A baby boy!!!

He is finally here!
Little 'Henry Porter' was born on Saturday 8th September.
He is absoloutly adorable and we are all completely in love.

x

Date night and news

-Well, baby boy has still not arrived.. We can't believe it! I never, ever thought I would make it to 38 weeks.. Even my obstetrician can't believe it! But any day now I guess.

-We are all moved into our new house. We are surrounded by boxes and piles and piles of stuff in every room, but we are slowly getting through the boxes and having lots of fun setting up house.
(It's actually quite good that baby boy is taking his time because every extra day gives us a little more time to set up the house).

-Moving house at 38 weeks pregnant is hard work but at least I am allowed to be up on my feet now.

-Tom and I went on a date last week. It was the first time we had been out at night together for more than a year! We went to see the ACO perform Beethoven's 'Ode to joy', which I thought was an appropriate outing for two people who have so much to celebrate at the moment.

-We have no internet connected at the new house which is why I have been off line for the last week or so, but of course I will update you all as soon as baby boy decides to make an appearance!

What a week..

Whoa.. It has been a very busy week!
We officially became proud first home owners on Monday. We picked up the keys an hour after settlement and went and had a picnic on the floor of our new (and empty) home. My gosh, I can not wait till we move in!
On Wednesday we moved all our furniture (that had been sitting in storage for the last 18 months) into the house and the plan is to spend this weekend unpacking and setting up the house so that we can move straight in as soon as baby arrives.

And as if that wasn't enough excitement for one week.. this morning I went and had my cervical stitch removed. I can't tell you how relieved I am to have made it to this point and how exciting it is to be so close to meeting this little man. (I will be 37 weeks on Saturday).
I went from 0 to 3cm dilated within 10 seconds of the stitch being removed. Apparently about 90% of women go into labour within 24 hours.. I have had contractions on and off all day and my doctor thinks I will be back at the hospital pretty soon.
I was so excited last night (and a little nervous) that I could hardly sleep.
The hospital bag is packed, the grandparents are on call..

And now.. we just wait! Eek!

(This photo was taken at 33 weeks.. I can't believe my belly is even bigger now. and my face is even rounder!)

Thirty four weeks..

I can not believe I have made it to 34 weeks.. Tom and I have literally spent the last 7 months dreaming and hoping every single day that I would make it this far.. and here we are!

I just can not wait to meet this little baby. I feel so incredible grateful that he will be with us soon. I actually feel like he could cry and scream and keep me awake all night and I won't complain a single bit because I know how lucky I am to have him.

Not long to go now..

A baby sprinkle..

I had a little party on the weekend to celebrate the fact that I had made it to 34 weeks and that I survived months of bed rest. I also just wanted an excuse to catch up with all my girlfriends, many whom I had not seen since I fell pregnant.

Tom spent the entire morning cleaning the house and baking. He made his signature flour-less chocolate cake, my favourite mandarin, lime and yoghurt cake and a few other yummy treats.
Tom's mum made an orange and almond cake (she makes one for us almost every time we head up to the farm.. she picks the oranges off the tree in the morning and boils them for hours before using them to make the cake.. It is so good, I'll make sure I grab the recipe off her next time I see her).

We spent the afternoon chatting, drinking tea and eating cake. It was so lovely and of course, I got absolutely spoilt with gorgeous baby gifts. I didn't have a baby shower with Sophie (I always felt it was a bit self-indulgent) but this time around I felt that I had so much to celebrate that an afternoon of eating cake was necessary!

Unfortunately though, I didn't manage to take any photos which is such a shame because Tom had been to the flower markets in the morning and the whole place (including the table setting) looked so lovely. I did however, take this photo the next day when we were still eating cake (well actually, Tom is sugar free at the moment, so I took it upon myself to finish the entire cake on my own! Oops!)

Thirty three

33 weeks! Not quite sure what was so interesting up in the sky!

On the home stretch now..

I had an appointment with my obstetrician yesterday and it looks like this little baby might be arriving sooner rather than later, of course its impossible to predict these things but judging by the ultrasound I had and the contractions I have been having, it looks like things are getting ready to happen.

I will be 32 weeks tomorrow which is over the really risky stage but could still mean up to two months in neonatal care if this little man does decide to come now, so we are really hoping that he stays put for another month at least.

I have to go into hospital tomorrow to have steroid injections to help speed up his lung development. I'm a little nervous as I don't particularly like the thought of giving steroids to an unborn baby, and am a little worried about the (unknown) long term effects of un-naturally speeding up development. But like many other decisions I have made in this pregnancy, I have learnt to accept that science and medicine sometimes do have a (very valuable) place in pregnancy and childbirth. I also trust my obstetrician that this is going to give our baby the best possible chance if he does decide to come early.

In other news, Sophie has been on school holidays for the last two weeks (which may explain why this baby might come early.. it's impossible to lie in bed 24 hours a day with a 4 year old running around!)
I have had such a lovely time with her, she is really starting to turn into a proper little person. Watching her learn to read and write is so exciting and I can see her growing up more and more each day.
She is so excited about having a little brother and I know she is going to be such a great big sister.
Very exciting times ahead..

Hello stranger

I love that when I go a week or so without writing a post I get emails from total strangers asking me if everything is alright. (So sweet.. Thank you!)

Everything is going really well, as I said in my last post.. better than ever! I can't believe that we are so close to having a place to call home AND a little baby! (Although it's a little scary when these things are so, so close but you are not quite there yet).

I have been so busy all week trying to organise everything to make our dream house turn into a reality (Building inspections, wood ant inspections etc. etc.) but we are now just waiting for the bank to give us the green light and hopefully they will! (I've been preying to the mortgage gods all week!)

I also reached 30 weeks yesterday which feels like such a huge milestone.. I am finally starting to get out of bed for an hour or so each day and it feels so good to be back in the world again! I managed to get a hair cut (for the first time in almost a year) and make a very quick stop at the local fabric store last week.. both things that I have been dreaming of doing for months.

I wanted to post a photo of my belly to show you all but Tom was busy cooking dinner (and making the most delicious pears poached in red wine for desert), I didn't want to disturb him so I asked Sophie to take a photo for me..

This is what I ended up with.. Either she is a brilliant, creative photographer in the making or just can't manage to hold my phone still enough.. I'm going to go with creative genius!

Maternity clothes

If I had unlimited funds (and lived in a trendy apartment in New York) I would have bought the entire Hatch maternity collection and called it a day. Unfortunately though, I can't afford to spend $380 on a maternity dress, and come to think of it, I'm not sure I would even if I did have the money!

It was easy when I was pregnant with Sophie as it was the middle of summer and maxi-dresses had just come into fashion. I don't think I bought a single piece of maternity clothing the entire pregnancy.
This time though, it is the middle of winter and most of my long sleeve tops and jumpers stopped fitting me about 3 months ago so I have had to stock up on a few basic maternity pieces.

I really don't like maternity clothes.. I find them so ridiculously overpriced and most of them are so ugly. I had quite a hard time finding decent basics so I thought I would share a couple of my finds with you.. and of course, all of these websites deliver to your home!

'Trimester' black maternity leggings from Queen Bee.
One of the best things I have bought. They have loads of stretch around the waistband and sit comfortably under your belly. I literally live in these!

Maternity jeans from ASOS.
These are the best maternity jeans I have found at a decent price. They fit really well and come in a good range of colours/ styles.

Basic long sleeve maternity tops from Next Direct.
These are the cheapest maternity tops I have found.. and surprisingly, they best fitting ones. They are nice and long and 100% cotton.

I have found the rest of my maternity wardrobe from places like Cotton On, Sussan and other similar stores. I have found some really cheap over-sized t-shirts, jumpers and cardigans that all fit nicely over my bump.

Usually when buying clothes I am happy to spend more money to buy something that is hand-made or Australian-made or organic rather than something that is cheap and won't last, but with maternity clothes I just tried to find things that were cheap and comfortable as I will only be wearing them for a few months.

Let me know if you have any other good maternity finds...

27 weeks

Despite my serious face in this photo, I am feeling pretty good at the moment!
Tomorrow I will be 28 weeks which is a huge milestone for us as the whole way through this pregnancy my obstetrician has said "you just need to get to 28 weeks" and here we are! We made it!

Of course, we are aiming for a healthy full term little boy but if I did go into labour early we have a good chance of everything turning out okay now that we have got to this point.

I was also told that from this point onwards I am allowed to start getting out of bed a bit.. but when I saw my obstetrician last week he told me I should wait till 32 weeks before I start getting out of bed.. The sneaky man, I'm sure he does that on purpose! (You know.. tells patients that they can get up from 28 weeks and then when they get there he says "Oh actually I meant 32 weeks". I wonder if I will get to 32 weeks and he will say 36 weeks?!)

Anyways.. we are on the home stretch now! Feeling very excited and a little more relaxed.

Technology is amazing..

Last week at the ultrasound we got this amazing picture of the little man inside my belly.
It always blows me away what technology can do these days.

I remember we got the same '3D' ultrasound when I was pregnant with Sophie (back then you had to go to a special '3D ultrasound' place) and they could not get a proper picture because she was upside-down and facing backwards..
We ended up with a pretty scary looking picture of a baby with a very squashed face and I was quite sad afterwards because I was worried that we were going to have a very funny lookin' baby. (How silly is that!)

Of course, she came out as the sweetest and most perfect little thing, so I know now not to pay too much attention to how these ultrasounds can sometimes look a little scary.. it's still so exciting to get a glimpse of life in-utero!

Relief

It always amazes me how life can be so good one day and feel so hopeless the next or vice-versa.

I had a really bad week this week. I was anxiously waiting for an ultrasound that we had yesterday and had been experiencing some really bad tightenings/ contractions and a terrible lower back ache.. I was so worried that I was going into labour and it really could not have been at a worse time because at 24 weeks gestation most babies who are born (and survive) are left with terrible brain damage and are usually blind and deaf.

(It's actually amazing how a baby born at 24 weeks has so little chance of survival and by 28 weeks most babies not only survive but grow up without any long term side effects/ health problems.. Every single day matters at this point).

But luckily, our ultrasound yesterday showed a beautiful healthy little boy and a cervix that is still very long and closed.. no sign of any problems at all!

I can't tell you what relief it was to hear them say "long and closed". It's funny how my whole world now revolves around the length of my cervix!

So.. just a few more weeks and we will be over the scary part! And after my ultrasound yesterday, we are feeling very confident that we will get there..

3 more weeks!! Come on!

*This is a photo of a shadow that came into my bedroom yesterday through my square sunlight?! How cool is that!

twenty three weeks

Most of the time I am surprised how easy bed rest has been, as in, I am able to keep myself busy during the day and other than being very sore physically, I don't have much to complain about..
But, every so often I have a really bad day. A day when I feel like I am going out-of-my-mind-crazy and if I have to spend a second longer in this bloody bed I am going to scream.
I wonder if this is what it feels like to be in jail? I am like a prisoner of my own bed room.

Sophie is having a really hard time at the moment too. She is starting to get really frustrated that I am in bed all day. Sometimes she falls to the floor next to the bed and wails "why mummy? Can't you please just get out of bed?" and she is getting so sick of being shifted to different friends, family and babysitters every day of the week. A few days ago one of my friends actually had to pry her arms from around my neck in order to take her for a playdate. And these are friends and family that she would have jumped at the chance to go play with just a few months ago.

Obviously, poor little Sophie is in desperate need of some more mummy/ home time, and while we spend every evening together reading stories before she goes to bed it's impossible for me to look after her during the day unless there is someone else here to get her food and help her with things.

Luckily though, we are so close to getting through this!
In just 6 more weeks I'll be able to do so much more.. I'll be able to eat meals at the table with everyone else (woo hoo!), I suspect that I will be able to mind Sophie myself because I'll be able to get out of bed to make her lunch (very quickly) and my obstetrician said that even a quick trip to the local park is not out of the question (as long as Tom drives me there and I don't walk too far).
I can not wait!

And of course, I just have to keep reminding myself why I am here lying in bed all day and what I am going to get at the end.. Can you imagine the second I get to hold my healthy little (alive!) boy in my arms?

My gosh.. it's going to be absolutely incredible!




*Photo of me on my way to my obstetrician a few days ago.. it's the only time that I am allowed out of bed and I literally count down the hours days until my next appointment. It is soo good to go outside!

22 weeks

I'm 22 weeks this week. Many of you will remember that I was 22 weeks pregnant when I went into labour with Grace in my last pregnancy. It's a very scary time but I have to keep telling myself that this pregnancy is different and I know that I can carry a baby to full term.. I have done it before!

We are right in the thick of the risky stage as babies born at 22 weeks have no chance of survival, but babies born at 28 weeks have a good chance of survival.. just 6 more weeks and we will be on the home stretch! (Not that we want a baby born at 28 weeks.. that is still very premature.. we are aiming for 37 weeks here and not any earlier!)

Everything is going really well and I am literally just counting down the days until I get to 28 weeks and we can all let out a great big sigh of relief!

The strangest thing is that because I have given birth to a 22 week old baby I know exactly what this little boy in my tummy looks like (well obviously he will have his own features) but not many pregnant women can say that they know how a baby looks at 22 weeks.. It's slightly scary and kind of comforting in a funny way.

With every single kick I get I am so grateful that I am pregnant and that this little boy is still in my tummy.
I just need him to stay there for another few months. Sometimes I find myself talking to him and saying "I can't wait to meet you" and then I quickly add "But not now.. I don't wan't to meet you now! Stay in there until full term okay and don't come out any sooner!"

Okay little man, you got that?



*Photo of a little baby blanket I have been making this week.. after 4 years of being surrounded by pink everything, it's nice to have a bit of blue!

A bump called boy..

I can not really believe that we are having a boy, it just seemed so.. well, genetically unlikely!
And I can not really believe that I shared our news with the world. When I found out with Sophie and Grace we only told our close family and kept it a secret from everyone else until the end. I just assumed that we would do the same this time but I guess I was just too excited to keep it a secret.

It's funny because after Grace died I only wanted to have another girl. I thought that if we had a boy I would always think about how there was a 2nd little girl missing from our family, but after it took me so long to fall pregnant I stopped wanting another girl and just wanted another baby.. boy or girl I didn't care anymore.

Then a few months ago I started actually thinking that it would be so nice to have a little boy running around. Of course, we would have both been beside ourselves with happiness no matter what gender this little bub was, but we are really excited to have a little boy. I have to admit that I have already had several online shopping sprees of various blue themed goods.

My mum said she was so glad I was having a boy because now we have one of each we don't have to have any more. I said "No, I think we will still have more" and her reaction was something like "What the hell? Why on earth would you go through this again?!?" ('This' meaning the stitch and bed rest).
I guess because at the end of the day we get the best reward ever.

*Photo of me on my way back from the bathroom (as that is the only time I am allowed out of bed) looking pretty hot in my pyjamas, un-showered with hair that has just turned into a giant knot because I have not washed or even brushed it in over a week. But who cares.. look at that belly!

It's a...

Well there is no denying it.. it's definitely a little boy in my tummy!
We are sooo excited!

Halfway there..

In exactly 24 hours I will be sitting in a waiting room filled with other women with lovely pregnant bellies, reading magazines that are years old and patiently waiting our turn. I will be holding Tom's hand, I'll be nervous and I'll be taking deep breaths to try and stop my heart from beating so fast. I'll be excited and scared shitless at the same time.

Tomorrow I have my 19 week ultrasound and there are two things that I can not wait to find out..
Is my cervix still long and closed? (Like it should be.. let's bloody hope so!) and will Sophie have a baby brother or sister?

I love the idea of waiting but I just can't do it.. I am dying to find out. If it is a boy it will be the first boy born in this family in 35 years. (Tom has 5 younger sisters, one of his sisters had a little girl and we have had two girls.. Tom and his dad are really outnumbered!)

So what do you think? Boy or girl?


*This is a photo of my belly a few weeks ago. Don't you think that my belly looks lopsided? I swear there was a little foot or a bum or a head poking out the side there..

Mummy. In bed.

Sophie drew me this picture yesterday. It's me at home in bed. Of course!

Someone asked yesterday what 'bed rest' actually means. My Obstetrician likes to call it "Full bed rest with toilet and shower privileges". It means that I have to spend every second in bed but I am allowed to get up to go to the toilet and have one short shower per day. (In hospital I was on bed rest with no toilet or shower privileges.. Oh boy, I don't want to see another bed pan as long as I live!)

When I am in bed I have to be lying down flat. For me, sitting up is just as bad as standing up.
The reason is because they think I have a condition called 'Incompetent Cervix' and they believe that it is the weight of the baby pressing down on your cervix that causes it to open prematurely. So the rationale is that if you have no weight on your cervix (by not standing or sitting up) then the cervix will stay closed until full term. That along with the cervical stitch is what will hopefully keep me pregnant for another 20 weeks or so.

I've been in bed for 34 days now. I have to admit that I am feeling much better than I was a few weeks ago. I guess I have just settled into the routine and accepted the fact that I need someone to help me do everything (bring me every meal etc.) I am enjoying the cool change here in Perth and it is nice to have the endless time to read and knit and do all those things that a busy life does not usually allow for.

I do miss going outside. Terribly. Sophie learnt to ride a bike on the weekend and she was so upset that I could not come to the park and see her ride. My body is getting sore and I feel like I could run a marathon because my legs are so restless. My muscles will deteriorate over the next few months and I have been told that even walking around the block will be a challenge for me once the baby is born (due to lost heart and lung capacity).

But, I have survived the first month and only five more to go. I know that it will be worth every second at the end and I'm trying to remind myself that one day I will be getting up all night with a newborn and  will wish that I could do nothing but lie in bed all day.. may as well enjoy it while I can!

Someday.

I read so many stories of women who have discovered their creative side after having kids, almost like motherhood re-wired their brains in some way. This was defiantly me.
While I had an appreciation for art and design before having Sophie, I was far from considering myself a creative person. It was only after Sophie was born that I realised that I could actually make things -myself.

I learnt how to sew and knit and embroider and I fell in love with the incredible satisfaction that comes with making something yourself. And I would feel such a sense of pride when people would ask where I got the pretty top that Sophie was wearing and I could say "I made it myself".

I knew as soon as I started sewing that I would love to be able to start a little business one day selling the things I make at the local markets. The desire was not to make money or share my talents (at this stage I could barely sew a straight line) but I just loved the idea of having my own little shop market stall full of things that I had made. There was no rush, obviously I had to get much better at sewing first, but the idea was never far from my mind.

Life, of course, had other plans and over the next few years I spent all my energy trying to fall pregnant and then trying to stay pregnant, trying to fall pregnant, trying to stay pregnant. Again and again.
After Grace died and I was having trouble falling pregnant again I needed something to take my mind of things. (There was no use going back to work because we kept thinking that I would be pregnant again soon and we knew that I would be on bed rest). Sophie had started pre-school 2 days a week and I told myself that I needed those 2 days to myself to nurture myself (so to speak) and take the time to heal and work through the grief.

I would spend my days at home, taking myself out for coffee or spending a large percentage of my husband's wage at the local fabric store. I told myself that it was good for me to have some time-out but in reality, those two days without Sophie were an excuse for me to wallow.

So, I decided that something had to be done. I could not sit around any longer just waiting to fall pregnant with my life on hold until I did. (I remember when we moved to Perth and I made an appointment to see an obstetrician that deals with high risk pregnancy and the receptionist told me that the next appointment was in 4 months time. I called Tom and told him about the wait and he said "Well that's okay.. you will be pregnant by then". That was more than a year ago.)

I put a small amount of money aside for my little business and set to work.. researching fabric suppliers,   making samples, getting labels made etc. Again, I had no plans to make money or have a proper business, it was just an excuse for me to spend all my spare time sewing and to make kids clothes that I liked. I was getting very excited at the end of last year to see it all starting to come together when..
I fell pregnant. (Of course!)

Last month I packed away all the fabric, patterns, clothes and labels. Packed away my sewing machine and overlocker and shelved that dream for 'someday'.


*Of course, I am not upset that this plan is on hold at all.. I will get to it one day and in the meantime I am very busy doing much more important things.. growing a baby!

Now and then

I have been thinking a lot about pregnancy lately (fancy that?) I have been thinking about how incredibly different it was being pregnant with Sophie. A pregnancy free from worry, a pregnancy that was full of joy and wonder.. and no stress.

I fell pregnant with Sophie a few weeks months after I met Tom. It was a very big surprise (as you can imagine, but one that just felt right). I had the easiest pregnancy (other than a bit of morning sickness in the first few months) and spent the entire pregnancy dreaming about the little baby I would meet at the end. Because being pregnant means that you get a baby at the end, of course.

I was super healthy (other than the strange cheeseburger cravings at 2am), I went to pre-natal yoga twice a week, I walked down to Bondi Beach and went swimming almost every day during summer, I drank fresh juice every morning, I crapped on about how my kids will never have plastic toys or watch tv (so, so ignorant) and I don't think I saw a single doctor during the entire pregnancy.

I gave birth at the local birth centre with a midwife and after a natural 4 hour labour (I mean 4 hours from being fast asleep thinking I had 10 days or so left.. to holding a little baby in my arms. It was so quick!) I went home the same day.

Tom and I thought that this whole baby making thing was pretty damn easy.

And then life had other plans.

The last 3 years or so have been filled with loss and longing. I have spent every single day during that time desperately trying to fall pregnant or desperately trying to stay pregnant. There has not been a single day when I have had relief from those thoughts.

So now I am pregnant for the 5th time. I have seen more doctors than I can count, I have been hospitalised, went through surgery, had more hormones/ pain killers/ antibiotics etc. pumped into my body than I have had in my whole life, had more blood tests, ultrasounds (10 at last count), tests, tubes, monitors.. you name it.

But, the biggest difference? The fear. The fear that haunts you every day. The worry. The Anxiety. The what ifs? The unknown.

The hope. The hope that things will work out this time.


/Photo of me 35 weeks pregnant with Sophie/