Okay, so maybe I’m not new to disclosure. The back of my head was featured on TV for GMA’s Think Positive documentary about HIV some years ago. And I was part of DepEd’s Power of You sexual health awareness campaign, disclosing my HIV-positive status to an audience of students and faculty, both in Subic and Cebu.
For some, those are amazing steps to take. But for me, I could inch a wee bit further.
Really, those times I’ve delved into the business of disclosing my HIV status have almost never been any risk to me. I mean, almost all of these people, I had not known before, and they would only have known me after the fact. And also, there was little chance of seeing most of them ever again. Non-detrimental is the term I’d use.
So in summary, brave as some of you think it to be, there was to be little bearing on my everyday life. But, in the interest of being a guinea pig of the HIV experience, I’ve been taking it a bit further.
You know how when you get urine tests for illegal drugs, they would usually ask if you’re taking any medications? Well, the reason for that is the possibility of false positive results. Our doctors and nurses have always said that some of the ARVs could result in a positive result of a typical urine test for drugs.
So lately, I’ve been figuring, I may as well tell them before a drug test that I am indeed taking maintenance medications... just so it doesn’t sound like a defensive afterthought after a false positive result of a drug test.
The first time I applied this new mentality of mine was some months ago, when I went to have my driver’s license renewed. So, wary of my shy bladder, I arrived with my bladder already full to the brim. In afterthought, not a very good idea.
Hour after hour of filling out forms, waiting, waiting and more waiting, it was finally, finally, finally my turn to collect my urine sample. Sounds normal, right? But at some point of filling out the form, I filled in “Yes” to answer the question of whether I was currently taking any medications. And in the blank provided, I wrote “Lamivudine”.
Lamivudine is actually just one of my three ARVs. So, of course, like I taunted it out of him, the guy who checks my form asks what I’m taking it for. Okay, in all honesty, I didn’t exactly disclose that I’m HIV-positive. But rather, the next best thing... how about disclosing one of my co-infections? Good enough.
Hepatitis B. Yep, aside from HIV, I indeed have Hepatitis B. Not your typical Hepatitis that you get from dirty food, but rather, an STD as well. But fortunately, due to some odd circumstances, two of my three ARVs, Lamivudine and Tenofovir, are acting against both my HIV and Hepatitis B. Two birds with two pills. So I could really claim that I am taking them for my Hepatitis B.
So to cut this chapter short, I renewed my license without a hitch. No false positives. No problem with disclosing having an STD either. No... Big... Deal.
Cut to the next scene. I’m tempted to try my stunt again. Let’s move on to a different challenge... something more detrimental.
So the last time I had a medical exam for employment was back in 2004. Pre-HIV. This year would be my first after that little milestone.
So I got a dental exam, blood tests, x-ray, and once again, another urine test for illegal drugs. After all that, I go to the doctor for the physical exam. And she was plotting out my medical history. Previous operations? None. Hospitalizations? None. Family history? Well, diabetes, heart disease and cancer. And medications? Yes. Lamivudine.
Of course, she needed to ask what I was taking it for. Hepatitis B. When was I diagnosed? Did anyone in the family have Hepatitis B? Did I have any blood transfusions? 2008. Nope. Nope. So I’m sure in her head, the doctor now could deduce it was sexually-transmitted. And so it was over, she sent me off. I could expect the results at the office.
For all I care, it’s no big deal. I just have it. It’s not affecting my work. I still wasn’t sure what effect it would have on my job prospects. Then the following day, I got called into the company clinic. Oh boy. Here it goes.
So I was called in with a couple of others. One needed a follow-up urinalysis. The other, a re-x-ray. And then, my turn. I was told to shut the door to the clinic. What the? So I was asked by the company nurse about my Hepatitis B. How long I had it and what not. And I was just answering it matter-of-factly. Then she places a call to the doctor, asking about my case. Chit-chat chit-chat over the phone. She looks at me from head to toe, and looks into my eyes while still on the phone.
Hindi naman po siya naninilaw. Okay, salamat doc.
She puts the phone down.
Okay ka na. Fit to work ka na.
I knew it was right, but I honestly was still in a level of disbelief. Sigh of relief.
Yeah, yeah. I know that was just Hepatitis B. But really, if you think about it, disclosing HIV should be just as easy. Exactly like I just happened to have Hepatitis B, I just happened to have HIV. I am still fit to work. I am still fit to live. I am still fit. Period.
If you think about it, I didn’t have to say it. I didn’t have to disclose. I didn't have to take the risk. They wouldn’t have found out if I didn’t tell them. I have an STD. Hmmm, not the easiest thing to say. Let alone I have HIV. But why must it be that way? Why must HIV be the one skeleton I have in my closet that I have to keep hidden? Sadly, for now, there’s still a higher level of stigma that surrounds HIV. But times are a-changing... Someday... Someday.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Disclosure... Sort Of
Thursday, March 19, 2009
HMO? HMP!
It's that time of year again. The time of the year when the company that I work for needs to renew its sanitary permit with the city government. Not such a big deal, really, considering that all they usually need done is a chest x-ray. I'm not sure if they're looking for tuberculosis or pneumonia or what, but so far, I haven't encountered any real problems associated with HIV. So why exactly am I blogging this? Let me tell you why.
This is also the same time of the year that the company chooses to have us, its employees, go through our annual physical exam. The APE is actually part of the benefits we get from our Health Maintenance Organization, or HMO.
Considering my fear of needles, I never really got to go through an APE. The pre-employment medical exam, yes. But the APE, never. Not even before I found out I had HIV. I would always rather go to a private clinic and have to pay P200+ for a chest x-ray, just so I wouldn't have to go through the rest of the tests involved in the APE.
So you can imagine, all the more now, that I know what I have a gang of STDs, I will do absolutely anything to get out of having to go through an APE. I know, I know, R.A. 8504 protects me by prohibiting mandatory HIV tests. But that’s all it does. When it comes to my hepatitis B and my syphilis, anything goes.
I’ve actually sworn off accessing my HMO benefits altogether, until such time that I absolutely no longer have a choice. Why so? Am I wasting the freebies that I might possibly be entitled to? For now, I choose to waste them.
You see, part of my work has me involved in some administrative functions in the office. And part of that entails handling transactions with our HMO service provider. Not everyone may know how the HMO system works. I’ve been fortunate enough to.
HMOs charge a monthly health insurance fee per employee. A fee which, in my case, is shouldered by our employer. Up for annual renewal, the fee paid for health insurance gets recomputed, based on the previous year’s usage of benefits. Ergo, the more health insurance benefits that the company’s employees avail in the previous year, the higher the health insurance premiums charged for the following year. It’s a business, after all. They need to make money.
As part of this reassessment of their services, HMOs send a summary of usage to the administrative unit of our company. It’s a summary, but it’s detailed. Complete with the names of employees who availed of medical benefits, dates, consultations, and findings. Now if you’ve got nothing to hide, then all is good. But for me, I’d rather not be prematurely and unnecessarily disclosed for needing to consult my posse of STDs.
Basically, there’s no fine line dividing the transparency between the HMO and the company as client and service provider, and the medical confidentiality between doctor and patient. A line, or the lack of one, which not everyone may be aware of.
Now if you’re paying for your own medical insurance, then it’s fine. But in some cases like mine where the employer pays for the medical insurance of the employee, then they become part of the equation. Of course, I’m not saying others like me should forego medical insurance benefits. Just consider yourself more equipped to make an informed decision. My personal opinion? HMO? HMP!
Alright? Ok, you can lighten up now. Just stay healthy, my friends.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
What About Me?!
The past few posts have all been about Baby Nathan. Baby Nathan, Baby Nathan, Baby Nathan. It’s all been about Baby Nathan.
What about me? I have HIV too, you know? How have I been doing? This is my blog, remember?
Okay, since you asked, I’ll tell you. It’s been seven months since I found out I’m HIV positive. I’ve been on anti-retrovirals or ARVs for the past three months. And I’m doing pretty good.
My weight is steady at around 140 pounds. No other allergic reactions to my ARVs. I’m due for another Quantitative RPR test in December, to make sure my Syphilis has gone or is going away.
My last test results came out a month ago, which was a Hepatitis B viral load count. I didn’t know what to think when I saw the result was over 100,000 units per milliliter. I was just relieved it was far from the maximum detectable level, which was in the hundreds of millions of units per milliliter. And showing it to the doctor at the RITM, she kept me for under a minute, pointing out it was just a baseline count to begin with. She reassured me that two of my three ARVs were acting against the Hepa B virus as well, which I knew already from doing research. She told me I’d need to redo the test six months after, in March, which I’m not exactly looking forward to, because it cost me over PhP 5,000.00. But considering all the other freebies I’m getting, it’s not that bad. I just need to start saving up for it little by little.
I had a bad cold again a couple of weeks ago. No thanks to my mom, who doesn’t have enough etiquette to cover her mouth when she coughs, nor to my boss, who just won’t take a break from work to get well no matter how bad her flu, nor to my selfish colleague at work, who would rather have everyone else freeze to death from the air-conditioning than turn an electric fan her way, just to douse her hot flashes and cool her menopausal vajayjay. Geesh. Fortunately I’ve recovered without having to medicate further. I did notice though, that whenever I get sick like that, it manifests further in the form of breakouts on my face. How bad is it? Let’s just say a colleague of mine wanted to play connect-the-dots on my face. Argh.
All this ranting might just take its toll on my CD4 Count, so you know what... I should get back to talking about Baby Nathan instead. Here’s the latest update.
Another donor sent a bit of money for the medicines and supplies of the baby. I was meaning to go sometime this weekend, so I called Ate yesterday to find out what exactly he needed. She said the baby was doing fine, and fortunately, so much help has been pouring in directly, that the baby still had enough of everything he needed. So she told me to hold on to the money in the meantime, and that she’d send me a text message if some sort of a need for it came up. She did mention that the mom has started working somewhere, and was already able to support the family’s needs when it came to food. Still no final word on when exactly they’re gonna get discharged.
So there, let’s end this on a positive note, and leave it at that. Thanks for letting me rant. Hahaha, like you have a choice. Let’s just all enjoy what’s left of the weekend. Ciao!
Monday, September 22, 2008
In My Head
What’s been running through my head lately? Efavirenz. And I’m not exaggerating. This is my third week on Efavirenz, and it’s been trying to drive me crazy.
When the doctor changed my medication from Nevirapine to Efavirenz at the RITM two weeks ago, she had warned me about the side effects. Among these, were dizziness and dreams. I was thinking anything would be better than the fever and rashes I was experiencing with Nevirapine.
So I started on Efavirenz, just once a day, taking the doctor’s advice to take it in the evening, making sure I’d have nothing important to do after taking it. I never experienced any of the dreaming, but man, she wasn’t kidding about the dizziness.
I’ve been trying to come up with some way to accurately describe the feeling, and I’ve actually come up with a number of them.
First thing that came to mind, was that it felt like I was seeing the world through someone else’s prescription lenses. It was like being drunk, but not tipsy. My mind was all a blur.
It wasn’t exactly impairing me. Rather it was even making me move faster. More efficient maybe? I’ve noticed I’ve been able to go through my morning routine faster, making me arrive at work earlier. I even walk faster. I don’t know if it’s giving me more energy or something, but the world seemed to slow down relatively. Crazy, huh?
A friend of mine may have caught a good description, saying it must feel like being on a third straight cup of coffee. I couldn’t really tell, not being a coffee drinker, but maybe, it made some sense.
I also described it as feeling like everything I do, everything I hear, everything I think, everything I see, just echoes in my head twenty times before setting in. It felt chaotic.
So that’s how I’ve been feeling for the past two weeks. Admittedly, I seem to be getting the hang of it. At this point, it’s no longer as bad as the first few days. Things in my head are clearer now, and I feel I’m getting back to my old self again. U and C did say it’d be this way, and that I should be dizziness-free anywhere between a week and a month.
So all in all, I’m pretty happy about the Efavirenz. I haven’t been having to think about it much, and have even had to worry more about my Hepatitis B and Syphilis. Well, not really.
I’ve visited the doctors at Social Hygiene Clinic again to start another round of penicillin shots for my Syphilis. As for the Hepa, the lab tests show I’m an active carrier, and the result of the latest lab test for the Hepa Viral Load hasn’t come out yet. The doctor says it’s nothing to worry about, because one of my HIV medications, Lamivudine, is actually also a medication for Hepatitis B. So we’re actually hitting two birds with one stone here.
The fortunate thing is that I haven’t had any manifestations of either of what a doctor friend of mine regards as my HIV “add-ons”. I’ve always said, having HIV is one thing, but adding Hepatitis B and Syphilis isn’t anything to be proud of. Although, it’s still far from the end of the world.
So for now, they’re just a few things more to deal with, aside from work, family and love. Just another part of the macro scale of life. No biggie.
How about you? What’s been running through your head lately?
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Half A Day Off
I’m on Day 12 now of my ARV trial, still everything is green and go. And I’m thankful. Two more days, and I graduate to the higher “test”.
I had planned to take Friday off from work to accompany an online acquaintance to the RITM for his first steps since finding out he was positive. Good thing I took U’s advice and sent Ate a text message a day before confirming if the doctor would be there that day. She replied that the doctor wouldn’t be holding clinic there that Friday, and told me to come on Monday afternoon. I relayed the information to my referral-to-be, and he agreed.
So I had a bit of a change in plans, and took just the morning of Friday off instead. I needed to drop by the Social Hygiene Clinic in Manila again, to get the results of the lab tests I had done the week before, and have more tests done.
So I took the trip straight there first thing in the morning, and greeted Dr. Diana Mendoza, who was still alone when I got there. I can’t explain the warmth I feel from all of them whenever I go there. Dr. Diana, Dra. Malou and Ate Luz, and even the utility guy Kuya Gerry have been there since my day 1. I have nothing to hide, nothing else to be ashamed about, and I’m just really comfortable there.
Dr. Diana greeted me with a smile, and asked what more tests I needed done. I reminded her I was there for the lab results of my RPR and Fecalysis, which is when she called an Ate Olive and requested to check with the lab downstairs for my results. Ate Olive was sort of assisting the doctor that time, doing the things that Kuya Gerry would do before.
While waiting, Dr. Diana sat me down and eagerly asked me how I was doing. I mentioned I had just started on ARVs, which made her pleasantly surprised. She found it wonderful that I was up and about being just over a week into the trials, noticing that I was taking it well, and even said, “It didn’t even make you darker?!” Darker? Yikes, nobody told me about that side effect. Oh, well. After all, I’m dark enough. How much darker can I get?
So anyways, she went on asking how it was at the RITM, as compared to San Lazaro. I never felt afraid of admitting to them there at the Social Hygiene Clinic that I had transferred to RITM, mostly because I know they’re not tied to either. It just so happened that they were just across San Lazaro, so it made sense to refer HIV cases there for profiling. I just said that the facilities were better, to which she replied that others had given the same feedback as well. But I explained the real reason why I needed to transfer, about how I was left hanging by the San Lazaro doctors.
She was obviously surprised by the difference of the two centers in handling HIV cases, especially that one could start on ARVs without confinement or disclosing to family. She understood my sentiments, and promised she’d bring it up with the San Lazaro people.
She mentioned she knew of others who had made the same move as well, and that the dilemma with San Lazaro was making it hard for them at the SHC to keep track of their “babies”. Apparently, since they started their HIV screening program there at the Social Hygiene Clinic in November last year, they’ve had 15 cases of positive results, I being one of them. With fifteen being still a low number, they could still keep in mind by face or by codename, so they’d be constantly wondering how we were all doing by now. Technically, we would not have any need to come back to the SHC after the referral to San Lazaro. So she found it great that I was still dropping by there, just so they knew how their “baby” was. It was nice. Their concern is truly, truly genuine.
Some more minutes of chit chat later, Ate Olive came back with my results. Okay, okay, not entirely good. My Fecalysis results were fine, but the Quantitative RPR, which is a test for Syphilis, still came out reactive, of higher concentration since three months before. Yeah, yeah, I got it, and it’s not something to be proud of.
Dr. Diana initially thought of administering another round of treatment, but just told me to refer it to them at the RITM, being cautious that it may interfere with my ARVs, or that they might have a different protocol of treatment at the RITM. I agreed. I then remembered to ask her if they did Hepatitis screening there, which they didn’t. Yeah, yeah, Chronic Hepatitis B. Alas, another possible problem for me. But I’m just thankful that we’re doing the test, something that wasn’t part of the protocol at San Lazaro.
So she sent me down with Ate Olive to get a referral for a nearby private clinic which did the Hepatitis screening. I left shortly, thanking them all, with a note in my hand signed by Ate Marina of the laboratory department, which was my ticket to a discounted price at Jubilee, the private lab along Bambang, just walking distance from the SHC.
I walked there, just a couple of blocks, got pricked yet again, and headed off. It was around 9:00 am, and I was anticipating where my medicines time would catch me. So I took the LRT south to EDSA, stopping at the Metropoint Mall to buy a bottle of water just in time to down my tablet. Then back to Ortigas via MRT, just in time to catch the Robinsons mall opening. I still had a couple of hours of my half-day off, so I checked it out, the mall being on sale for the whole month of August. I ended up just buying a small drinking bottle, supposedly to lug around in my bag just enough for a gulp, in case I’d get caught again outside in time for my 9:30 habit. Oh and I got another one for U, too. Hope he likes it.
So anyway, that was that. A lot done in less than half a day. I was back at work and back to ordinary life. More updates soon. I need to do my research on Hepatitis, and refresh on Syphilis as well. I’m trying not to hide in a closet within my closet, so I’ll just take things in stride. What else could be next?
