day.) We waited and waited for about 5 minutes and a bus came, but it was not my bus. The next bus was my bus! I got on but I couldn't sit all the way on the seat. I had to keep my foot out in the middle between all the seats so that I wouldn't fall over. It was very crowded and there were no window seats.

At school, I got out my inhaler. I went to the nurse's office. There were people in front of me. I waited. Then, I gave the medicines to the nurse. AND! Went to my locker.

I knew the combination, BUT! The locker did not work. SO! I went to the counsellor's office. Hmm, hmm, hmm, there were some people in line so I waited! THEN! They helped me with my locker. I put my backpack in. I put my lunch in. I got ready for my first class.

(Weren't you very late by then? No, Elf answered, I was just on time!)

Ok. THEN! I listened to a huuumungouslyyy longg lecture about school rules. After the first class, I stayed in the next class in the same room with Mrs. F but later realized I shouldn't have been there. I had some different class I never went to. I was not going to let that happen again, SO! I packed up ALL my stuff. I went out in the hallway. I looked down at my schedule. And the schedule said... I was supposed to be BACK in Mrs. F's class for third period. In the same room I just left.

SO. I went back in there and had that class. They went over the same lecture about school rules and all the things bad that will happen to you. I was bored like this (makes face) because I already heard this two times. Then I went to my fourth period and we were supposed to write things on index cards about ourselves, the teacher passes them around, and everyone has to guess who wrote what.

(So what did you write on your index card? I wrote, "I do not want to do this." The boy who got my card figured out right away it was mine. Because he saw me write it and laughed. What did the other children write? Well, one said, "I have a sister named Emily." Things like that, and they were hard to guess because how can I tell who has a sister named Emily?)

Next, I had PE. Mom, I am like in the Army. They want you to GET UNDRESSED there and wear the PE uniform. It is disgusting. But there are no girls that take PE in the same place. (Yeahhh, that makes sense.) They get a different place and don't do the same PE as us. BUT! You have to pass by the girls sometimes. Also? There are showers in there so somebody must be getting all naked.

Then it is LUNCH. They tell you when you can eat. Our class must sit at tables 15-17. (Who did you sit with at lunch? Some other kids were there. I ate my lunch. They talked about some other person who was not there I did not know.)

Next, health! I couldn't find the class and looked everywhere. I went in the sixth grade hallway. I looked around the corner. I went back to the gym. THEN! I went to the counsellor's office. He told me where the health room was. It was back near where I went to PE! I was (here he gets dramatic) running and going here and there and I had to pass *the girls doing PE.*

(Apparently this is embarrassing because "of what that looks like to them." So, are you their boyfriend if you walk by? NO! It just looks bad. It is embarrassing to pass by the girls.)

Up to health. The health teacher said I was in the wrong class! BUT! My schedule said health, SO! I went to the counsellor's office...

(Whew. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful but "tiresome." Guess what class he was supposed to be in just then? Something called "core skills." They teach you organizational skills, time management, that sort of thing. I sorta think he would benefit from that, but I'm SO PROUD of him for holding himself together the whole day and making it home alone etc.. A much smaller Elf used to run away and get very upset when things got hard.

PS. Another guess what? I think the counsellor is tired of seeing him and wants to see me soon to talk about his "adjustment" to public school and give me an "opportunity" to meet all the teachers. Ok.)

Registration

I swear, weeks like this it would just be easier to homeschool everybody. Back-to-school stuff is just hell.

Ok, ok. The "supply list" is not so bad for high schoolers. I will probably be on the hook for calculators and that sort of thing in a bit when the teachers get 'round to telling the students what they need. But most of Patrick and G's school supplies are the result of my insistence they not throw away last year's notebooks. Just rip the used paper out and voila! a new, smaller notebook. Cheap is "green," ok?

Oh, and I made them clean out their entire closet while I was at it. I made some lame "we want things neat for back-to-school" excuse. Not sure if they bought that argument. Once I used the even more persuasive, "we want things neat for back-to-school and there will be no video games if you don't," somehow it got done in pretty good time.

But back to registration. Registration is the process in which parents have to stand in several different lines and pay lots of money. I marvel that children who are enrolled in a given school district should have to be re-registered each year. But if you don't, they'll tack fines on you and your kid will not get his diploma.

These schools DO NOT allow you to get things done in decent order. ONLY seniors can get their registration process done on one day. Wait in 10 different lines, pay "fees" (what a ripoff, after all the tax money they commandeered), take pictures, get lanyards and blah blah blah. Do the same thing the NEXT day for your junior. And at another time/place for your middle schooler. Yet another for the preschoolers.

And goody, on top of all that, after the first week of school? It's "back to school night" for each of the kids! Because you really had nothing else to do! And no, they can't get all this stuff done on one really long day. You must return to each school several times during the first few weeks classes are in session or you are a bad mom. On back-to-school nights, teachers tell you that they have 39 cents to spend all year on class supplies, so please grab a post-it apple from my wishing tree and buy me the stuff listed...

I wish I could just call the central office during this whole process and say, "Here's my credit card. Surprise me." Might as well. But no... the fee place wants checks, and you have to walk across the building and wait in another line to give the cafeteria people their checks. Nurse's station to update medical forms. Want to join the PTA? The "Diversity Club?" Buy a school T-shirt? Look into theatre? Bla? Bla? Wait on a separate line for each thing and ponder the fact that one needs a "Diversity Club." I don't get it. It's an oxymoron, right? Is there some deep symbolism I'm missing?

Patrick is taking pretty much all AP classes next year, except for some Honours Spanish Level 5 thing. Oh! And we just got a letter stating that he needs one more PE class to graduate. Does "Body Sculpting" sound like a dopey class to you? Guess if he has to take it, he'll take it. But the kid has the "body" of a six-foot tall stick bug. "Sculpt" too much more away, and he'll be skeletal.

The GOOD thing is, I think I'm done with the three older children. Yayyy... but... I still have to buy all kinds of stuff for Elf for middle school. Can you believe that TINY LITTLE ELF is going to be in middle school? Yes. And he has a locker. And he can open it himself. :)

School starts on August 17 here... how about where you live?