Out-of-touch-with-reality Athlete of the Week

C.C. Sabathia, who apparently feels his idiocy at the All-Star game was not enough. It would seem that egotistical, idiot blowhards is one of the few strong exports Northeast Ohio still has.

It's High-Time for a Moratorium on Comparing People to Muhammad Ali

The fact that Bill Simmons apparently seriously believes Tiger Woods faces a bigger uphill battle than Muhammad Ali ever did clearly demonstrates several things, including: A) Simmons has apparently dived headfirst into the pool of stupid so deeply he's never coming out; B) Simmons either completely ignores or has completely forgotten the landscape of racism in the 60s (when Ali was repeatedly attacked for his race) vs. the 90s and 00s (because clearly, the threats Ali faced were nothing compared to Fuzzy Zoeller's comments); C) obsession with the lives of celebrities in America has taken such a perverse turn that this is treated as front-page material on the biggest sports website in the country; and D) that it's high time comparisons of anybody to Muhammad Ali stop, unless those individuals are willing to give up their career to stick to their principles and fight for what's right politically.

But hey, having sex with a lot of women and insisting (correctly) that the Vietnam War was racist and that you were not going to participate for political and religious reasons? Totally the same thing. Just ask Bill Simmons.

Climate Change Leading to Record-Setting Fatal Heat in Brazil

I, like many, am tired of idiot pundits, politicians, and quitters claiming that climate change (or, as they anachronistically call it, "global warming") is bunk just because there's a lot of snowfall. But for those who insist that a lot of snow in D.C. and Baltimore is proof that "Al Gore was wrong," there's this:

The worst heatwave to hit Rio de Janeiro in 50 years turned the city into a pre-Carnival furnace Wednesday, and killed 32 elderly people further south, officials said.

According to the Inmet national weather service, recorded temperatures in Rio were well above 40 degrees Celsius (104 degrees) -- and felt more like above 50 degrees.

"The heatwave in Rio is seen as historic. February right now is the hottest month for the past 50 years," meteorologist Giovanni Dolif told the O Globo daily. [...]

The heatwave made Rio the hottest place on the planet on Tuesday, save for Ada, a town in eastern Ghana, according to data from the World Meteorological Organization.

Rio's recorded temperature that day was 46.3 degrees Celsius -- less than even the Sahara desert, which came in at a milder 33 degrees.

Dolif said being in Rio was worse than being in a dry desert because seaside humidity gave the temperature a suffocating boost, making it feel much higher.

That's right: Rio - hotter than the Sahara! For those who are wondering, 46.3 degrees Celsius is 115 degrees Fahrenheit. And that was just the thermometer temperature - it doesn't take into account the humidity and heat index, which is more practical in terms of knowing how it actually feels outside.

So for all those idiots shocked that there have been some heavy snowfalls in winter: climate change isn't bunk just because you're stupid and near-sighted. In parts of the world that are actually in the midst of summer, they're seeing record-setting, hellish heats, in just one more example of how climate change is real and happening.

If We Just Burned All the Books, We Wouldn't Have To Worry About Corrupting the Children

Menifee, California school district bans the Merrriam-Webster's College Dictionary because it contains a definition for oral sex.

Time to Grant Jay Mariotti a Wish!

Jay Mariotti, who in the best of circumstances is an insufferable, self-righteous attention-whore, once again flaunts his despicable qualities:

I didn't vote for anybody in the baseball hall of fame this year. Ya know why? To me...the first ballot is sacred. I think Roberto Alomar is an eventual Hall of Famer, not the first time. Edgar Martinez, designated hitter, eventually, but not the first time. Same goes for maybe Fred McGriff. As far as Blyleven and Dawson...if they haven't gotten in for years and years I cannot vote them in now. Ripken, Rickey Henderson and Gwynn. They are true first ballot Hall of Famers, but I didn't vote for anybody, throw me out of the Baseball Writers. I don't care.

It shouldn't have to be said, but to just touch upon the problems here - yes, some people (for example) are first-ballot hall of famers. To suggest Roberto Alomar wasn't, when he was one greatest second basemen ever, stretches the bonds of credibility. But to vote for nobody? "Absurdly indefensible" and "painfully stupid" don't even begin to describe it. This is arrogant, self-important preening from an incredibly little man. James Bailey perhaps put it best:

If Mariotti doesn’t want to vote, take the privilege away from him. He’s doing nothing but lowering the percentages of the players up for election, making it tougher for them to reach the required 75 percent. Who appointed this arbitrary, unprincipled king of principles gatekeeper? And does he imagine if we were voting for writers that he would even make the ballot?

We all know this is just a publicity stunt. Mariotti is nothing if not a spotlight hound. He’s not the only writer to take a “principled” stand with a blank ballot over the years, and he’s not the only one who ought to have their voting rights re-examined. But he’s certainly the most annoying.

I couldn't possibly agree more. And maybe, if they strip him of his vote, it will get the attention of some of the other members of the idiot squad in the BBWAA.

Today in Useless and Empty Analogies

Laker-partisan Marc Stein thinks playing basketball is the same thing as pitching in baseball:

Monta has played all 48 minutes six times this season ... after 20 of 30 MLB teams got fewer than six complete games from their starting staffs last season.

Yes - because nothing says "exact same thing" as running back and forth for 48 minutes, and throwing a ball 92-98 mph 100-120 times. Strain on the legs is the same; effects on the shoulder and elbows is the same; even the time to play each game is the same! It's a perfect analogy!!!

It's fine if you're a partisan of one sport or another, but Stein has apparently decided to show how little he understands about any other sports while talking about them. In other words, Stein often enjoys showing what an idiot he is even while talking about what he knows best, and even by his low standards, he's outdone himself on the stupid here.

The Worse Article to Ever Hit the Intertubes

That Creed is a great band.

Published in Slate no less.

If people can publish this shit at major websites, how can I not make my living on the internet? Are my ideas actually worse than this?!

Via Lemieux.

The Idiocy of Ayn Rand Combined with the Vapidity of TV? Oh, Joy....

The good news: we may be spared a film adaptation of Atlas Shurgged.

The bad news: it may end up being a mini-series instead, so that we could enjoy all of the nuances of such subtlties like speeches that never end and the occasional rape without being limited by the 3-hour movie time.

Hopefully this is just talk, and somebody takes Charlize Theron aside and explains the manifold ways why this is a bad idea, from philosophical to practical. If the mini-series does ever see the light of day, though......well, hopefully, the television will reveal to many just how stupid Rand's words are when they actually spoken aloud, rather than eliminating that 1000-page obstacle that kept an insufferable book out of the hands of so many unthinking-and-easily-swayed people and leading to a new army of idiots walking around asking "who is John Galt?" and sincerely insisting that government is bad.

I don't really watch TV now, but if this thing ever sees the light of day, it will be a guarantee that I don't watch TV ever again.

Proof There Is a God

And it's a benevolent god.

In Which the Line between CNN and the Onion Is Blurred, Case #57

The best part about this "report"? The "we will keep you updated" at the end.

Treason In Defense of a Low Capital Gains Tax Rate

I apologize for not covering Rick Perry's secessionist threats; I've been hording supplies and buying guns for the future war on pinko college professors that is sure to come in the days after the second Texas Revolution; like the first, brown people are screwed.

Rick Perry has Sarah Palin to thank for allowing him to not win the stupidest governor award. I know it's tight competition among the Republicans, but Perry is doing his best to retake the title.

If Texas were to secede, would anyone care? Nate Silver points out that Democrats should be rooting for this. I agree, or I would if I wouldn't be part of the persecuted opposition. I look imagine we'll see the return of the Texas Rangers as a law enforcement agency, if by "law enforcement," you mean "lynch dark people and attack radicals."

I'm also really impressed Perry is standing up for such high principles. From the state that holds the unique honor of committing treason in defense of slavery twice, we now have treason in defense of a low capital gains tax rate and lawlessness in defense of limited unemployment insurance. What higher principles could there be?

Intelligence: Not A Job Requirement For Congress

Texas Republican congressman Joe Barton had this to say about climate change today in a committee hearing:

I believe that Earth’s climate is changing, but I think it’s changing for natural variation reasons. And I think man-kind has been adopting, or adapting, to climate as long as man has walked the Earth. When it rains we find shelter. When it’s hot, we get shade. When it’s cold, we find a warm place to stay. Adaptation is the practical, affordable, utterly natural reflex response to nature when the planet is heating or cooling, as it always is.

Hmmm....How do we adapt to having idiots in positions of power? As for global warming, I guess I should plant a tree or something. That'd solve all my problems.

Via Think Progress

Some People Are Insane

Exhibit A:

A Brazilian man has descended a 127ft waterfall in a kayak, breaking the world record.
Pedro Olivia took just 2.9 seconds and hit speeds of 70mph as he hurtled down the Amazon's Salto Belo falls.
The 26-year-old shattered the existing 108ft world record with his drop into the Rio Sacre river

The descent was almost double that of Niagra Falls on the US border with Canada. Despite being 176ft high, the actual drop is only 70ft because of rocks at the bottom.
Olivia, 26, said: "It's a story that I will be telling for the rest of my life."

A life which, when you're seeing how high a waterfall you can plunge over without dying, will most likely not last much longer.

(h/t)

People Who Clearly Know Nothing About Films Should Avoid List-Making

There are so many easy things to pick apart on the movie-equivalent of this ridiculous music list a few years back. Let me just say that, no, The Dark Knight is not "conservative" - you clearly missed that entire bit about surveillance and "this is wrong" and "no man should have this much power". And Brazil's criticism and portrayal of "national-security scares, universal police surveillance, bureaucratic arrogance, a callous elite...and government use of torture" hardly renders it a paragon of conservative virtues. And just because people still discuss Red Dawn doesn't mean it's great - people still discuss Manos: Hands of Fate, after all...

A Belated Thank-You

Dear Anonymous NY Police Person,

I just wanted to give you a big thanks for giving me a ticket for being double parked two days before Christmas. I had rented the car, ran upstairs to my apartment, grabbed my suitcase for my 9 and a half hour drive through Jersey traffic (for the first two hours) and freezing rain (for the last two hours). You guys never check double parking on my street (including the day my visiting parents couldn't get their car out for 3 hours because they were double parked in). Yet right before the holidays, you decided to bring some holiday cheer to my neighborhood. I was literally in that spot for three minutes, yet you wasted no time in swooping out of nowhere to give me a $115 ticket. I really appreciated your big, brave act - it really made my Christmas holiday complete. Thanks a million.

Jerk.

Yours,
Mr. Trend

Today's Winner of Misplaced Priorities: Cardinal Jorge Medina

Shorter Medina: "Madonna BAD. Pinochet GOOD."
As our friends at the Latin Americanist put it, "it’s far better to have thousands attending concerts instead of thousands awaiting their untimely torture and demise."

O Globo - Setting a New Low in a Front Page (Non-)News Story

My favorite Brazilian media conglomeration/whipping boy, O Globo, is at it again. Among their front-page stories is the absolutely earth-shaking report that "Traffic signs with different speed limits cause confusion in Barra." Barra refers to Barra da Tijuca, one of the richest (and most disgusting) parts of Rio de Janeiro. Barra is referred to as the "Miami of Rio," and I'd totally agree, only Barra residents say that as a source of pride, whereas I say it as a source of major denigration. But this story is totally typical of O Globo. It focuses on what has to be one of the biggest non-stories I can remember reading in any language recently. Rio's a big city - 11 million people or so - and there are a lot of far more important things going on in other parts of the city, ranging from police violence to economic development to governmental issues to cultural events. Yet the one neighborhood that shows up on the front page is Barra da Tijuca, socio-economically one of the least-representative neighborhoods of Rio and of Brazil more generally. Yet in some ways, I can't fault O Globo for putting this up on the front page. One of the major roles of modern media is to cater directly to your audience, and there is no audience that is more typical of the elitist, racist, classist ideologies of O Globo than residents of Barra.

And for any residents of Barra who are reading and are confused by the signs, I'll make things really simple for you: the speed limit is usually 80 km/h (50 miles/hr), but with the construction, it slows down a little further up the road to 60 km/h. You should drive 80 until you get to the sign that reads "60 km/h," and then follow that speed limit until you see another speed limit posted.

They Make 'Em Special in Georgia

A special kind of stupid, that is:

In July, Barack Obama proposed a “civilian national security force,” an idea backed by President Bush and intended to expand AmeriCorps and other national service
programs. But today in an interview with the AP, Rep. Paul Broun (R-GA) compared the idea to a Gestapo-like force:

“That’s exactly what Hitler did in Nazi Germany and it’s exactly what the Soviet Union did,” Broun said. “When he’s proposing to have a national security force that’s answering to him, that is as strong as the U.S. military, he’s showing me signs of being Marxist.”

“We can’t be lulled into complacency,” Broun said. “You have to remember that Adolf Hitler was elected in a democratic Germany. I’m not comparing him to Adolf Hitler. What I’m saying is there is the potential of going down that road."

Maybe it's because I've learned a lot more about Georgian politics since my sister moved there, but this doesn't surprise me nearly as much as it probably would have a year or two ago. Nonetheless, I still remain amazed that a human being who clearly has at least enough brain capacity to breath, eat, go to the bathroom, and use sounds to form words can simultaneously accuse somebody of being like a Nazi AND a Marxist. And a little memo to Rep. Broun: Obama's not leading us down some genocidal road where the government kills millions based on racist ideologies that Obama himself drew up in not-too-well-written manifestos back in 1997. And finally, don't try to get out of it by saying that there's "potential," but you're not comparing Obama to Hitler: you are. Otherwise, there would be that "potential" under Bush, and a lot of other presidents, too, but I don't think Broun's brought this up before. So, sorry, Rep. Broun - the effort at a linguistic turn to get yourself out of trouble doesn't hold up. FAIL.

Having this follow Georgia's Republican incumbent senator Saxby Chambliss complaining that there's a runoff because of "high minority votes" and failing to get "our [white] folks" out - truly, an above-average day for Georgia's politicians to reveal their stupidity, ignorance, and racism.

It's Almost Too Easy....

Shorter David Broder: "Obama only won because McCain thanklessly and selflessly decided not to be a secret racist prior to this election."

Verbatim David Broder: "In what history may record as [Obama's] singular achievement -- dealing with the classic American dilemma of race -- he had the largely unappreciated help of his opponent, John McCain, who simply ruled out covert racial appeals used by politicians of both parties in the past."

I look forward to 4-8 years of watching these morons try to pull this crap while Obama can brilliantly snark away.

'Nuff said - there's more coverage to watch, and more beer to drink.

(h/t to Michael Berube).

Quick Political Snark

As regular readers to our blog must be aware by now, Obama's latest supporter is clearly racist.