The High Cost Of Respect

And the week had been going so well for Eagle Fan. We got to delight in what seems like the exceptionally reasonable purchase of one of the best offensive tackles in the game, as the team picked up Jason Peters from the Bills. And then, what do my forehead-smacked eyes do discover, but #2 CB Sheldon Brown giving voice to his considerable lack of respect for the team not being too interested in renegotiating his deal, which has four years left on it at what might be below current market value.

A few points here.

1) I'm almost *always* in favor of the player making more money. He's the guy who, you know, has to hit people for a living, and if he's not happy and plays badly, my football season is ruined. The Eagles have also been under the cap since there was a cap, really, so it's not like I'm even going to dork out and worry about their contract situation. From a macroeconomic view, the player having the money is better; they employ more people buying more fool things.

And even I don't want to see Brown get paid a lot more.

You have two choices as an NFL player when you are young and the team values your services. The first is to take the lock low pot and sign the extension. The second is to roll the dice and wait until you are a free agent. Every player gets this decision, assuming they are good. Brown took the first route, and now he wants this second.

The Eagles, sensibly, haven't shown a whole lot of interest in changing the terms of the deal, seeing how Brown is under contract until the Obama '12 campaign. Brown calls this "a total lack of respect."

Um, no, not really, Sheldon. It's the house having made the right call, and the cards falling the way they thought they would. Your role is to play well for the length of that deal, then get wildly overpaid by some dumb-ass AFC team for the last big payday of your life, when you are 34 and wind up playing for about half of the deal (but all of the signing bonus) before flushing out of the league. This is how it goes here. After the Brian Dawkins Experience, this should seem obvious to anyone, really.

2) If you are going to pule for big money, you really need to make more big plays.

Last year, Brown had one bad game. You might remember it; it was the NFC Championship Game. Until Larry Fitzgerald tore him a career-defining hole, Brown had been damn near pristine for 2008... and yet, as an Eagles Fan, I never *really* knew, emotionally, that he was having a great year.

Why? Because the man has gut-wrenchingly bad hands. And at age 30, that isn't going to change.

Coverage? He's also there. Tackling? Sure, solid, doesn't go for stupid kill shots, and did give Reggie Bush the ride of his life in that playoff loss a few years ago. Run support? Yes, he's not a Deion Sanders-esque coward.

But when it comes to making the couple of plays a year that help to clear the psychic slate of what a cornerback is -- i.e., a damage control manager in a zero-fail, no-win situation -- you have to get a couple back. Maybe you don't have to go all Ed Reed-ish and score more than you give up, but a touchdown or two every few years, especially when it comes in a big spot against a hated opponent (see the Lito Sheppard resume against Dallas, for instance) means a lot. If nothing else, you need to get a runback every once in a while.

In 112 career games, Brown has 14 interceptions, with 2 touchdowns. The last of those came in 2006. In the past two years, he's had four picks for 26 yards in returns, with only one of those picks coming last year. So he doesn't get a lot of picks, and when he does get them, he goes to ground.

Asante Samuel, by comparison, has 10 picks and two scores in the past two years. And that's with being the #1 CB, which is to say, getting much fewer opportunities for picks. And that's why Samuel makes ferocious bank, and no Eagle Fan has any kind of problem with that.

There's a reason for this, and that is...

3) Sheldon Brown has tragically awful hands.

Not to the point where he can't be a very good starting corner -- he is. Not to the point where he can't get paid -- he has, and could be again.

But to the point where a team is not, and should not, break the rules and the bank to make him happy.

However, and this is really crappy part of it...

4) Once a football player has gone public about being unhappy, especially in Philadelphia, he's more or less done. Especially when the team takes the time to smack him down in public, as the Eagles PR department did today.

In the current NFL, you need at least three very good corners to match up. When the Eagles signed Samuel a year ago, there was no reason why Sheppard had to go, but he was unhappy, and soon was supplanted by Joselio Hanson, who no one ever thought had more talent. But motivation is a powerful thing, and Sheppard is now a Jet. (Speaking of which, I bet Lito bounces back this year. He's young enough, has the pedigree, and will be in the clear #2 slot opposite Darrelle Revis. Jet Fan will need him to if they are going to have any chance to slow down the Patriots. But I digress.)

By popping off in public, Brown has probably forced the Eagles hand, and has in all likelihood made the team push a corner decision into their high pick consideration. Which they were probably going to do anyway, seeing how Brown is 30, but how the team also really needs a running back and a top-drawer wideout and a two-way tight end and a half dozen other things, really...

Well, no one needed this, really. Oh, and one final thing... given the state of the economy and the relative replaceability of what Brown does -- stop big plays, not make them -- there's no real guarantee that he'd get his big payday somewhere else, either.

Seeing as he's now, you know, something of a character risk, given that he took one deal, but now wants another...

A quick question to my East Coast homies

Does it ever not suck to live here, weather wise?

I realize that I've become a complete candy-ass from six years in the oh so comfy womb that is Northern California, but I'm fairly sure that by the time the calendar gets to April 20, you should have had more than five days in the whole freaking year where the weather didn't want to make you burn your Least Coast House to the ground and go live under some California bridge.

We now return you to your usual, mostly sports-related, timewaste.

And This Is Why I Gamble

News out of San Antonio tonight that the Spurs' Manu Ginobili, who I've been waiting patiently on for most of the year to try to get the boost that I need for my fantasy team, is done for the year with a stress fracture in his leg.

It's a weekly moves league, so I'm looking at zeroes now from Manu's spot during the most important week of the year. I was hoping to hold unto my third place standing, and not lose money from being in the league.

This, after the out of the blue injury earlier in the year to Amare Stoudemire, which more or less killed my chance of winning the freaking league.

I have no point here, other than taking very little solace in the fact that the Spurs are as dead as my fake team...

Countdown to Clowntime

This note from the Philly Daily News (yes, it is still in operation, you miserable people -- would it kill you to buy a copy?)... ex-Eagle, current Bronco and perpetually conflicted safety Brian Dawkins wants to make his most famous fan happy by giving him his comped tickets when the Broncos play the Eagles next year in Philadelphia.

Now, several questions arise from this.

1) Will the axed fan wear one of those super-stupid split jerseys, to show that he just loves everyone?

2) Given that Dawkins' team will be starting, in all likelihood, Kyle Orton on the road with no running back and a defense whose best player might be a broken-down but very wealthy safety, will said fan change the jersey in mid-game?

3) Can Dawkins give so many interviews the week of the game that Philly Fan winds up booing him not out of disloyalty, but simple fatigue?

4) What mostly innocent utterance from Donovan McNabb will be twisted out of proportion to cause a media circus and sports radio ratings boon?, and

5) When will we know the date of the game, so we can determine whether or not the Broncos will have fired Coach / Soooper Gene Yuss Josh "Cutler Killer" McDaniels?

Hell Hath No Fury Like A College Basketball Coach Scorned

"Those kind of things, that's why Dean Smith told me at 67 he got out. It wasn't basketball. It was the other things. I love the kids, love the game. I don't plan to go anyplace. But I'm going to give a lot of reflection, maybe more reflection than normal, because of that." - UConn men's basketball coach Jim Calhoun

And just a reminder, this was Calhoun less than six weeks ago.



I don't claim to know squat about college hoop, but I do enjoy me some rich old self-righteous white man comeuppance, especially when it makes greater New England Fan all unhappy. Karma's a bitch, isn't it, Jimbo?

205th Drop: Top 11 reasons why Jay Cutler had to leave the Broncos

As promised, here's the link to the list. It'll teach me my place in things, and the Broncos...

Yes and Nos on L'Affaire Cutler

(I have to be brief on this one today; too much going on outside of the blog. Yes, I suck.)

Yes, the QB is a pouting whiner who should have gotten over it.

No, Chicago Fan will not hold that against him. Seriously, after the QBs that franchise had had, Cutler could come out of the huddle wearing wings and a fluffy tail and they'd eat it up.

Yes, Coach Idiot McDaniels is on the shortest leash imaginable for a new guy in Denver, having jettisoned his team's best asset with no real back up plan in check. Chris Simms and Kyle Orton do not count, unless you're adding up losses, turnovers, and career-threatening injuries.

No, Chicago did not give up too much for him, because there is no way in hell that their first round picks will be in the top half of the draft so long as Cutler is upright.

Yes, Cutler really is worth the trouble: he's mobile, has an arm, doesn't fear the rush and productive. Head aside, there aren't five quarterbacks in the League with a brighter future ahead of them. Denver Fan will get to regret this for a decade or more, along the same way the Falcon Fan regretted the Favre Trade up until about 2003.

No, he won't be as good in Chicago, because he won't have Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal at the wideouts. But at least now he has a running back and a defense. In real terms, he'll win more games; in fantasy ones, he just dropped five spots in rank for 2009-10.

No, I'm not sold that Orlando Pace at tackle for the Bears was a great addition, because he hasn't been healthy for years. But he could have just been dogging it to get the hell out of St. Louis. It's a better gamble than most.

Yes, this does make the Bears better and a possible division winner, but I still think the Packers have the most talent in the division.

And finally... I think the Broncos will go 3-13 this year, and that McDaniels will be run out of town on a rail. Just one more genius that wasn't from the Belichick Tree.

(Oh, and there will also be a jokey hacky list link on this later in the day, because I've gotten a fresh invite from Editor Scrap of Epic Carnival infamy to whore myself out again. Time to go shave my legs.)

Just Take My Money Already

So the Poker Story has turned bitter, my children, and I know you could care less, but I can't afford therapy thanks to my donkey ways at the table, so...

On Valentine's Day, I had the best night of my life on the felt and made good coin. Five times since then I've played cards with people for money, and five times since, my wallet has regretted it.

The really nice thing is that the losses have been all over the place. I've had nights where I've been just plain card dead, and nights when I've just been outplayed. Some nights, I've had bad beats; other times, I've had the feeling that I was broadcasting my hole cards on my face, and should just have the hands dealt face up to me to make things a little less obvious.

Some nights, I've been too tight; others, too loose. When I've slow-played high pairs, they've been cracked; when I raised them pre-flop, everyone bailed and I made nothing but the blinds. It's been a joy.

Sensing my weakness, the game that I host finally broke through into the fabled Two Table stage, with 14 players making it the Friday the 13th event. That went so well that I took Nyquil afterward and slept for 24 hours, dreaming of unemployment and homelessness. Good times!

There's still room for a few more at the Home Game -- hell, maybe I'll just deal from now on -- and you never know how many players will keep coming back, so if you're local and interested, there's still seats available... but probably for not much longer, because once we get to, say, 18, we're out of table spots, and the room can't really fit that many people anyway. So long as the host is tossing out free money, I'm thinking we'll have a popular game. (And no, this isn't a case of crying poor to get some new fish into the net. Right now, I'm the fish, and I come with my own pan and spices. Dig in.)

Top 10 Brett Favre Prop Bets

With today's... no, I'm sorry, I can't write it anymore. Let's just go to the prop bet scoreboard and try to get some of Woody Johnson' money back, shall we?

10) Number of teams rumored to be in negotiations to bring him in after their QB gets hurt during the 2009 regular season: Over/under of 6

9) Odds on another comeback: Even money

8) Over/Under Date of Tell-All Book That Throws Dozens Of Coaches, Teammates and Really Mean Bloggers Under The Bus: Super Bowl Week, 2010

7) Chance of a new drug addiction and celebrity rehab stint: 3 to 1 against

6) Divorce with subsequent big publicity trial and allegations: 4 to 1 against

5) Reality show: 10 to 1 against

4) Odds that Tony Kornheiser will not return to MNF for the upcoming season: 5 to 1 if Favre is active, 20 to 1 is he stays retired

3) Criminal arrest with leaked Internet mug shot: 6 to 1 against

2) Over/under for price of a Favre Jets jersey at your local sports retailer: $9.99

1) Chance of ever winning another playoff game: 100,000 to 1 against (Note: Line not changed by retirement)

Epic Drop: Top 12 signs that things are starting to deteriorate for Terrell Owens in Dallas

It just hurts so much to have to write a list like this, really. It's hard, so hard, to have predicted the exact thing that is happening in Dallas. Of course, given that it was pretty much the same thing that happened in Philadelphia and San Francisco, I didn't have to be Nostradamus here...

Fantasy Hell #1

My good Work League Team went down to ignoble defeat today. It was just Not Meant To Be. Drew Brees betrayed me by giving the damned ball to Pierre Thomas. Reggie Wayne continued to be the best-regarded empty threat in fantasy play this year; I'd have been better off starting #3 WR Anthony Gonzalez instead of him today. Greg Jennings, one of the best five WRs in football, made all of one big play today. Whoop de damn do. Derrick Ward took advantage of the Brandon Jacobs injury to have one of his worst games of the year, along with the rest of the Giants. Marion Barber can no longer be considered tough. Even on the little moments, I got screwed. The Saints chose to go for two with a quarter to play and up five, rather than give me the extra point from kicker du jour Garret Hartley. Irritating. If not for Steve Slaton, I'd have saved myself four hours of very limited suspense.

But realistically, I knew I was hosed as soon as Pierre Freaking Thomas scored. He wound up with 25 points today, and that was, oh, about 20 more than I was hoping for. The coup de grace came when Shaun Hill swung a ball in the flat to Frank Gore just before the half in the Jets-Niners game; that was, as they say, all she wrote.

Oh well. It's not like the Shooter Kids *need* any more toys. Or heat in the house. Put on more layers, you parasites!

Philly Parade?

Supposedly a top 10 search term on Google, and far be it for me to turn my nose up at free search traffic from jinx-hating idiots who want to set themselves up for Phresh Rage at an Uncaring God.

So welcome, you rain-causing morons. Please stare at the ads, and maybe order a T-Shirt. Papa needs a new pair of shoes, seeing as his last pair were ruined by rain and tears...

This Won't End Well

Um, far be it for me to throw sartorial stones, but since when did Al Czervik play wideout? That ticking sound you're hearing is the Meltdown Clock, Cowboy Fan...

Other People's Shame

You know what's the best/worst thing about watching playoff baseball? The yummy, yummy tears of the losing team's fans when it's a home game. With the Bad News Cubs falling into another big early hole en route to a big late loss last night, TBS had plenty of time to find distressed looking Cub diehards to show as they stared the long, frozen stare of disappointment out at their suddenly stricken club. Carlos Zambrano turned in his best start since throwing the no-hitter; it didn't matter. The Dodgers just kept making the plays, taking advantage of myriad Cub defensive mistakes, and all in all, looking like a remarkably bloodless killing machine. You know, one that wasn't playing with One Hundred Years Of Woe Is Us in their laundry.

Oh, and it doesn't hurt at all that they've got Manny Ramirez on what will likely be the last and best defining hot streak of his life, before he signs some ginormous contract for the Yankees and becomes Sheffield II, Electric Boogaloo. His bomb to center field last night was like watching a golfer who is five strokes up on the 18th take out the driver anyway and crush it; completely unnecessary and yet pretty danged great, because, hey, wow, I didn't know humans could do that. At this point when ManRam goes deep, it's almost expected, and that sound you heard when he did it was his agent, Scott Boras, cackling as he orders another ivory backscratcher, this one made entirely out of late-trimester aborted elephant fetuses, for that extra ounce of E-Vile.

If your taste for abject self-pity wasn't sated by last night's telecast from Woefully Field (soon to be have its naming rights sold to some bank, then bought out at taxpayer expense to become the US Tresury Rescue Program's Woe Is All Of We Field), then you should just click over to the 9,531 word embarrassment that our old friend The Bad Tooth put up at the World Wide Lemur. (For people who are new to the site or Blogfrica, you may also know these things as Simmy Boy, The Four Letter, or just Boston Douchebag at Network Douchebag. And so we move on.)

Wait, I'm afraid you missed something in the middle of that last paragraph. Let me put it out in bold relief, so we're all aware of it.

Nine thousand, five hundred and thirty one words.

No, seriously.

In it, you will learn:

> How very, very awful it is to have the temptation to go out drinking with your favorite athletes on someone else's check

> That when an athlete quits on his team and the team ships him out, an E-Vile Sports Agent (Boras, naturally) has to be The Culprit... rather than, say, the freaking maroon who HIRED HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE, because the E-VILE AGENT HAS MYSTICAL MIND CONTROL POWERS

> How the 3-4 hitters of a team that has won two championships is just the same as Ruth-Gehrig (my, how the modern standards have fallen)

> That a guy that leaves million dollar paychecks lying around uncashed is somehow lovable or wacky, rather than the jaw-dropping and embarrasing embodiment of a system that causes simmering resentment, distance and distaste between athletes and fans

> That the Red Sox do not, it would seem, offer direct deposit

> The degree to which the author is a spoiled child, in that it wasn't enough that his team has won twice in four years by buying players like, well, Manny Ramirez... they also have to, it seems, win more championships with them, despite age and declining skills, because, dammit, There's Love Involved Here

> That life Just Isn't Fair (waaah!), because he has to live with the possibility that Coke might swoop in and buy ManRam after his many years of working for Pepsi... and that there is no chance that hated rival will, of course, sign said player to a ruinous contract where they pay for a declining circus

Finally, this. I get the appeal of Woe Is Me. I am, after all, an Eagles, Sixers and A's Fan who plays in five fantasy sports leagues (1 baseball, 3 football, 1 basketball) while commishing three of 'em, and I play poker every month or so. Bitching about the hand you've been dealt and your awful, awful luck is a universal thing.

But at what point did we decide this was, well, entertainment?

When I'm bent about my fortunes, I generally try to Shut The Hell Up (yes, I know, not always)... because it's Boring To Listen To. It's shameful to engage in. It's a cry for attention and sympathy for a game -- not your career, your relationship, your family, or anything else of real and lasting value -- not going your way.

I'm also going to let all of you Public Woers -- and most specifically, Bad Tooth, in on a little secret. This life thing? It's not going to end well. Those aches and pains aren't temporary. The increasing creepiness that you generate from watching teenage girl entertainment, the sense that your music is no longer with it... that's all here to stay. Along with the improperly located hair, the sense that all of these athletes aren't as good or as lovable as When You Were Young, and the urge to declare everything as going to Hell In A Handbasket -- well, welcome to Flavor Country. Adapt.

So, to Cub Fan and The Bad Tooth and all of the rest of you that will be on my screen and Oh So Sad soon... I'm very, very sorry for your loss. You're very, very brave for telling me how you feel. You'll feel better soon, maybe after a nice long cry, a warm bath, maybe some milk and cookies and cuddling with your favorite stuffed bear.

Now, um, can we all move on, and maybe talk about say, sports?

Matt Millen Relieved Of Duties?

Jay Glazer, of FOXSports.com, reports Detroit Lions team president and general manager Matt Millen has been removed from his jobs with the team. It is not clear if Millen was fired or removed himself from the equation. The Lions are an NFL-worst 31-84 since Millen took over in 2001.

First Isiah, now Millen. Dammit, don't these people realize that I need easy targets to fill the bloghole?

Best fact about Millen -- not the 7.5 year reign, not the unspeakably awful record, even better than the blown draft picks -- is this.

He ranked second in the NFL among GM pay.

My friends, we will not see his like again. (Oh, and H/T once more to Original Mookie for the heads up.)

Week Three NFL Picks: There Are Only 236 Games Left

Were you aware that over 10% of your yearly ration of NFL games for the season have already been played? Personally, I'm outraged by this on many levels, most of them manifesting as self-hatred. Why, I've missed whole series of games -- and I call myself a blogger. It's disgraceful. I can already feel February's cold chill on me, when the only thing I'll have to comfort myself with is a non-Bush presidency, the NBA, MLB spring training, college hoops, hockey and maybe a vacation. Damn you, NFL! In just about five months, I'm going to be mildly inconvenienced!

Anyway... last week was a back and forth affair, as good moments like Indy on the road, Carolina and New England in pick'em wins and the Pack covering a big number in Detroit were negated by the Raiders, Giants, Skins and Bills all being better than I thought. We still paid the bills at 8-7, but only just. So, on to the picks!

Kansas City at ATLANTA (-3.5)

A game that will make you long for February, really. The Chiefs are coming off a de-pantsing by the previously DOA Raiders at home, while the Falcons stayed with the Bucs for a long time despite Matt Ryan suffering big-time growing pains. Neither team should be trusted to find their ass with both hands and a map, but Atlanta's at home, with the better RB (Michael Turner, not Larry "Runs, And Bitches, Like Your Grandmama" Johnson), QB (Ryan over practice squadder and Coastal Carolina's own Tyler Thigpen), WR (Roddy White over Dwayne Bowe, in the battle of the only guys on the field that are fairly certain to be in the league in 5 years) and home crowd.

If you're betting this game, you also probably are a regular at the dog track... and I'm there with you. Avoid the nachos.

Falcons 20, Chiefs 16

Oakland at BUFFALO (-8.5)

Everyone's darling in the AFC East gets a big home number and, one imagines, an inordinate amount of Suicide Pool action. They are coming off a show-us win on the road in Jacksonville, and come home to a Raider team that seems to be trying to get head coach Lane Kiffin fired by taking football back to the Bronko Nagurski age -- seriously, Jemarcus Russell threw for less yards than his wideout's jersey numbers last week, and it's not like Kansas City has shutdown corners. I think he gets a little more this week, in that it would be impossible to get a little less, and it's hard to give up this many points to a team that's facing a potentially dominating RB in Darren McFadden.

It won't be pretty, but it will be a cover, especially if Buffalo QB Trent Edwards gets greedy on the Raiders' (overall) good corners.

Bills 21, Raiders 14

Tampa Bay at CHICAGO (-5)

Am I going with back to back road dogs? Hell and yes. The Bears are coming off a late-game road collapse against a frisky Panthers team, while the Bucs let the Falcons stick around for far too long last week before putting them away with Earnest Graham's first good run of the day. Against the vaunted Bucs Cover Two, I don't see Kyle Orton playing mistake-free football, and I also don't see Matt Forte being able to keep the sticks moving enough to matter. The schedule also helps the Bucs here, as cold-weather games in Chicago were really not their cup of tea in the old alignment.

Finally, there's this -- it's Brian Griese's Revenge Game! You're not going to stop Brian Griese in a revenge game!

So give me the Bucs in a mild shocker -- not just a cover, but a win -- that really won't be that much of a shock, given that the Bears start Kyle Orton. (Also, to be fair, because if Vince Young had Orton's options at wideout, he'd be dead already. I am so mean and racist!)

Bucs 17, Bears 13

Carolina at MINNESOTA (pick em)

The home team is going -- by choice! -- to Gus Frerotte, which helps to explain the lack of home-field favoritism, despite the really good home field advantage that the Vikings have in their dome. The Panthers are coming off a bit of a gift win against the Bears, and while they were able to run the ball with good success with Jon "Moment of Zen" Stewart in the second half, I don't see them having the same patience or effectiveness in a loud dome. If Matt Forte can go for big yards against Carolina, Adrian Peterson can go for two times big yards... and probably will, since Frerotte will resemble, at times, an NFL quarterback. Plus, with his experience, he only makes 6 bonehead throws a game, which is a distinct edge over Tarvaris Jackson's even dozen.

There's also this: the Vikings need this game a lot more than the Panthers, and will play like it... despite the return of Steve Smith. Hey, after the Panthers lose this game, can everyone start telling the Steve Smith Is A Team Cancer story? That's always fun.

Vikings 17, Panthers 10

Miami at NEW ENGLAND (-11)

If Matt Cassel is ever going to put up numbers for his increasingly bitter fantasy owners (and yes, the owners of Randy Moss are thinking about a class-action suit), it would have to be this week against the moribund Fish, who allowed Kurt Warner to achieve a perfect quarterback rating in last week's immolation in the desert. Miami hasn't been able to run the ball worth a damn, and the Patriots know all about how jumping Chad Pennington's routes. To all the people who bought my pre-season hype on Ted Ginn Jr., I am very, very sorry... and happy as punch that he never found his way to any of my rosters.

I'm looking for the Patriots in a blowout that will make stupid people start to wonder if they'll be better without Brady after all. The answer is, um, no.

Patriots 34, Dolphins 17

Cincinnati at NEW YORK GIANTS (-10)

The other big number that I'm willing to lay this week is the Giants, just to ensure that they struggle. Big Blue used some late game Marc Bulger pathos to cover the spread in St. Louis, while the Bengals continued to swap the e for a u in their name against the Titans. All of the wheels are off the Carson Palmer bus, and the defense seems to be the same old fluffy soft tabbies you've known and started all of your fantasy league players against. Thanks to the Rams, Cincy isn't the worst team in the league, but man, they are awful, and you'd have to think that Marvin Lewis is wondering how to get out of his housing investment in a down economy.

Big Blue has shown a quiet ability to ground bad teams into putty with their triple-headed running game and reasonable mid-range passing game, and the pass rush still has more than enough push to make a bad team worse. I don't think they are all that good, but the Bengals sure aren't the team to exploit them, at least not at this point in the year.

Giants 27, Bengals 16

Houston at TENNESSEE (-5)

The Texans, fresh off a hurricane-inflicted early season bye, come to the surprising 2-0 Titans, who rode the competent game manager hand of Kerry Collins (hey, he knows how to throw to the wide receivers! that's useful!) to a by-the-numbers win over the Bungles. I kind of like this Texans team, or at least I did until they became de facto homeless. With a bye and something to prove, I think they cover, but don't win; the Titans just run and defend too well for that, and the Steve Slaton Breakout Game (Be patient! It's coming!) isn't happening yet. But it'll be tight.

Collins, by the way, is the rich-man's Gus Frerotte, in that when he hurts himself against a wall, he's probably drunk at the time.

Titans 20, Texans 17

Arizona at WASHINGTON (-1)

Let's try this again... hotshot NFC passing team comes to the nation's capital to play a 'Skins squad that shouldn't be very good, given their wideouts and coaching changes. Last week, it was New Orleans (albeit without Marques Colston, which might make a world of difference). This week, it's the Cardinals, fresh off a romp over the fetid Fish. I'm giving the edge to the Cards, because I actually do believe in their defense a little, and dammit, someone has to not be very good in the NFC East.

Oh, and if you're looking for fantasy league advice on whether to start Kurt Warner in this game, just check my lineups before gameday; if I have him in, you get him out, and vice versa.

Cardinals 24, Redskins 17

Detroit at SAN FRANCISCO (-2)

Original Mookie, a longtime FTT contributor who lives in the Bay Area, tells me that the locals are far too enthused about JT O'Sullivan, who has been collecting nicknames (JTO, JT Throw, Jay-T) like he's, you know, a real quarterback. Bringing your team back on the road in Seattle after you've hit the ground eight times, and preventing the locals from having to watch more of Alex Smith, is nice. But keeping your QB from taking eight sacks is, well, better.

This is the game that Frank Gore fans have been salivating over, but it's also a bit of a danger game, in that the Lions probably won't be playing from two touchdowns down for most of the game, as is their usual wont. I'm even tempted to pull the trigger for the road dogs here. But any time your team is auditioning Shawn Alexander and Cedric Benson as back-ups during the week, that reminds me... hey! Matt Millen isn't very smart! Stay away from him and his utterly, utterly awful football team!

Niners 24, Lions 21

St. Louis at SEATTLE (-6)

The Rams have looked like the worst team in the NFL for two straight weeks, while the Seahawks are going through whatever walks the streets and plays wideout. Missed in last week's collapse against the JTOs (see, that nickname has legs) was Julius Jones going for 100 yards and giving fantasy league owners a hope in hell that the Seattle running back committee had a chairman. This week, he'll find the going nice and easy against a Rams team that looks like it's trying to get head coach Scott Linehan fired before the leaves fall, and your over-under on the next Marc Bulger injury is two weeks. Take the under.

Oh, and if you were fooled into taking Stephen Jackson in this year's draft, you can stop paying attention to your fantasy league team any time now, really.

Seattle 27, St. Louis 17

New Orleans at DENVER (-5.5)

The week's best candidate for the over -- any over -- comes in the high air of Denver, where the hometown Broncos are still living in the afterglow of Ballsy Mike Shanahan and his Ballsy Two Point Conversion Win. Left unsaid in the celebration of the Rat's Balls is the fact that he probably went that way out of a sincere desire to not see his defense take the field again for another seven days, win or lose, but 2-0 is 2-0. For the Saints, they lost the chance to make a statement that the 2006 Good Times were back in a stumbling road loss to the Redskins. Now, they have to contend with the thin air and continued lack of Marques Colston, while Jeremy Shockey's owners are officially bent out of shape. The real culprit for the Saints, of course, is the running game, where Pierre Thomas has clearly taken over for Deuce McAllister but without the old production, and Reggie Bush is well on his way to becoming the most overrated player in the NFL.

Despite all that, I like the Saints to at least cover here, as it's tough to give up this many points in a game that should be Last Ball Wins, and I'm not quite buying the idea that Jay Cutler is going to rewrite the record books *just* yet.

Broncos 38, Saints 35

Pittsburgh at PHILADELPHIA (pick em)

No respect for the home town team, who have a make or break game this week against the visiting Steelers in a match that deserves Prime Time a lot more than the Jets and Chargers. Pittsburgh comes off a workmanlike road win in post-hurricane conditions in Cleveland, while we all remember what the Eagles were doing in last Monday's game for the ages in Dallas. I like the Birds here for the following factors:

1) Ben Rothlesberger got a little banged up last week, and I suspect he's not 100%.

2) Pittsburgh's offensive line isn't the backbone of the team, which means that TE Heath Miller stays in to block a lot. As Jason Witten showed in the second half in Dallas, the way to roast the Eagles secondary is to throw to a quality TE on deep middle passes, and watch him torture the new fraud that's in Brian Dawkins' jersey, or the old fraud that wears the Sean Considine gamer.

3) DeSean Jackson's end zone antics notwithstanding, the presence of the new #1 WR on the team means more holes for Brian Westbrook, and I think this is the week that Andy Reid takes advantage of that.

4) Donovan McNabb is, inexplicable fumble notwithstanding, playing at too high of a level right now to lose at home.

5) The Eagles simply need the game more than the Steelers, who know, on some level, that their division is going to be a walk in the park this year.

6) The AFC isn't better than the NFC anymore.

7) Mike Tomlin in a big game is still suspect.

8) I think the Eagles defense and special teams are better than the MNF game, and that they come out and show it.

As you might be able to tell by all the reasons, I'm still nervous as hell about this game, and not just because a loss will put them at least two games behind either the Cowboys, the Giants, or both. From the moment the schedules were released, this was the keystone game for the Eagles' season, especially with the short week of work. Here's hoping they are up to the task.

Eagles 27, Steelers 24

Jacksonville at INDIANAPOLIS (-3.5)

This line was released prior to the Bob Sanders injury news, but as good as he is, I suspect it won't move things too much in either direction. Jacksonville comes in 0-2 and desperate, while the Colts are .500 thanks only to the Houdini act they pulled last week in Minnesota. I like Indy in this game because they are at home, Peyton Manning looks to be getting the rust off, and the Jags are still hurting bad on the front line.

Besides, if you can't keep Trent Edwards, Lee Evans and Fred Jackson from beating you at home, why should you be able to beat Manning, Reggie Wayne and Joseph Addai on the road?

Colts 27, Jags 17

Cleveland (-1) at BALTIMORE

The hurricane-induced bye will kill the Ravens later this year, but this week it helps them a lot as they prepare for an 0-2 Browns team that has coughed up both games at home, albeit to quality opponents. The problem for the Browns is that what was supposed to be an explosive offense has been terrible, and their defense isn't exactly giving them short fields, either. For the Ravens, expect the defense to come out loud and proud in this one, and for the home team to win a field position battle in which Joe Flacco looks better than Derek Anderson, simply because he won't be playing with one eye over his shoulder.

Brady Quinn needs to be prepared to come into this game, and to hope like hell that he doesn't; it'll be much easier to keep the job with a week of practice and a win next week in Cincy.

Ravens 16, Browns 14

Dallas at GREEN BAY (pick em)

Surprising line on this one, where you'd think that Cowboy Luv and continuing skepticism over Aaron Rodgers might make the road team a field goal favorite, but maybe the bookies are thinking that everyone will play off that MNF and travel disadvantage. I like the home team here, because I think they have the ability to cover Jason Witten better than the Eagles did, and because I think Dallas will come into the game gassed from the MNF shootout.

Besides, as everyone is slowly starting to realize, the Packers have outstanding lineplay and skill people... and when you have that, the name on the back of the quarterback's jersey is not going to be the only thing that matters.

Packers 31, Dallas 28

New York Jets at SAN DIEGO (-6.5)

Watch this one with the sound off, unless you really, really want to hear Tony Kornheiser examine every minute detail of Brett Favre's New York Odyssey. The Chargers could not ask for a better get-well opponent, and after last week's Hochulicide in Denver, I'm betting that they come out hard and heavy against a Jets team that seems to have missed its opportunity. It's also not as if they don't have experience in coming back from early season holes in the Norv Turner Era. I'm looking for at least two turnovers from Number Four, and an easy Charger cover -- even if they don't get full participation from LaDanian Tomlinson -- with a special assist coming from the kicking game.

Finally, just to get you in the mood for the MNF telecast, here's a quick preview...

FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE
FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE
FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE
FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE

Chargers 30, Jets 17

Last week: 8-7

Year to date: 19-12

Epic Drop: Top 11 Reasons Why Vince Young Doesn't Want To Play Football Anymore

Your list is here, and if I were a more charitable man, I'd add a list of the mostly awful skill players that he's been saddled with... but blogging, my friends, is not always about charity. Enjoy the mockery...

Your Annual FTT Post About Tennis

Can anyone win a tournament without reenacting the moment of their birth?

The Brady Effect

It's been kind of fascinating to scan the various fantasy football sites and gauge the reaction to the end of Tom Brady's season. Like all things involving Patriot Fan, it starts with coddling and moves right to provoking a desire for face-slapping... and this is coming from a guy that won Brady at auction in my most important league, investing not just a high pick, but 20% of my team's salary in him.

Darren Rovell, seemingly the only man in sports to have a working knowledge of economics, estimated the shift caused by the Brady injury at $150 million. No one knows exactly which orifice he pulled that number out of, but in so doing, he got himself another note in the collective memory, so good for him.

Considering that the injury happened after the season had started, the "impact" is simple -- some teams that might have won their league won't, while some other teams will. Nothing more, nothing less.

Depending on your league, Brady probably went as high as 2, and as low as 10 -- in other words, more or less exactly where Stephen Jackson and Larry Johnson went in their doomed 2007 seasons. Where was Darren Rovell then? Why didn't Yahoo lead off their fantasy coverage with "Stay in the game" headlines for Jackson and Johnson's owners?

Oh, right, because they are running backs on teams without significant fan bases. Which means that the people who drafted those guys might have been bummed or bent out of shape, but they weren't as likely to take their ball and go home because Tommy Dweamer wasn't going to give them numbers. (Maybe -- and just maybe -- it's also because the switch from Brady to Cassel means lower numbers for your other Patriots like Moss and Welker. I'm still not buying it, though.)

If I were a longtime Patriots Fan (and not a 2007 Masstermind, inspired by their outstanding moral character), I'd be offended by this level of coverage for my team. Injuries happen; we're men; move along. When Randall Cunningham went down for the year against the Packers in Green Bay in week 1 in his prime, I was bummed out for weeks and Randall was never the same. I also don't remember nationwide support group meetings over my loss. Same with Donovan McNabb's various injuries.

Once again, Boston Fan has Special Emotional Needs that need to be addressed, and the rest of the nation will wonder what's in the drinking water up there to turn them all into such whiny ass titty babies. Especially since they have, you know, won a lot of things recently, really.

Oh, and while I'm going here, let's give them a good farewell scare. Booga booga, terror plot!

Parents Ruin Everything

A quick h/t to longtime friend of the blog CMJ Dad for this one... a story of Jericho Scott. That's him to the right. He's nine years old and throws too hard for Little League, so the league is going to fold his team, rather than let him pitch. No, seriously.

You see, facing some other kid's 40 mph heat when you are a beginning player is too scary for beginners. And yes, there's conspiracy theories afloat that he's being blackballed for not joining the league champions. This is a libertarian wet dream of a movie deal right here.

So the other teams, rather than, um, play and try to hit the kid, just quit. It's the safe thing to do, and much more accommodating to the long-term goal of having the kids enjoy themselves while playing ball.

The obvious knee-jerk response to this is to commence the face and head slapping (yours, then with more luck, theirs), but I'm going the other way on this. I played one year of Little League, stunk on ice, and was afraid that some kid was going to kill me pretty routinely.

The lessons that I learned from that experience were priceless, and those were that I sucked at baseball, and that it would be better for all concerned if I found something better to do with my time. (Namely, hockey, the sport for people who have no vertical leap, depth perception, or fondness for one's shins.)

Look, as a parent, I can understand the desire to shield your kids from crushing failure, but the parents for this place need to embrace the opportunity. By getting shamed and stoned at age nine, they stand to save years of Little League fees, and help to break little Chase and Aston of their unrealistic dreams early. Goodbye, private college. Hello, plumbing school. Scott's parents should farm him out as a service...