NEVER FORGET HOW FAR YOU'VE COME

When things don't happen as you hoped it would,  this certainly puts you down so bad it changes everything. You have put in some expectations, some huge some small. But no matter its size it hits you real hard where it truly can hurt. You begin to wonder ..... is it worth all the heartbreak, the misery, disappointment, the broken dreams??

I don't have the answers to that. Except those of my own. And this isn't a one-size-fits-all kind of thing or answer. The struggles, heartaches, or the highs and lows are as diverse as the myriads of stars in the evening sky. One may or could be hugely overwhelming than the others  ...  or another could be so ordinary with nary a bat of an eyelash raised. And even a lot more diverse in between all that.

But this I know --- we don't forget  ... never forget  ... can't forget.  It gives us memories forever etched in the heart, both good and bad. It gives us our trophies or our scars. No....we can't forget all that. We won't. 

I know I never will in my own. Because... all of that, everything, was -- is me. It shaped, molded, grew me. Most importantly,  Someone up there had a hand in everything. I wouldn't be here at all if He didn't!

🍃🍂🍃🍂🍃

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2015 - STRENGTH UNDEFEATABLE

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To quote....
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"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable." ------ Helen Keller, Let Us Have Faith (1940)
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Unquote.
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It is that time of the year .. again .. when we reassess, reevaluate, review, or look back to the year that has passed. The highs and lows of it, its triumphs and failures, its joys and sadness, its successes and bloopers, its dare-do and dare-not, its friends and enemies, its good and its bad. Life!
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There may be things in there which we would like to change ....and then again some which we may hang onto quite stubbornly, whether it be good or bad. And then again some who believe that life is just what it is, that it can't be changed.
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Well, whatever your belief is.... life is what you make it, good or bad. Nobody can tell you what to do with it; nobody has the right to. You are your own author... you write your own story.
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You can make it an adventure.... or an endless chain of excitement.... or an endless round of merriment.... or a pocketful of challenges.... or buckets-full of tears.... or a hopelessly boring one........ The choices are all up to you.
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Savor the triumphs achieved but please don't try to heap blame on things, circumstances, and people when life suddenly turns sour. Because life is all about choices. Even in bad situations you still have a choice. Stand up to the choices you have made and make.
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Life is what you make it.
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Let's look forward to the best year 2015 can be for us all.

  HAPPY  NEW YEAR!!! 

 Be blessed. Stay blessed.

Love you all. 
 Thank you for being with me through all the writing.

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WE MAKE A LIVING BY WHAT WE GET -- WE MAKE A LIFE BY WHAT WE GIVE

 

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I'm not done yet with the sorting of books since yesterday. It's a modest collection of books I found interesting through the years, not necessarily best sellers, but stuff which lent me wisdom or insights into life and living. Some of its authors are unknowns and as a good number are famous writers. The books have turned brown on the edges but I don't mind it. They have stayed good friends who have stood the test of time and have stood as silent witness to my dreams.. one of which is to have a book out in my name. Ahh but what is life without dreams!!

Here's a tiny book I found by author Maya Angelou " Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now"..  a pocketbook with just about 139 pages. I would like to share with you these lines (my favorite) lifted from page 15.......  to quote

'............ giving liberates the soul of the giver. The size and substance of the gift should be important to the recipient, and more important, that intangible but very real psychic force of good in the world is increased.

     When we cast our bread upon the waters, we can presume that someone downstream whose face we will never know will benefit from our action, as we who are downstream from another will profit from that grantor's gift.'

--Unquote.

Giving need not necessarily be on a grand or grander scale. It can even mean a tiny act of kindness, the happy thought you cause in another person's life, the comfort you add to another person's painful existence, the encouragement or strength or inspiration you cause to spark in a weary soul... and so much more. Neither does it require applause or need the spotlight on you standing on center-stage. Giving does not require thank you's either.

Giving, one which Maya prefers, is that which comes naturally. It gives without thinking, as a familiar phrase goes. It's giving from where it matters most.... the heart.

A heart that cares can do wonders not just to the people around him but farther down the line and beyond. Its good flows like a happy stream running merrily  through its winding course nourishing every living thing it passes as it continues onwards and out to the sea. It doesn't stop for a hug, appreciation, or someone's thank you. It's happy with its own thought that it's doing someone-something-somewhere some good. And the universe is made even happier with that one unselfish act. How much more happier with many more!! This can create a happier world.

A giving person is content with the idea that it is doing what it is supposed to do. By God's design. And the prayer is to be transformed into that divine design by God's guiding grace.

Wishing you all a pleasant and blessed day.
Keep looking for blessings;  expect it.
God bless you, lovely people.

DO WE KNOW OUR BLESSINGS

 

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Scruffy, our newest addition to the pack, is a rescue dog who has found his forever home with us. One of my favorite things to do in the house is to sit beside him on the marble floor by the doorway stroking his fur while looking out on the garage and to the street outside. Out on the street it can be so quiet and busy depending on the time of day. But sunset is my special time with Scruffy.

A thought struck me....  Does Scruffy know his blessing? I wonder.

Looking down into Scruffy's eyes I see an affirmation to that. He looks back at me with love and devotion etched right there in his doggie eyes. Love for his forever home. Content and happy. Yes, Scruffy knows and shows it in his doggie ways - the language of his heart and soul.

Do we know our blessing?
In good times it can be so easy to say yes. In bad times, do we even recognize it?

Sitting there with Scruffy leads me to different threads of thought. One is about blessings. Life is truly tough and it tells us in so many ways. I struggled with mine and so did mom before me. But she taught me one simple lesson with this..........

'Look for the blessings. No matter how you feel or whatever you are going through... blessings are there for you.'
 
I didn't always understand that. What I could understand about life was that life is mean, hard, unforgiving, unmerciful. Because it was all that to me. My heart broke into pieces and my soul wearied from the solitary struggle. Yet Mom's words kept haunting me like she was herself pushing me to look for the ... blessings.
 
One day I stood by the window (always my favorite spot), took a deep breath, closed my eyes for a bit second and then opened it again. I saw how pretty blue the sky was... how gracefully the clouds glided by... how so green the leaves on the gently swaying tree tops... how nice and gentle the breeze blew... and how it all gave me joy!

Then it dawned on me what a blessing was. That made me happy.

The next day I was ready to grab another dose of happiness. But things began to happen. Problems, disappointments, frustrations, worries and anxieties, loss of strength courage hope and even of faith.. all came hurtling down on me like a comet at loose careening through space. I hurt and cried.

But mom, bless her soul, pushed even harder.

Once more I stood by the window, took a deep breath, closed my eyes,  and opened it again. I felt tears falling down my cheeks,  I sensed the beating of my lonely heart,  I felt life throbbing through my veins,  I saw the day unfolding still with all of its glory,  I sensed the presence of the Divine......  I was alive! My tears rolled down even more but this time.... with praise and thanksgiving towards a loving and merciful God, my God!

I finally knew what blessing was.

A divine gift ....  to lend us strength, courage, hope, faith, love, joy, inspiration. To help us see beauty where we thought none existed. To see ourselves as an important part of this universe. To see God and His great love for us. A divine gift to reaffirm our importance in God's eyes and heart.

Mom was right. We need not search far and wide for our blessings. It's right there in our day... within us and without... in our lives. All that we need to do is ..... stop -- look -- and listen!

Have a great Sunday, friends. See your blessings with a grateful heart.

PROOF OF HOPE

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"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope." -- Martin Luther King Jr.

Just like everybody else, I get ...disappointed - frustrated - exasperated - overwhelmed - irritated - annoyed... when things don't happen the way I expect them to. Particularly in world affairs. The world is in a huge mess but it appears that those who can are too slow in sorting it out or in working out solutions. They hem-and-haw, grandstand on some, and can't avoid dipping their greedy fingers into the pot of politics and funds. I guess we need not look far outside our borders to see that.

Reading this book 'Limitless' by Nick Vujicic led me to some unlearning of old ideas which no longer serve,  relearning of old wisdom, or the learning of new ones. Made me refocus to see that which truly matters. It is found right there on the ground among the people themselves.

This is what matters......

-----when individuals or families devastated by huge catastrophes yet stand up and courageously move forward to a future they believe awaits them. They hope to rebuild their broken lives once more.
-----when a laborer perseveres in his backbreaking job with his eyes set on his young children's future education. He hopes to give his children a better future.
-----when an OFW sets aside a portion of his pay as he builds his or her dream with every money added to it. He hopes one day to come home to reap his just reward and share the blessings with loved ones.
-----when a cancer patient goes through the utter discomfort of chemotherapy sessions. He hopes for healing one day soon. He believes he will be healed.

You can find other proof of courage and bravery, of faith and hope around us. This is what suffering - struggles - troubles teach us. HOPE.  We don't owe it to ourselves but to a wise God who put it there in our hearts for a purpose. And this purpose, I believe, is to enable us to get on with life and living regardless of circumstances.

Hope is a gift. God knew that we would be needing it to carve a better future for ourselves....  to unlock hidden potential and talent...  to believe in our strengths and courage...  to enable us to see the good in men...  to help shape a better world if we so much as try...  to live our faith.

Hope springs eternal, indeed.
Have a great day. God will bless you today. You gotta believe that! :-)

LOSE SOME FIGHTS TO WIN

Heard this somewhere...
......'you have to lose some fights so you can learn to win'.....

Didn't quite get that first time I heard it. Lose not just one but several? But first what does that mean by losing a fight? Because my lolo (grandfather) once told me that losing means just one thing -- giving up so easily or losing fire within. I've always thought myself a fighter; learned it from my mom. She fought the good fight with life's turbulence and strife. Did it with her own quiet steady courage. She never failed to amaze me as she went through the day caring for her family's needs, working hard and praying just as hard or even harder. Never gave up down to her last dying breath. My hero.

I begun to think and looked back to my own battles. And you know what..... that line is correct!

At several points in the past I gave away the fight but for a reason... a reason which the heart alone knows. It didn't make me miserable as I thought it would. I realize it now that it never does when you know in your heart that something else is there waiting for its moment. One lost fight does not make a failure, not even with several more. Just as long as you still have the fight in you. It's like you simply stepped back a few steps for the need to recharge energize or evaluate your options. It's the act of one who understands that sometimes it is smarter to kick on the brakes before possibly careening down the slope to disaster foolishly without a thought. So I slowed down to a full stop. I always did that when there was a need to.

To make a long story short.. I'm glad that I did. When I let go the fight it may have seemed that the problem won over me. But I knew better and waited for the right time. It came and I was ready for it...... with the same quiet steady strength of my mom. Now I understand her even much better. She knew how to fight..... taught me how with her own battles.

You have to lose some fights so you can learn to win.

DWELL NOT UPON THY WEARINESS...

"Dwell not upon thy weariness, thy strength shall be according to the measure of thy desire."-- Arab proverb

One dreary morning not so far back was one dreary morning I won't ever forget. Why? Because this was when I felt like so totally drained.. exhausted.. spent.. tired.. weary -- like I've never felt before. The reason? Something. Everything. It felt like saying 'I give up' 'This is it. Enough!'. So what was I angry at? or of? Plenty. Plenty that spelled life. And when I shared this with my best friend, she too ranted away with her own woes blues and weariness... and literally flung her hands up above her head in utter exasperation and what seemed to be... surrender and defeat.

You know, sometimes one just has to see oneself mirrored in another person to be jolted out of something unpleasant, to put it mildly. That was a big jolt indeed. I was grateful it came when it did.

"Okay, enough of that drama. Snap out of it cos there's work to be done." I said to her.
"What??!" she snapped back. Well, undoubtedly she was the drama queen in our group.
"Yeah! We need some working on ourselves. And we're starting now." I countered decisively.

That's right. When you feel so down and out, when things get so large and overwhelmingly makes you feel so helpless and small... that's the time to get up - shake the dust off - and get back into the ring again... and punch back hard and much harder. It's important to snap out of it pronto, resist the temptation to dwell on your misery because that only serves to double up whatever negative emotions lie within. If it manages to get a strong hold on you, it might be hard to shake it off later.

Don't lose sight of the goodness you have started with.... good faith, good hope, good intent, good determination, good strength... because it's the vehicle which you will ride on in getting to where you want to go or be. Continuously nurture that desire or courage to be there in the midst of life and living doing your part carving your own niche like thousands of others more are trying to do. And if you keep the spark alive -- fight to keep it there, you will see your strength rising to match it.

And you're ready for the world again.

PEOPLE ARE LIKE STAINED GLASS WINDOWS

Still – quiet – serene – calm…..just the right place to be to escape the hustle-and-bustle of the city. I took a long sweeping look from the left to the right taking in the walls and the dome over my head. It literally took my breath away – stained-glass windows – its colors heightened by the glow of sunset. Built atop a mountain this cathedral stands proudly in its old world charm attracting visitors from as far as the outskirts of the city -- a handsome structure which has stood the passing of time and inside its walls nothing less in beauty. The main altar stretched out to the dome ceiling with a masterpiece of art etched on its stained-glass wall. My gaze followed the intricate lines from the floor to the top and down again. Here a little to the side stood a long-legged candle-holder - its flame glistening softly from a candle held by a glass holder (yes, in stained-glass too) - a small unobtrusive presence in the midst of such towering magnificence.

I was made speechless in the moment and in the presence of such exquisite beauty. Yet as all good things must come to an end, like coming to the end of a good show, a gentle curtain of extinguishing glow fell into the room. The sun was disappearing in the far horizon. Light was snuffed out in all of the glass walls in a falling curtain of darkness except for one solitary lighted candle holder. Surprised I gasped in awe amazed at the sight of the beautiful play of light and colors from a small stained-glass candle holder -- unremarkable just a few minutes ago but now a burst of brilliance unmatched by all the glass on the walls of the cathedral!

People – they come in different sizes, shapes, colors, temperaments, attitudes, in myriad colors of character and eccentricity, and personal histories. They touch our lives in many different ways when they cross paths with us. They sparkle and shine as life carries them through the many stations in their journey. Each come to interplay with various experiences which lead to a colorful display of emotions, wit, brilliance, expression, opinion, insight, belief, perception -- and on the opposite end bias, prejudice preconception, presumption, and more, These make up the whole person with whom we interconnect with day by day. Beautiful, isn’t it? But true beauty ---- where does it lie??

When fortunes turn sour, when failure looms high above you, when the small irritations of the day gnaw at your calm and composure, when relationships disappoint, when dreams shatter, when debts soar, when spouses betray trust, when your own stable world is unhinged at the seams without warning, and when you are there tittering on the edge of indecision – when all of these dark forces threaten to snuff out the light and brilliance of your day and of yourself, what do you do?

My mom summed it all up with how she lived her life. It was a life strewn with all conceivable trouble and distress. And looking back now I wonder just how God can sometimes be so unfair heaping up all the burdens on the shoulders of this small fragile gentle woman. Well, did she cry? Complain? Get mad? Get gloomy and depressed or bitter and resentful? Yes, all of that and yet everything too were left at His feet in prayer. Then she carried on with her life with what she had. She rose with every fall, trudged on doggedly with courage and strength and remarkable faith renewed each time, I wondered how. Through my child’s eyes I watched her drag her weary feet through the hills and valleys of a sparse life as she took on the role of raising a family. I saw her in my young child’s eye astoundingly as the most beautiful woman in the world. She still is even long after she has gone. But I see better now and understand the wisdom of God’s outstanding work.

This is true beauty – the beauty of the soul - beauty which shines even more brilliantly even when darkness sets in. True beauty as revealed only when its light is from within. Indeed.


“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in; their true beauty is revealed only if their light is from within.” ----- (Elizabeth Kubler Ross)

KNOW YOURSELF

I found this in a book just recently. Wisdom right there in every line. So I'm sharing this with you. Listen well and listen with your heart.

To quote...

DON'T EVER DOUBT YOURSELF

You have so much to offer,
so much to give,
and so much you deserve to receive in return.
Don't ever doubt that.

Know yourself and all of your fine qualities.
Rejoice in all your marvelous strengths of mind and body.
Be glad for the virtues that are yours,
and pat yourself on the back
for all your many admirable achievements.

Keep positive.
Concentrate on that which makes you happy,
and build yourself up.
Stay nimble of heart, happy of thought,
healthy of mind, and well in being.

-Janet A. Sullivan
Unquote.

Don't let anyone make you feel small. You are so much more than you think you are. Your power is right there in you. It's not in external things although people will tell you it is. Agreed that money, power, position have their uses too but it waits for the right person to take it to even greater heights. It is a willing slave to a worthy master. It will definitely need someone worthy to work it to good use or serve a better purpose. And you have the power to do that. If you see something which you must do to improve your life, other people's lives, or make this world a better place (which we all pine for), then do it. Don't wait for someone to do the job for you.

Believe in yourself... believe in you.

LESSON #3 - PRAY FOR COURAGE - STRENGTH - HUMOR

Anne Morrow Lindbergh :

"Don't wish me happiness

I don't expect to be happy all the time...

It's gotten beyond that somehow.

Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor.
I will need them all. "

Sneha, a beautiful person and soul, sent this poem to me in the blog. The first time I set my eyes on those lines.. tears came to my eyes. How true are those lines to the feelings I had in my heart. Many times well-meaning friends tried as best as they could to make me happy .. hoping that I would take rest from the burden of sorrow and grief. I know they try so hard but sometimes it just does not work.

But on thinking hard about it all I began to realize that this is not right. I don't have to remain in this misery and pass up on the wonderful things which life still has to offer. The sun still shines, flowers bloom their prettiest, new babies are born every minute, people still fall in love and get married, rivers and streams flow merrily, trees stand tall in the wind, and I can get back to my favorite morning walks, eat my favorite pasta, drink my cappuccino at Thor's coffee shop, and meet up with my lady friends for lunch on the 14th condo floor . I can still do a lot of things - life does not stand still even for those who mourn. So ...to you Sneha, thank you so much for this lovely quote. And I hope that you will include me in your prayers... for I humbly have asked God for courage, strength, and humor too.

That I may have the........

Courage to face life's tests and difficulties. There will always be those in anyone's life. There's no guarantee that because you've been through the most difficult trial that nothing more will come after that. Wish that it won't and didn't ..but we know better -- life loves playing bad jokes on us.

Strength to stand my ground when strong winds blow. Not to grow weak nor falter despite the hard hits and the bruises received from it. To be strong to accept the inevitable and the unexpected and change. And the strength to be weak and diminish.. to enable God's strength to take over and increase in my life and situation.

Humor to see the lighter side of things in life even in the midst of heartaches and troubles. To laugh at one's frailties and shortcomings. Simply to laugh with self, people, and life.

Yes truly...
wish me courage, strength, and humor..... I will need them all!

I HAVE LEARNED THAT.......

(We were at the grave of her dad paying our respects last Sunday when this picture was taken by my youngest daughter, Malen -- she aimed her cellphone upwards focusing on a tree silhouetted against the cloudy sky blocking out the sun. How eloquently don't you think does it speak of my heart - our hearts - at this low point in our lives.)

I have been through a lot in life particular this past few weeks wherein I was battered and bruised by anxiety, frustration, discouragement, fear, doubt, failed expectations, unhappiness, loneliness, grief, and sorrow.... name it and I've been through it. Even my faith went diving to the lowest ebb I've never felt before.

I can't hold back time nor tell it to stay at that point I felt so much happiness. Even if I badgered or pushed or bribed or screamed my head off telling it to STOP! STAND STILL! FREEZE! PLEASE!!! It won't, not for me or for anyone like me. Time is cruel and is not moved by tears grief or sorrow. It will do what it does, always what it does so well... and that is -- it moves on, with or without us.

But all that I now look back to with fresh understanding courage and strength. And perhaps even much more wiser as my faith also has found itself renewed. God may have led me through the deep dark valley but He also led me out to the sun and new life. For all that and even more I am so grateful to Him ---a loving God who keeps His promises and answers prayer. To Him who loves truly fully and so well.

If there is something, aside from my family, which helped buoy up my flagging spirit.... it is wonderful friends and beautiful friendships. Nothing can ever equal these in any terms or currency or compliment or riches... NOTHING. They are in a class all of their own.. incomparable and worthy.

Allow me to mention names here who came to my blogs in o3 and blogspot and too left warm messages in orkut. But I will beg your pardon if I have missed some names. It is not intentional. But I know and you know too that the heart is so much better in remembering wonderful people than the mind ever is . So I say with confidence that you ALL are remembered here where it matters most --- in the heart.

Here they are not in any particular order......

sumit, jitu, divya, keerthi, srividya, LP53, niceguy, samyukta, regina, pearl, justcurious, phoenix, indrasish, kamesh, amit, shrawan, amita, lust4life, zephyr, chakoli, thisisme, mini, ramya, sneha, sensitivesmile, virtualscorpio, khalid, joel, and raj.

I say... You are all so wonderful! How lucky and privileged I am to have your friendships, for having you in my life. Thank you so much! I pray that God bless you with tons and tons of blessings for your peace, joy, happiness, good health, success, and prosperity all through your lives.

Love you all!
Ellen


There's more to tell on the subject of life lessons... but let's have it in another post. See you there soon.