Top Ten Things I Hate About Writing/Being a Writer

I love being a writer. I love words. I love making readers laugh. Even more, I love making readers gasp in surprise. Writing is why I wake up each morning (okay, afternoon). So you’re probably asking yourself (if you are a twelve year old girl), if you love writing so much why don’t you marry it? If you’re a bit older, the question might be phrased a little differently but the ideas the same. If I love writing, why did I title this post the Top Ten Things I Hate about Writing/Being a Writer? What kind of idiot does that?

Mostly because I can. So there!

10. Spelling. That i before e rule is just bull***t! Yes, here it is: My name is Julie and I’m a terrible speller. If I could marry spellcheck I would. Our bond is strong and has lasted nearly a lifetime. Of course spell check is known for cheating and the occasional horrific gaff. Genius to penis in an email to my grandmother comes to mind.

9. Waiting. The publishing industry is all about waiting. Waiting to finish a book. Waiting for agents to read said book. Waiting for tens and perhaps hundreds of agents to reject the same manuscripts. Waiting for an editor to read the manuscript that the agent who kept you waiting for six months before it went out on submission. Waiting for the contract. Waiting for the release date, which is likely a year and a half from now. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. If you can survive the waiting with a shred of sanity than you will succeed.

8. Self-promotion. Even though this is number 8, it sucks more than many of the other things on this list. I don’t mind sending emails to bookstores asking to hold a booksigning at their bookstore. I have no problem wiring a press release or emailing a pitch idea to a news organization. These are things that authors have to do. What I don’t like is going on social media sites and selling myself or my books. I like to interact with my facebook friends. I want to share stuff with my followers on twitter. I like to blog about other books and sometimes politics on my blog. I understand that self-promotion is a necessary evil, but too often that evil is taken too far. Anyway, I have this book coming out on March 1^st. It’s a urban fairytale titled CURSES…

7. Reviews. I’m not going to whine about bad reviews. Yes, they happen. And yes, it sucks when you get one. Enough said.

6. Critique Groups. My first critique group was invaluable, but I didn’t learn so much about craft as I did about ego and bitterness. And really, what other professions offer critiques from peers as a means of bettering one’s self? Can you imagine a group of cops sitting around a doughnut shop…okay, bad analogy…but you get my point.

5. Grammar. I know. I know. I already said spelling and the ‘i before e’ rule, but grammar deserves its own special acknowledgement of hellishness. Present, past, past perfect. WTF? How is it language, the means of communication and ideas, has so many damn rules?

4. Readers. Okay, so this might sound harsh, but readers can be so annoying. Not you. You are FABULOUS! But readers sometimes want stuff to make sense, want characters who they love, want a plot that works, and then on top of that, they want perfect spelling and grammar. What am I, a rocket scientist? I picked a career in writing so I didn’t have to work…

3. Other Writers. Yeah, you know who you are. You’re always trying to get me to hangout in bars and talk in words. Hmmm…scratch that. I only hate writers who don’t pay for my drinks! Or are better at writing than me. Or the ones who sell more books. Oh and those damn bestsellers, what a bunch of…wordies.

2. Punctuation. I love you apostrophe. But damn can you be possessive.

1. Writing. Did I mention this already?

What do you hate about writing/being a writer?

j.a. kazimer is a writer living in Denver, CO. With a master’s degree in forensic psychology, j.a. has worked as a private investigator, bartender, and at the Jack Kerouac School of Disembodied Poetics. Books include The Junkie Tales (2010), The Body Dwellers (2011), CURSES! A F***ed-Up Fairy Tale (2012), and Holy Socks & Dirtier Demons (2012). The next book in the F***ed Up Fairy Tale series, FROGGY-STYLE, is forthcoming from Kensington in 2013. Visit j.a. kazimer’s website at http://www.jakazimer.com/

10 Myths about Being an Author

My name is Julie and I’m an author.

Hold your applause.

What? You weren’t planning on applauding? Oh.

Anyway, people are always asking questions. The big one is “Would you like fries with that?” but sometimes the questions relate to being an author. I’m not sure how they know that I write books for a living. Perhaps it’s my author-like scent. I’ve heard all authors emit this special sort of scent- Ode to Words, but I never believed it. Not till CURSES! was released last week and I noticed this stench clinging to me. Sure you could blame the whiskey, but I prefer to think that the smelly author myth is actually true.

By now you’re probably asking yourself, is there a point to this rambling? And the answer is…”Can I supersize my drink?”

Okay, now that my order’s complete, let’s talk myths, especially those 10 little ones that cling to authors:

10. Books are easy to write.
I hate to burst this particular bubble, since most people I know say stuff like, “I should write a book.” (And they should. Everyone should try at least once, and then I would never, ever hear that statement again). But book writing (at least good, publishable book writing) is damn hard and it takes months, sometimes years to finish.

9. Authors are all rich.
Sigh. I wish. Like me, most authors I know have a day job or a very nice spouse who supports the authors dream. Even semi-famous authors aren’t making the big bucks. For every six-figure book deal you hear about, there are twenty four figure ones. Worse, if you get an advance, you have to sell enough books to pay that advance (called earning out) before you make a dime on any book you sell.

8. Authors sell thousands and thousands of books.
To who? Please tell me where can I sell that many books? An average mid-list author with a new release will sell anywhere from 500 to a couple thousand book a year. Most books don’t even sell that many copies.

7. Once an author sells a book to a publisher, the author can just step back and reap in the royalties.
Ha! How I wish this myth was true. I sold my first book thinking this same thing. Boy did I learn a lesson over the next year. I had to arrange every book signing, send out all newsletters and press releases for media attention, and buy all my own book swag. A publisher does their part with editing, printing and distributing my book as well as helping to promote it.

6. All books are somewhat autobiographical.
Let me answer this as quick and easily as I can: NO. No. No. No. I am not a fairy tale villain. I’ve never been a fairy tale villain. Nothing in my novel is me or about me.

5. The narrator in the book is the author.
See the answer above. Whatever point of view a book is told in is a decision made by the author as a means to tell a story. I, the author, am not the narrator. I am merely the chick who types the words.

4. The day a book is released it will be front and center of the bookstore.
Not true. Here’s another painful lesson I learned. The books you see in the front of the bookstore, well, those are there because someone, likely the publisher, paid the store to place them there. Sadly, bookstores have less and less space for books. Many are now selling e-readers in space that used to house books. So the odds of finding your book on a store’s shelves are about 50/50.

3. Authors love attention and talking about their book.
Some do. Others, like me, would rather not be the center of attention. But it’s the nature of our business. If I want to succeed I have to tell people about my book.

2. If a book has vampires or a kid named Harry in it, you’ll make millions.
False. Please, for the love of all words, stop writing to what you think the market is or wants. If J.K. Rowlings or Stephenie Myers jumped off a bridge would you? Be fresh. Be unique. Be yourself.

1. All authors are young, sexy and hip.
This one happens to be absolutely true.

j.a. kazimer is a writer living in Denver, CO. With a master’s degree in forensic psychology, j.a. has worked as a private investigator, bartender, and at the Jack Kerouac School of Disembodied Poetics. Books include The Junkie Tales (2010), The Body Dwellers (2011), CURSES! A F***ed-Up Fairy Tale (2012), and Holy Socks & Dirtier Demons (2012). The next book in the F***ed Up Fairy Tale series, FROGGY-STYLE, is forthcoming from Kensington in 2013. Read more about j.a. at http://www.jakazimer.com

What's New from Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers?

Happy Valentine's Day! Here are a few of the recent and upcoming releases from members of Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers:


All the Old Lions
#1 of the Thea Barlow Wyoming mystery series
By Carol Caverly
Now available as an ebook $.99

"Magazine editor, Thea Barlow, goes to Wyoming to nurture the author of a manuscript she wants--the detailed history of a local 19th century bordello, Halfway Halt. She quickly becomes the focus of an irate group of townsfolk who don’t want old family secrets revealed. One of them wants nothing less than to see Thea dead."

Carol is busy getting her remaining backlist uploaded as e-books as well. For more information, visit her website.

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Mary Gillgannon announces that two more of her series novels are available as e-books.

The Dragon Bard $2.99
The Dragon Prince $2.99

You can find the rest of the story at Mary’s website.



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Curses! A F**ked-Up Fairy Tale
By J. A. Kazimer
Kensington 2/28/12
ISBN: 978-0758269126
Trade paperback $15.00
E-book $9.99

"When Cinderella is run over by a New Never City bus, her not-so-ugly stepsister, Asia, suspects murder. So she hires RJ, a private eye, to investigate. Little does she know RJ is actually a villain on mental health leave from the Villain's Union. Cursed with an inability to say no to damsels in distress, RJ travels to the Kingdom of Maldetto, meets the rest of Cinderella's family--including her fiancé, the flamboyant Prince Charming, Cinderella's crazy stepmother, and a seriously twisted version of Hansel and Gretel--and dodges bullets, explosions, fires, and his own ex-wife to slip his own version of glass handcuffs on the wrists that fit. All while falling for Asia, who has a curse of her own to deal with..."

Everything you ever wanted to know about J.A. Kazimer can be found at her website and in this recent Chiseled in Rock interview.

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Michael Madigan

"You've been here before! Standing in a line out to the parking lot, trying to buy this year's "must-have" gadget for your kid's Christmas. The experience inspired Michael Madigan to stretch the idea, and his short story has made the finals of the Labello Prize in Ireland. Winners receive cash and a spot in an anthology."


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Back to Salem
By Alex Marcoux
Bella Books 2/14/12
ISBN 978-1594933035
Paperback $15.95

"Jessie Mercer has it all—fame, fortune, and a best-selling novel being made into a major motion picture starring the alluring Taylor Andrews. When disturbing, real-life events begin mimicking the movie's plot, Jessie and Taylor find themselves drawn into a cosmic web of passion, treachery, and deception that began centuries ago! As the terror mounts, Jessie realizes she is the target and must go back—all the way back to Salem, where answers to the mystery unfold—before the evil from the past destroys her!"

"Back to Salem has been dubbed a "gender-bending thriller" and is a Lambda Literary Award Finalist for best lesbian mystery." Alex’s website and blog have lots more information about her and her books.


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The Woman Who Loved Jesse James
By Cindi Myers
Belle Bridge Books 1/15/12
ISBN: 978-1611940824
Trade Paperback $14.95

"Zee Mimms was just nineteen in 1864—the daughter of a stern Methodist minister in Missouri—when she fell in love with the handsome, dashing, and already notorious Jesse. He was barely more than a teenager himself, yet had ridden with William Quantrill’s raiders during the Civil War.

'You’ll marry a handsome young man,' a palm reader had told her. 'A man who will make you the envy of many. But . . . there will be hard times.'

Zee and Jesse’s marriage proved the palmist right. Jesse was a dangerous puzzle: a loving husband and father who kept his “work” separate from his family, though Zee heard the lurid rumors of his career as a bank robber and worse. Still, she never gave up on him. And he earned her love, time and again."

Learn more about Cindi and her books at her website.


This list was compiled by Pat Stoltey

What's New from Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers?

Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers rocks, and so do its members! Here are a few recent and upcoming releases in no particular order:


Today is the official release date for C. M. Wendelboe's Death Along the Spirit Road from Berkley Trade.

"Eighteen years ago, FBI agent Manny Tanno thought he was leaving the impoverished Pine Ridge Reservation for good. Now a case forces him to return, digging up memories of his proud Sioux ancestry—and some family he'd rather forget.

The body of local Native land developer Jason Red Cloud is found on the site for his new resort near Pine Ridge Village. A war club is lodged in his skull, and there are clues to suggest a ritual may have been performed at the crime scene. Agent Tanno's boss orders him to return to the reservation, his former home, and solve the murder in two weeks—or he can kiss his job good-bye.

Manny arrives in Pine Ridge to find that some things haven't changed since he left. His former rival, now in charge of the tribal police, is just as bitter as ever, and he has no intention of making Manny’s life easy. And the spirit of Red Cloud haunting Manny’s dreams is not much help either. Now Manny is on his own in hunting down a cold-blooded killer—and one misstep could send him down the spirit road as well. . . "

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Beth Groundwater's new Rocky Mountain Outdoor Adventures mystery series published by Midnight Ink officially debuts March 8th with Deadly Currents.

"The Arkansas River, heart and soul of Salida, Colorado, fuels the small town’s economy and thrums in the blood of river ranger Mandy Tanner.

When a whitewater rafting accident occurs, she deftly executes a rescue, but a man dies anyway. Turns out, it wasn’t the rapids that killed him—he was murdered. Tom King was a rich land developer with bitter business rivals, who cheated on his wife, refused to support his kayak-obsessed son, and infuriated environmentalists.

Mandy’s world is upended again when tragedy strikes closer to home. Suspicious that the most recent death is connected to Tom King’s murder, Mandy goes on an emotionally turbulent quest for the truth—and ends up in dangerous waters."

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Missing in Action: A Family Saga by Kevin Diviness is a January release available in paperback and ebook editions. You can learn more about Kevin on Facebook.

Mike Saunders was only four when his father's B-52 crew crashed into a mountain in North Vietnam. He vowed that he would one day find his father. Years later, Mike is assigned as military liaison to a team that will search the crash site.

Artifacts abound, but where are the remains? Do the local villagers know more than they are revealing? And what about the beautiful, but mysterious young woman whom Mike finds so enchanting?

Mike is determined to locate the missing crew, but will he succeed before the approaching monsoons put a halt to the search?

Missing in Action: A Family Saga is the story of one's man's quest to restore honor to those whom America has forgotten.

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J. A. Kazimer's urban fantasy novel, The Body Dwellers, was released in ebook in February from Solstice Publishing.

"In a world divided by genetics and a concrete wall, Indeara Adair, a mutant enforcer, survives by kicking the occasional gnome ass. A job her half-human, half-mutant cells make her terrifyingly skilled at.

Life is good with a few exceptions, namely, an elite force of cops who have Indeara in their sights, not to mention the reappearance of Quinn Daniels, a man who betrayed her three years ago to dwell among the human race. A man she must now protect in order to save the mutant population. Yet these are the least of Indeara’s concerns, for somewhere, a plague destined to destroy the mutants is scheduled for release. A plague developed by Indeara’s own grandfather.

With the help of a ragtag group of mutants led by the mysterious head of the rebel cause, Jake McClain, Indeara slips beyond the wall and into the human world to aid those she loves, and to learn the truth behind her own genetic code."

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The official release date for Tomorrow's Garden, a historical Christian romance by Amanda Cabot, is April 1st, but my experience with online booksellers tells me you'll receive the book sooner than that if you go ahead and pre-order.

"Harriet Kirk is certain that becoming the new schoolteacher in Ladreville, Texas is just what she needs—a chance to put the past behind her and give her younger siblings a brighter tomorrow.

What she didn’t count on was the presence of handsome former Texas Ranger Lawrence Wood—or the way he affects her fragile heart. But can Harriet and Lawrence ever truly conquer the past in order to find happiness?

Book 3 in the Texas Dreams series, Tomorrow’s Garden is a powerful story of overcoming the odds and grabbing hold of happiness."

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If you like zombie stuff with yuck and gore (and doesn't everyone?), check out Z-motors by Terry Wright, now available for ebook or in PDF.

The owner of Z-motors has a problem with his employees. They are brainless zombies who eat their customers. He needs a mechanic with a brain, so he places a Help Wanted ad in a Denver newspaper.

Unemployed Jim Lowry is looking for a job as a Master Mechanic. The perfect position opens up in a small-town auto repair shop on the Colorado plains. He loads his family into their SUV and sets out for Z-motors. He’s about to apply for the job from hell.


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By the way, did anyone notice the first two book listed have protagonists named Manny Tanno and Mandy Tanner? Great minds think alike, right?

Information compiled by Pat Stoltey in the Pat Cave.