About Myself
Juz someone who wants to lead an ordinary life. =)

tjc 07/04
rvhs 2j'01
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the new guitar p and vp. =)

right. today was a bad day. i am pissed with myself for being so complacent, so lazy and thinking so highly of myself. i am wrong. never been so wrong before.

yes i flopped my prelims. or rather i didn't do as well as i expected. got back phy chem and math. whoa. what a nice digit man. how nice grades i am getting. how great are them. yes nice dude. did a great job man. i am so proud of myself. like real. whoa. failed chem essay. yes that's great. yes good job girl. how wonderful to fail chem essay. whoa even phy mcq also fail. thats even better. whoa all below average in class and just scraping a pass. how great. excellent job.

just blaming myself for not studying hard enough. i am determined to study harder for As this time. one thing lucky. its only the prelims. can't imagine how many parents will react man. can't depend on moderation all the time. yes i shall start studying. or rather i finished 1.5 chaps of econs today. i shall do revision every single day for the next 6 weeks before i take another break. an eight month long break.

though i know results aren't everything and i trying to convince myself, i can't help feeling hurt by the cold hard facts. its hard to act as if nothing has happened but i also can't whine and complain about it. well. i did complain. but what's done is already done. i hate to be judged by grades. i disappointed the teachers. how great. i even gotten the 'lina low symptom' of imagining her face popping up in front of me when studying econs, jumping whenever she walks past my table during prelims. what a great impact on me to study econs. while i am not blaming anybody. maybe i am just too stressed up in trying to study and pass my econs. blah. okie. i decided not to whine about it anymore. bet its a bad ordeal for everyone today. i can't help thinking of what free had wrote about competition instinct in everyone which makes the world more cruel more competitive and more materialistic in trying to show off. but we made a joke out of it anyway in trying to do it back to the person. lol.
__________________________________________________________________________

okie time to stop whining about unhappy stuff. lets get on with life dudes. time for some happy stuff! =) backtracking again. =)

watch movie with joo hl and san. nice movie by the way. its 'the longest yard', showing how a person can change in prison and how friendships and bond is formed. the whole movie is on a rugby match between the convicts and the guards. great movie. =) also shows how the powerful people try to get what they want by threating and bribing in order to save their face or re-establish their position. of course, the story has a nice ending. =)

had a mini steamboat at cy's house again with the 07 people on sun. no cycling though. 10 of ue gathered. had a nice steamboat. =) suggested udon and it became a substitute for rice when we finish them. i didn't eat my fill anyway lol. played the 'desai game'. was dealing the cards since i can't scream as i was losing my voice. had a great time watching how everyone trying to scream each other's 'names' fast enough haha. =P

lol meeting my 2J peeps tomorrow back at rv for the tioman trip. hopes its confirmed. =D then can start preparing ourselves for the trip right after our As woo hoo~ =D hope i will survive this week emotionally. and my aunt's wedding this sat also. =) will definitely miss her after living with her since i am born. great aunt great listener. wishing her all the best for her future life. =)

8:32 PM //

new comm + old comm =)

yup thats the end of prelims for me! yeah! i end later than most people but at least i feel a sense of achievement when doing my chem s paper which is so demanding that its half an hour for 1 question where there is like 10 parts la. oh man. just happy that i endured through the paper. shan't talk about prelims though i know one of my grades le and i am not so happy about it.

well just some random thoughts. =)

while i was getting bored of playing civilisation III ( yes i have been playing computer games for the past 2 days instead of studying ) i decided to take out my guitar. i own 2 guitars. 1 old which i am supposed to return and 1 new one which is my own personal one. =) i took out the new one. oh great. the string frayed near the guitar bridge for my bass E string. few choices for me to do. 1) get a new pack and restring everything again. 2) just buy 1 string and change that frayed one. 3) play on my old guitar.

it sounds like human making mistakes just like the string fraying and near breaking. when u make a mistake, sometimes you can't go back and everything is not the same again. you cant play the string, the music is missing of one of the most important part of its countermelody and the essence of the music: the bass. try strumming on it. something is missing and you can't play the G chord too. when someone makes a mistake, the impression of the person changes and its hard to change and have back the initial impression that we use to have about the person. just like someone committing a crime and everyone start condemning the person and many refuses to give chances for the person to turn over a new leaf. yes not all people are forgiving. but chances are to be given and we must treasure every chances, every oppotunity given to us.

regarding the number of ways of handling my broken string, if changing the whole set together, it takes time for the new strings be 'seasoned' and frequent tuning is required to get the whole guitar back in perfect pitch again. its just like a person changing him or herself completely in order to be accomodated back into the society again. it is hard on the person to try to be another person. but does it make sense that we have to not be ourselves when we make a mistake in order to fit back into our cliques into the society again? how many people are willing to do that? isn't it hard on them to do so to?

if we just change a string, as always the string runs. the bass string goes out of tune, the melody is spoilt. completely spoilt with the wrong key for the bass. seasoning is of course required and it takes less efforts to tune 1 string instead of 6. of course that seems to be the better way out, but the overall quality of the sound of the guitar is spoilt with only changing 1 string since the rest of the strings are old. its just like covering up your mistakes and acting as if nothing has happen. sounds something wrong right. the new string will seem oblivious among the other strings. hence, we must always be accountable to our own mistakes.

if we choose to use another guitar, its like completely avoiding the mistake that we make. yes its true that we should face up to the mistakes that we make and we must always do that. no point avoiding the mistakes that we made. we learn from mistakes. our forefathers learn from their mistakes. the scientists learn from their mistakes and that gives us what we have now. that is the worst choice to make.

well, to solve my urge of playing the guitar i picked up my old guitar and played. however, as always, feeling painful to see my guitar in this state i started asking for strings but i failed to get strings. eventually i took a 4th option out. i used back the same string by cutting away the frayed portion and the length is just nice ( its great to know how to restring and must really thank auntie kent for teaching me haha. ) well, shows that we have to face up to our mistakes and yes we have to make up for it and learn from the mistakes ( of stuffing my guitar in a corner for too long ). no man is a saint. everyone makes mistakes. its just how we handle them. =)

sounds like a crappy horrible entry lol. brain still in a mess after prelims. yeah! relaxing for 3 more days before another ordeal of getting back the papers. =) wishing good luck to me and everyone. =)

12:19 AM //

2J chalet 2004. =)


2J class informal shot 2001. =)



haha can't thinking of my sec2 days. the ever 'pure and innocent' times that we had, the fun, the excitement, the sadness, the painting of our classroom to purple. =) we had grown strong and free as gentlemen and ladies under our dear princess jessica. miss the days. especially peeps whom we hang out together at jurong point almost everyday after school to have our deserts, teabreaks lol. and not forgetting our must-have cycling at ecp every school holiday long breaks. =) the kind of carefree life as a 14 year old, wearing the pure white uniform makes us look more 'angel' and 'pure' haha. missing that kind of days that i once used to had. have fun spotting where i am. =)

yup. 9 more days to prelims. its so near yet so far. mentally and emotionally torturing. promised myself i shant disappoint more people, and i shall do what i can, stay as relaxed as possible, do at my own pace. though i am considered slow in my revision, there is already an improvement in me to start revision so early. having a short-termed memory though there is no point of starting early but at least, i did it in forcing myself. today think everyone is too mad about studying. ps was getting high and i was automatically on crappy mood to talk crap and can't pronounce words properly.

had phototaking for guitar today. the year2 turn out is pretty bad with only 10 people turned up. its our last time together people, why can't it be a perfect ending and a perfect photo for us to remember each other? yes it is not compulsory. but if u had felt something for the club, you would have come back volunteeringly. shows that there is no sense of belonging to the club. whoa everyone took part in syf or go for sessions just to get the CCA points and fame and title. how realistic. yes i did admit that if i am not a comm member i wouldn't have gone back. but thinking again at least its the first and last time we took photo as a club and i would want to be part of it. if given the chance again to choose our pdp i would have join back guitar club, to fulfil my dream of learning the guitar and picking up music. not because of the standard of the club when tj guitar got gold for syf2003, but for my passion to learn guitar.

passion may be a big word to use. an overused word. but i believe that passion brings out the best in everybody. some may fake passion ( ie. act enthusiastic but actually from the bottom of the heart unwilling to complete the thing or be part of it. ). our school motto: passion, purpose, drive. yes. for everything that we do, we must have the passion in order to achieve the most out of anything. we must also know the purpose of what we are doing, but hopefully its not those with ulterior motives or selfish reasons. drive. the power to push ourselves to our limits. it may be hard to accomplish all those, with the human nature in us: selfish, lazy, doing what we can to get what we want no matter what methods it takes.

nowadays in such a practical world, it puts out the burning passion in everyone of us to pursue our dreams. but no matter what, we must try to rekindle the passion in us, the love for things, so as to enjoy things around us, especially those things that we want to do and love to do. but how to do it, many may ask. the only solution: our self-motivation and self-encouragement.

watched superstar results yesterday. though predictably that kelvin will win, but the obvious winner is kelly. why can't singaporeans vote for the better singer, one with better voice, better interactions with audience, one who can inspire us with their powerful voice. isn't obvious for singapore idol too when sylvester got in as finals. we can't just vote according to looks or the state that they are in. even if they had won, they will have to face the cold reality in the entertainment world. this is especially true for kelvin. if he was to be brought to taiwan, no one will care about who he is and his disability but instead, the quality of voice and songs that he can provide the audience with. well, what's done is already done but how i hope for a better and fair judgement of things, and that applies for everything around us, which i know may not come true.

shant grumble about such stuff. that's the kind of world that we live in. how i hope to live in a perfect world which i know will not happen.

well, just to inspire you guys with a quote that mr tong has emailed me:

There is little difference in people but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.

yup. think we just have to live with a more positive atttude. well. everyone gambatte for prelims and everything that we do! =)

7:45 PM //