Hall of heroes personified

As we all know, American culture is built on a millenial world view, which sees the end of days coming at any time. And I'm not saying the zombie apocalypse is nigh, but I am saying: what could be more American than a good apocalypse?

Max Brooks, chronicler of the apocalypse, did an interview with Shelf Life. He says:

I knew I had turned a corner when I did my first zombie-protection lecture, which was at Colorado College, I believe. Two hundred people showed up and I was so panicked, flop-sweating like Albert Brooks in Broadcast News. I did my lecture for 45 sweaty minutes and I opened the floor up to questions, thinking, okay, they’ve suffered through my lecture. I thought they’d ask me questions like, “Is Will Ferrell really that funny?” or “Is Tina Fey nice?” but the questions were all, “If I cut off my arm, can I stop an infection?” “What rifle do you recommend at what range?” “Should I wear body armor?” They were all actual zombie questions, and I thought maybe I was on to something.

Oh man, be my friend, Max Brooks.

Dr. Deadlove, or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bite

Question: how will you survive the (clearly imminent) zombie apocalypse? Some think that the answer is to take the plunge, get yourself bit, and join the mob of the undead:

Most humans labor under the belief that being undead is a terrible curse. That the living dead are monsters, nothing more than animals. Most humans believe zombies are unhappy....Instead of fighting the zombies, instead of shooting yourself in the head to avoid turning into one of them, let yourself go. Embrace it. If enough of us willingly became zombies, we could change the world. Start a new civilization.

You guys are all welcome to take the bite. Otherwise, you can audition for Survival Team Ombreviations.

The First Brother-in-Law spills

And boy, does he have some nice, enthusiastic, and encouraging things to say. Note to Craig Robinson: you're doing tell-all wrong.

Robinson, brother of the First Lady, has a memoir coming out, in which he wrote about his parents meeting not-yet-President Obama. Verdict? "'Too bad,' Marian said. 'Yep,' Fraser answered. 'She'll eat him alive.'"

This is, of course, the prequel to Robinson's novel about zombie Michelle Obama, in which she literally eats Pres-bama alive.

The prince has read Dystopia!

As the world is clearly headed for a zombie apocalypse, I think other people's dreams of dystopian futures are quaint and sadly misinformed (except for the ones that involve surviving said zombie apocalypse). But, if you are so inclined, check out these top 16 dystopian novels. Enjoy the creepy creep-ness, friends.

Also, extra hugs to whoever can tell me the inspiration for the post title.

Zombies versus unicorns

Who will win???

Zombies, biyatches.

Selena is channeled by someone other than Jennifer Lopez

Fact: Selena was a great pop star. Fact: she is dead. Fact: that has not stopped her from penning a memoir from beyond the grave.

With her publicist, Cristina Castrellón, and the help of medium/psychic Georgette Rivera, Selena has written this memoir in three parts:

The first is Castrellón’s account of her time with Selena when she was alive–Castrellón was a publicist of the artist’s who worked with her from 1993 to 1995. The second part of the book contains [Castrellón's] communications from Selena through Rivera including information about what really happened the night she was murdered....The the third part of the book tells the story of how Castrellón and Rivera met in Mexico at a lecture...

It's clear that Castrellón is dreaming of Selena tonight. Till tomorrow she'll be holding her tight, and there's no where else she'd rather be, than there in her room, dreaming about...er...Selena. In other news, I am not a lyricist, but I am trying.

I wonder if JLo will be available to recreate Selena's message from beyond the grave.

The zombies are tweeting, hide your brains

Well, technically, the zombies are being tweeted about. Manvszombies is a Twitter feed that chronicles the zombie apocalypse. Two of my favorites thus far are:

Sometimes when I'm bored I look out the window and imagine a fireball whizzing down the block. I think that actually just happened.

and:

Even the zombies are getting into it. They seem to be BBQing. I could have sworn one muttered, "Oooh, the boob meat is tender."

I almost wish zombie novels and Twitters were not so amazing, because I cannot stop reading them and they routinely scare the crap out of me, and then all  of a sudden it is 4am and I am planning my zombie escape plan (it is very, very detailed. Spots on my survival team are still open). I read somewhere around 100 books a year, and World War Z is the only one I routinely recommend to people.

And so, as someone who is 100% objective, all of the time, I can safely say: zombies are awesome.

I'll see you in hell (the video game tie-in)!

Pew pew pew pew oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there, I was busying shooting the denizens of hell in Dante's Inferno, the video game. Virgil got me past a lot of the circles, but I can't escape Count Ugolino gnawing on my head.

After this, Electronic Arts will be putting out a game based on Boccaccio's Decameron, in which you try to avoid getting the plague by retiring to your country villa and telling stories while the poor die around you. Oh no, watch out for the syphilis!

Zombies will eat your brains and then your heart

I find this whole premise a little nauseating, and I can't really think of anything cute to say except: zombie love story novel. Gross.

And a book trailer (I friggin hate book trailers):

That's right. He is a feeling, hipster, loving zombie. Gag.

Fingerprinting the greats

Literary scientists have analyzed the collected works of different writers, and come up with charts of which unique words different people use, and how often.

The researchers gathered together the complete works of Hardy, Melville, and Lawrence, and measured that dependence—counting the number of new unique words as a particular author's works get longer and longer.

They used sections from books of varying lengths, randomly pulled from novels, alongside shorter works and short stories.

They found that the authors had distinctly different "unique word" curves.

The team suggests that a work by an unknown author could therefore be compared to prior works, with the curve acting as a linguistic "fingerprint".

My fingerprint-able words would be "zombie apocalypse" and "shenanigans."

Illustrating Moby Dick

Matt Kish has decided to illustrate every page of Moby Dick, and it is pretty friggin awesome. Below is a favorite of mine, "Page 048 : Queequeg was George Washington cannibalistically developed."

Pachow, culture!

Zombies are getting slayed by Natalie Portman

You heard right, ladies and gents. Natalie Portman is producing and starring in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, the motion picture. I haven't read the book, but my sincere love/hate relationship with zombie culture leads me to believe that I will watch anything with zombies getting beasted.

The big question is: do you find NatPo killing zombies believable? I think she'd be more likely to do something twee and hipster than behead the undead, but hey, people will surprise you. And I'm behind anyone trying to stave off the inevitable zombie apocalypse.