Welby Wonga - an unethical investment in chocolate.
Welby Wonga, the chocolate company, is of course excluded because its products make children fat and destroy their teeth. But there are other options available.
Top of the list of possible investments for the Church of England is the company Bunga, which supplies female companionship to Italian politicians.
Silvio B. was very satisfied with Bunga.
Another option available to the archbishop is to invest in a successful manufacturer of arms, nerve gas, biological weapons, etc. This could easily be achieved by buying UK government bonds, although doing so may fall foul of Archbishop Welby's "ethical investments" policies.
More acceptable may be Dunga, the manure conglomerate (slogan "Where there's muck there's brass"), which provides a necessary social service, reprocessing animal waste, and similar material such as Thought for the Day contributions, into high-grade fertilizer.
One final possibility is that the Church of England cash will go abroad - possibly to India, where Kipling, the cake company, has opened a subsidiary, Gunga Din.
"You make better cakes than we do, Gunga Din."
