Adventures in Mama-Land

What are you blessing your children with today? It’s erev Rosh Chodesh Sivan, which is considered an "eis ratzon," a time of grace, for the prayer of the Shelah Hakadosh, a prayer for righteous children, which is quite lovely and humbling and all. ( English | Hebrew ) But as a parent of adult children, especially one who has chosen a very different path when it comes to Judaism, it's also perplexing. What do we do when our children don't turn out the way we had hoped and dreamed and prayed, day after day, year after year, at countless and innumerable times of grace? Back when I was homeschooling, I came across a number of parents who identified themselves as "Quiverfull." I had no clue what this was so I had to look it up. It seems it's a Christian parenting philosophy whereby you have as many children as possible. The term actually comes from Tehillim 127:5, so they borrowed it from us, and I'd like to reclaim it for a minute

I’ve been thinking about zeroes quite a bit lately… mostly because my upcoming birthday has one at the end of it.  If you think about it, it’s strange, how much fuss we make over birthdays that end in 0.  So arbitrary.  Hashem made us with 10 fingers so we figure the world revolves around that number somehow.  If my 11-fingered kid ran the world

Just in time for Shavuos, I want to tell you a very serious, very important story about the Jewish people and yetzias Mitzrayim and our history and Matan Torah. I had a little help with some of the writing. The night Max wore his wolf suit and made mischief of one kind and another his mother called him “WILD THING!” and Max said “I’LL EAT YOU UP!” so he was sent to bed without eating anything. Now, I guess I should mention that the help with the writing came from the author Maurice Sendak , a giant of a writer in the children’s literature world. But this is not unrelated, because as a Jewish child, growing up in the U.S. in the shadow of the Shoah, there were some very real monsters in Maurice Sendak’s world… and some very Jewish ideas. Like this idea of the WILD THING. In Yiddish, we’d say “vilde chaya.” A wild animal. Max is being wild – but more importantly, he’s being immature, just as Yosef was, we’re told, before he was taken off and sold to Mitzrayim. Okay, Yosef didn’t wear

Oops – posting this a little late! When a person comes to study Judaism, although I certainly hope they’re welcomed and greeted warmly in shuls and classes, the stark truth is – we don’t need you. The message isn’t quite “go away,” but just, “we don’t need you.” I grew up knowing Jews don’t proselytize: we don’t seek converts. In general, we believe that as long as a non-Jew follows the seven laws of Noach’s descendents, they’re doing okay. “We don’t need you.” But the truth is, the world wasn’t in great shape after Noach’s time. Hashem promised he wouldn’t send another flood, but we know the majority of people were ovdei avodah zara. The world was desperate for a message of truth, a messenger of Hashem. And then, along came Avraham and Sara, the spiritual parents of every geir, every convert, ever. They were originally Avram and Sarai, but they shed their old names as they stepped into the greater role that Hashem had prepared for them: bringing Hashem’s truth into the world. We kn

Have you ever had the feeling that you completely belong someplace? Before we left Toronto, I got to go to the Torah homeschooling conference twice.  And the biggest thing I felt, both times I walked through the door of the Jewish Community Center in Baltimore for the conference, was "Here I am."  Not JUST me, but people like me.  My tribe. "Finding your tribe" is a popular expression that goes back maybe about a decade.  I have no clue where it comes from, or who coined it, and if you know more than I do, I'd be happy to find out.  Google isn't showing me any references before 2012, but that's because Google, like most of us, is entirely now-oriented. Finding your tribe is a primal thing, locating the people you click with and clicking.  It's about what Kurt Vonnegut called

In an article at Pop Chassid , Elad Nehorai wrote – with a big headline – “Kiruv is a lie.” Why?  Because it creates the illusion that Judaism is “fun” or “easy.”  Because it lures people in with songs or cheap spirituality or tasty food and then – bait and switch!!! – it turns out Judaism is a hard life and so the Judaism you thought was all about fun fizzles and you drift away from Judaism. And those who do stay religious, who move into religious communities like, I’m assuming Monsey or Lakewood or Boro Park or Jerusalem, suddenly discover that religious Jews are like anybody else, not all “souls on fire” but just regular people trying to make a living, playing loud music, behaving obnoxiously, speaking loshon hora, even stealing from each other in various horrible and petty ways. Nehorai’s solution is a little fuzzy – he recommends “improving the qualitative state of our communities.”  By this I’m assuming he means make every Jewish person behave nicely instead of just a few kiruv r

Every year we’re in Toronto, and for years before we made aliyah, my mother hosts a shalosh seudos for the ladies of our shul.  For some reason, my mother’s shalosh seudos always manages to fall out on a different parsha, so I can’t repeat what I’ve said in previous years. If you’re curious, here are some of these masterpieces from previous years… Parshas Chukas (2009) Parshas Re’eh (2010) Parshas Chukas (2011 – I guess it has sometimes repeated) Parshas Devarim/Chazon (2013) Parshas Pinchas (2015) The point being - I had to start from scratch looking at this week’s combined parsha – Matos-Masei. There is a very shocking section near the beginning of this week’s parsha. It’s connected with what we read two weeks ago in parshas Balak. Back then, the people of Moav and Midian sent women in to seduce the men of Bnei Yisrael – not just physically, our commentators tell us, but spiritually, leading the Jewish men into worshiping idols. Now, it’s time for revenge. Interestingly, we’re t

Today, the last day of Pesach, we read about kriyas yam suf, which mostly comes from Parshas Beshalach. In this parsha, bnei Yisrael are running away from the Mitzrim. (Hashem could have brought them the easy way, straight into eretz Yisrael, but he doesn’t, for a few reasons that are discussed in midrashim, like one which says that if they knew it was that easy to get TO eretz Yisrael, they might be tempted to go BACK to Mitzrayim.) And when bnei Yisrael get to the other side, we’ve read many times about how the people sing Shira and dance, with tambourines, and great celebration. It says: וַתִּקַּח֩ מִרְיָ֨ם הַנְּבִיאָ֜ה אֲח֧וֹת אַֽהֲרֹ֛ן אֶת־הַתֹּ֖ף בְּיָדָ֑הּ וַתֵּצֶ֤אןָ כָל־הַנָּשִׁים֙ אַֽחֲרֶ֔יהָ בְּתֻפִּ֖ים וּבִמְחֹלֹֽת: "Miriam, the prophetess, Aaron's sister, took a timbrel in her hand, and all the women came out after her with timbrels and with dances.” (Shemos 15:20) Rashi has a problem here. What’s the question, according to Rashi? This is the first time Miria

What does halacha say about vaccination?  Do people who oppose vaccination have a right (halachically) to share their views? This thing keeps rearing its head.  The other day, a Facebook friend insisted that all their "natural" lifestyle postings had been approved by two rabbis and were thus pretty much “an act of kindness” to share these views and enlighten the rest of us. These postings run along two main themes - curing yourself of cancer and avoiding vaccines. The one I want to talk about here is vaccines.  Because I believe - though I'm not a rabbi – and don’t even have the shirt to prove it! - that not only does halacha strongly support vaccines, but may in fact deem them mandatory , given the state of current medical knowledge. And if vaccines are so strongly recommended – if not mandated – by halacha… well, then, it's probably somewhat bad to go around telling people they shouldn't do it. (For an earlier post covering more of the basics of the anti-

The words Rosh Hashanah never appear in the Tanach. Nor is the chag referred to except as the shofar-blowing on the first day of the seventh month. The first time we see the term Rosh Hashanah being used is in a mishnah: “There are 4 Rosh Hashanahs…” ארבעה ראשי שנים הם. (Maseches RH 1:1) So the very first time we see the words “Rosh Hashanah,” they’re actually in plural form. This mishna teaches us that there are actually not one but 4 rosh hashanas. 1 Tishri (new year for years), 15 Shevat (trees and fruit), 1 Nisan (kings and festivals), and 1 Elul (animals and cattle). [1] It’s a strange phrase, if you think about it: “The new year for years” (ראש השנה לשנים). It doesn’t seem to make much sense, especially given that in the Torah this is the 7 th month, not the 1st. So why is this Rosh Hashanah the big one, the one we all celebrate every single year? We get a hint in the very next mishna, which says, “there are four times when the world is judged: at Pesach for crops, at S

  How many dreams does Yosef have in this week’s parsha? I’ve always thought it was two. Maybe you did, too? But if you look very carefully into the actual text, you’ll notice something funny. (Or, if you’re like me, you won’t – at least, not at first.) Here’s how Yosef’s dreaming begins: What’s the sequence here? 1. Yosef has a dream, tells his brothers, and they hate him more. 2. Yosef begs his brothers to hear his dream. Huh? Didn’t they just hear him tell a dream? Of course they did, because the Torah says right there that hearing his dream made them hate him more. After this, the Torah goes on: 3. Yosef tells his brothers a dream where they are gathering sheaves (wheat). This is often called his first dream. (Is it really???) 4. Yosef tells his brothers a dream where the stars, moon and sun are bowing down to him. This is often called his second dream. I’m sure you see the obvious question. What did Yosef tell his brothers in #1? According to most interpretations, t

Do you know what Judaism teaches about reincarnation? Many people are surprised to hear that this is even part of our worldview. I read on Chabad.org that the reason we aren’t aware of previous incarnations is because if we were, we wouldn’t be able to have complete free will. Because of this, learning what Judaism teaches about reincarnation might seem useless, since it has no practical benefit. Also, there’s an idea that these mystical concepts can easily be misunderstood, or carried to misleading conclusions. That, it said, was “why this and similar subjects are only hinted at in scripture.” So what does this all have to do with this week’s parsha? Everything. Because those hints are there, once you start looking for them. This week’s parsha starts with a throwback to last week’s parsha. The parsha is actually named after a guy who did a really brave but slightly shocking thing in last week’s parsha. His name is Pinchas, and he killed a man named Zimri.   Who the heck are t

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be blind? Picture yourself in a world of darkness, groping around, not knowing where - or what - anything is.  Last month, I got to go to the Dialogue in the Dark exhibit at the Israel Children's Museum in Holon.  You're immersed in a darkness so intense you can't see even the outlines of the other people in the room. Our blind superhero You're lost in a hopeless, unsolvable maze.  Are you near a wall, a door?  Are you about to bump into something?  Your only hope is to trust in the skills of your guide, an all-seeing miracle worker who can somehow navigate her way through total darkness. Our guide was Michal.  Michal is blind, but there, in the dark, she was strong.  She knew her way around better than the back of her hand.  She memorized our names and called them out throughout the tour to make sure we didn't get lost.  She warned us about obstacles and coached us to "look" around ourselves with fingers

Many years ago, my coworker’s mother was very, very sick.  She was in a coma.  I asked him his mother’s Hebrew name.  And here’s the thing that stopped me in my tracks. This guy wasn’t religious.  At all.  He knew very little about Judaism and I only knew because it came up in conversation once.  Still, he hesitated.   He said, “She’s really very sick.  I don’t know if it would be a good thing for her to live any longer.”  On some level, even if he didn’t know exactly how, he must have believed that our prayers actually work.  So do I.  But what are we talking about when we talk about prayers “working”?  About Hashem “answering” them?  And what are we asking for, to begin with? In that situation, I explained that we’re not just asking for the person to live longer.  But this is something a lot of people don’t understand – even those of us who are doing the davening ourselves. Sure, we all have that impulse, when we find out someone’s sick, to say something automatic like “refuah

You might know already that here in Israel, this is a shemittah year. Shemittah is the 7th year of a 7-year cycle found in the Torah, and all year long, Torah-observant farmers aren't working their crops in the usual way.  Yet thanks to a few modern loopholes, many of us, even here, are just buying fruits and vegetables the normal way. I've been studying shemittah for the last couple of months with a wonderful group of ladies here in Kiryat Shmuel, using a book called (surprisingly enough!) Shemitah, by Rabbi Yosef Tzvi Rimon .  (There are lots of ways to spell Shemittah!) If you live in Israel, your kids may find out about shemittah in school if they’re old enough.  But for younger kids, there’s not really any way to find out what it’s all about (at least, not that I could find).  When I lived outside of Israel, I knew nothing about it… let alone knowing enough to share some of the main ideas with my kids.  We read about it when we read the weekly parsha, and that was th

Why were the Jews redeemed from Egypt? I’ve heard 2 answers that seem to conflict, and a third that we’ll look at in a minute. The first answer, from a midrash, is that bnei Yisrael were redeemed by the merit of three things: they kept their Jewish names, clothing and language. Very, very nice. We like this answer. We teach it to our kids. The second answer, from the Zohar, is that bnei Yisrael had reached the 49 th level of tumah, impurity. If Hashem had waited another minute, the Jewish people would have been lost completely. We definitely know that the Jews were comfortable in Mitzrayim. They they did avodah zarah, and it seems like they were almost totally assimilated. So which is it? Were the Jews impure and totally assimilated? Or were they like some kind of holy Chassidim, wearing special Jewish robes and refusing to integrate into Mitzri society? Moshe, by the way, asks the same question. When he says to Hashem at the burning bush, “And Moses said to G-d: 'Who am I

I couldn’t decide what to call this book.  Avos?  Avot?  We live in Israel, but I am proudly Ashkenazi.  In my head I say Shabbos, Shavuos and Avos, but everybody around me says Shabbat, Shavuot and Avot.  I also still call our Chanukah candle-holder a menorah, resisting the “Chanukiyah” pull with all my strength. I went with Avot anyway, just as I have in most of my recent books.  There’s just too many of “them” out there… and when I say them, I mean also my own children, who are learning in Israeli schools.  The Family Torah is all-Ashkenazi, all the time.  But everything else is Sefardi, pronunciation-wise.  Including this book. It’s short but sweet:  a collection of children's rhymes (with illustrations) to introduce the Avos/Avot :  Avraham, Yitzchak, Yaakov, Yosef, plus Noach, Moshe, Shimshon and David. (Click on the cover or click here to see it on Amazon.) It’s based on poems and ideas I came up with while homeschooling -- but never had a chance before to edit and &

How are parsha books like popcorn?  You can’t have just one!  If you’re anything like our family, you already have a preponderance of parsha books.  But it’s impossible to have “enough,” isn’t it?  Especially when it comes to finding great kids’ parsha books that are both appealing to kids and reflect your family’s hashkafa (religious outlook).  And especially if the author isn’t afraid to do something a little different.  So when the chance to review a new parsha book that combines words and pictures in an innovative new format came along, I got a bit excited.  There’s a good chance that this book may be just right for your family. For my review, I received free from the publisher both the hardcover Every Picture Tells a Story Volume One:  Bereishis (Menorah Books: 2014) and the accompanying softcover colouring book : Aren’t those great covers?  They’re bilingual!  And they tell you exactly what you’re going to get inside.  (I don’t love the fact that on Amazon, you can’t

If I weren’t here, I’d be there… This year, the world’s only homeschool conference geared exclusively to Torah-observant Jewish families (it’s a small world) is happening in a new location in Englewood, NJ on Sunday, May 25, 2014, all day, from 9 am to 6 pm.  There is tons of excitement planned all day long, including sessions by great home educators (Avivah Werner, Yehudis Eagle, Yael Aldrich and so many more), great topics (workboxes! limudei kodesh!  special needs!  husbands!), a teen panel, rabbinic perspective, and… well, check it out for yourself . I admit, I really liked the previous Baltimore location, set in a friendly JCC in the midst of a warm community, and I’d definitely miss being able to eat out at David Chu’s China Bistro, where I stopped in after the conference the last 3 years running – the first year with a friend , the second year with the big kids, and last year, with Naomi Rivka. But it would still be worth the shlep.  So if you’re anywhere nearby… book a bus

Almost every year, my mother corners me to give a dvar Torah at a ladies’ Shalosh Seudos (Seudat Shlishit) our shul organizes at different homes around the community.  She always hosts the one closest to her birthday, which happens to fall out this week. Weirdly, even though I have done it a bunch of times, it always seems to happen on a different parsha, so I cannot just reuse another one from a previous year.  (Would I do it if I could?  Um, heck yes?) So here’s this year’s.  If you are within walking distance, please come to my mother’s place for party sandwiches and more.  But if you’re coming on Shabbos, please don’t read it!  I wouldn’t want to ruin the wondrous moments of shock and surprise (mainly when you realize just how long this thing is going to be and decide to stay away…) Here’s a list of previous summer divrei Torah, in case you’re vastly curious and/or slightly masochistic: Parshas Re’eh Parshas Chukas (2009) Parshas Chukas (2011) Shavuos ----- This week