The supernatural continues

Vampires are out. Minotaurs are in!

Rock stars and authors, one and the same

No, I'm kidding, only Neil Gaiman gets to be a rock star author (except for celebrity memoirs). But Jeffrey Wasserstrom came up with 5 reasons author tours are like rock concerts. Among them is the knowledge that being the opening act for someone huge is bittersweet. He of course leaves out the drugs and groupie sex, to meet HuffPo standards of cleanliness.

Storing the stash with style

For some of us, closet space is a mythical beast to be worshiped and lured into our homes. For this demographic, where do you store your books?

Om nom nom storage I love you.

Hotties can read

Are you interested in hotties? And you interested in men? Then perhaps you'll be interested in Hot Guys Reading Books. Some of the guys aren't reading, and some aren't...hot...and some of the photos seems to have been taken surreptitiously, which is a little sketchy, but for the most part, hurray!

Romantic writers: They're just like us!

They go on crazy diets! They hurt themselves trying to impress the ladies! They give each other nicknames! They redecorate!

Check out five little known facts about Romantic writers. Super fun times.

Things about Twilight I could have kept from you

I have, in the past, been a bearer of Twilight related bad news for society. I have sworn that, one day, I will be a force for good, instead of evil, but it just keeps being easier to bring the bad Twilight news to the fore. So, continuing my trend: did you know that Twilight related baby names have shot through the roof? There's going to be a whole generation of boys named Cullen dating girls named Bella, causing their parents to squee to no end.

And, although the boys won't sparkle, there are coping methods for non-sparkle boyfriends. ...Are these all signs of the apocalypse, or just me getting a headache?

Erotica saves publishing, peasants rejoice

Apparently erotica is one of the few growth industries in publishing. To quote:

Exactly why erotic literature has become so popular now is a matter of speculation, though it doesn't seem entirely coincidental that the creators were mostly raised in the era of Madonna videos on MTV, open discussion of sex during the initial HIV scare, and the mainstreaming of porn. Much of the new erotica is simply porn moved to the printed page, only smarter and largely aimed at women.

Once again, Madonna is at fault. Damn you, Madonna!

What a million teen weddings and subsequent pregnancies look like

Are you a teen who read the Twilight books, and was inspired by the message of abstinence? Do you find solace in the series' portrayal of the creepily controlling behavior of an older man toward an easily influenced young woman? Have you found your own creepy controlling older man, and want to perhaps indulge in your hormones without the patina of sin?

If so, you're in luck, my friend! Just email your hundred year old honey the link to buy this replica of the engagement ring Edward gave to Bella (with real diamonds!), and you'll be at it like rabbits in no time.

Then all you'll have to do is get pregnant with your own demon spawn and allow it to literally kill you because you decided not to consider options like the pill, the ring, the patch, the shot, an IUD, or fucking condoms. And if you're really lucky, you might just get your own episode of 16 and Pregnant.

Bitches be crazy, Victorian style

There are many (many) crazy ladies in literature, but they're especially concentrated in Victorian literature. But were they really crazy, or just regular type ladies who were interested in sex?

Just something to think about.

Nicholas Sparks-ize your movie

Nicholas Sparks, you are so good at writing really similar books and making people buy them. Give me your secret potion sir!

Oh, wait, someone else already found it, and showed us what 10 movies would be like if they were inspired by Nicholas Sparks novels. So...good...

Plus, thank you, great Rejectionist, for sending along the link, with the subject line "HAHAHAHAHA" and no text in the body of the email. You read my friggin mind.

Eat, pray, watch

The trailer for the movie of "Eat, Pray, Love" is up.

Thoughts?

Danielle Steel, please be my friend

Having recently discussed Danielle Steel, I don't think I properly expressed how great I think she is. To quote:

"I'm very organized," Steel says of her regimented schedule. "You can't have nine children and not be organized. Otherwise it just looks like Appalachia."

Oh my, Danielle. You are a feisty lady. Please come hang out.

The science of romance

At one point or other, I considered pursuing an academic career, and then decided that it wasn't for me (with some help from those who have already been there). Now that decision is vindicated, because I would no longer be the first to do an academic analysis of romance novels. And what an analysis it is!

Coming from an evolutionary psychology perspective, they hypothesized these titles would reflect mating preferences that have evolved over the millennia — specifically, a desire for a long-term relationship with a physically fit, financially secure man who will provide the resources needed to successfully raise a family.

They found considerable support for this theory, although some of their speculative specifications were spelled out more directly than others.

Love it. Love. It.

Abraham Lincoln + vampires + Tim Burton = Oh em gee

I have gone on record not liking book trailers. Today, I make an exception, for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter:

Apparently Tim Burton wants to adapt this, but I say no thank you: someone needs to make Quentin Tarantino do this. And then make it Babe-raham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

I think I just blew my own mind.

A Steel-y gaze and a beach house later

Danielle Steel, queen of romance (and also not romance, as she will tell you), has had her fair share of homes, and has recently bought a beach house that she has, for the first time, decorated to her liking:

The main theme seen throughout the three-bedroom, one-story home is hearts, which appear in paintings, in prints and via pillows. Reds, oranges, pinks and lime greens jump out from paintings, sculptures and objects, and heart pillows are inscribed with sayings ("Real love stories never have endings," reads one). Ms. Steel's bed, situated underneath a heart painting, is covered with heart pillows, stuffed animals and cloth dolls.

All I have to say is hells yes, decorating to make yourself happy. I wish I didn't live with someone with opinions slash didn't rent slash had the money to redecorate, because I would live in an under the sea apartment. What's that? I can't hear your judgment through the ocean sounds on the white noise machine and the constantly looping Shark Week footage.

The structure of true romance

I am in love with this guide to writing romances, with interviews from some of the most prolific Mills & Boon writers. Because most genre is incredibly formulaic, the incredible output of thrillers, space operas, and yes, romances from a stable of authors is all the more impressive.

While I'm sure many consider success to be personal recognition from the public and Safran Foer-ness, I consider it fiscal, not artistic, and would loooove this kind of stable (in both the secure and the horses senses) writing work. Mills & Boon, or, hey, Harlequin, call me. I have no idea how to write any of this stuff believably or well, but I will take your money and help comment on your covers.

Be with the one you love...unless that one is imaginary

At Shelf Life they ask: what literary character are you in love with? This is a very important question, because it tells you a lot about you. Examples:

You love Mr. Darcy: you wish you wore hoop skirts and are full of sass.
You love Edward Cullen: you are dead to me.

For those of you who realize you can't date a fictional character (sorry, lovelies), you can at least live vicariously through these literary matches, characters who would love each other...if they were real.

Reality TV infects romance novels

In case you are too old for a personalized children's book with your name featured prominently, you can showcase your love in the new Vows imprint of HCI, which "will match romance writers with real life couples, turning the wedding column into steamy nonfiction."

So if your sex life isn't weird enough, you can now read someone else's steamy interpretation of your romance. Hell, send me $5 and a waffle recipe, and I will write you a story about your romance with a zombicorn (or in which you and your lover defeat a zombicorn? I'm flexible). It'll be super steamy.

Edwardian drama

The fact that John Edwards was a legitimate contender to be President of the United States really makes this tell-all even more ridiculous. His aide Edward Young (the one who pretended to be the father of Edwards' lovechild with Rielle Hunter) spills the beans, and they are juicy, juicy beans. In addition to the dirt on Edwards' affair, this comes up:

Young also goes for some particularly vengeful quotemongering by citing the once down-home candidate as railing against appearing at state fairs and having “fat rednecks try to shove food down my face. I know I’m the people’s senator, but do I have to hang out with them?”

John Edwards is now officially relegated to my mental camp of former presidential contenders who are terrifying as potential leaders but hilarious otherwise. So it's just him and Mike Huckabee. Worst summer camp ever?

Twilight plus manga equals Twanga

EW got an exclusive look at a page of the forthcoming Twilight graphic novel, as well as part of an interview with Stephenie Meyer. And, yea, that's not particularly interesting, but I love love love the comments at EW. People are crazy. Go read the trainwreck!