So I know many people are working hard at their new year "resolutions" and most have decided to be done with sugar. I congratulate all of you who have found that it is harder than it appears, yet still have kept at it.
Today my best friend made me sign a contract. Now this isn't an every day kind of contract. It isn't even a "no sugar" contract. It's more of a way to hold me accountable for all the binge eating I appear to have been doing since December.
I'm not sure how in depth I've gotten about some of my problems associated with food. I know I have mentioned that I have gone from one extreme to the other- not eating to binging and purging... to just plain binging. But have I ever gone through the emotional inner battle I face daily when I look at a package of cookies? Or perhaps the guilt and horror I feel after I've finished said cookies?
Probably not.
Why? Because those little things are what make an eating disorder as destructive as they are. I do not handle stress well at all. I never have. I have a problem with control, and as it so appears this control manifests itself with food. If I feel like my life is thrown into chaos, you'd better believe the cookies, m&m's, and chocolate are all pulled out of the cupboards. Actually- lets be completely honest here. I never have those things at home because if I do I can't control myself. I eat them... all. So if I'm upset, what do you think I do?
Yup. I go to the store. Pretty disgusting, huh?
But you see, that's one of the other struggles I have that makes this monster of a disorder such a bear. I FIND MYSELF DISGUSTING. Or the binge eating disgusting, rather. So it's time. It's time I face my monster in the mirror. It's time I quit this sugar craving and make myself the woman I yearn to be.
And with that- it starts today. Today I signed the contract. No sugar, sweets, or any unnecessary foods in my diet for two weeks. And to ensure I'm able to complete this task, and not feel isolated or alone in this habit breaking venture Rachel has signed one too.
I need to control my eating. I need to control my "natural man" and be a mother to my children. How horrified I would be if my daughter saw me behaving this way and began imitating me. I have to do it now.
Wish me luck as you work towards your goals as well. Know that many of you have inspired me to do this myself. Yes I worked hard last year. Yes I've done something I have never done before by losing weight. Now I have to do something even harder- kick the habit.
Lets kick it together.
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5 comments:
Way to go! By the time you are finished you will feel so good. I would even say that by the time you're done with the first week you'll be able to see a difference.
Good luck! You're braver than I am! I seriously need to wean myself off the sugar- the more I have in my diet, the more I crave it. I bet a two-week break would help kick the habit.
I have total confidence in your ability to do this. But along with the contract, you've got to come up with an alternative behavior for those times you're totally stressed. And, no, killing family members is NOT acceptable! Hahaha. But time and again we're told to replace destructive behavior patterns with constructive ones if we want to be successful - So what are some non-food things you love to do and find calming and doable even when you're stressed? File nails? Run in place for 30 seconds? Lock yourself in the bathroom and read? Plug in your ear buds and listen to whatever music suits you? Whatever works for YOU! Concentrate on making it a habit to go to those alternatives, and then you WILL be able to control your sugar monster!
I'm still trying to figure out what I can do to control mine. Good luck!
Go Der go! :) Prayers and hugs!
I need to try that too. But I doubt I'll do well at it. Eating chocolate has become my stress relief since baby 3 and it's not doing great things for my "apron". ;)
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