Pregnancy

20 weeks

After waiting 6 years for this experience, sure I was sooo ready for this, I've learned that I had NO IDEA what to expect and my pregnancy has been completely different than anything I expected. So far, these aspects of pregnancy have kinda thrown me for a loop:

Anxiety - About everything I'm going to list below. It's hard to trust my body after 6 years of failure, to suddenly know what to do to grow a baby. I'm constantly worried about being 'normal' or at least healthy.

The sickies - Haven't really had them. In fact, I've felt great! But when you expect to be sick and you're not, it leads to lots of worry about being 'broken' or not normal.

Bodily fluids - NO.ONE. I mean NO.ONE. ever talked about this wonderful aspect of being with child. Had I had some warning, my pre-existing phobia of bodily fluids might have kept me away a little longer. Just ask Jon. It's really fun.

Fatigue - I've actually enjoyed this part of pregnancy. It was especially nice after our whirlwind trip home to be able to sleep all day with no strings attached! ;) Except now that I've hit the 20 week mark, a full nights sleep seems to evade me, despite the fatigue. I guess that's good training for having a newborn.

Smells - This is what gave my pregnancy away to me. I'd felt all the other symptoms before, but when I couldn't handle the smell of my husband any longer, I knew something was up! :) My nose was on hyper-over-drive! Thankfully it's simmered down since entering the 2nd tri.

Self-centeredness - When my hormones were really raging during the first tri, I really didn't care what I said or who I offended. Jon even told me I was being mean to people one day. I knew he was right, and didn't care! Thankfully, that's also calmed a bit too.

Another aspect of this would be how I've wanted to keep a lot of it to myself - like waiting to tell people and keeping it secret for so long. It's been a double edged sword though because I know so many people have been on this crazy ride with us and also deserve some sort of closure, but I've wanted it to be just 'our' experience at the same time. Make sense?

Numb butt - I used to make fun of my sis-in-law Nikki when she was pregnant cause she always complained about a numb butt. Well, karma is fair and so now my bum and left leg go numb quite often. A pregnancy massage did help temporarily though.

Hair growth - While this has been great on my head and for my fingernails, I really could do without having to shave my legs, armpits, and bikini line twice a week!

Cravings - Haven't had them. Nothing weird or out of control. No midnight runs to Taco Bell for Jon. Nothing.

Movement - This could include so many things, like how happy I was in the first tri to even have a BM, but what I really love about 'movement' is feeling baby move inside me. The first time was surreal, the next unbelievable, and every time after that brings an instant smile to my face. I can't wait til she starts punching and kicking Jon!

Protectiveness - Not necessarily toward my baby, but toward those I know who are dying to have this experience. The other week in church someone made a comment in RS along the lines of "those of us who are mothers, truly know how hard it would be to sacrifice a son" and my immediate reaction was to flinch and become defensive. Because those of us who don't have kids just can't possibly understand it?!??! I was mad! I instantly wanted to wrap my arms around the ladies I knew in the room who struggled with infertility. I hope I/we all can be a little more sensitive.

That's about it, thus far. I do just have to say though, is it really appropriate for my Dr to have a super skinny (like size 0) assistant greet you at every appointment, have you follow her perfectly trimmed waist, arms and legs to the back, and ask you to step on the scale? All while your butt, hips, and waist have happily left their previously content size and expanded to something 6 times the size of hers? I was half-tempted to ask her to step on the scale for me and I'm not sure I'm all that excited to see her again in 4 weeks. Isn't there a book about that? Skinny b*$ch? ha ha. Wish I could say I'm kidding. :)