Pregnancy -- Part II

The second trimester of pregnancy generally means a bit more energy, more libido and no more morning sickness! I feel like this is the actual glowing stage of pregnancy.

You'll start to notice your belly sticking out more and people will actually start to realize you're pregnant instead of just putting on some belly fat.

Pregnancy means more blood flow to your pelvic area so some women find sex very enjoyable and pleasurable- even if they didn't before. Some women find that they orgasm easier during pregnancy, too. Your breasts will also be more sensitive and more easily aroused.

Hip pain typically starts around the second trimester so if you are noticing that, try to take it easy and make sure you're stretching and doing some Yoga. Even if you're not normally a yoga person, just try it during your pregnancy if you're having pain and stiffness.

As far as vibrators and other toys go, you can use them as long as you are not high-risk and have the okay from your OB for vaginal intercourse. Be especially careful that anything you introduce to your body is cleaned well. If you are using anything for penetration, be especially careful that you don't push anything in too deep because you can risk rupturing the placenta and experiencing a lot of pain.

Body image can be hard for a lot of women during pregnancy so try to focus on all of the positives. You are growing a baby inside of you! You also have the added benefit of long, thick beautiful hair, longer nails, glowing skin and larger, firmer breasts. You may be afraid that your man doesn't appreciate your new larger body, but chances are that he is loving your new curves. If you're having a hard time feeling beautiful make sure you take to your partner about it. The right underwear can be so helpful in making you feel better. Make sure you get a bra that fits- you may need to change your bra size a couple times during the months throughout your pregnancy, but it's so worth it. Another helper is making sure that you are wearing clothes that actually fit. Don't torture yourself into thinking you should still fit into your pre-pregnancy clothing! Splurge on a few nice pregnancy clothes that make you feel great. You can even justify by saying it's an investment and plan to use it for pregnancies in your future.

Do you have a favorite trimester?

Did your libido go up at all during your pregnancy?

Pregnancy -- Part I

Pregnancy can and will introduce a lot of new issues into marriage, intimacy and life in general.

Whether your pregnancy was planned or unplanned, your baby will start impacting your marriage in ways you never realized. The hormonal fluctuations and other symptoms begin as soon as pregnancy begins!

Some changes you might notice may include breast tenderness, fatigue, nausea and vomiting, frequent urination, headaches and body aches. These make life a little more interesting. For example, you may have once been the woman running around always full of energy- working, cooking, cleaning, participating in the community and having great, energetic sex every other day. Now, you may have to cut back in some areas.

My advice to you: cut back where it will hurt you and your relationship the least in the long-run.

Another thing that may occur is your husband becoming very protective of you regardless of symptoms you may or may not be experiencing. He may demand that he take over all of your previous roles and worry about having sex with you and "hurting" the baby. Communicate well with your partner. Tell him what you need and appreciate, but also let him take care of you if he really wants to. Give and take. Pregnancy is a great time to work on perfecting communication- it will be much harder once the baby comes.

Tips for surviving early pregnancy:

• Nurture your relationship with your husband. Make sure you're still engaging in daily conversation- even if it's just between napping sessions. Keep track of times when you have more energy and feel better and try to schedule couple time to coincide. 
• You may not have the energy for sex like you once did, but find other ways to introduce romance. Encourage him to do the same. 
• Get as much rest as possible. Listen to what your body needs and do it.
• Learn when to say no. You don't have to have a 100% clean house with dinner made every night and fulfill every single obligation you once had. Relationships are more important than things and tasks.
• Find foods that you can stand and will give you good energy. If you're having food aversions and nausea then you really need to make what you eat count.
• If you are incredibly nauseous, seek help. There are now amazing tips, tricks, vitamins and prescriptions that can help ease the symptoms of morning sickness. Life just isn't as enjoyable if nausea is always hanging over your head.
• Don't use pregnancy as an excuse to avoid having sex. Unless instructed by your doctor (e.g. high risk pregnancy) sex is totally safe and encouraged. If certain areas are more sensitive or reacting differently than they used to, tell your partner and adjust as necessary, but you should still be able to enjoy sex.
• The first trimester is generally a time of lower than normal sex drive. The good news is you can still usually get in the mood even if it takes a little bit longer and your libido should go up again during the second trimester (around 12-14 weeks).
• Realize that pregnancy is an amazing and beautiful experience! Make sure your husband realizes it, too. You may not feel like you have a glow when your head is shoved in the toilet bowl, but realize that you have been blessed with a great gift. Female bodies are so beautiful and amazing in their ability to hold and sustain life. Be grateful. 
• Husbands, make sure you are telling her how beautiful and wonderful it is that she is carrying your offspring. You'll need to remind her often and sometimes you'll feel like your words are falling on deaf ears, but it will pay off.

What helped you survive early pregnancy?

Please comment with questions and/or comments regarding pregnancy that you want to see addressed.

During the "Fourth" Trimester

You now know a bit about personal care, intimacy and sex positions during pregnancy (see here) But what about after the baby?

I don't know about you, but I didn't really hear much about how your body recovers and how a sex life can continue post-pregnancy.

First off, let's just talk logistics.

You have a newborn baby which likely means....

• You aren't getting very much sleep
• The sleep you do get is in short spurts
• You rarely have time to shower and take care of yourself
• Your breasts have now taken on a whole new purpose and are more sensitive than you ever thought they would be
• Your breasts will hurt. Breastfeeding is hard and takes a while to get used to.
• You will likely have a really heavy period that lasts 2-6 weeks
• Your crotch will be a mess. You may have torn or had an episiotomy.
• You will be terrified to squat on the pot and poop.
• Not only will you be terrified to use the restroom, you might be a wee bit scared to let anything in that general area as well
• You will still have pregnancy fat for a while. It took 9 months to put on and will probably take that long to get off.
• You will be on an emotional roller coaster. You thought pregnancy was bad? Just wait. You could end up being a constant fountain of tears.
• Birth control could be difficult to figure out after having a baby. There are a variety of options. Make sure you talk to your health care provider. And yes, you can become pregnant right after having a baby even if you're breastfeeding.
• Most health care providers suggest not having sex for 6 weeks after the birthing process
• You will be worried about your baby and find it difficult to have an entire conversation with your husband
• ..... and the list could go on and on.

Having a baby is just hard! It's hard emotionally, physically, mentally and relationally.

If you have any, some or most of the typical baby adjustments going on, it could be hard to even have time to think about sex or even some quiet romance between you and your husband.

Let me tell you this little secret... If you have a good relationship with your husband, parenting will be so much easier than if you don't. Nourish the relationship you have with your spouse. Get out on dates. Make time for each other. Don't neglect each other. Communicate. That is my best advice for sex during the fourth trimester. Make each other a priority. Don't make the baby the only focus of your life and push your husband to the back burner. He will help out more and having a baby will be more manageable as you remember to include him in your life.

Husbands have a tough role during the fourth trimester. They don't quite know what you're going through and are trying their best to adjust to fatherhood and continue being supportive of your role as a mother. Be kind to your spouse.

A few other tips I have for you...

• If your doctor strongly recommends you wait 6 weeks, wait 6 weeks. You don't want to risk a tear or infection. There are other ways to satisfy both you and him.
• Take it slow when you have sex again post-baby. Basically, it will be like it's your first time again. Relax. Use lube. It's common for there to be some dryness with all of the hormone changes. You may also notice you aren't as tight anymore. Do some kegels. Take control of your encounter. If you had a c-section, your abs will likely hurt a lot so just take it slow. You don't want to hurt yourself.
• You will be interrupted by a crying baby. It's just a matter of when. Men tend to react physically more to this than women at times. I heard some people that called their baby crying the "penis alarm" because they would inevitably be interrupted and the man would lose his erection. It just happens. Laugh it off and resume later.
• Visit a lactation specialist to get help breastfeeding. It should only hurt for a few weeks. If it's still hurting, just go get some feedback. Breastfeeding also helps you burn the baby fat faster than working out and helps your uterus shrink back. Once you get breastfeeding down, it will be easier for you to realize that breasts can be for fun and function. Lanolin works wonders.
• Shower, get dressed and take good care of yourself. You will be more in the mood when you are well taken care of. Find some lingerie that you feel good in. Lace does wonders for stretch marks...
• Don't get all caught up in your stretch marks, baggy skin, the fact you can't fit in your pre-pregnancy pants etc. You just birthed a baby! Your husband is likely thrilled that you carried that baby and happy to have the baby around. He doesn't care that your body is changed and neither should you.
• Track when the baby tends to sleep and plan a little bedroom retreat during a nap time. Your hormones will be a bit crazy and having sex usually tends to make you feel a bit better and like you can deal with life again or if you're highly anxious and having trouble sleeping, maybe it will make you sleepy.
• Accept other people's offers to help and watch the baby a bit- even if it's just for an hour nap for yourself or for a free meal. Don't feel like you have to do everything perfectly as a new mom. Nobody actually does everything on their Pinterest Board.

What helped get you through the fourth trimester?

What questions do you have about after delivery?

Pregnancy -- Sex Positions

The third trimester of pregnancy may seem to last forever. If you haven't been uncomfortable during pregnancy yet, you probably will experience some odd body changes during the final trimester that make everything a bit more difficult... or at least different.

Sex can be difficult to figure out because your body is changing and more sensitive. Plus, it's like you're making love around a basketball and that just sounds difficult-right?!

Sex Positions During Pregnancy (more here)
Women on Top/ Cowgirl- woman sitting practically upright on top
Reverse Cowgirl- woman sitting on top facing toward his feet
The New Missionary Position- woman on her back with legs drawn in. If you are past the first trimester make sure that you prop yourself up at an angle with some pillows and don't lie flat.
Side by Side- facing each other (can be difficult if you have a big bump). You may need to pull in a leg or throw a leg on top of him.
Spooning- he enters from behind you while laying on your side
Sitting- man's sitting down in chair or on side of bed and woman sits on top
Sitting- women sitting on edge of bed/chair with man kneeling
Rear Entry- you can do this in the shower or against a wall or with woman laying on her stomach or have her on all fours

What's your favorite position while pregnant?

Birth Control?

Dear Gwen,

I'm a huge fan of your blog and I just wanted to write and say that I'm so glad there is a voice like yours for women everywhere. I've been dating my boyfriend for over 6 years and we are still waiting! I never thought I'd find a guy who would agree to wait, but he has been a trooper. I mean, seriously. He must be in for the long haul, right? haha.

...I may have missed this in a previous post, but what are your thoughts on birth control? I know it is against the beliefs of many Christians, but since I haven't had any need for it anyway, it's never been an issue for me. Just curious as to your take since I put stock in your opinion!

xoxo,

A Reader

{via}

Thank you so much for your kind comments and question. I do not speak for any church or organization but am happy to offer my opinion and insight. Some religions, including the Catholic Church, teach against the use of birth control. From what I have learned (1, 2, 3), it appears that religions who advise or command against birth control are encouraging similar principals and working for a similar result: the creation of loving families. I believe that this is one of the most noble accomplishments.

Ultimately, however, I believe it's a personal decision that needs to be made between husband and wife. In determining whether to use birth control in your marriage, here are some factors to consider:

1. A Unified and Bonded Marriage: How would the use of birth control alter your ability to connect with your spouse? Do the hormones in the pill have negative sexual or emotional side effects? Do you have a more difficult time climaxing with the use of a condom or other form birth control? On the other hand, maybe you feel more confident in connecting with your spouse without worry of conception? Birth control has enabled couples to bond sexually much more frequently where before they would have refrained to prevent pregnancy.
2. Mental, Emotional, and Physical Well-Being: It is also important to consider the mother (and father's) emotional and physical ability to care for a child. Children last for about 78 years, so this is no light commitment. Health factors may make pregnancy very dangerous for the mother. Also, consider Postpartum Depression or other mental health concerns and your ability to cope with these issues and this point in your life. The answer, however, shouldn't be, "This is going to be hard, I'll pass." But, "This is going to be hard, how much can I take on? I'm ready at this point in time to stretch myself by constantly loving and serving another human being."
3. Economic Ability: Are you sufficiently self reliant to financially care for a child at this time without excessively burdening your family or society? Not only is the pregnancy and actual delivery of the child expensive, but raising a child is expensive too. Birth control can help in the planning, preparing, and saving up for child rearing. But you also don't have to wait until you have the "house on the hill" and perfect finances before having children.
4. Successful Procreation: Procreation is truly a gift. To carry a child inside you is a life-changing experience. Children bring joy, happiness and companionship. They push us to learn, grow, and become less selfish. In deciding against procreation you may be denying yourself these opportunities. Additionally, delaying procreation may bring difficulties in conceiving or carrying a child.

"From a strictly biologic point of view, it makes sense to have a baby in your 20s if you are healthy. Your fertility is at its peak, the chances for miscarriage and chromosomal abnormalities are low and you are as fit as you’ll ever be for carrying a child. As we age, our fertility lessens and our chances for miscarriage and chromosomal accidents increase. It may be more difficult to conceive a healthy a baby in your 40s. Once your ovaries stop producing healthy eggs there are no medical techniques to reverse this. I have had the heartbreaking job of telling a number of women in their 40s that they are too old to conceive naturally. So I generally remind childless women in their 30s about their “biologic clock.”"

-Dr. Laura Stachel, Obstetrics & Gynecology

These are just a few factors to consider. Don't look at birth control as something that is either good or bad. Look at it as one of many tools for building a family and a stronger relationship with your spouse. How, or if, you use it should be completely up to each individual couple.

This is a very personal and important choice that should be approached with much thought, research, and discussion. As always, your constructive insight is welcome.

Sex Stoppers -- Birthing Babies

Sex Stopper: Birthing Babies. Let me begin by saying I love babies. I love them so much that I have made some. But if you have ever been around children you can probably imagine that they have the power to put a screeching halt to your sex life. Not only do they cry a lot and demand all of your attention, they also do quite a number on your body. Saggy boobs, for instance, are one of my favorite side effects of motherhood.

How ironic is it that to become a mother we have to mutilate our pretty little sexy spot as we push a watermelon through a silly straw? The resulting deformities have a way of zapping the Marilyn right out of you. And if the looks of things aren't enough, think of the shifting and settling that occurs. Your reproductive organs are like a melting iceberg. But we happily do it for those ten little fingers and toes.

P.S. Why doesn't anyone write about this in the pregnancy books? "You're baby will eat every three hours, spit up a lot, and -- oh yeah-- your pretty little vagina is going to look like Freddy Krueger got a hold of it. Okay, maybe not that bad.

Heather said...

Here's a question, I just had our second child 2 months ago, and now everything feels very different down there. Orgasm is difficult again, and it's as if my clitoris has moved or feels different (I don't know how else to say it!) Any thoughts? My husband is patient but mornings like this when I know the kids will be up at 8:00 and I've given us plenty of time to enjoy ourselves but then nothing happens for me are VERY frustrating to me!

JUNE 23, 2010 1:13 PM

Solution: First of all, be kind to yourself. You just created a human!! Give your body time to heal. Give your psyche time to heal. It's natural to be a bit leery of a big, handsome, aroused man after the trauma that is childbirth -- it might hurt! Don't panic. You will heal.

Your pelvic floor muscle becomes very week and damaged during delivery. Many problems can occur from this; greater difficulty achieving orgasm, hypoactive sexual desire, decreased sensation, and incontinence. Here is an example taken from a study called Sexual and Relationship Therapy performed by the University of Central Lancashire, Preston, UK. Susan and Peter had recently given birth to their third child and Susan was experiencing a hypoactive sexual desire.

"During the third pregnancy she began to leak urine, occasionally when she walked, but more frequently when lifting her children and heavy objects. She also found that she leaked urine when she experienced orgasm, both when having sex with Peter and on masturbation. She was embarrassed by wetting the bed. At first she tried to hold back her orgasm during sexual intercourse but this did not always stop the leakage which then occurred during penile thrusting. Her embarrassment lead her to withdraw from sex with Peter although she continued to have the desire to make love with him. She also reported that her orgasms during masturbation on her own and on the rare occasions when she had intercourse were less intense and pleasurable than they were before her last [birth]."

The suggested treatment was to use a product like Lelo's Luna Beads. I blogged about them here. Luna Beads give your pelvic floor muscle the most luxurious workout of your life. You won't even break a sweat :) I think every girl should own Luna Beads, babies or no. The strength developed in your PC muscle will knock his and her socks off.

Ask the Audience #4: Sex After Baby

From a reader:

My husband and I have been married for 4 years in March. Sex was pretty good at first. At least, I was comfortable with it emotionally/mentally. Although it was pretty painful for a month or 2 (we were both virgins), the pain went away and we had sex 3-4 times a week. I don't experience orgasm easy but we've figured out how to make that happen too. After we'd been married almost 2 years, I got pregnant. I had zero sex drive throughout the whole pregnancy and even now that our baby is 15 months old, I still don't have one. At least, I don't think I do? I'm so uncomfortable with the idea of it but I feel like its all in my head because I have sex dreams that make me horny or thoughts of wanting to dress up for my husband or buy a new toy, but then when I think about coming to the actual sex part, I get uncomfortable. I even avoid kissing my husband because of what it might lead to. For awhile after having my daughter I thought maybe my hormones just needed to get back to normal, but, now its been over a year and its still the same. I feel like now, I finally get more of a sex drive when I'm ovulating and we have sex a couple times then but once that time of the month is over, I have no desire again. So, I guess what I can't figure out is if this is a low libido that needs to be treated with a supplement or something... or if its emotional for some reason because I feel like I am in the mood but I can't get comfortable with the idea mentally?? I really want to get this figured out! Please help! :(

{via}

Babies are wonderful, fabulous, and rewarding additions to marriage. They bring warm cuddles, heart-melting coos, and change. Lots and lots of change. The dynamics of every marriage change, to some extent, after baby. Your hormones are all over the place and your self identity is confused. You are now someones mom. Life becomes a balancing act between your role as parents and your role as lovers. Unfortunately, the baby doesn't understand that you play two roles.

The problems you have listed (zero sex drive, uncomfortable with the idea of sex, avoiding sex and even avoiding kissing) are all very common issues after having a baby. You have been through a positive experience, but it's also been extremely traumatizing. Since a woman's vagina is used for intimacy as well as childbirth, many women relate sex with the pain of childbirth and the recovery period thereafter. Women often become confused. Breasts, that were once used in intimacy, are now used for sometimes painful breast feeding. How does a woman switch from
"my body is a nurturing tool used to create and provide life" to "I am a sexy, hot woman who wants to feel and offer pleasure?" Confusing.

So, what's to be done? Recognizing the problem is a great start, but we need to fix it. First, give yourself time to heal. You're allowed that. Next, I would suggest either determining for yourself or sitting down with your husband and saying something like, "You've probably noticed that our sex life hasn't been as rockin' hot as it used to be before the baby was born. But don't worry... I have a plan! I am going to initiate sex or some kind of sexual encounter everyday for as long as it takes until we are rolling around in the sheets more enthusiastically than we were on our honeymoon."

Lofty goal? Maybe. But it's effective. This goal puts the control back in your hands. Since you will be the one initiating sex, there will be no need to be afraid of him hitting on you. You will be choosing to kiss him. In your life right now, you have no control of your sleep schedule, your child, or your milk. But your sex life? You have control of that! With a new baby in the mix, you need to be bonded to your man now more than ever. Take charge and change your attitude. If you change your mindset, your body will follow.

Committing to initiate sex everyday is a great goal whether you are a new parent or not. Will you give it a try? It will change your life, I promise.

Do you have any suggestions for this new mom? What has worked for you?

Female Sexual Dysfunction

The following table was taken from the American Family Physician article regarding Female Sexual Dysfunction. You can read more about the topic here.

Basic Treatment Strategies for Female Sexual Dysfunction

Provide education Provide information and education (e.g., about normal anatomy, sexual function, normal changes of aging, pregnancy, menopause). Provide booklets, encourage reading; discuss sexual issues when a medical condition is diagnosed, a new medication is started, and during pre- and postoperative periods; give permission for sexual experimentation. Enhance stimulation and eliminate routine Encourage use of erotic materials (videos, books); suggest masturbation to maximize familiarity with pleasurable sensations; encourage communication during sexual activity; recommend use of vibrators*; discuss varying positions, times of day or places; suggest making a "date" for sexual activity. Provide distraction techniques** Encourage erotic or nonerotic fantasy; recommend pelvic muscle contraction and relaxation (similar to Kegel exercise) exercises with intercourse; recommend use of background music, videos or television. Encourage noncoital behaviors*** Recommend sensual massage, sensate-focus exercises (sensual massage with no involvement of sexual areas, where one partner provides the massage and the receiving partner provides feedback as to what feels good; aimed to promote comfort and communication between partners); oral or noncoital stimulation, with or without orgasm. Minimize dyspareunia Superficial: female astride for control of penetration, topical lidocaine, warm baths before intercourse, biofeedback. Vaginal: same as for superficial dyspareunia but with the addition of lubricants. Deep: position changes so that force is away from pain and deep thrusts are minimized, nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs before intercourse.

NOTE: For a review, see Striar S, Bartlik B. Stimulation of the libido: the use of erotica in sex therapy. Psych Annals 1999;29:60-2. *--Provide information for obtaining one discreetly. **--Helpful in eliminating anxiety, increasing relaxation and diminishing spectatoring. ***--Also helpful if partner has erectile dysfunction.

Guest Post: Lauren & Jason's Miracle Baby

Hello my fellow GwenInLove readers! Lauren here from reallifeexpatwife.blogspot.com. As usual, I was reading through Gwen’s blog and came across her post asking for guest bloggers. As soon as I read the request for someone to write about “How to Enjoy Sex through Infertility”, I jumped at the chance. Here’s our story.

My husband Jason and I have been married for a year and a half. I am 28 and he is 40. We met while dressed up at a Halloween party and had no clue of our age difference until our very first date where I found out more about him than I had bargained for. During that date, he spilled the beans about previously being married for 17 years, having two teenagers and about his divorce. I’m not sure if he told me that night or soon thereafter but he also made mention of the fact that he was snipped at the ripe old age of 20 thinking that he was done (he was a young daddy). I wasn’t concerned in the slightest because I had just gotten out of my previous relationship and wasn’t looking for anything serious at all. It didn’t even phase me because “it wasn’t like I was going to marry him, right?” It’s funny how things work out, isn’t it?

After dating for a little over a month, Jason told me that he was being transferred to Singapore for work. We discussed parting ways shortly after he found out so neither of us would get too attached or hurt but neither of us were ready because we were having so much fun. During one discussion I jokingly said, “Well, why don’t I just come with you then?” He said that if I was serious, he would make it happen. Three months later, in March, we were engaged. Then off we went to Singapore in April. We were so in love, happily engaged, and seeking adventure without a care in the world. We spoke about having our very own family one day and were very excited with what the future would hold.

When we spoke about having kids (before we were married) we planned that Jason would have a vasectomy reversal the fall after our wedding. It can take up to a year for the procedure to work and we knew we wanted kids sooner than later. Jason had it stuck in his head that he is an old man and didn’t want to look like the Grandpa at their high school graduation (like that could ever happen!). At this point, we had moved from Singapore and were living in Salzburg, Austria so we started researching doctors who were experienced in the field. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that at 27 years old I would be hoping, praying to have a miracle baby with my sweet husband. In November 2011, Jason had his procedure done. After seeing the pain he went through I couldn’t help but think how much he loves me. Seriously, I felt so bad for him and wish that pain on no one. The doctor told us that because he is so young and healthy, it would most likely work and that when he felt better we could start going at it. When Jason finally let me near that region, we starting trying. It was so fun and exciting thinking that this time could be it. Rather than being discouraged, each month brought more excitement because it just had to work sooner or later. The doctor said so. I must have taken six or seven pregnancy tests before I started to feel like something just wasn’t right. Why was something that was supposed to be so right feel so wrong?

We went back to the doctor the following summer and found out that the procedure didn’t work yet and that he was still shooting blanks. Here’s the kicker though- the doctor said that it could clear out and work eventually or maybe it just didn’t work at all. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that it wouldn’t work. It had to work. In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) was tossed around in the very beginning but I was just certain that the reversal would work. We talked about our options and decided that instead of waiting to see if it would eventually work (maybe the goop just didn’t clear out of the pipes yet) that we would start our road through IVF. We decided that we would enjoy the summer and if I still wasn’t pregnant come the end of August, we would start IVF in September.

In June, we came back to the States and found an amazing doctor we wanted to work with. Jason had his little procedure done (called a sperm aspiration) and all his little guys were frozen in case we needed them come September. I’m surprised he even let a needle near that area again. See, I told you he loves me!! 

August eventually came and I was still not pregnant. We came back to the States in September where I went through my exams, rounds of fertility drugs, and then had my egg retrieval and finally the egg transfer. Can I just tell you how emotional the process was? Especially the dreaded 2ww (two week wait) to see if the egg/s actually took. I took two pregnancy tests trying not to be discouraged before getting my BFP (big fat positive)!!

So here I am, 20 weeks pregnant with our little miracle baby. Looking back at all of the obstacles that we had to go through to get to this point, I am reminded how blessed I am and that each and every baby is a miracle no matter how it gets here. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t wish we could have a baby the “normal” way but going through something like this has made our relationship so much stronger and will forever tell our child how much he or she was wanted.

With that being said, we thoroughly enjoyed each other through out our whole infertility adventure because we never knew when or if his reversal would work. We figured if it was meant to be, it would be. So who knows, after this little one maybe by the grace of God his reversal will have unclogged and maybe, just maybe we can get pregnant again the natural way. All I know is that after baby number two, Jason said he is going to get snipped again. I can’t even believe this crazy talk of him wanting someone to yet again mess with his manhood. I mean who knows, what if he wants more? ;)

So the moral of the story is, just keep on loving each other. Enjoy each embrace, each intimate moment together because you never know when or how your little miracle baby will get here. Best of luck to those who are planning to be or are on this crazy journey. I know exactly how you feel and wish you nothing but tons of baby dust!! Much love to you all. xx

Feelin' Sexy Friday -- Luna Beads

I woke up this morning to a fabulous email announcing the Babeland Memorial Day Sale. 20% off nearly everything on their website! The sale starts tomorrow. This news came just in time for Feelin' Sexy Friday.

Have you all heard of Kegels? Kegel exercises are named after Dr. Arnold Kegel. The idea is to contract and then relax the muscles that form part of the pelvic floor. This builds strength and endurance and makes it easier to orgasm. Kegels are especially beneficial in cases of pregnancy, childbirth, aging, being overweight, and abdominal surgery.

Want to take it a step further? (Yes, you do!) Let me introduce you to the wonder of the Luna Beads:

The Luna Beads are made by Lelo, so you know they're good.

From the Babeland site:

Take your orgasms to mind-blowing heights with Luna Beads. Two sets of weighted beads give you the opportunity to ramp up your vaginal workout over time. Start with the lighter (28g), move on to the heavier (37g), and then use both at once for a truly pleasurable exercise challenge.

The looped string makes resistance exercise a cinch--just tug lightly on the string with the balls inserted. Daily PC muscle exercise can prevent/reverse stress incontinence, increase muscular control, and strengthen orgasms. And even if exercise is the last thing on your mind, the weighted balls will send you into orbit as you walk down the street (or wash the dishes, or shift in your seat at work…). Beads are made of a polycarbonate and ABS plastic blend, encasement is medical-grade silicone. Beads are removable for easy cleanup, two sets of differently-weighted beads included.

If you are having a hard time "getting in the mood" try using the Luna Beads an hour before husband comes home from work. You will be begging him for a rendezvous in no time.

Have you heard of Kegels? Have you tried them?

Ask the Audience -- Lingerie

Some women tell me they don't like to wear lingerie. When I dig deeper, a lot of them just don't know what style of lingerie to wear or what looks good on them. I'm not a style expert so I thought I'd ask you what you've found.

I think if you feel comfortable and sexy, it will show in how you carry yourself and you will look sexy no matter what you're wearing- or not wearing.

There are lots of different styles and fabrics. For example, I've noticed that lace and sheer fabrics can be really forgiving of stretch marks and other skin imperfections and baby dolls can be worn throughout a pregnancy.

What do you suggest for different body shapes?

To get you thinking...

Here are some body shapes:
Triangle
Inverted Triangle
Rectangle
Hourglass
Rounded
Diamond
Pregnant
Nursing

And here are some lingerie styles:
Baby Doll
Slip
Thong
Boyshort
Halter neck
Chemise
Peignoir Set
Negligee
Camisole
Garter
Bodystocking
Corset
Teddies
Lace
Opaque
Silk
Cotton
Knee length
Floor length
Asymmetrical

Comment with your suggestions and findings.

Let us know if one of you experts wants to do a guest post about this!