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Showing posts with label Atlanta. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Atlanta. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Georgia in the news
It's never good. But at least this is better than when they got Creationism into the local science classrooms.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Why Atlanta is way better than where you live
We have a circus with strippers, a pimp, and drug use.
Key passage: "There are ladies pretending to strip, men throwing money at her, then a pimp comes on the stage and the woman’s boyfriend sells her to him and the pimp slaps her when she refuses to cooperate. They’re pretending to smoke marijuana and sniff cocaine."
That's more interesting than any circus I've seen. Usually they just have tigers and elephants and scary stuff like clowns.
Key passage: "There are ladies pretending to strip, men throwing money at her, then a pimp comes on the stage and the woman’s boyfriend sells her to him and the pimp slaps her when she refuses to cooperate. They’re pretending to smoke marijuana and sniff cocaine."
That's more interesting than any circus I've seen. Usually they just have tigers and elephants and scary stuff like clowns.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Work Be Busy
Which is why I haven't posted or bunnied much recently. I did manage to escape just long enough today to have my prescription sunglasses repaired for the fourth time, which means I get to actually see stuff while I'm driving. It's a nice change of pace.
In an unrelated note, Atlanta apparently just removed a lot of random speed bumps from my route to and from work. They were the annoying kind too - programmed to scream and shout things like "You bastard - I'll sue!" Plus they left a lot of sticky red paint on my car's undercarriage. Good thing I bought the red one.
In an unrelated note, Atlanta apparently just removed a lot of random speed bumps from my route to and from work. They were the annoying kind too - programmed to scream and shout things like "You bastard - I'll sue!" Plus they left a lot of sticky red paint on my car's undercarriage. Good thing I bought the red one.
Monday, February 07, 2011
Night terrors are the new norm
So, this morning I awoke just after 4 AM and was absolutely convinced that I had to compose a paragraph including the word "break", but I couldn't remember what the word meant. Then I pondered the spelling and convinced myself that it was a made up word, like swaberpoo or Booflakken, and that no word that looked like "bree-ack" could have any serious meaning. And then I thought that maybe I needed to compose something with the word "brake", which looked more like a real word but then I couldn't think of a reason I had to describe another word I didn't recognize except that I was vaguely aware that it might be a car part. And then, despite some light feelings of terror directed at nothing, I managed to go back to sleep until the alarm told me to get up and go sit in traffic so I can spend my day yawning in a cubicle but feeling more like my old self, thank you very much.
Something similar happened last week, but I can only remember scant details. I remember being awake in the early AM hours and stumbling around my apartment and feeling terrified and lost and unable to completely remember who and where I was, but that's all. Apparently that incident ended without police intervention and I was back to feeling weak and crappy after more sleep. My dog was kind of like that in the last week before I had to put her down.
Hopefully this is just a phase and not the new level of suck and I'll feel as good (read: sharty) as I did last year before winter hit. Winter messes with my symptoms and makes everything worse for me. I never thought I'd see the day that I found Atlanta to be too cold and dry. In the meantime, if I run naked into your yard and throw rocks at the clouds and scream at them to stop following me, just know that I'm probably not dangerous and I would appreciate a nice cup of tea over being shot at and/or arrested.
Something similar happened last week, but I can only remember scant details. I remember being awake in the early AM hours and stumbling around my apartment and feeling terrified and lost and unable to completely remember who and where I was, but that's all. Apparently that incident ended without police intervention and I was back to feeling weak and crappy after more sleep. My dog was kind of like that in the last week before I had to put her down.
Hopefully this is just a phase and not the new level of suck and I'll feel as good (read: sharty) as I did last year before winter hit. Winter messes with my symptoms and makes everything worse for me. I never thought I'd see the day that I found Atlanta to be too cold and dry. In the meantime, if I run naked into your yard and throw rocks at the clouds and scream at them to stop following me, just know that I'm probably not dangerous and I would appreciate a nice cup of tea over being shot at and/or arrested.
Thursday, December 02, 2010
30 Day Meme Thingy, part messianic
Day 19a → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
I’m not against many religions. I’m against organizations that try to define and regulate religious practices, especially when they think their laws should apply to us nonbelievers as well. They tend to take a good idea and twist it into something obscene over time. Religious beliefs are good when they provide comfort when you are feeling lost or troubled. They suck when they’re a constant source of misery. If your religion is giving you grief, then whatever you are – don’t be that anymore.
As for the type of religious people I prefer, I like people who believe in something good (whether or not one or more gods needs to be involved), honestly try to be true to their beliefs, don’t feel compelled to convert me, have a reasonable sense of humor about quirks in their religion, and tolerance for other beliefs that don’t actively interfere with their own lives. By “actively interfere” I mean situations like “I can’t sleep while you sacrifice goats on your side of the bed”, not “it bothers me that you’re in your house behind closed doors persistently not worshipping Jesus.”
Second favorite types are the ones who are devout and overly serious about it, but are willing to not preach to me constantly as long as I avoid their place of worship. At least they’re fun to play with.
Third favorite type are the ones who think the baby (insert messiah) will cry and they will BURN BURN BURN if they do not spend every waking moment trying to convert everyone who breathes their air, and that tactics like making up false statistics (“studies show evangelicals are 30% prettier and are much less likely to be mauled by bears”) are okay because anything done in (insert god)’s name must be good, right?
Fourth is the not religious but very pissy about it, the kind who believe that it’s in the American constitution that we’re all supposed to be Christian and who pitch a fit when the government fails to create laws that enforce what they think is in the bible (not that they’ve read one, but it’s common knowledge).
Fifth are the atheists who act like the ones above, the kind who have a conniption if they hear Silent Night in public or if they see people celebrating Christmas as the birth of Christ. They’re no worse, I just hate to see non-believers acting life wannabe fundies.
Last are the ones who believe their god wants them to rub out a segment of the population to attain heaven.
Correction - #1 (一番) fave is Satanic metal bunnies. But I think that went without saying.Direct link to metal bunny video.
Update - posting this caused some Mormon missionaries to drop by and pester me. At least I think they were Mormons. They knocked, I opened the door, before it was fully open I saw dark suits and name tags and fake leather-bound books, I said "Not interested" and shut the door again. It's a shame the local ordinances don't let me set intruders on fire.
I’m not against many religions. I’m against organizations that try to define and regulate religious practices, especially when they think their laws should apply to us nonbelievers as well. They tend to take a good idea and twist it into something obscene over time. Religious beliefs are good when they provide comfort when you are feeling lost or troubled. They suck when they’re a constant source of misery. If your religion is giving you grief, then whatever you are – don’t be that anymore.
As for the type of religious people I prefer, I like people who believe in something good (whether or not one or more gods needs to be involved), honestly try to be true to their beliefs, don’t feel compelled to convert me, have a reasonable sense of humor about quirks in their religion, and tolerance for other beliefs that don’t actively interfere with their own lives. By “actively interfere” I mean situations like “I can’t sleep while you sacrifice goats on your side of the bed”, not “it bothers me that you’re in your house behind closed doors persistently not worshipping Jesus.”
Second favorite types are the ones who are devout and overly serious about it, but are willing to not preach to me constantly as long as I avoid their place of worship. At least they’re fun to play with.
Third favorite type are the ones who think the baby (insert messiah) will cry and they will BURN BURN BURN if they do not spend every waking moment trying to convert everyone who breathes their air, and that tactics like making up false statistics (“studies show evangelicals are 30% prettier and are much less likely to be mauled by bears”) are okay because anything done in (insert god)’s name must be good, right?
Fourth is the not religious but very pissy about it, the kind who believe that it’s in the American constitution that we’re all supposed to be Christian and who pitch a fit when the government fails to create laws that enforce what they think is in the bible (not that they’ve read one, but it’s common knowledge).
Fifth are the atheists who act like the ones above, the kind who have a conniption if they hear Silent Night in public or if they see people celebrating Christmas as the birth of Christ. They’re no worse, I just hate to see non-believers acting life wannabe fundies.
Last are the ones who believe their god wants them to rub out a segment of the population to attain heaven.
Correction - #1 (一番) fave is Satanic metal bunnies. But I think that went without saying.Direct link to metal bunny video.
Update - posting this caused some Mormon missionaries to drop by and pester me. At least I think they were Mormons. They knocked, I opened the door, before it was fully open I saw dark suits and name tags and fake leather-bound books, I said "Not interested" and shut the door again. It's a shame the local ordinances don't let me set intruders on fire.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Picture Post
Here is an awesome image I found when I googled "hot Japanese woman" from home with safe search turned to maximum naughty. Note the lack of boobage, as opposed to the full blown porn it returned when I searched from work with safe search set to Amish prude.
It's supposed to be a picture of an open-air onsen, a kind of healthy hot spring public bath, although those are usually indoors and large enough for many bathers. People with tattoos are sometimes forbidden from these venues because a tat in Japan is generally associated with being in the yakuza (J-mafia).
And here is a picture of me in Germany sitting on a tiny one-man armored vehicle.
We're unlucky in that our country hasn't been invaded so we don't have cool relics like this scattered about like so many dandelions. Sure, we have plenty of civil war battle sites here in the South, but they're just empty plots of land with signs that say "once a lot of people fought and died in this here field". If I could find one of those babies locally, I would totally fix it up and drive it to work. It would come in handy on days like today. This morning I narrowly missed a multiple car pile-up (I was literally in the middle of it forming) that happened because people were ogling several vehicles that had been pulled to the right of the interstate from a previous multiple car pile-up.
It's supposed to be a picture of an open-air onsen, a kind of healthy hot spring public bath, although those are usually indoors and large enough for many bathers. People with tattoos are sometimes forbidden from these venues because a tat in Japan is generally associated with being in the yakuza (J-mafia).And here is a picture of me in Germany sitting on a tiny one-man armored vehicle.
We're unlucky in that our country hasn't been invaded so we don't have cool relics like this scattered about like so many dandelions. Sure, we have plenty of civil war battle sites here in the South, but they're just empty plots of land with signs that say "once a lot of people fought and died in this here field". If I could find one of those babies locally, I would totally fix it up and drive it to work. It would come in handy on days like today. This morning I narrowly missed a multiple car pile-up (I was literally in the middle of it forming) that happened because people were ogling several vehicles that had been pulled to the right of the interstate from a previous multiple car pile-up.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Atlanta ni Super Fun Wow Bunnybunnybunnymatsuri 2010
Nobody else named the event, so I stepped up to the plate. On Sunday, May 2 at 6:00 PM, Avitable will be in town and available for wining and dining and questioning by the authorities. Hanging with him will be local bloggers such as myself, Muskrat, and other people I haven't met and hope turn out to be hot Asian chicks. We will be dining at Rathbun's, followed by boozing at Krog Wine Bar, followed by a wild drunken orgy at my place, the Bunnyranch. If you're around or don't mind traveling, we'd love to have you for some light conversation, hand jobs, and devil worship (I assume). Let one of us know if you can attend so we can make all the necessary reservations. For the dress code, I recommend the following appearance:
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Wrong on so many levels
The ice cream truck in my neighborhood is playing Christmas carols.
***UPDATE***
Now he switched to La Cucaracha. That's so much better, what with vending food to the tune of an ode to cockroaches.
***UPDATE***
Now he switched to La Cucaracha. That's so much better, what with vending food to the tune of an ode to cockroaches.
Monday, March 01, 2010
Dear Mother Nature
I'm sick of scraping ice in the morning and having open sores on my body. Plus I'm tired of all the stupid conversations I have to hold on the way to my cubicle just because I'm wearing a short shirt. "Yeah, I'm from way up North, the Canadian territory called Tennessee. Eh? Aboot? Maple syrup!" This is March already and we're in Georgia, so make with some heat and humidity, bitch.
Hugs and kisses and butt sex,
Grant
Hugs and kisses and butt sex,
Grant
Friday, January 15, 2010
Breaking up is hard to do
Having ousted my cable company in favor of DSL, I'm now trying to ditch my cell phone. I have a cell phone because it was cheaper than a dedicated land line combined with cable since the only calls I make are to order pizza or complain about cable outages. So, I went to Virgin Mobile's web site which has tons of cool options, absolutely none of which allow you to cancel service.
I called their "customer service" and got a very friendly computer on the line that took my basic information and outlined my options, also none of which were to cancel service. After playing with the voice menu for a bit, I switched to an old fall-back trick and began pressing 0 repeatedly. This usually gets you to a person, but Virgin's automated assistant was programmed not to give up so easily. It refused to budge until I selected an item from a new menu, which this time included cancellation. I sat on musical hold, listened to the computer periodically tell me how busy they are (as if that would convince me to stay), then eventually I got to talk to a real livemoron person. He asked for my phone number, reason for calling, put me on hold, asked for my phone number, put me on hold, and then...hung up. Good thing I have two weeks to cancel service before I get charged again. I'll try twice more, then file a complaint with the BBB.
That reminds me of the pager company my previous employer used. Our executives often took time away from their golf game to remind our employees to save money whenever possible, which they reasoned was best accomplished by purchasing goods and services that required constant upkeep and replacement parts. The paging company was all about the cheap, crappy service. When you called, you were given two options - get a new pager which sent you directly to a person, or ask for help with your current pager, which put you on hold until they had a spare moment. We quickly learned to use option one when we had problems, and they quickly learned to put us back on hold when we said we didn't really want to give them more money.
My company got a state-wide pager for me, which didn't reach as far as my house in the suburbs of Atlanta. Geographic note - Atlanta is still in Georgia. While talking to their "customer service" people in between waits on the phone, one guy revealed that most of their pagers just work around Atlanta and they give those out in the hopes that the customers don't find out. Since I did, they gave me another one which could at least reach my house. While being sent to the Birmingham plant, I tested it en route. It didn't work beyond fifty miles out of the city.
I wonder why more companies don't use such great money-saving tactics? "Yeah, we only gave your four McNuggets in your six-pack. We were hoping you couldn't count. Here's the other two."
Below is a picture of my new imaginary friend.
I'm going to keep calling him Snoodles until he tells me his real name.
I called their "customer service" and got a very friendly computer on the line that took my basic information and outlined my options, also none of which were to cancel service. After playing with the voice menu for a bit, I switched to an old fall-back trick and began pressing 0 repeatedly. This usually gets you to a person, but Virgin's automated assistant was programmed not to give up so easily. It refused to budge until I selected an item from a new menu, which this time included cancellation. I sat on musical hold, listened to the computer periodically tell me how busy they are (as if that would convince me to stay), then eventually I got to talk to a real live
That reminds me of the pager company my previous employer used. Our executives often took time away from their golf game to remind our employees to save money whenever possible, which they reasoned was best accomplished by purchasing goods and services that required constant upkeep and replacement parts. The paging company was all about the cheap, crappy service. When you called, you were given two options - get a new pager which sent you directly to a person, or ask for help with your current pager, which put you on hold until they had a spare moment. We quickly learned to use option one when we had problems, and they quickly learned to put us back on hold when we said we didn't really want to give them more money.
My company got a state-wide pager for me, which didn't reach as far as my house in the suburbs of Atlanta. Geographic note - Atlanta is still in Georgia. While talking to their "customer service" people in between waits on the phone, one guy revealed that most of their pagers just work around Atlanta and they give those out in the hopes that the customers don't find out. Since I did, they gave me another one which could at least reach my house. While being sent to the Birmingham plant, I tested it en route. It didn't work beyond fifty miles out of the city.
I wonder why more companies don't use such great money-saving tactics? "Yeah, we only gave your four McNuggets in your six-pack. We were hoping you couldn't count. Here's the other two."
Below is a picture of my new imaginary friend.
I'm going to keep calling him Snoodles until he tells me his real name.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Unending medical hell, part the latest, plus a bunny
It's now been sixteen months since I was hospitalized and, in order to commemorate the event, I received a letter from a team of lawyers looking to collect on a bill from the first day I stumbled (literally) into the Deathstar Healthcare and Anal Rape Billing system. I'm following their instructions and sending the lawyers a letter requesting verification and documentation for this bill, but I'm sure it will turn out to be legit. It's probably the idiotic hospital that screwed up some of the billing (again). For added fun, Deathstar sent me an updated bill showing I only have two payments remaining until they're out of my life, and then they followed-up with a threat to turn my account over to collections if I don't pay immediately. Plus which my insurance company shows they are attempting to bill me again for something else just as soon as they can get their paperwork straight. I'm making it a person goal to attempt to get these people out of my life for good by the end of this year.
People talk about our healthcare system, but do we even have a system? We have a market for healthcare and a few (very few) laws protecting the public, which vary greatly from state to state, but I don't think that counts. But when you live in a Jebus-intense state like Georgia, you understand that if you claim our healthcare isn't already the greatest in the world (and therefore impossible to improve) then the terrorists will have won.
For some reason, cat ears are in amongst young Japanese women. I saw several wearing them at JapanFest, including one who wore a tail as well.
People talk about our healthcare system, but do we even have a system? We have a market for healthcare and a few (very few) laws protecting the public, which vary greatly from state to state, but I don't think that counts. But when you live in a Jebus-intense state like Georgia, you understand that if you claim our healthcare isn't already the greatest in the world (and therefore impossible to improve) then the terrorists will have won.
For some reason, cat ears are in amongst young Japanese women. I saw several wearing them at JapanFest, including one who wore a tail as well.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
We interrupt the current meme for this announcement
Last weekend I left most perfect Atlanta and ventured North just short of Charlotte to visit Kira, her freakishly loved and well-behaved children, her retarded pets, and her husband Alex who maintains a minimal presence on the web and so we can bad-mouth him all we want safe in the knowledge that he has no forum of his own with which to strike back. He's French, plays Dungeons & Dragons, and he has a master's degree in cleaning in case you need an easy target.
Anyway, we stayed indoors due to my medical conditions, but that meant we got to watch her kids play a cute but repetitive Japanese video game, a movie (V for Vendetta), and we could booze to our hearts' content. Kira also cooked a lot for me, which means I have a good month ahead of me wherein I don't have to cook anything more complex than miso soup (which is slightly harder than breakfast cereal) (cereal like Captain Crunch - not the insanely difficult stuff like Corn Flakes where you have to add milk AND your own sugar), plus I got to try foods I would never otherwise have on my own. Japanese potato salad is awesome and I think the superior of even Southern style potato salad (especially since it doesn't inspire shart attacks in my intestines), and I will gladly share the recipe with you if you promise to use it. If you ask for the recipe and refuse to use it, I will come to your house and either you will feed me Japanese potato salad, or I will feast on your heart. Come to think of it, I left my cookbooks with Kira, so if you want it she will have to type it for me so I can post the recipe. Death threat recalled.
Because she sent me home with a lot of food I declined to kill her during this visit, although I did hypnotically imprint a few kill commands in one of her pets (the Doberman). That's just in case the chicken & dumplings or Alfredo don't reheat well.
BTW, the roads in NC and SC seem newer than GA, but they are not as smooth. I felt much safer speeding once I got back into my own state. On the other hand, the signs also seem newer and are much easier to read, possibly because I had to pass them at a significantly slower speed.
Anyway, we stayed indoors due to my medical conditions, but that meant we got to watch her kids play a cute but repetitive Japanese video game, a movie (V for Vendetta), and we could booze to our hearts' content. Kira also cooked a lot for me, which means I have a good month ahead of me wherein I don't have to cook anything more complex than miso soup (which is slightly harder than breakfast cereal) (cereal like Captain Crunch - not the insanely difficult stuff like Corn Flakes where you have to add milk AND your own sugar), plus I got to try foods I would never otherwise have on my own. Japanese potato salad is awesome and I think the superior of even Southern style potato salad (especially since it doesn't inspire shart attacks in my intestines), and I will gladly share the recipe with you if you promise to use it. If you ask for the recipe and refuse to use it, I will come to your house and either you will feed me Japanese potato salad, or I will feast on your heart. Come to think of it, I left my cookbooks with Kira, so if you want it she will have to type it for me so I can post the recipe. Death threat recalled.
Because she sent me home with a lot of food I declined to kill her during this visit, although I did hypnotically imprint a few kill commands in one of her pets (the Doberman). That's just in case the chicken & dumplings or Alfredo don't reheat well.
BTW, the roads in NC and SC seem newer than GA, but they are not as smooth. I felt much safer speeding once I got back into my own state. On the other hand, the signs also seem newer and are much easier to read, possibly because I had to pass them at a significantly slower speed.
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Cable = Suck
My cable (including Internet access) died last Wednesday. I called "customer service" on Thursday, spent a half hour on the phone with the automated trouble-shooter, then was transferred to a human and started over. After further checking they finally agreed the cable was out and scheduled a guy to come fix it the next day. He arrived and had not been told anything of my issue, but upon hearing it was out completely he intuited that the problem was outside. He discovered the cable had been disconnected, which took about five minutes to reconnect.
I had hoped they would reimburse me for the two days when I had no service, but instead they decided to charge me full price plus an additional $35 for the visit. WTF? If they decide their earnings are low, they can always raise revenue by randomly disconnecting customers and then charging them to have services eventually restored.
The sad thing is they are still a better deal than the local phone company. I had DSL in my old location, moved, and was told I had to buy all new equipment to get DSL in the new neighborhood. It was slower than before, then a storm damaged the phone lines and my download speeds dropped to about 200kbps. Several service calls later and an older technician found that the problem was in the junction box at the base of the apartment complex. Then everything was good - still slower than before (1.2 mbps vs. 1.5), but it worked and the phones were clear. Less than two weeks later, we had another thunderstorm and the problems returned. I endured three more service visits but finally gave up and cancelled all phone service when, despite telling them what the last technician said, they were completely unable to solve the issue.
Note - Georgia has thunderstorms the way Antarctica has cold, so if whatever you're peddling isn't water resistant, you may want to relocate to Death Valley.
I'll be glad when this Internet fad is over and something better replaces it.
I had hoped they would reimburse me for the two days when I had no service, but instead they decided to charge me full price plus an additional $35 for the visit. WTF? If they decide their earnings are low, they can always raise revenue by randomly disconnecting customers and then charging them to have services eventually restored.
The sad thing is they are still a better deal than the local phone company. I had DSL in my old location, moved, and was told I had to buy all new equipment to get DSL in the new neighborhood. It was slower than before, then a storm damaged the phone lines and my download speeds dropped to about 200kbps. Several service calls later and an older technician found that the problem was in the junction box at the base of the apartment complex. Then everything was good - still slower than before (1.2 mbps vs. 1.5), but it worked and the phones were clear. Less than two weeks later, we had another thunderstorm and the problems returned. I endured three more service visits but finally gave up and cancelled all phone service when, despite telling them what the last technician said, they were completely unable to solve the issue.
Note - Georgia has thunderstorms the way Antarctica has cold, so if whatever you're peddling isn't water resistant, you may want to relocate to Death Valley.
I'll be glad when this Internet fad is over and something better replaces it.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Because I have no time to do anything but follow the crowd
Doctor #1: “You need to exercise so you can get healthy.”
Doctor #2” “You need to get healthy before you can exercise.”
My company is now doling out all the O/T we can eat. In order to go green (read: be cheap), they cut the a/c and air recycling and other janitorial services on the weekend. The building smells old and musty almost immediately. If an elevator reeks of fart on Friday afternoon, it will not smell clean until Monday morning. This makes the bathrooms exceptionally nasty. On Saturday, I noticed that (based on the look and smell) someone had sprayed diarrhea into the urinal. I’m not kidding. Whenever I have my stomach attacks on the weekend, I go home to let it all out.
If one (and only one) good thing has come from being perpetually ill, it’s that I’ve had to spell “diarrhea” so often that I no longer have to look it up.
It sometimes amazes me how international our business has become. While sitting in Atlanta, I assisted a Korean employee who normally works in Australia, is on loan to Singapore, but is out on special assignment in Japan. It was a Chinese employee who first brought the issue to my attention. I wonder how the Italian food is there.
I’ve always thought things like the Academy Awards, where Hollywood awards Hollywood for doing the things Hollywood does for money, was akin to public masturbation but without the entertainment value, but it’s several notches above on the retard scale compared to bloggers handing other bloggers rewards (no, I’m not saying that because I haven’t won any). I already wrote about it here (and that link will also take you to the one, true bloggy award, which you just one, congrats and all), but to further drive the point home I have decided to award myself the thingy below.
Saturday, June 06, 2009
Phone Books
Quick question - does anybody out there still use phone books? I quit once I discovered that Internet thing.
The phone company delivered the latest pile of phone books to my doorstep recently. Normally I throw them away immediately (they don't recycle them here), but this time I left them there because I noticed nobody else had touched theirs either. It's now been over three weeks, and nobody else on my floor has bothered with them. The Chinese food and pizza flyers have gone inside, but the bag o' phone books are just sitting there, collecting pollen.
I guess it's a good thing I don't work for the company that makes them anymore. It's a dying industry.
The phone company delivered the latest pile of phone books to my doorstep recently. Normally I throw them away immediately (they don't recycle them here), but this time I left them there because I noticed nobody else had touched theirs either. It's now been over three weeks, and nobody else on my floor has bothered with them. The Chinese food and pizza flyers have gone inside, but the bag o' phone books are just sitting there, collecting pollen.
I guess it's a good thing I don't work for the company that makes them anymore. It's a dying industry.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Bunny Disclaimer
It has come to my attention that some of you do not properly appreciate the awesomeness that is hot Asian bunnies. Specifically, a lot of you pedophobes think their grown women are adolescent girls.
Here endeth the bunny lesson.
Hwang Mi Hee - age 27
Yuri Ebihara - age 29
Aki Hoshino - age 32
Here endeth the bunny lesson.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Chicken Up!
This Sunday, while pondering what action I should take to further my recovery, I was faced with the choice of going to the gym or eating a two-piece and a biscuit from KFC. I manned-up and went with the chicken.
This may sound like a cop-out, but since my digestive system has been repeatedly raped by antibiotics over the last year, it was actually the scarier of the two concepts. Even between treatments, three foods can quickly reduce me to a quivering, sharty mass: Southern-style potato salad, chocolate milk, and fried chicken. It can be any variety of fried chicken, from fast food to a salad topped with chunks of fried chicken breast to Japanese鶏肉からあげ.
Since I already don’t like iced tea, country music, or fundie religions, my inability to consume a two-piece and a biscuit means I’m in danger of losing my redneck status and being asked to leave the land flowing with tobacco juice, gunpowder, piss-like beer, incest, limited education, humidity, bugs, igmos, and a serious paucity of hot Asian women. There may also be a downside. So, feeling better than I have in about a year, I girded my loins (or at least my colon) and drove to KFC.
Their recent offers for free chicken said the coupons would not be honored on Mother’s Day, which lead me to wonder if people really took their mothers to a feckin’ fast food restaurant as thanks for carrying them in their uterus for nine months. Based on the crowd I saw, the answer is apparently YES! Even the takeout window had a line of cars. There is no way I would take my mother there, and I’m not just saying that because she is a worthless human being who I have purged from my life who doesn’t deserve any chicken unless I can then shove the bones through her eyeballs. I also wouldn’t take someone I cared about to a fast food chicken stand (especially the drive-through) on their day of celebration.
So, I went back home, regrouped, and went to Folk’s, who were also insanely busy (including the takeout counter). I got my two-piece and a biscuit along with coleslaw and mashed potatoes and gravy (supposedly better but definitely more expensive), and went home to test my intestines. An hour and a half later and I was vindicated! I ate fried chicken and had no pain or diarrhea! I rule! Ten minutes later, I was doubled over in sharty pain, the rest of the day spent largely on the toilet.
Truth is, it wasn’t as bad as it has been, but it’s more pain than I want to endure for the pleasure of eating fried chicken. I’m not even going to try the potato salad or chocolate milk now. I’m going back to my unhealthy Asian diet of green tea, miso soup, and tofu / veggies.
This may sound like a cop-out, but since my digestive system has been repeatedly raped by antibiotics over the last year, it was actually the scarier of the two concepts. Even between treatments, three foods can quickly reduce me to a quivering, sharty mass: Southern-style potato salad, chocolate milk, and fried chicken. It can be any variety of fried chicken, from fast food to a salad topped with chunks of fried chicken breast to Japanese鶏肉からあげ.
Since I already don’t like iced tea, country music, or fundie religions, my inability to consume a two-piece and a biscuit means I’m in danger of losing my redneck status and being asked to leave the land flowing with tobacco juice, gunpowder, piss-like beer, incest, limited education, humidity, bugs, igmos, and a serious paucity of hot Asian women. There may also be a downside. So, feeling better than I have in about a year, I girded my loins (or at least my colon) and drove to KFC.
Their recent offers for free chicken said the coupons would not be honored on Mother’s Day, which lead me to wonder if people really took their mothers to a feckin’ fast food restaurant as thanks for carrying them in their uterus for nine months. Based on the crowd I saw, the answer is apparently YES! Even the takeout window had a line of cars. There is no way I would take my mother there, and I’m not just saying that because she is a worthless human being who I have purged from my life who doesn’t deserve any chicken unless I can then shove the bones through her eyeballs. I also wouldn’t take someone I cared about to a fast food chicken stand (especially the drive-through) on their day of celebration.
So, I went back home, regrouped, and went to Folk’s, who were also insanely busy (including the takeout counter). I got my two-piece and a biscuit along with coleslaw and mashed potatoes and gravy (supposedly better but definitely more expensive), and went home to test my intestines. An hour and a half later and I was vindicated! I ate fried chicken and had no pain or diarrhea! I rule! Ten minutes later, I was doubled over in sharty pain, the rest of the day spent largely on the toilet.
Truth is, it wasn’t as bad as it has been, but it’s more pain than I want to endure for the pleasure of eating fried chicken. I’m not even going to try the potato salad or chocolate milk now. I’m going back to my unhealthy Asian diet of green tea, miso soup, and tofu / veggies.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Interview Meme, part thankgoditsover
We finally get to the end of this thing so I can move on to something new, like posting pictures of hot Asian women.
Government is often better at regulating things rather than directly running them. In my part of the country, which is better than wherever you live, our electricity and natural gas were provided by corporations regulated by the government. They were allowed to make a profit within a reasonable limit. Based on employee pay and some of their facilities I’ve seen (the kind festooned with fountains and ponds), they were obviously not hurting for money. Billing was simple and straight-forward. Service was reliable. Then someone (I’m guessing the corporate officers seething over their inability to get richer at society’s detriment) claimed that the community would be better served by marketplace competition, and so the gas was deregulated. A few years later and my costs have quadrupled, plus I have to be careful about who I select as my provider because many companies have hidden fees beyond just charging for the gas. There was talk of de-regulating the electricity, but the gas fiasco (coupled with California’s woes associated with deregulation) created enough of an outcry that it was left as is.
Some object to paying taxes for health care but don’t mind paying for insurance. Under the government regulated system, you could still call it insurance (and it would be handled by private companies) but everyone would be covered and it would have to conform to a national standard instead of the whim of the company handling it. My employer switches insurance carriers on us frequently, and the type of math some employ is the kind you could use to make a plausible argument that the universe does not, technically, exist.
And there are a few things to help defray the costs to society as well as discourage hypochondriac wussies. Copays based on one’s annual salary, for instance. Also charges for emergency room use if it is determined you didn’t actually need the emergency room. Some insurance policies have that clause currently in effect.
Anyone who thinks this system is imperfect is correct. Go back and read my statement about systems before you begin whining.
And now we’re through. Anyone asking me any more questions will be summarily killed. We now return to our normal blogging.
* but foreigners** can go suck it.
** hot Asian women will receive full coverage plus free breast / pelvic exams whenever I have the time.
Government is often better at regulating things rather than directly running them. In my part of the country, which is better than wherever you live, our electricity and natural gas were provided by corporations regulated by the government. They were allowed to make a profit within a reasonable limit. Based on employee pay and some of their facilities I’ve seen (the kind festooned with fountains and ponds), they were obviously not hurting for money. Billing was simple and straight-forward. Service was reliable. Then someone (I’m guessing the corporate officers seething over their inability to get richer at society’s detriment) claimed that the community would be better served by marketplace competition, and so the gas was deregulated. A few years later and my costs have quadrupled, plus I have to be careful about who I select as my provider because many companies have hidden fees beyond just charging for the gas. There was talk of de-regulating the electricity, but the gas fiasco (coupled with California’s woes associated with deregulation) created enough of an outcry that it was left as is.
Some object to paying taxes for health care but don’t mind paying for insurance. Under the government regulated system, you could still call it insurance (and it would be handled by private companies) but everyone would be covered and it would have to conform to a national standard instead of the whim of the company handling it. My employer switches insurance carriers on us frequently, and the type of math some employ is the kind you could use to make a plausible argument that the universe does not, technically, exist.
And there are a few things to help defray the costs to society as well as discourage hypochondriac wussies. Copays based on one’s annual salary, for instance. Also charges for emergency room use if it is determined you didn’t actually need the emergency room. Some insurance policies have that clause currently in effect.
Anyone who thinks this system is imperfect is correct. Go back and read my statement about systems before you begin whining.
And now we’re through. Anyone asking me any more questions will be summarily killed. We now return to our normal blogging.
* but foreigners** can go suck it.
** hot Asian women will receive full coverage plus free breast / pelvic exams whenever I have the time.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Interview Meme – part the Penultimate
From Enemy of the Republic: 2. Name 3 American officials who are currently under the Imperious Curse and doing the Dark Lord's bidding? Explain your answer.
The Dark Lord bit is a bit subjective and I’m not too well versed on politicians anyway, so I’ll interpret this one as which three politicians I think have recently been acting as though someone else has been controlling their actions to the detriment of their career and the American public. I’ll start with:
Mayor Rudy Giuliani. He looked like a strong candidate for the Republican presidential nominee, someone who could perhaps reform the tarnished image of Republicans created by President Bush, and who might best serve the majority of Americans with his political mix of social liberalism and financial conservatism. Unfortunately, whoever ran his campaign (probably Osama bin Laden) decided the best course of action would be to wait until he had been completely eliminated before running. Seriously, when Romney and Huckabee are drawing more press than Giuliani, it’s because he’s using the “Campaigning through Hibernation” model.
Senator John McCain. I had generally been a supporter of McCain, mostly because when I noticed him in the press it was for doing something good, such as calling out the other senators for trying to attach greedy riders to anti-terrorist bills (famous McCain paraphrase - “The sea lamprey, in my opinion, does not pose a clear and present danger to national security”) or criticizing President Bush for trying to push through his anti-gay agenda, citing his belief that good Republicans stood for keeping government out of people’s lives instead of trying to regulate personal relationships. Then during the last days of the campaign he traveled to California to lobby for the passage of Proposition 8. What happened to the McCain I respected? Either he turned into an old person afraid of being banned from heaven so he decided to stack the deck in his favor, or he feared his personal politics weren’t grabbing enough redneck fundies from Obama, or he was hit with the Imperious curse. You decide.
I was going to mention Cynthia McKinney, Georgia politician and daughter of a famous civil rights movement leader, but despite the accusations of anti-Semitism and her racially biased suck-up letter to a Saudi prince schmoozing for dough in the wake of 9/11 and her attack on a police officer, I can’t actually accuse her of acting as though under a curse. She consistently behaves like she smokes crack and whacks her head with a lead pipe. Instead I’ll choose another local politician / offspring of a civil rights movement leader – Ralph David Abernathy III. Given the current Obamarama mood in this country, I’ve been able to find many more articles praising RDA3 for his ability to be of the same race as the president-elect, but I had to dig to find stories of things he’s actually done. The media seems to have forgotten about how he attempted to carry marijuana through the airport upon return from his Caribbean vacation and how he bounced the check he used to register to run for reelection, although there is some mention of those items here before the report on how he lead police on a high speed chase. Also, his impeachment is a matter of public record, although details of all his crimes (mostly things like theft and violating his public office oath) are difficult to track down. What I remember most was, after bouncing the check, he publicly accused his wife of overdrawing their account and causing the issue. I would have thought him something less of a crud if he had at least manned-up an took some responsibility for himself.
Side note – I wonder if our civil rights leaders should have spent a little more time at home making sure their kids didn’t turn out to be out of control public nuisances.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Metalmom Interview
Now being interviewed by Metalmom. The meme rules:
“The only rules are that you have to link back to the original post and you have to put these rules in your post:
Want to be part of it? Follow these instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.”
Now onto the questions:
1. What is it about your beloved 'bunnies' that makes them superior to all other women?
Asian schoolgirls are cute and sexy. When they’re really young they take to the leash well so you can walk them around your neighborhood. When they reach the age of sexual maturity (about twelve), you can sex them up and not worry about lasting emotional anguish if you turn them into gyoza or nikujaga. They’re a source of lean protein and go good with soy sauce. They are especially awesome with Darth Vader.
But who doesn’t find Asian schoolgirls cute?
2. If there were suddenly no more bunnies in the world, would you rather do an old woman or go gay?
I would like to go gay now since guys tend to have less drama and I could expand my wardrobe by dating someone my size. Unfortunately, guys are totally gross. And I don’t find elderly women unattractive. Especially the Asian ones who tend to look half the age of we Westerners.
3. You like Spiderman. Is it a man-crush? How do you think you'd look in the tights?
If I put on the tights, I’d look like a total dork who is trying to dress as Spider-man. That’s why I have a rule to never dress as anyone I like. I’d rather dress as a villain or hero I dislike just to make them look bad. I’d prefer to dress like that weenie Luke instead of Darth Vader.
4. You were born in the Year of the Rooster. Can you tell us about your cock?
It’s uncircumcised and at least average length by Japanese standards. It likes Asian schoolgirls but has to settle for self-abuse.
5. What is your favorite Japanese meal? (Non-human) Wanna go to Japan with me? Can you guarantee that you wouldn't ditch me to run off with another woman?
I think vegetable tempura, especially kabocha (Japanese pumpkin), is my overall favorite. I’ve tried, but I just can’t enjoy raw fish. Nikujaga (beef stew) is also good on a cold day, not that it ever really gets cold here. Yes. And no.
BTW, asking several questions per question is cheating, but I forgive you.
“The only rules are that you have to link back to the original post and you have to put these rules in your post:
Want to be part of it? Follow these instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.”
Now onto the questions:
1. What is it about your beloved 'bunnies' that makes them superior to all other women?
Asian schoolgirls are cute and sexy. When they’re really young they take to the leash well so you can walk them around your neighborhood. When they reach the age of sexual maturity (about twelve), you can sex them up and not worry about lasting emotional anguish if you turn them into gyoza or nikujaga. They’re a source of lean protein and go good with soy sauce. They are especially awesome with Darth Vader.
But who doesn’t find Asian schoolgirls cute?
2. If there were suddenly no more bunnies in the world, would you rather do an old woman or go gay?
I would like to go gay now since guys tend to have less drama and I could expand my wardrobe by dating someone my size. Unfortunately, guys are totally gross. And I don’t find elderly women unattractive. Especially the Asian ones who tend to look half the age of we Westerners.
3. You like Spiderman. Is it a man-crush? How do you think you'd look in the tights?
If I put on the tights, I’d look like a total dork who is trying to dress as Spider-man. That’s why I have a rule to never dress as anyone I like. I’d rather dress as a villain or hero I dislike just to make them look bad. I’d prefer to dress like that weenie Luke instead of Darth Vader.
4. You were born in the Year of the Rooster. Can you tell us about your cock?
It’s uncircumcised and at least average length by Japanese standards. It likes Asian schoolgirls but has to settle for self-abuse.
5. What is your favorite Japanese meal? (Non-human) Wanna go to Japan with me? Can you guarantee that you wouldn't ditch me to run off with another woman?
I think vegetable tempura, especially kabocha (Japanese pumpkin), is my overall favorite. I’ve tried, but I just can’t enjoy raw fish. Nikujaga (beef stew) is also good on a cold day, not that it ever really gets cold here. Yes. And no.
BTW, asking several questions per question is cheating, but I forgive you.
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