If we are friends on social media then you likely already know a lot of the story of what happened to my mom these past few months. It's still a little painful to relive. I've had this nagging feeling, though, that I need to write it down. My mom has even requested I do the same. I know that I tend to collect my thoughts better when I'm writing so maybe that's why. And I know that it's been a big contributor to my 'blogging block.' So hopefully I can get these things out of my mind and into a record for myself and our family and then just move on. Feel free to read, but it's going to be a long one with as much detail as I can possibly remember, so if you'd like to pass until the next post, I won't be offended!
Sunday September 20
My mom had been complaining of a fever and chills off and on for about 3 days. That was it, nothing more. So it was totally understandable why she didn't seek medical care. How often do we just 'not feel good' for a day or two and then it goes away? I had taken the kids over with me the day before and, while she didn't seem 100% herself, there was certainly no indication that anything was severely wrong.
The afternoon of the 20th I noticed I had missed a call from my parent's neighbor. Then a few minutes later I received a text from her asking me to call her. I was in the middle of reading and was just going to finish the chapter I was on and call her when she called me back. I knew at that point something must really be wrong.
She told me that my mom had fallen and that an ambulance was taking her to the hospital. This is as much as she knew. S and the kids and I literally dropped what we were doing and rushed up to Murray (she happened to go to the ER of the hospital I work at. That ended up being such a great thing.)
As soon as we got to the ER I started piecing things together. They told me that she hadn't fallen, but rather, after she had been in the bathroom for an hour, my dad checked on her and found her unresponsive. After talking to the paramedic that had brought her in I said, 'Wait, do you think she's having a stroke?!' to which he responded in the affirmative. It was such a surreal moment that I can't quite describe it: denial, confusion, scared out of my mind, 'What are we going to do?!' They activated the stroke response team which got her in and out of CT really fast with a neurosurgeon reading the scan as it was coming back and, thankfully (even though 'thankfully' doesn't come close to the relief I felt) everything looked clean.
At this point someone mentioned to me that she had spiked a fever of 104 during the CT and that the fever, not a stroke, was likely causing her incoherence. The rapidly started her on antibiotics. By this time they had verified she had a UTI and were confident the rest of her symptoms could be due to pneumonia. I don't know as much as a doctor, of course, but I kept thinking: There is no way a UTI is causing all of this to happen. She was also started on medications to reduce her fever and once the fever came down, she started becoming more lucid. My mom kept saying over and over again how sick she felt. Finally, I said, 'Mom! You are really, really sick!!' to which she smiled, responded 'thank you' and went back to sleep. My mom has this witty sense of humor that I love and when she said that I knew we were going to get her back just fine. I think I even thought 'Oh this isn't a big deal. She'll be home in no time.' They knew they were going to admit her and due to her vitals she actually qualified for ICU. They just weren't sure they had the room and she just wasn't quite sick enough. My two cents were that it was better safe than sorry and that they ought to put her in ICU.
By this point my phone was going crazy with calls and text messages, mostly from their neighbors and ward members. It was amazing. Two men were able to come give her a priesthood blessing in which they promised that she would quickly make a full recovery. Seriously, at this point I didn't think any of this was going to end up being a big deal. Some time earlier S had arrived after dropping the kids off. Once my sister was there and my dad was taken care of, he and I made arrangements for us to get the kids home and to let me get my things so I could come spend the night at my parents' house, just in case.
I got back to the hospital around 8 and they had ended up admitting her to Shock Trauma ICU. In the time I had been gone, they had done an ultrasound on her kidney and found that she had a pretty sizable kidney stone that was blocking the ureter below her left kidney. So basically for who knows how long, this blockage had been preventing urine from draining properly which led to her kidney becoming severely infected. The pieces all kind of fell into place at that point. The plan was do a procedure that would drain the fluid into a bag, bypassing the stone. Then when she was completely healed they would go back and remove the stone.
When I got to the ICU they were placing a central line in her (where they put a giant IV in the side of your neck--it's pretty standard for patients on that floor and is a precaution they use in case they need to administer drugs or blood products quickly.) My parents' bishop was there by that time. We waited for quite some time, but finally were able to go back and see her and...she was really awake! It was such a relief! I think we stayed until about 1030 and decided to leave. They were about to take her down to do the procedure on her anyway.
My dad and I settled in and went to bed. At around midnight my parents' home phone rang. I knew that couldn't be good. I jumped out of bed but just barely missed the last ring. However, the caller ID said it had been the hospital. I had the most sinking feeling. I frantically looked for the number to call back but in the meantime my phone rang (I am so grateful I gave them my number as a contact.) As soon as the doctor started talking to me I knew something had gone wrong.
Apparently when the infected kidney started to drain, it stirred up the infection to the point that the bacteria flooded throughout her whole body, causing her to become septic. It is kind of like breaking a dam. When this happens, chemicals and hormones cause fluid to start filling your lungs. Essentially my mom was drowning. They did a rapid intubation on her, saving her life. By the time the doctor called me she had actually stabilized again. I asked if I needed to come to the hospital and she said that she thought my mom would be stable until morning.
Obviously I slept zero hours that night. We had gone through this exact thing with my aunt 2 years ago when my aunt had a staph infection that ended up causing her to become septic. All of her organs shut down and she was dead within 72 hours. It was so traumatic because it happened so quickly. And here I was going through the exact same thing as my mom. I was horrified.
Monday September 21
I was dreading telling my dad in the morning what had happened. I broke the news gently and asked if he wanted to go down right away to which he said, 'no let's go to McDonald's for breakfast.' I was like, 'either he doesn't understand the gravity of what's happened or he has more faith than I do.' By this point I was lacking faith in the very things promised to her the evening before in her blessing.
We got to the hospital and discovered that she was, in fact, in Acute Renal Failure. I immediately asked how her liver enzymes were (to which the nurse asked about my medical background!) and was so relieved that, on that front anyway, everything looked normal. Her kidney failure was likely due not only to the infection in her left kidney, but the stress that this trauma had put on her right kidney as well. It was so deja vu, having watched my dad's kidneys fail a decade earlier. I was even trying to put together a donor list in my mind (unfortunately my mom is O Pos and I'm A Pos.) I literally started watching her urine obsessively for what would end up being 72 hours. Initially it was so black from all of the decomposing myoglobin (a cellular byproduct from the trauma to the kidney.)
My brother flew up from Arizona on the first flight that morning. Even though my mom was unconscious the entire time he was there, it was still such a relief having him be there. He kept my dad company the whole time because (unfortunately) I had an MRI scheduled (thankfully) in that hospital that day. By the way, worst MRI I've had. I don't know if it was circumstantial or what but it was not the best hour and a half of my life.
The rest of the day was just sitting and watching a machine breathe for my mom and reminding myself to breathe as well. I ended up going back home that night. I didn't realize that I hadn't really shown much emotion in the last 24 hours and, poor S, as soon as I got home I just sobbed and sobbed. I mention this here because after I did, I felt So Much Better!
Tuesday September 22
It was back up to my parents' early to get my dad and go to the hospital. As soon as we got there they said that her condition had improved dramatically. I looked at her urine and it was only deep golden brown at this point. Not terrible, I thought. A Definite improvement. They had removed the sedation and my poor mom was starting to wake up...but she was still intubated. She kept trying to talk to me and my heart broke every time I was, like, 'Mom you can't talk right now!' If you know my mom, you know she's a talker.
A respiratory therapist came in and worked with her on taking a few deep breaths. Her oxygen saturation and vitals looked really good so they decided to extubate at that point. They had a student come in to do it (which I understand--it's a teaching hospital) and there was a little bit of a struggle getting the tube to come out. I don't know if this or something else triggered it, but my mom ended up having a terrible cardiac response.
At first it was just the nurse and doctor but over the next minute, more nurses and doctors started flooding into the room. I was trying to process what was going on. Her heart rate had shot up to 185. She was in what's called SVT or supraventricular tachycardia. The danger of this is that, if in this state for too long, a person's heart will just stop. They tried pushing a drug 3 times which should have stopped her heart for a moment and essentially reset it to a normal heart rate. But nothing was working. Her heart rate had been above 170 for about 5 minutes. I was texting back and forth with S, who is certified in this sort of thing, asking him to honestly tell me what was happening. At this point there was a crash cart in the room and the social worker was literally holding onto me asking if I was okay to which I said I thought I might be tachycardic.
Finally they pushed one more drug that brought her heart rate down to 130. I didn't love this but the doctor (same one who had called me at midnight) told me that for her this was her new 'normal.' She was in Afib (Atrial fibrillation--basically the heart is stuck in an abnormal, erratic rhythm) and would have to convert out of it on her own. In the meantime the doctor told me that I needed to stop watching the monitor or I'd go crazy.
My dear, sweet friend called right after all of this had happened. She happened to be working that day and, while I had no appetite, my dad was hungry so she brought him lunch. Then she stole me for awhile so I could decompress. I needed that so much! The rest of the day was a haze and I was exhausted. On top of that I had been scheduled to work. Call me crazy, but I actually went in--I needed a few hours of diversion. Then that night as I was leaving I went up to tell my mom goodnight. She was really trying to wake up, but mostly out of it still. She was so confused and kept asking me if she was going to die. It was so hard. I tried to keep it together for her sake but eventually started crying and just telling her how much I loved her and how scared I had been. That she was very sick, but that I thought she would be okay. A single tear fell down her cheek and then she was asleep again. She won't remember it, but I always will. I told her goodnight and went home.
Wednesday September 23
My mom was really starting to wake up, which was GREAT! but she still wasn't coherent and still so confused and repetitive. The following picture was the view from her room:
She kept saying over and over again what an awesome picture that was and when we would tell her it was real, she didn't believe us. So she still had a ways to go...
By far the coolest experience I had was when the nurse invited me to go to rounding on my mom. Basically, the nurse, supervisors, doctors, and ICU staff meet together and discuss each patient individually in this big board room. They displayed all of her labs on the overhead screen and it was so cool because I totally understood their 'jargon' and they were even asking for my input. It was awesome to see that side of patient care.
But, and I saved this for last, the greatest blessing occurred that morning before we got there--she converted out of Afib on her own that morning at 0600. We had a lot to be grateful for.
Thursday September 24
Even with all of the traumatic things that happened over the previous few days, Thursday was, for me, the hardest day. At this point I was very homesick. I could tell me dad was really worn out and I was worried about him. They made the mistake of telling my mom that she would probably be well enough to move up to a normal floor that morning so she kept getting more and more agitated when she wasn't going anywhere.
Also, before they could move her out of the ICU they had to go take an ultrasound of her kidney (which was, at this point, making light amber colored urine--which meant that she seemed to have recovered from the acute kidney failure) to make sure that it was healing. In doing so they discovered that the diversion port had fallen out and she had to undergo the procedure all over again, which meant that she was staying in the ICU for the rest of the day. She was so discouraged and my dad and I left that night feeling the same way.
Friday September 25
Sometime during the night they decided to move my mom up to intermediate care which was a huge step in her recovery, both physically and mentally. After that, the rest of the day she just kept improving. I had been responsible for getting my dad to and from the hospital that week because he can't get around very well on his own and the walk in and up to see her was really long and hard for him. Friday, however, was the day we had scheduled our family pictures so, with some arranging of schedules, S was able to take him over in the morning after a dentist appointment and my sister was able to pick him up and take him home. It was my first day at home all week and it, honestly, felt really, really good.
Saturday September 26
Again, with the ease of being close to my mom, I was scheduled for and decided to go into work that day. Around noon they decided to discharge her to a transitional rehabilitation center. I was able to leave work for a bit, go pack her a bag, and make sure she and my dad got transferred okay. (Picture is of her right before they wheeled her out. So many flowers and get well cards...she's one loved lady!)
I was really grateful for this rehab center. It made me feel a lot better knowing she'd be in a place where they could continue to monitor her. I was able to leave work long enough to get my dad home from the rehab center.
That night as I was leaving work I got the following message:
She wasn't sure she was ready for her phone back...and I'm not sure she was ready for messaging, but I saved this because I thought it was just so sweet :)
Sunday September 27 (One Week)
It was our children's program in sacrament meeting so we went to church (S and his parents came too!) I have to mention at this point that I was astounded by the love and support of our neighbors. Astounded. There is so much love and it was humbling to be the recipient! We left as soon as the program was over and I went to pick up my dad, only to discover that he wasn't home! Apparently he missed my mom and wanted to get over to see her first thing. So he did. On his own. This was huge!! I was expecting to have to drive him to and from every day. It's not that he can't drive, but it's the walking once he gets there and driving at night is kind of hard for him too. But his response was, 'Well I'll just leave before it gets dark!' AND there was a spot for him to park Literally right outside her room. Blessings!
The kids and S came over to see her for the first time and, while I think they were a little confused at first, they were super happy to see her and she, them. Bean decided to push her around in her wheelchair outside of the center all by herself. And she did! My heart felt so good for the first time in days.
Monday September 28 through Monday October 12
Nothing much changed these days--mom stayed in the rehab center getting stronger every day. Dad went over after breakfast, stayed for lunch, went home for dinner. I managed as much of my home and theirs, as well as meeting my mom's needs in rehab where I could. One great thing that came out of this is that my mom, with little option to say no, finally agreed to let us hire her a maid. One less thing for her (or me!) to do!
My experience in this time sort of reminds me of the Nephites in the Book of Mormon. Even having witnessed all of these blessings and miracles, I still found myself feeling overwhelmed and I think I may have even been a little depressed. There were so many little minor and even insignificant things that went wrong. Boy got some kind of stomach bug which left me to clean up a hellish mess twice a day after he woke up in the morning and after his nap. Then Bean caught some kind of viral bug which caused her to run a pretty high fever. Then I was going to update all of my Young Women rosters when I discovered that every last one of them had been lost when we upgraded to Windows 10. Not to mention I was in charge of Bean's Halloween class party and, oh yeah, I discovered
the day before that Boy was having an early Halloween party and he was costume-less. I could go on...
I was definitely a murmurer and I discovered about myself that, while I am calm under pressure, I am not a resilient person. The antidote for this whole process has been the lesson that I need to focus on gratitude. Sometimes it takes hard situations to learn these things about ourselves.
Tuesday October 13
I took my dad and we met my mom at her appointment with the urologist. The soonest he personally could schedule a surgery to remove the stone was 3 weeks out but he said that his associate could do it at Alta View Hospital the next day. My mom was hesitant because she really wanted this doctor to perform the surgery. I kind of turned into bossy daughter and told him we would do it the next day with his associate.
I will never forget the conversation I had with him. He looked right at her and said, 'You are lucky to be alive! (and then looking at me) Kidney obstructions kill people your age!' It was such a wake up call to be reminded of what the outcome could have been and I left the appointment feeling humbled (and a little embarrassed that I'd been so caught up in all my little problems.)
The rest of the afternoon was hectic as we tried to coordinate OR time and registration but we got it all done!
Wednesday October 14
Because her surgery was such a late add-on there was little they could tell us as far as what time the surgery would go. So we tried our best to guess. I must have called the OR desk a dozen times. Then, as I was almost to my dad's house to pick him up, they called and said 'get here as soon as you can!' After that the day went pretty quickly. She checked in, went through preop just fine. Thirty minutes or so after she went back to surgery, the doctor came out and said that the stone was gone! We were shocked! A stone the size it had been would surely have been noticeable, so the best we could figure is that she passed it somehow before she was discharged from the hospital. It was yet another crazy, happy blessing in this whole process. She didn't get out of the hospital until pretty late that evening.
Thursday October 15-Friday October 16 (Three and a half weeks)
After being monitored one additional day, they finally decided she could go home. Thursday her home was cleaned and Friday I came and helped her get home. For her, I think, going home was almost bittersweet. So much of her experience in the rehab center are things that she needs to write down on her own. But she came in in a wheelchair and left walking on her own. I'd say her stay there had been successful.
Since Then
As anyone going through this experience might, she's had good days and bad days. I think she is frustrated that she isn't 100% herself yet. But I remind her as often as I can that this is going to take awhile and that she needs to be patient with herself. This past week she drove herself to the store, her doctor's appointment, and the post office. These were huge moral boosters for her and my dad.
One of the best things that has come from this is that this experience has enabled my dad to be more independent. Aside from worrying about whether my mom would recover, I worried most about my dad. He just depends on her so much. I think it has been a blessing in disguise for him to realize just how capable he still is. It's also humbled him enough that, after coping for years with a limp leg (due to a motorcycle accident), he has decided to finally walk using his cane. I think when he saw people in better shape than him at the rehab center using walking assistance, he realized it might not be the worst thing.
I am forever changed by this experience. I don't think I will ever take my mom for granted again. Yes, she is definitely older and I think some would wonder, given her age of 75, why this was all such a shock. But she is a YOUNG healthy 75 year old who has hardly had a health problem in her life. I think being in this state is partly what saved her life. And I discovered how much I still need her. I'm posting this on my birthday and just last night she sent me the most beautiful birthday message about how blessed they are to have me in their lives but I don't think she knows that it is really I who am so blessed!
