Three Quick Points

> The Warriors won't punish star young guard Monta Ellis for injury himself in the off-season on a moped, an activity specifically prohibited by his contract.

A few things here... first off, I have no idea how you hurt yourself on a moped to the point where you are going to miss months, unless there's alcohol or severe parkour-ing involved.

Well, OK, maybe there is a way...



I also don't know how you don't want to punish the guy, especially considering that the Warriors in the post-Baron Davis Era are overwhelmingly likely to miss the playoffs, since Ellis becoming an immense star was their only chance to stay relevant in the West. Considering that the 0-8 start from last year (with Stephen Jackson's suspension being the big factor) was a direct cause of missing the dance.

Anyway, here's the money quote from Warrior GM Chris Mullin...

"I think he'll learn a lot about himself. He'll be able to draw back to it. I told him myself, if this could trigger him to really committing to an offseason program, then all of a sudden we've got a guy 24, 25, that's really got it together. We might be able to look back and be OK."

Um, sure, Chris. The same way that your alcoholism turned out to be a big help in your playing days...

> Brett Favre is walking with only a slight limp, and should be good to go next week against the Cardinals.

I am shocked, shocked to discover that Brett Favre generated some additional media coverage that turned out to be a big waste of time. Shocking!

> Reports out of Seattle are that the Mariners, the first team in MLB history to finish with the worst record with a $100 million+ payroll, hate star OF Ichiro Suzuki.

Now, to be fair, Ichiro's OPS this year is the lowest of his career, and he's lost the extra-base power that used to make him good, if never quite the weapon that some people have seen him as. In terms of performance for salary, he's not doing them any favors. But we're still looking at a solid OBA and base runner, a plus defensive player, and a guy that's on pace to get hit #2,000 in his ninth MLB season, next year.

Oh, and there's also this -- he might be the only guy on the team that Mariner Fan actually likes. (With the possible exception of Brandon Morrow.)

So it doesn't really matter who wanted to wring Ichiro's neck, under the idea that he was "selfish" about his hits and stats, rather than winning. Um, not to belabor the point here, but who on this team knows a thing about winning, really? Raul Ibanez? Jarrod Washburn? Adrian Beltre?

Oh, and one final thought... how the hell did they spend over $100 million on this roster, really?

Why Ichiro Is Awesome, Part #8063

I don't know if these quotes are legit, or if it's just that the man has a mischievous translator, but the world needs to hear more of the comedy stylings of Ichiro, the star outfielder for those moribund Mariners. (Ever notice how moribund is only ever used by hacky sportswriters reaching for alliteration? I'd say more about this, but it's a rainy day list idea for the Carnival.)

After Friday’s error-filled loss to the previously puttering (see? Alliteration!) Yankees, Suzuki told Seattle reporters that the team seemed to be falling apart.

"If I was objectively watching this team and what’s been happening, I’d be drinking a lot of beer and booing," he said.

Somehow, I suspect he'd also be doing some kind of rhythmic yoga as he did it, so that he could drink more beer, more quickly than anyone else....

Today In Very Obvious News: Richie Sexson is a Tool

Tonight in Seattle, Richie Sexson charged the mound to attack Rangers pitcher Kason Gabbard on a ball that was over the middle of the plate and two feet away from being a called strike. He was anticipating contact following a couple of plunked hitters, including some obvious headhunting by King Felix Hernandez on Rangers second baseman Ian Kinsler.

Normally, I could care about baseball brawls; they are just sound and fury and more posturing than a WWE event. But Sexson's performance tonight really took it to another level. He'd have been only slightly more obvious about it if he had gone before the pitch, or called for time from the ump before he went.

Oh, and it was also a nice touch to bring his helmet -- i.e., a weapon -- with him to the mound, because Sexson is such an itty bitty guy at 6-foot-8, 240 pounds. It's just one more way in which Sexson does not, in any way, resemble a baseball player.

Of course, maybe the thought was that if it worked for the Cubs last year, maybe it's worth trying here. Unfortunately for the Ms, they have people like Sexson in the lineup, along with the phenomenally useless Jose Vidro, the previously scorned Raul Ibanez, and less, much less...

Update -- here's the video. High comedy from the Rangers analysts, too.

Epic Drop: Top 10 Reasons The Eric Bedard Trade Has Taken So Long... and some Shaq Musings

Your link is here, and no, I have no real idea why these teams have taken so long to seal what seems like, in the wake of the ludicrously low price for Johan Santana, a simple and equitable exchange of Ace for Cheap Talent. There's been shorter wars than this freaking trade.

And speaking of trades, I know that I'm required by blogger law to write something about Shaq going from the Heat to the Suns, so here goes. Shawn Marion is a better player right now, but his value will go into the toilet without Nash feeding him, and as a 30-year-old energy player, he's going to be a bad contract in the future. A motivated Shaq is a wonderful thing, but he fits in with the up-tempo Suns like a stripper in church, and his promises of not letting them down notwithstanding, it's hard to see how they are better today then they were yesterday... unless, of course, this is finally the thing that gets Fat Boris Diaw out of his 2-year-old funk.

For the Heat, Marion makes them better, but he's going to be a 15 points per game kind of guy without a point guard -- and no, White Chocolate does not count. But with both teams feeling they needed to Do Something, one can see how What The Hell, Let's Deal happened. Besides, with both contracts coming off the boards fairly soon, the deal really can't be analyzed until we see who the teams sign later.

A Brief Note To Raul Ibanez

First 370 at bats this season, when you were on my fantasy team roster, and I patiently waited for you to hit like last year: 6 home runs.

Last 22 at bats, after I finally tossed in the towel as your average dropped to .252 and it looked like you were going to lose your job... 5 home runs.

I believe my feelings for Raul can be summed up in song, especially the words about the gas truck. (Caution: Naughty words are in the clip.)



Oh, and the piece de resistance -- frequent commenter California Mookie has him now. GAHHH.

Top 10 Signs of Mike Hargrove's Fading Passion

Ed. Note: Mariner manager Mike Hargrove resigned on Sunday, despite winning 25 out of their last 37 games and being in the thick of the AL West and wild card race. Hargrove, a 22-year coaching veteran, said he was quitting because of a fading passion for the game.

10) Kept calling Ichiro Suzuki "Kenny Lofton" and Raul Ibanez "Manny Ramirez"

9) Doesn't giggle anymore when saying the name "JJ Putz"

8) Hasn't realized, in the last 1.5 years, that his catcher doesn't speak English

7) When asked by the Safeco Field grounds crew whether the roof should be open or closed, would just say, "Whatever"

6) Kept referring to starting pitchers as "Gil", even though Gil Meche hasn't been there for six months

5) Hasn't laughed at a "Mariner Moose" routine in, like, years

4) Spent 90 minutes sobbing over the Ray Allen trade

3) Hey, if Adrian Beltre can't summon passion while being paid over $12 million a year to hit .260, what do you expect from his manager?

2) None of his starters, despite being in a pitcher's park, is under 4 on the ERA... so perhaps "fading passion" can be translated as "getting out while the getting is good"

1) Even while winning the last eight games in a row, still needed Levitra and nipple clamps to put the Pike in its Place