Researchers in Brooklyn have recently given a single dose of an experimental drug delivered to areas of the brain critical for holding specific types of memory, like emotional associations, spatial knowledge or motor skills.
The drug blocks the activity of a substance that the brain apparently needs to retain much of its learned information. And if enhanced, the substance could help ward off dementias and other memory problems.
As soon as they can market this stuff to rid me of, say, the end of the Eagles-Patriots Super Bowl, or the Jeter Play in Oakland, I'm there. With a credit card, cash, or my vital organs. I'm easy that way.
Here's my early choice for Sports Blogosphere Story of the Year: a soccer team was punished for unsportsmanlike behavior when one of its players passed wind during a penalty kick. No, I'm not making this up. And the only follow-up question that I have... was the penalty for the sound, the odor, or the fact that the player probably thought it was, in the words of the team traveling secretary, "Freaking hilarious"?
German scientists analyzed 308 herds that had been photographed by Google Earth. According to the researchers, nearly two thirds had a north-south orientation, which strongly suggests that livestock are sensitive to magnetic fields.
Today's fun but almost completely useless fact does, at the very least, explain why Cub Fan sets up his tailgate the way he does...
MLJ with a fun list of notable names that didn't make an MLB roster this spring. I'm sure the A's will wind up giving Chad Gaudin a job again, and that he'll be better than a lot of guys in the bigs.
Nick at IWS has the fearless idea that Matt Holliday won't do well outside of Colorado. Seriously, if you didn't write this during the spring, you weren't allowed in Blogfrica. I'd say more about this, but my A's are getting shut out by Joe Freaking Saunders, so clearly I'm doomed.
Bad words in the Association today -- yes, I know, on top of the Marbury news! Suicide Watch better have extra staff tonight! -- from super agent David Falk, also known as The Guy That Repped Jordan.
He thinks that the economy is going to be so bad, and that the salary cap is going to contract so much, that you might be looking at a two-year lockout of the Players Association, just because the business will be so fundamentally broken that the owners would lose less money by going dark.
I work in marketing, and one of the lessons I've learned over the years is this... When a guy who makes his money from commissions says it's all going to hell, believe him. Sales guys whine only a little more than poker players, but that doesn't mean they can't sense when the gravy train is running dry. They don't generally get paid unless they can convince someone on the other side of the table that something good will happen if and when they scratch the check. That's not a job that anyone does with a firm conviction tht they, and their clients, and their entourages, will all be eating shrimp instead of lobster, and having sex with their wives rather than their mistresses, in the very near future.
The 300 remaining casual NHL fans might recognize this strategy, but for the Association that looked like it was going to eclipse MLB for the second spot during the Jordan Glory Days, not to mention having the second-most diversity from the US among all team sports... well, things were supposed to go better than this. (In case you are wondering what the most universal team sport is, it's what the rest of the world calls football. Speaking of which, why don't we just name our game something different, since the foot part of things is so challenged as to called "special"? I recommend Warball, which just sounds more American anyway. Moving on...)
The seeds have already been sown for fading stars like Jason Kidd and Allen Iverson to expect nothing and like it (nothing being defined as a 75% pay cut for the mid-level veterans' exemption) if they choose to lace 'em up next year. This assumes, of course, that there will be anything to lace 'em up for.
Now, I realize that the majority of people reading this will probably just emit a satisfied grunt at the idea of less Association in their lives. I'm thisclose away from finally giving you the all-year football you crave. (Did you know the Eagles signed no one today? Panic!) But you should also realize a couple of things here.
1) If the NBA goes poof, it doesn't make anything better for MLB or NFL. All it does is make the fear spiral grow wider, scare the advertising community more, and create a massive hole in several programming schedules that will be filled with... What? More shows about poker? I fail to see how that makes anyone's life any better, really.
2) The last time the Association went under, Shawn Kemp turned from a Nubian god into a parade float, while fathering scores of children out of wedlock. Do you really want to see what Zach Randolph will do with extra time on his hands? Won't anyone think of the children?
3) A gap in the sports calendar will only mean more time for the World Wide Lemur to invent utter BS. Do you really want to see what happens when the state Mount Rushmores get morphed into a Who's Next segment? I just hit myself in the temples for even thinking of the premise.
Anyway, getting back to the Association... adding to the malaise is the sudden realization among the higher ups that there really are no new lush and verdant attendance fields to run to. Many of the places that have gotten ball in the last few years (Memphis, Charlotte) don't seem to care that much about it, not when everything else is going to hell and the teams aren't terribly good.
Next, take a look at the places that used to have crowds earlier in this decade (Sacramento, New Jersey, Clippers, DC). Suddenly, they all seem at risk. The next tier of Ut Oh includes the people that you wouldn't think would be in trouble, but very well might be. Those include Milwaukee, where the owner is a tapped Senator, Cleveland, whose guy made his nut with (gulp) loans, Dallas with the can't have all gotten out of the Web dollars of the Cube, and Portland's Paul Allen, who lost control of a company the other day for the lack of funds.
Allen also has the worry of shooting pains in his groin every evening from my voodoo doll of him as well. Tonight, I'm thinking he needs to light some firewood.
Add it all up, and you get a league with the very real possibility of a bottom quarter or more at risk. So, before this whole thing turns into the Bad Tooth's threatened NBA book, what are their options, short of a massive and unprecedented devaluation of the temperamental and mostly irreplaceable help? 1) Very unconventional moves.
I'm not talking about the obvious ones of Vegas (the Kings-sized parachute for years, but it's far from foolproof, and recreational gambling has taken a massive hit in this economy as well), San Diego (the Clips think they can find lucre in their historic locale, but the people in that part of the world have never seemed crazed for hoop, and they remember Donald Sterling enough to hate him like everyone else), or all of those three-sport towns (Pittsburgh, Kansas City, St. Louis, Tampa) that have managed to live without hoop this long. Besides, the Stern Way is to get to an emerging market (San Antonio, Portland, Phoenix, and maybe even, sigh, OKC) first and get an edge.
So what's left? Brooklyn kind of counts, and would look better if not for some very dead in the water property and development cost issues. Vegas will suck someone in at some point. And then the real wild card... an overseas division. Because you really want to pick a fight with existing leagues, and create massive travel bills!
2) Contraction.
What the purists want, because they dream of some magical improvement in play as hungry players all kill each other for minutes, and teams can go with full 10-man squads. Maybe it helps, but when you see an NBA game, you don't see a lack of talent, even from the benches. You do see a lot of similar coaching, uneven officiating, and too much turnover for defensive cohesion... but this really isn't going to be solved by offing a half dozen teams. 3) The NBAPA taking it without lube.
Somehow, I think I'm putting my chips on this bet. And that Mr. Falk got a call from a certain Mr. Stern, suggesting that he might want to make such a statement in public and prep the patient...
Engaged in some darker poerty here, kids. Worth it only to see the X-Game fall again, which might be the best/worst rubbernecking moment in recent sports history, and the single biggest reason why I'm happy to have had relatively earthbound girls...
On the off chance that you are thinking that the long ALCS is going to make for a pronounced edge for the Phillies in the upcoming series... um, no.
The series starts on Wednesday in the AL home park. Assuming the Sox complete the comeback and that they don't have an extra-inning bloodbath in tonight's Game 7, they'll hve Dice-K Matsuzaka start on five days of rest in Game 1. Then, they could go for Josh Beckett on four days rest in Game 2, and Jon Lester in Game 3 on Saturday the 25th in Philadelphia, again on five days of rest. Depending on where the series is at for Game 4, they'll either try Tim Wakefield on an eternity of rest (not that a knuckleballer needs it), or try Dice on three days. There's really no difference between this rotation set-up and what they've done in the Tampa series.
If Tampa wins, it's pretty similar -- once again, assuming that there isn't a bloodbath game tonight. Scott Kazmir would work Game 1 on five days of rest, followed by Andy Sonnastine in Game 2, on something like eight days of rest. Saturday's Game 3 gives you James Shields on the road with six days of rest, and Game Four brings back Matt Garza. It just won't be a factor.
Meanwhile, the Phillies will have that whole "Too Much Rest?" issue going on, and assuming they don't sweep in Boston -- they'll go to Jamie Moyer and Joe Blanton in the home games.
Oh, and two final points to remember... the 2-3-2 breakdown means that the Phillies will absolutely have to split the first two games (or better) to win the Series, and it's really hard to see how they do that in either of those stadiums. It's especially hard to see how they do that if they lose Game One with Cole Hamels, given how skittish Brett Myers has (and can) be, especially in a pressure situation. Oh, and it would be the first time that Myers works in Boston since The Incident with His Wife. Good luck with that, Brett.
A train ride on regional rail is mostly dull. People get into their newspaper, their handheld, their laptop and 95% of us don't talk, especially if it's an early hour or a car that isn't cramped and jammed. If it's late and/or packed, you might get some grousing or jerk moves, but it's just a grind commute; it doesn't need a lot of chatter. It's actually kind of nice, in that you can, as I do, get some work or reading done.
The last 5% will teach you something, as anything will, if you give it a chance. (Mostly just patience, but hey, take the teaching and move on.)
What has happened on my train in the last week has been a lot of guys drinking from brown bags. Well dressed guys, who don't seem entirely comfortable with drinking in public like this. Drinking because, well, they are scared senseless by what's been going on in the economy, specifically the markets and how it relates to their continued employment, and need something to take the edge off. (And yes, it's been far from a random occurrence. So far this week, I've seen a half dozen people in this boat. It's A Movement.)
This is, of course, as unsettling as you want to make it, but on the off chance that you are somehow reading this blog and thinking that life is more or less peachy, that no change is needed, and that times are not bad... um, not so much.
Hard times, are, of course, relative. The people who are downing brew or stronger at 6pm on a weekday as they wonder who in the office will be shown the door tomorrow -- assuming, on some level, that it wasn't and/or won't be them -- don't appear to be starving, or deprived of electricity, or at any real danger of being sold into slavery. By the standards of, oh, 90%+ of the world's population, they're doing swell.
But that doesn't mean that today, and this week, is a hell of a lot more worrisome than last, or the month before that, or that they've got any real hope that the holidays this year will be one to remember fondly. Or that retirement and all of the other things that people hope, plan and work for haven't just entered Commode Land.
In times like this, you can put your blinders on, focus on the work that's at hand, and try to ignore the feeling that you're being led to the killing flood. Or you can drink on trains and become paralyzed by the process and the fear. Neither choice is all that encouraging, really.
Or you can do what I do, and think too much about how to fill the bloghole, whether your NFL picks are sound, and who you should play in your fantasy football leagues. Ah, sweet sweet distraction, my own personal 40 ounce body bag...
Today in Milwaukee on a neutral field, Carlos Zambrano threw a no-hitter at the Astros (and hasn't Houston Fan had a fun enough weekend?).
Considering that Big Z was last seen talking about a serious medical problem, giving Cub Fan their latest case of fatalism... this has led most to think that the Cubs are the favorite to represent the NL in the World Series. (And yes, they should be. The other teams in the NL playoffs will likely be the Mets, Phillies and Dodgers, which is to say, three incredibly flawed teams that don't match up at all well with the Cubs.)
Now, I'm pretty sure that Cub Fan isn't going to be overconfident at this point. A century of loss, most of them not even close, has a certain effect on people. But if Zambrano and Rich Harden can stay healthy -- admittedly, not a sure bet, but given how they've managed Harden's work load, not impossible -- it's hard to see how they lose a series.
Once they get to the Series, they'll most likely face the Red Sox, just because God enjoys tormenting the wicked and righteous alike, because It's Funny.
Because Boston Fan is now enjoying Big Karmic Retribution (see Bowl, Super, and Brady, Tom), the Cubs will win.
And when that happens, the National League will finally have a miserable road team Nation to match what the AL's non-Sawx/Yankee franchises have been enduring for lo these many years.
This is how messed up Philly Fan is from the decades of championship-free major sports: people are worried that our hopes are too high.
No, I'm serious.
You see, it's not enough to just savor, for a little while, a home opener when the weather was as perfect as the home team. Patriots Fan watched The Horror Of Tom Brady's Knee Injury (I think they should have taken him off on a wheelchair, then had him fall in a heap as he tried to run back on the field -- and why, yes, I am Still Bitter over Faker Pierce).
Colts Fan watched Peyton Manning whiff at home against the Kyle Orton Bears, mostly because they no longer seem to have a center. Chargers Fan watched their team get smacked in the face by a Steve Smith-less Panthers team. You'd think that with the Injury Gods passing over us on this day, and even the special teams looking like the Super Bowl Year, it was just a good day to sit back and relax.
You would, of course, also have no real clue how Eagle Fan thinks.
While the game was on, the Shooter Sister was counseling against exuberance, because she had been to a game Just Like This One (i.e., the 2006 home opener, when the Giants hit on an improbable fourth quarter comeback).
After the game was out of hand and the Rams were "driving" towards their one field goal score of the day (albeit with no third down conversions), the room started to grumble.
And on sports talk radio later (yes, I know, I shouldn't have given them the opportunity), the hosts were also saying how this meant nothing, and things would be very different and much harder against Dallas in Dallas next Monday night. As if that didn't go without saying.
Let me save all of the haters some time here. Of course it's all going to end badly. Of course McNabb is getting hurt and Andy Reid's Kids will go on a six-state crime spree and the players will get hurt and yada yada yada.
But you know what? Life ends badly, too. There is no reason for you to think otherwise, or that your candidate will win, your kids will grow up to be healthy and successful, your job will be another but a brain-killing timesuck, and so on, and so on.
Pull the wool over your own eyes. Give yourself the possibility of a pleasant outcome. Act like you've been to the winners circle before, and expect to go there again.
Your link is here, and this concludes the Nerdiest Day in Five Tool Tool history. We've spanned the gamut from awful (the teleton) to geek-tastic, and I hope you're happy with yourselves, that you've let me stay up all night to give you this, you ingrates. Now, dammit, I want to hear those phones ring, and if they don't, so help me, I'm not doing this again next year, because... (bursts into tears, stomps off)
This is Monta Ellis, one of the best guards in the world, who provided the Golden State Warriors with 20, 5 and 4 , along with a 53% (!) shooting percentage and a steal and a half a game in 2007-08. He also gave the team the sense that they really were on a different path, in that five years ago when a second round pick paid off like gangbusters, they watched it walk away to Washington and become Gilbert Arenas.
He's also going to miss the next three months with a high ankle sprain. I should say, at least the next three months. The Warriors will also be without Baron Davis, of course.
So they're going to go to battle next year with a roster that counts Stephen Jackson as its best player, the defensive sieve that is ex-Clipper Corey Maggette, and back ups where they had stars. Add it up, and you can start the clock on Don Nelson making real the ever-present retirement threat... and the Warriors going back to their comfortable cocoon back at the bottom of the West.
Tuesday in the All Sta Game, oft-injured Brewers starting pitcher Ben Sheets started for the National League and threw 42 pitches. Today in San Francisco, he started again, on three days rest, and had his manager, Ned Yost, say that he should be able to work his normal workload.
Well, not so much. Sheets went five innings, giving up nine hits and four runs (two of them were unearned), in what would eventually prove to be an 8-5 Brewers win. He could have picked up the win, but the bullpen gave it up. And independent of what happened in the here and now, I'm left to wonder if the Brewers really have any clue as to who Sheets is, and what he represents -- i.e., their ace, their property in the bigs for the past eight years, perhaps the best they've had since Teddy Higuera in the '80s, and someone who hasn't made it through a year without missing substantial time since 2004.
You'd think that they'd have a little more care with that resource, but then again, that's right there with the guy being only six wins over .500, despite having a good ERA and WHIP for nearly all of those years.
You know, when he was able to pitch in the first place.
So here's your check list of things that have happened since the Giant Snatch that made the Eli Manning Giants your NFL champions.
1) Michael Strahan retired, turning the club's biggest defensive strength -- a pass rush that could change the way the game was played -- into something much less fearsome.
2) Plaxico Burress became unhappy about his contract, and unhappy wideouts are always conducive to winning. It's OK, though, because the Giants are just loaded with WRs on the roster who are, um, in no way as good as Burress. (Oh, and nice work from the other Giants to stand up for the teammate who carried you last year on a bad ankle, and caught the winning touchdown in the Super Bowl. That's some good loyalty there, and I'm sure he's going to remember that the next time he's dinged up and has to play when he's not really feeling his best.)
3) Marshall's own Ahmad Bradshaw, the rookie backup RB that gave them such a lift when Brandon Jacobs succumbed to being Brandon Jacobs, was arrested. Now, it's not like he Carruthed anyone, but as Jamal Lewis proved in the past in Baltimore, time in the hole just does wonders for your burst. (Oh, and nice work on the Web site, G-Men. Under Off-Field Activity, Bradshaw wisely has "No Information Available." They can't prove you were accomplices to whatever it is that he did in southwest Virginia to violate his parole...)
4) Jeremy Shockey wasn't traded, and has become the distraction that we all know and love. Maybe he can hang out with Burress and see if they can infect David Tyree, while they are at it. This also means less of Kevin Boss, which as an Eagles fan, I can happily support.
5) Backup QB Jared Lorenzon was released, mostly to cut the team's carbon footprint. Who will come in for the Monster Sneak play now?
I can see why they'd want to lose the Hefty Lefty, though. It's not every day that you get the opportunity to watch David Carr and Anthony Wright compete to be your backup QB, unless, of course, you are watching Arena ball.
6) Everybody seemed OK with all of this, because they're Super Bowl Champs. and once a quarterback breaks through and wins one of these things, he becomes imbued with special Jedi Super Bowl Winning Powers. (Just like Trent Dilfer!)
Here's your first four weeks for the Giants.
1) Washington
2) At St. Louis
3) Cincinnati
4) Bye
Hoo boy. It looks easy, but you really don't want the bye early in the season, and I'd bet that they cough up at least one of them. Probably not the home opener against rookie coach Zorn and those always entertaining Redskins, but maybe that road dome game in St. Louis against a Rams team that might even still have healthy skill position players, and an upright Orlando Pace.
But it's completely OK if the Giants start from the block slow. After all, their last four games -- Philly, at Dallas, Carolina and at Minnesota -- just look like a complete cakewalk, and we all know that Road Warrior performance doesn't fade over the years, just as no one in New York boos a Super Bowl winning quarterback. Phil Simms was a god to those people. Infallible, really.
But just in case, it'd be nice if someone told Strahan to throw the team under the bus with a tell-all book halfway through the year, and if someone else has Shockey kneecapped. Why mess with a good formula?
Here's today's link, and the bonus coverage... the thing that Cub Fan really has to be scared of is that their time as an MLB+ team may be on loan. Sam Zell, their repugnant owner, picked a curious at best time to get involved in a dying medium when he bought the Tribune, and while this mostly just means that he's a very good candidate to turn the franchise over to some other billionaire for a marked-up profit sooner rather than later, there's no guarantee that the next ownership group is going to have incredible pockets, either -- and right now, the Cubs spend like the Yankees, only without the same media empire to help pay for it.
There is no really good reason to spend a lot on the Cubs payroll. They've got a decent enough farm system to be a .500 team, and you're not selling any more seats or having a huge jump in advertising revenue from a winner. The team isn't trying to get a new stadium from the locals by going into a Win Or We Move run. And the more they spend, the more they pay into revenue sharing. Unless you're really just committed to a championship, it's not defensible... and the people who own them next might not have that commitment. (Which is why Cub Fan is really, really hoping for Mark Cuban, and will hold his nose for all that entails to get him. Boy, if you think they're unlikable now...)
So what you have, right here and right now, is a good old-fashioned sprint from the general manager, not that I can blame him for such things. Ted Lilly's contract is actually a bargain under those conditions, but that doesn't mean he's really going to be very good, and Jason Marquis is a poor man's Ted Lilly. What they really needed was for Carlos Zambrano to be a Cy Young candidate and Rich Hill to be a dominant #2 starter. Z hasn't been that and now he's hurt, and Hill's utterly lost in the minors. The offense and bullpen have better than imagined, but the offense is doing it on Geovany Soto and Ryan Theriot -- in other words, a catcher who probably will wear down with workload, and a second basemen playing shortstop who is very likely hitting over his head. (Also, if Edmonds continues to give them a stick, he'll be overcoming years of decay and injury build-up. Let's just say that if you have him in a fantasy league, you're including him in every possible trade package right now.)
They aren't going to turn into a bad team. Lee, Soriano, Ramirez and Fukudome ensure that they'll continue to hit above the average. But right now, they're playing +.600 baseball with a rotation that just doesn't seem to be more than .500, and a defense that is (significantly) less than that. They may be able to win the division by just playing .500 ball the rest of the way (especially if Poo Holes is out for a long time for the Cards), but if this is a top 5 MLB team... well, I'm just not seeing it.
And the fun thing about Cub Fan is that he's not seeing it, either.
There is nor flying hence nor tarrying here. I gin to be aweary of the sun, And wish the estate o' the world were now undone. Ring the alarum-bell! Blow, wind! come, wrack! At least we'll die with harness on our back.
-- Macbeth, Act Five, Minutes Before Decapitation
Only, you know, without the harness.
Lately, opposing scouts came to the Garden and declared the Knicks the hardest team in the league with which to file reports back to their teams. “They haven’t run any plays in over a month,” one NBA scout said.
What, you thought I was going to let the Sixers getting jobbed on Fan Appreciation Night (amazingly this year, the Fan is plural) by the NBA's Anointed One pass without a list? Not a chance. Not even the one that you might want to give the Wizards in their probable first-round playoff matchup with King James.
(For the record, I do think Sam Dalembert fouled the guy. I also think that if you can't get away with a call on your floor with 0.2 left on the clock in the fourth, you are officially hosed in any playoff series. Nice year, guys.)
Normally I send you over to Epic Carnival for things like this, but seeing as it took a while to hatch this groaner, I'm rhyming and stealing. Enjoy the piracy.
If you want to save yourself 2,000 words that took me most of a week to work out (you heartless bastard): 11-5, NFC East champions, #3 seed in the NFC, NFC championship road game loser (to who? like it matters), one more piece of my old and dying heart chewed up and spit out.
It'll taste surprisingly similar to the woman from the YouTube clip, who Philly Fan has chained up in a basement. She doesn't look like this anymore. The lesson, as always: Philly Fan Is Not To Be Trifled With.
20. The MVP of the team last year was Brian Westbrook. The MVP of the team this year will be... Donovan McNabb. This isn't a plus.
19. Fantasy alert: Any year now, tight end LJ Smith is going to explode. Literally. (This is all part of my scheme to make him so overrated that he's underrated.)
18. Jevon Kearse is back. In pog form.
If he can stay on the field, the defense will be much better, simply because they were never really able to replace the pass rush he provided before going down against the Giants. With Darwin Walker gone for Takeo Spikes, the depth at the position is not what it was.
17. In the time it took you to read this, Andy Reid's kids have committed three felonies.
16. Andy Reid's Kids makes for a fine and relatively understated fantasy football team name. No question, it'll be overused, though. (If you're stuck for a name, FTT is here to help.)
15. Jon Runyan is so mean, he once killed a man, just for snoring.
14. Reno Mahe is, in fact, a debilitating tropical illness.
13. Merrill Reese, the beloved local radio play by play man, is the most excited man on earth, and needs to be medicated before entering a supermarket.
12. As always, Reid is playing Russian Roulette with wideouts, because winning with quality wideouts is just not sporting. The team is depending, to a scary amount, on the development of Hank Baskett as a quality third WR.
Someone, for the lover of God, please show him the Patriots playoff loss last year, the one where Reche Caldwell's eyes bulged to six times the size of a normal human being. Andy's inability to value the wideout position has become intervention-worthy.
11. Takeo Spikes is already the best outside linebacker of the Reid Era, and he hasn't played a down. Let's just say the competition has not been particularly stellar. (Nate Wayne! Keith Adams! Dhani Jones! Matt McCoy! Lots of other guys I had to look up, because my brain likes me enough to forget about them!)
10. Real Eagles fans would like something very, very bad to happen to Dhani Jones, who is now with the Saints. After it happens, they would like the perpetrator to recite poetry.
9. Lito Shepard is going to be so bored from people not throwing to his side this year, he's going to start letting his man get open, just to see if the opposing QB notices.
8. Brian Dawkins was the single biggest reason the Eagles made it to the second round of the playoffs last year -- because a team that lost its best offensive and defensive players (McNabb and Kearse), and couldn't stop the run worth a damn, didn't quit. He was also one of the biggest reasons they lost there. If the secondary doesn't perform to its usual lockdown levels, fingers will be pointed his way.
7. Eagle opponents who (a) run the ball up the gut, and (b) throw to the tight end will, as always, prosper. This won't be a problem for the most part, because most NFL coaches are stubborn as mules and only want to win on what their team does best...
6. In his entire life, Corell Buckhalter has never been considered a goal-line back by anyone other than Andy Reid. That's still true.
5. David Akers hasn't been himself for over 2 years, due to injury. It would help immensely if he got back to his old levels, because he used to be worth a few more points a game than the opposing kicker, and Reid has been less aggressive in going for points since he's faltered.
4. The team has not had particularly good special teams coverage for most of the Reid Era. The last good kickoff returner Was JR Reid in the Super Bowl year (which is to say, three years ago).
3. The reason why they'll win 11 games is because the most important units on both sides of the ball (offensive line, defensive secondary) are among the top five in the NFL. The QB combines game management skills (despite Don's habit for back-breaking playoff interceptions, his career numbers are quite good at taking care of the ball) with occasional flashes of game-changing brilliance. The linebackers are the best of the Reid Era, which isn't saying much, but is still helpful. The coaching staff, with the exception of TO Year 2, has always kept the players pulling in the same direction. They don't kill themselves with penalties or turnovers.
Add it all up, and you get -- consistent wins. The finest era in the franchise's history. But there isn't a sense that it's got to happen, or will.
2. The entire story this year will be McNabb. His comeback from injury. His relationship to Reid post-Kolb. His relationship to Kolb. His ability to stay on the field for all 16 games plus the playoffs, and his willingness to test the knee on scrambles. His scrambling ability, post-surgery. His rapport with the fans in Philadelphia, many of whom have never fully been in his corner, simply because he hasn't won the big one. Besides, this town loves the back-up quarterback more than a balding, fattening husband loves driving past the high school.
I'm a homer and a Don fan (see this link for more about that), so I think he's going to spend the year delivering a giant, media-savvy, middle finger to the haters. He's got a great line and RB. He's made more from less at the WR position, and his defense, especially if Kearse is back and effective, is going to be more likely to give him good field position. He's always been a workout monster and fearless about taking contact, so I think he bounces back to a strong percentage of his old self. As for his relationship with Kolb, I think it'll be like Montana-Young -- in other words, he'll hate the guy and try to bury him with wins.
Whether all of that is enough to keep him upright, or overcome the inevitable out-of-nowhere challenges that arise in the conference, or keep the whispers from getting loud... well, this is Philadelphia, and we haven't won a championship since 1982 for a freaking reason. Besides, it's hard to see any NFC team winning the Super Bowl, just like it's hard to see any NL team winning the World Series, or any Eastern Conference NBA team winning the Finals. But you never know.
1. The single biggest benefit of the Reid Era is this: he utterly and completely owns the rest of the division. Lock, stock, barrel -- these are his bitches, and the way Andy has slapped them has been a thing of utter beauty.
This has been lost to many people in the region, especially those that don't remember the crap salad days with a side of vomit dressing, but not to the good citizens of New York, Washington and Dallas. So while we might bemoan our fate as the poor man's Levy Bills, or tear our hair out over Reid's peculiar and consistent weaknesses, or wonder in our darkest moments as to whether this team will ever win it all in our lifetimes... well, I still like where I'm sitting more than the seats of Redskin, Cowboy or Giant fan.
As a lifelong Philly fan, I don't actually expect to root for a champion. I just want to be sure that someone else hurts worse than me.
Redskins fan has to endure the complete cock-tease that is Daniel Snyder and his free-agent acquisitions. He also has the added benefit of seeing his beloved coaching legend (Joe Gibbs) dragged out of retirement and into incompetence. So not only is the present a nightmare, but his memories of the past are being systematically destroyed, too.
I can't imagine how bad that is. Even when the Eagles were hiring people like Ray Rhodes and Rich Kotite, we could just hate them without reservation, because we owed them nothing. For Skins Fan, this has to be like being a Beatles fan that dreams of seeing them reform... and when they do, Yoko is singing lead, and they're playing Nazi Gospel tunes.
Giants fan has to somehow root for one of the biggest collections of egotists, douchebags and general disappointments in their history. Seriously, their big three are Fredo Manning, Mini-TO Burress and White Trash Shockey; if any of these guys were to go to another team and come back to Giants Stadium, the booing would last all day. Combine that with the nasty little whiner that is Tom Coughlin, the overrated and overblown Michael Strahan... I mean, seriously, is there a star on the team that you actually like?
It'd be one thing if they won, but this team had the division on a platter last year, and tossed its cookies so badly, Giants Fan is seriously thinking about giving the reins to Jared "The Hefty Lefty" Lorenzen (because starting a fat rook at QB is just the time-honored way to success). They also now get a steady diet of Brandon Jacobs, whose straight up running style is just begging for a major injury, not to mention consistent fumble problems. He's Eddie George, which sounds good, until you remember that George is out of football.
Finally, Dallas. Oh, Cowboy Fan, you have to know this isn't going to be your year, right? Owens has succeeded in running off his QB and his coach; he is the mayor of Crazy Town now, and if he wants you to wear underwear on the outside and grow mustaches on your ass, you can bet that Wade Phillips and Jerry Jones are going to be figuring out whether it's OK to wear tidy whities after Labor Day and whether the ass hair can be waxed. I can't imagine a worse situation to be an inexperienced quarterback trying to live down an epoch-defying mistake, and that's where Tony Romo is.
So sit back and enjoy your Ipecac Year -- or, better yet, give the whole thing a miss and tune in next spring, where a severely chastised Jones will be introducing new coach and general manager Bill Cowher. Just pray that he can't bring Kordell Stewart with him.
Thirty two teams wih a chance. 31 will drink from the chalice of defeat. When will you know it's your team's turn to partake of the bitterness? You could watch the games, or you could read this blog. Today, we'll look at the AFC, also known as the one with the good teams.
AFC East
New England
On field: When Tom Brady continues his transformation into the non-clutch guy with all of the regular season stats (like The Highlander, There Can Be Only One) by throwing a back-breaking interception in a playoff game. Even money on whether or not the Patriot faithful get their heads away from his nuts long enough to notice.
Off field: When Bill Belicheck, confronted by the bling and star power of new off-season additions, starts dressing as if he has a job and home.
New York
On field: When the Jets are Bad Touched by The Noodly Appendage that is Chad Pennington's right arm, in a wintry game with wind.
Off field: When Eric Mangini, confronted by the track record of Papa Bear Belicheck, starts dressing like a homeless man.
Miami
On field: When the euphoria over Trent Green not being as bad as Daunte Culpepper and AJ Feeley wears off.
Off field: When the team comes to the awful collective realization that they still haven't really gotten over losing Ricky Williams.
Buffalo
On field: When it becomes obvious that even though Willis McGahee will never be as good as he thinks he is, he's a damn sight better than what's left.
Off field: When JP Losman reveals his name to stand for Jean Pierre.
AFC North
Baltimore
On field: When Steve McNair discovers he's 49, and the rest of the division doesn't go 20-28.
Off field: When Brian Billick gets arrested following a fight in an elevator when a fellow rider, who claims to be a big NFL fan, can't recall the Ravens ever making it to a Super Bowl, much less winning it.
Cincinnati
On field: When Levi Jones, permanently spooked by the Joey Porter assault, turns into a turnstile, leading to a brutal injury to starting QB Carson Palmer. (Hey, Bengals fan -- I don't mean to alarm you, but your back-up QB is Doug Johnson. Aii.)
Off field: When the entire team goes crazy on Kentucky moonshine, leading to a hilarious, madcap 18-car chase through all of Hazard County. Watch out for Chris Henry's death-defying jump over the Spence Bridge!
Pittsburgh
On field: Fast Willie Parker starts looking like Duce Staley, or Ben Rothlisberger lookslike he's back on the motorcycle.
Off field: Joey Porter slays 14 in an elaborate revenge killing, and is fined heavily by the NFL. (Big ups, by the way, to Joey for timing his off-season bitch slap of Levi Jones for the Offseason of Vick and Pac-Man. Impeccable timing.)
Cleveland
On field: When the regular season starts.
Off field: When Brady Quinn cashes in on the big endorsement deals and worldwide fame that awaits him as the NFL's first openly gay quarterback. Seriously, Brady, go for it. We're all behind you.
AFC South
Indianapolis
On field: The lack of a quality third wideout since Brandon Stokeley succumbed to White WRS Can Only Have One Good Year Syndrome, combined with the fact tht they are one Bob Harris injury away from not being able to stop the run at all, spells doom.
Off field: Peyton Manning decides that, after conquering all his demons last year, it was more fun being tortured.
Jacksonville
On field: The budding QB controversey of Leftwich/Garrard, combined with the budding RB controversey of Taylor/Jones-Drew, creates confusion, dissent, and 25 million pissed-off fantasy football owners.
Off field: Jack Del Rio ups the ante on his previous wood chopping antics, causing the loss of three-quarters of his kickoff coverage team.
Houston
On field: The Denver zone-blocking/clipping scheme fails to take hold outside of Denver. Also, Ahman Green continues to steal money in ways that Edgerrin James can only applaud.
Off field: Houston fans, who only know what it's like to watch David Carr get sacked, fail to adjust to watching Matt Schwab get sacked.
Tennessee
On field: Vince Young succumbs to the Madden Jinx by losing resolution and becoming pixelated during a game.
Off field: Albert Haynesworth quits the team to pursue his new love, River Of Pain Dance. His one-man show in Vegas, where he stomps on the faces of prone celebrity imitators, becomes the hottest ticket in town.
AFC West
San Diego
On field: Shawn Merriman can't stay healthy and/or on the field due to his pharmaceutical commitment, and the secondary fails to develop, despite its high draft picks (I'm looking at you, Quentin Jammer).
Off field: Norv Turner, lacking confidence in starter Philip Rivers and back up Billy Volek, develops an inexplicable quarterback controversey by bringing in Gus Frerotte and Heath Shuler.
Denver
On field: Jay Cutler is praised repeatedly for his "game management" skills, telling the whole world that he's not a quarterback that could ever win on the road against a decent opponent.
Off field: Mike Shanahan's head finally explodes from the force of pure hate generated by tens of millions of fantasy football players over his constant dicking around with RB carries.
Kansas City
On field: After last year's crippling workload, Larry Johnson develops an uncomfortable resemblance to Earl Campbell -- today's Earl Campbell.
Off field: The team discovers, to its eternal shame and horror, that they actually traded to get Herm Edwards as their coach. GM Carl Peterson is driven to madness over the continual reminders of the mistake, and commits the NFL's version of seppaku -- being arrested while trying to order naked at a fast food drive-in.
Oakland
On field: The NFL rules that the Raiders have to play games against other NFL teams this year, destroying its hope to work their confidence back up by smacking around CFL teams for a while.
Off field: Al Davis kidnaps Jon Gruden, and through an elaborate procedure involving a bone from his late father, the hand of an underling, and Gruden's blood, achieves human form once again, dooming the Raiders to another ten years of spectacularly bad decisions.
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Researchers in Brooklyn have recently given a single dose of an experimental drug delivered to areas of the brain critical for holding specific types of memory, like emotional associations, spatial knowledge or motor skills.
